Yes, I know, it's been at least a month, maybe more than one of them, since I've written _anything,_ anything at all. And I managed to loose the hardcopy, so this is spontaneous. I was really hoping to just stick to the original and save it the tired literary sadism that has happened when I write for the last year. Or so. But humor isn't as difficult for me as it has proven itself to be for the majority of my acquaintances this past month...

In other words, here goes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Neelix," Kate said, "Do you know what _time_ it is?" She sighed. "Never mind. Yes, I would adore some coffee." She turned to Tuvok. "Et tu?"

Lt.Cmdr. Tuvok raised one eyebrow. "No thank you, Mr. Neelix. I believe not."

The cheerfully bouncy Neelix sighs. "Ah well." He peers into the darkened room hesitantly. "Ah... do you think I could come in?"

Tuvok barely resisted starting at the touch of a hand on the inside of his forearm. "Ah... of course, Mr. Neelix."

"Yes, make yourself welcome." She gestured at the pot of coffee and poured three cups, laying them out on the table after first shuffling the paperwork to the side. Tuvok had already quietly instructed the computer to light the room. "Would you like something to drink? Sit down."

She touched the edge of a chair briefly, and her roommate drew it closer to the table before seating himself, his darkly haloed hands a stark contrast to the lamplight and Neelix's paleness. His head was in shadow, and the rest of the room, behind him, echoed his darkness.

Kate rested a hand on Neelix's shoulder before she seated herself on a stool pulled from the bathroom. She sipped her coffee, smiling appreciatively at the taste. "I assume you wanted to test it out on someone else but the captain first?"

The Talaxian started. "Ah... er, yes. But-"

She smiled, her heart aching. "I'm glad for the honor. I absolutely must find a steady supply of this stuff." She sipped silently at it for a moment longer before Neelix's troubles could erupt onto her pleasant evening. Th joys of being human, she supposed. And to think she had once scorned the confessional as being a means of driving priests to drink.

"Ah, Miss Kate...?" Neelix twisted uncomfortably in his chair.

She laid a hand in Tuvok's direction, suggesting casual intimacy without the uncomfortable meshing of thoughts she knew that a casual touch could create. "What's wrong, Neelix? Tell all." Her smile was half-hidden by the glazed blue coffee mug she held in both (ringless) hands.

His words unstopped, they poured out in an incomprehensible torrent. "Well, you see- she's just so absolutely _impossible_ to get bear... and then they have absolutely no trouble... and I haven't even the faintest idea what she eats- and then there's the whole refugee situation, of course, and I haven't the faintest idea what to do, so naturally I forget everything and just try to feed the ship and then she comes crying, and I take the poor thing to the doctor, and but he has to treat all those poor thin refugees and then one of them _has_ to just wake up screaming, and the poor thing just goes running, and-"

She raised a hand. "Neelix." She raised an eyebrow. "Again. And try to use names this time." At his blanch, she sighed. "or at least species indicators. It's all right; no one will tell on you." She caught his thought at her bunkmate. She glared impartially at a dust mote. "no one in my vicinity would _dare,_ right?" She conspicuously glared at Tuvok.

"Uh? All right?

The gist of the story turned out to be that some unnamed small girl had picked up a kitten on the last planet they had visited, taken it to Neelix because it seemed ill, and when he had taken it to the Doctor, a refugee had startled it and it had fled. Now it was loose in the bowels of the ship, and both Neelix and the unnamed girl were frantic about it. It was also apparently the source of the purple milk.

Kate winced. There was something in the story that elicited memories of her selhat's behavior before it delivered kittens. She just hoped it wasn't somehow related to a tribble.

"Mr. Neelix, I do not understand why you have not simply requested a scan of the area inside the ship and retrieved the animal."

*And I don't understand why the universe is insisting on being mean to me- us- tonight. But am _I_ complaining? Nooo. Vulcan composure, my ass.*

She waited patiently for Neelix.

He winced as he forced the words. "And... and...I think that. That Seven of Nine is. Ah.

Kate's ears practically crossed in confusion. Tuvok's hands tightened in their meditation knot.

"-Overly affectionate."

?

"Towards Harry Kim."

*Omg. So not seeing that coming. Ah.* her eyebrows seemed to be making a concerted effort to reach deep space. "Ah... ha."

Tuvok merely radiated rather surprised silence.

"Well... is she... are either of them... aware of this?"

"I don't know. I think so. I hope she isn't pregnant."

Kate resisted the urge to bury her head in her hands. It was past midnight. It was past tolerance. Time to be polite. "Would you care for some tea, Mr. Neelix?"

"No thank you, Miss Barem. I think I should be going, now."

"Ah hmm. Yes. I'll take care to the kitten if I can... I'll be around to talk about... the other situation... later, I think. Good night, Mr. Neelix."

When the distressedly short man had departed, she turned to see her commanding officer's face behind her, his expression stone and his countenance devoid of useful hints. Her face again shocked into something approaching calm before his eyebrow raised and he spoke. "I wish to know if this situation occurs in your presence frequently." They did not stop laughing until well after one hundred hours.

~*~

"Kathryn."

"Yes?" She twisted on the couch to see him better, as he was standing behind her. He winced.

"You really could find something slightly less revealing to wear to bed, Ensign."

When she stopped laughing, he gestured for her to rise from the couch. "I do not understand why Mr. Neelix did not simply address his worries to the Captain."

She smiled. He had so much more to learn. "That would make it official. I'm just me."

He frowned., "but will not we be telling the Captain of tonight's occurrences?"

(A/N: yes, you may wince at that one. I put t in for your pained frown, as my friends well know.)

She smiled at this use of words, and drew him down onto the couch with her. "But from you it will be speculation, and me gossip. Neelix would have to actually make sense."

At the thought of the helpless Talaxian's confused monologue, they shared a moment of skepticism before she burst into laughter. He constrained himself to merely patting her on the head. One outburst was far more than enough for tonight. The trick would be to prevent another one, before this forced platonic atmosphere broke.

~*~

There was one telepath on Voyager. She was Marquis and she was a private person, and no one knew or would know. She stared strangely at a door as she passed it.

*Whaa?? Oh my god. I did not just hear that.*

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I have attempted to simply insert a placefiller until I can find my blooming manuscript. I must now go argue violently with a piano.

Good night.