The Lady, or the Snow Leopard?

by Ibex's Lyre

Ha ha! I'm back. I think. I hate learning, but I love it.

Chapter Two: Examinations into the Soul

"When thinking of the year 1907, it is always important to remember the North American Pixie embargo. However, this information will most likely not be on the NEWTS. It was jut another important fact in Magical history and should be interesting to note that this was the cause of the 1931 Toronto Near Pixie Blight that almost affected a small muggle community in the North American..." Professor Binns continued to drone on. A sigh escaped Hermione's lips as she continued to watch the snow flit out past the high Hogwarts windows and pile up against centuries old panes. Probably magic induced, too, she thought sourly.

Harry and Ron were far too deep in the History of Magic stupor to be of some intellectual relief (though the thought in itself was good for a small chuckle) and Snape--was busy yelling at some fourth year Ravenclaws. Besides, he had been rather upset the last time she'd tried to mentally communicate with him. It was best to pretend the bond didn't exist because Snape's temper was sarcastic at best, and it was very hard to tell, even with the empathy and telepathy just how, exactly, he'd react to something. So, as the snow fell down in soft, thin layers and seemed to beckon to Hermione, she wondered what it was like to be a deer running through the forests now.

It was ironic--the same thoughts less than a month ago would have been called insanity. Now they were named imagination. For a brief moment, she pondered the thin line between insanity and reality, but finally contented herself to wander the forest as a quadrapedal creature with soft fur. The slamming of multiple History of Magic textbooks brought her back to reality. Quickly, she gathered her things and followed her two friends out of the classroom and towards the Gryffindor common room.

***

Hermione supposed that now that she was capable of taking care of herself, she was probably supposed to move back into the Gryffindor tower as she would have at the beginning of the year. However, as none of the teachers had suggested it, her room was still located in Snape's former library. Still, now that she was sane again, she found that much of her free time was once again centered around her two best friends, Harry and Ron. With a great sigh that could have been of either relief or regret, she plopped herself down in front of the roaring fireplace and began to do her History of Magic homework.

"Old Binns finally gave up teaching us useless information!" Ron chortled and glanced over at Hermione. An over-exaggerated groan escaped his lips when he saw what she was working on. "Oy! You don't get out of a class an hour early just to do its homework! You might as well have not gotten out early!"

"Yes, Hermione," Harry agreed and gave her a friendly push. "You might want to relax a bit before you have to go to Transfigurations."

Hermione frowned and looked at both of them. "Do either of you even know what we're going to be doing in Transfigurations today?"

She knew what the answer would be even before she saw Ron break out into a friendly grin. "No."

"Oh," she said, looking thoughtful. "Because we're going to have a quiz on it."

That statement sufficiently chastised the two boys into at least looking through their previous notes, which was more than they would have, otherwise. Sufficiently contented that the two were occupied, Hermione put down her History of Magic homework and pulled out a leather-bound book that looked like it had been read through by many other students in the vain hope of becoming Animagi. If dropped, there were many pages on the actual process of the transfiguration that the book would have opened to. Hermione was not reading one of these. Instead, she was focused on a curious, often overlooked passage:

Perhaps the most difficult part of the magic is not the knowledge of the animals or the procedure. Rather it is the knowledge of self that is most vital...

But what, exactly, did that mean? She pondered the excerpt silently, tuning out the noise of so many students in such a confined space all excited about getting out early from class. How would knowing yourself be most vital? In normal transfigurations, even in the more complicated stuff that they were studying now, it was the amount of concentration and knowledge of the procedure that counted most, not knowing what you were capable of. Although, she supposed that that aspect was helpful in giving the person confidence to carry out the transfigurations, something Neville lacked in Potions class. Which was why she suspected he did so poorly.

Time passed rather quickly, and it was a short while before Hermione was sitting in her seat next to Harry and Ron, taking notes as fast as they appeared on McGonagall's chalkboard. Transfigurations class was very different than it used to be--Professor McGonagall had seemed to do more lecture that delved into the theories behind the magic than she had before. While the Transfigurations Professor insisted that it was because they were dealing with very powerful magic, Hermione secretly suspected it was mostly because the polar bear incident. A small smile crossed her lips as she relived the memory; she had to say that that was one of her more interesting memories. Still, even then it brought up questions she had yet to answer about the nature of the bond she shared with her Potions Professor. For example, was it possible to--

There was an undercurrent of impatience that spread from outside of her mind through her thoughts, making Hermione mentally cringe. Trust Severus to bring her back to reality just when she was on to something interesting.

