Disclaimer: Be smart, peoples! *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Bakura was dressed, and perked up, even. He was wearing the whole shebang, down to the leather boots he really didn't want to wear. The color of his hair and face stood out like the sun at midnight against his black outfit. He left the house on foot, seeing as Ryou's dad had the car at the moment. He had shouted to Ryou, saying he was going out, avoiding the kitchen's stench of pickling chemicals. He walked the short ½ mile to the bar, and walked inside.
"New bartender. Interesting.." He thought to himself. The bar was full of smoke, either from cigars, cigarettes, or joints. Probably joints. There were people everywhere, most knowing Bakura too well to dare to risk a salutation. His boots made a sharp, yet dull thump on the wooden floor, making him look even more menacing, to those who knew him. He walked up to the bar, and asked for a beer. Start the night off light, he thought. The bartender looked at him suspiciously.
"I need an ID, ma'am." Said the bartender in a stern voice. Big mistake. Ryou stood up, and grabbed the bartender's collar. Because of him, the place needed to keep getting new bartenders, but the owners didn't care. Bakura's displays brought people, and people meant money, so they let him do what he did best. The whole bar was suddenly around them, save a group of men who had entered the men's restrooms.
"For one, I am well past 21. And two, I'm not a girl. Do I have boobs?" Bakura was whispering in the guys face, their noses almost touching because of Bakura's grip on the shirt. The question though, was out loud, so the whole bar could hear him. He leaned back in the man's face.
"Now say it. I'm not a woman because I don't have boobs, and you'll get me a beer." That usually did it, but this one was stubborn.
"You sure look like a woman, and I need an ID, for the last time SIR." He put the emphasis on "sir", making it sound sarcastic. Bakura now pulled the man over the bar, and shoved him into a wall. Holding him with two hands, now, the crowd was watching intently. Bakura stared daggers in the man's eyes, a clear intention of pain displayed in them. He leaned into the now trembling man's ear, and said,
"Boo" The man jumped out of his skin, and tried to escape.
"Now you realize I can hurt you! Well, all the other bartenders I've beaten up usually figured that out long before I had to pull them over the bar. But no, you're really dense. Now, maybe I'll leave you alone if you GET ME A GODDAMN BEER!!" He said all this, mocking the man, and letting everyone hear his humiliating comments. He let go of the bartender, who ran back into the bar, popping a beer can open, and placing it near Bakura's usual seat. That made Bakura a little suspicious. How did a newbie bartender know where Bakura actually sat most of the time? He went up to the bartender and asked him a question.
"What's your favorite food?"
"Pizza!" The man chimed, then covered his mouth, like he had said something wrong, which indeed he did. Bakura grabbed a fistful of his hair, and pulled. The wig, and the face came off on one piece. There, before him, was someone he had known for years. Jounouchi. He just stood there, looking really sheepish.
"Hey, Bakura! I can explain. See there's this thing, Shizuka's been kinda helping Yami, and he wanted to make sure no one found out, so he sent me to make sure you didn't know anything." Bakura stood there, stunned. He was putting all the pieces together, and when he got everything straight, he laughed. Laughed like a maniac, and went to leave the bar. For the first time in his life, he was not drink after leaving a bar. He decided to take the long way home, through the back alleys, to think about everything. He had just turned into the alley behind the bar, when someone grabbed him from behind. He tried looking at who had grabbed him, but he couldn't turn around. Now being a tomb robber came in very handy, having to know how to get out of tight situations. He grabbed the man's hair with his free hand, and the man loosened his grip, trying to get Bakura off his hair. Bakura wiggled free, and kicked the man in the balls. He fell down, whimpering the whole time. Soon, there were thugs all over the place, circling the man who was now on the ground. All of a sudden, there was a blinding light, and a new person was in that alley. It was Squidward, from Sponge Bob Square Pants standing there, looking at the scene.
"I was sent here by Sponge Bob, using a teleport ray. I have no respect for pinto beans." He said, reading off a little slip of paper. He looked at Bakura, and his eyes got really big.
"Gee, ma'am, you look bad-ass sexy in that leather. I'm single." Squidward was now red. So was Bakura, enraged at this man who hated, who hated, pinto beans! He went up to the sea creature, and said,
"Do I have any boobs, you moron? I'm a guy! You can't see worth shit, can you?"
"Gawd, you could have fooled me. You're a good transvestite." Now Bakura was pissed.
"IM NOT IN DRAG!!" Bakura and the said squid got in a huge dust cloud fight.
"Ten minutes later." said the man with the French accent on SBSP. Squidward was unconscious, and Bakura was standing there, a look of complete glee on his face. There was another white flash, as Sponge Bob himself appeared.
"Please excuse my friend, ma'am. I sent him here to tell you he didn't like pinto beans. We should be going now." Before Bakura had gotten a chance to whale on the yellow thing, they were both gone in yet another flash of white. He saw the thugs were gone, and began walking home again, thoroughly pissed, yet again. The events of the night had almost made him forget about Shizuka dating Yami. Almost. *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Bakura thinks Shizuka's dating Yami! Well, that explains the Victoria's Secret bag. PLEASE R&R!! Tankies to those who have already.