It is always helpful to pay attention in class! he snapped at her, causing her to cringe and miss ironic statement McGonagall said about how vital concentration was. With an exasperated mental hiss, Snape used an old trick that had been most helpful in keeping Hermione's mind from wandering when it wasn't supposed to. You can daydream all you want later For now, I suggest you pay attention! And you can expect Gryffindor to be missing fifteen points next time you look.

She made a face and looked up at McGonagall, who was looking down at her impatiently. "I trust you were having a good daydream, Miss Granger?"

She blushed and opened her mouth to utter something in her own defense, but McGonagall's frown deepened. "I am very disappointed in you, Miss Granger. This is something I would have expected from Mr. Zabini or Mr. Weasley but not you! Ten points from Gryffindor. Now answer me..." Hermione sighed and wished the day would finally end.

It couldn't have been soon enough for her to find herself finally returning to the dungeons for her last period of the day: her seventh year project. It was nearing Christmas Break, when she would go home (on her parents demands), and they still had no real progress on her attempts to become an animagus... Which was probably to be expected, since neither had any real experience in the matter, but was still so very frustrating!

When she walked into the Potions Classroom, Snape was gleefully putting unfavorable marks on various essays in crimson ink (some kind of twisted slight against Gryffindor, she supposed) and spared her no glance. In a characteristically Snapish manner, he continued to grade papers and force Hermione to wait on him. Resigned to her fate, she sighed, wishing that for once he wouldn't place his little power games. So she opened up her old leather book and continued to read from where she had left off. An impatient command pulled her out before she could get very far, though.

"Well?" Snape snapped, his waspish voice pulling Hermione's face towards him.

Confused, Hermione stared up at him for a few seconds, instinctively reaching out for his mind and shifting through his short term memory as easily as she did her own. Somewhat amused, Snape let her do so.

"Oh," she said softly when she figured out what he wanted to know. "I was just thinking about what I had read earlier. About transfiguring."

"And that was important enough to not pay attention in a class that could have potentially helped you derive the answer to your question?"

A sigh escaped her lips. She had no answer to give; at least, none that Snape would want to hear. Sensing this, Snape put down his quill and walked over the desk Hermione was at. "Now," he said n his silky voice, "what is it you found that was so important?"

As Snape knew she would, Hermione instantly brightened and switched gears. Predictable girl, so intent on learning! Hermione pulled the book open to the particular passage that had so vexed her and showed it to him. "What do you think of it?" she asked as he scanned the text quickly with his eyes and analyzed the worlds. When he had read it a few times, he allowed a cynical smile to form on his lips. "Why Hermione, I should think it perfectly obvious--to a Slytherin, anyway. Perhaps it is too subtle for the Gryffindor mind, though..."

A flash of anger through her mind and she glared indignantly at him.

"Sir, I believe it is saying that you have to know your own personality before you can transform--"

"Very good, Miss Granger," he crooned condescendingly. "Next time try not to pull the answer from my mind. Do you understand why?"

"I think it is because your personality defines what animal you are," came her response as she frowned and searched for answers. Forth came a flash of memory, half forgotten and dreamed insanity. Remember to talk to your inner animal; she can tell you more about who you are than you can... What had the two sirens been playing at?

"Your personality does, perhaps, define what creature you'll be. There is a reason," Severus sneered, "That McGonagall is a cat and Black," he made the name sound filthy, "is a dog. Very few people know themselves well enough to transfigure."

"Do you?" she queried, figuring that he did.

Instead of affirming her assumption, Hermione was surprised to see him stiffen visibly. "I never saw the need to peruse the art of Transfigurations beyond what I already knew. Besides, Miss Granger, if I had, I would have needed supervised. If I had succeeded, I would have been forced to register my animal form anyway."

Hermione looked at him for a few minutes, considering. At the same time, he was studying her silently, measuring her worth. Finally he frowned and settled back at his desk to grade more papers, leaving Hermione to herself. She was thinking, analyzing, wondering who she was. After a long time, she looked up at Severus and cocked her head slightly to the side. "So what do we do from here?"

"I think, Hermione, that you need to get to know yourself far better than you do now. I want an essay one and a half feet long by Friday." Surprised, Hermione stared up at him and watched him smirk down at her. "Oh, yes. We won't even begin to attempt anything until that paper is written. And remember, since this is a project, I believe you have yet to give me a paper on your research into the matter, including a works cited and a cover page--" he made a clearly sour face when something in his robes began to move. "It seems it is time for supper." Ignoring Hermione's raised eyebrow Severus took the black and copper kitten, which seemed to have doubled in size, out of his robe's inner pocket.

"Why sir," Hermione said with a grin, "if word got out that you were keeping a kitten in your pocket..."

"Gryffindor would most likely never recover from the lack of points."

Hermione wasn't fooled by his snarky attitude. She could feel the waves of tender care and concern for the cat roll from his mind and was surprised to feel a pang or something--foreign. Jealousy? No, she was sure that wasn't it. It was a longing that she knew so well and yet had managed to keep repressed until now. Hermione buried the emotions once more that threatened to consume her, and locked them back in the depths of her mind. If Severus had noticed anything, he certainly didn't show it.

Quantum mewed piteously until he gingerly cradled her in the crook of his arm and allowed her to suckle from one of his specially prepared flasks. "We're going to start weaning you soon, you irritating endless stomach," he said in a voice that Hermione had never before heard. He glanced up at her suddenly as if he had heard her say something and regarded her. "The kitten, of course, needs constant care every few hours. It is only logical to keep her in my presence at all times... but you wouldn't know that... Your repulsive excuse for a member of the feline-kneazle family was fully grown when you got him."

Memories from only a short while ago crept back into Hermione's mind and made her blush. She still felt somewhat guilty for not knowing how to properly take care of a kitten. Snape noticed this, of course. Quantum was much annoyed when he pulled her tiny claws from his arm and dropped her tenderly into Hermione's lap. Surprised, she automatically began to make fair imitation of a cat's purr until Quantum settled back in as though she had always been in Hermione's lap and she couldn't figure out why everybody was looking at her. Once the makeshift bottle was pack up to her tiny mouth, Quantum had no complaints to give concerning her treatment and held no grudges. After a few minutes Hermione was finally relaxed enough to glare back up at Severus, who continued to smirk back at her, amused at her discomfort.

When Severus had decided his kitten had had enough to eat he removed Quantum from Hermione's lap and deposited the now annoyed kitten into a litter box strategically located in an inconspicuous place. "Grab your things and put them away, Miss Granger," he said becoming formal once more with a mischievous look just beneath the surface of his malachite eyes. "As much as I do not wish to leave my domain, it is approaching dinner, and Dumbledore did..." the sour look returned.

"Professor Dumbledore did what?" Hermione asked, interest piqued.

"Bound me to an agreement saying that I would be present for at least two meals a day in the Great Hall, in an effort to ensure that I 'have a chance to enjoy the company of others of my own kind.'" His complete and utter dismay was too much for Hermione to not laugh. "That will be another five points, Miss Granger," he snarled in a silky, low voice even as she continued to chortle. When she did not stop even after threats of point loss, he swooped over to where she was in an effort to intimidate her by his sheer size. Sensing this, she attempted to sidestep him, which he sensed in return and moved to counter. They continued to read each other's moves from the other's mind until Severus finally got frustrated with the stalemate and grabbed her shoulders to hold her still. He looked down at her happy, flushed face, about to say something until he realize that seeing her happy like that made him... relieved that nothing had happened to her Halloween night. Underneath his hands and the fabric of her clothing, he could feel her strong heart pump blood through her body, and her own smaller ones on his wiry chest drawing him closer. Lips parted ever so slightly as the distance between the two slowly became smaller and smaller until they finally met--

Quantum, not knowing what harm she was doing, had finished using the litter box and jumped back onto Severus using her tiny claws to climb up into her favorite spot in the inner pocket of Severus' robes. Both humans all but jumped away from each other, Hermione red faced and looking anywhere but at Severus, and Severus glaring spitefully into his pocket. "Ouch, you mangy piece of Fluffy bait!" he hissed at the now frightened kitten who couldn't figure out what she had possibly done wrong. When he felt that the kitten had been sufficiently cowed, he glanced at Hermione next, who was facing away from him. "Come, Miss Granger. Dinner is waiting." As they walked to the great hall in uncomfortable silence with minds hidden as best as possible from each other, both wondered what might have been if nothing had happened.

###

Wind... Like wind blowing through jagged rocks, creating eerie music that danced around her closed eyes. It was one of those dreams where she knew she was sleeping, but couldn't do anything to wake up. For a moment, she was utterly terrified that this time she would never wake up from the illusion and this dream world. But she found her lion heart and opened her eyes to--the snow covered forests exactly as they had been during Professor Binn's Class... except that there were no mountains. No! she realized suddenly. She was on the mountains!

Questions floated on the wind, dancing to the strange sad winter song.

What must I do?

Why am I here?

Who am I?

As the snow drifted around her, she sensed that she was not alone. On the other side of the mountain there was another person, whose domain was dark and hidden and yet a part of her own. Somebody was there in the darkest regions of the land, whose pain was great and numerous, who knew no companion and whose sole wish was to be alone.

The darker side of her.

A voice drifted on the wind, silent, contemplating, half and whole, seemed to resonate down the valley and speak only truth.

Every minute that passes marks another day forever from the calendar
The deep sleep of ice is coming in the whirlwind darkness
Glazed, laced crows of twilight shake their glossy wings
And cry the songs of the end of life
Birth of death
Those who are prepared shall not want for warmth when the snows come across this enchanted land.

The voice seemed to be coming from the great snowy heights. Perhaps remnants of Raidne in her mind? Though Hermione doubted this she followed it the sound anyway, searching for answers in the world of white and evergreen. Unfortunately she made the mistake of passing one of the dark places, waking the spirits inside. Winged creatures great and small flew from the rocky place, disturbed and angry. For a moment, Hermione thought they would consume her, but they--didn't. Surprised by the fact that nothing had happened to her, Hermione looked into the cave and realized that this must be the domain of the other. But then she felt a few pieces of her mind buried deep within, and knew that if she looked, she would fin part of herself there in the darkness.

Now there was something else next to her, and when she turned to look she almost thought she found what she had been searching for--saw it--

A terrified gasp escaped her lips as she sat up and realized she was not where she should have been. The fireplace next to her, comfortable chair underneath meant that she could only be in on e place: the Gryffindor Common Room. And the towering, glaring, angry figure above her could only be Professor Snape. Indeed, just as Hermione suspected, he was not in the best of moods, and that was saying it lightly. He was frowning down at her malevolently and looking like he was not about to sympathize with any excuse she came up with. So Hermione did what anybody else would have in her position and silently followed the shadow darkened man out of the room and back towards the dungeons dreading ever minute that passed by. She could not help but notice the faint scent of outside that trailed from his clothing, and wondered where he had been. Someplace distressing enough, something dim and quiet whispered in her mind, to upset him and cause him to burn silently in fury. Not her fault, then.

The kitten had not been with him wherever he had gone; she realized this as soon as she heard her crying pitifully from behind the door of his bedroom. When Snape did nothing to calm the cat, when he simply continued to scowl expectantly at her for unknown answers, Hermione took the liberty to enter his quarters and cradle the cat without his permission. Quantum calmed instantly and began to purr as she alternately bit and batted at Hermione's fingers, acting as the unknowing buffer between the two. And the silence dragged on. One minute. Two. Half an hour they stood, waiting for somebody to be cowed, to admit defeat, to give up and cower at the will of the other. Knowing that this could not go on forever, it was Hermione who finally broke the silence. "I expect you wish to know why I was there and not here?"

Snape's scowl deepened, and he took a menacing step towards her, which she ignored. The step reinforced the smell of oddness that Hermione had sensed before. Still, no connection could be easily made, other than the smell on him made her uneasy. "Do you have any idea what time it is, you impertinent little girl?" Curious, as she did not, Hermione looked up at the clock. While she was surprised to see it was long past curfew, she was not distracted by this new piece of information.

"Almost two in the morning. Today is Thursday. You are going to be particularly miserable today in cla--"

"That's enough!" He was right up to her, his height impressive in his fury. Despite all of this, Hermione was in no way worried that he would hurt her. At least, not in a physical sense. "You were up long past curfew, asleep, which meant that I had no way to find you or track you down. You could have been anywhere, and there would have been nothing I could have done to find you. There is a curfew for a reason, you silly girl! What if," and he was trembling with suppressed rage now, "what if some of Voldemort's old supporters decided to make an example out of you for killing their precious master? Or worse, decided to use you to father another monster? It doesn't take a virgin, despite what you may think," he said as he eyed her shrewdly and noted with some dim delight the remark ripped right through all of her defenses and emotions like a razor. "Only somebody of strong enough mind and will to fight every second of every horror, and a vendetta."

She stared up at him, voice refusing to give birth to the silent words her lips formed. Trembling hands upset Quantum, who mewed in annoyance and squirmed out of Hermione's grasp hoping to leap into Snape's. Finally, Hermione found some sort of control and resolve deep in her core being, and shoved the kitten into Snape's arms before she stormed to her room and slammed her door shut. The last words she uttered before she lost her voice forever were: "I can take care of myself, Professor! I took care of you, didn't I? Where would you be if I had not come and saved you from your Dark Lord?"

And the wind calling through the fireplace cried tears of regret.

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Sort of a short chapter, I know, but an appropriate place to stop before I go onto the next. I thank you all for your patience; the last few weeks have been sheer and utter hell, with no time left for me to translate what I wrote in my notebooks onto my computer. These next few weeks should be a little less hectic--at least, that's what I'm hoping for.

littlemandyralph- I've updated as soon as was possible. Real life is horrible sometimes, but I didn't mean to leave you all hanging like that. I hope this next chapter lives up to your expectations, even though it is late.

Bellemaine Chercoeur- Wow, you gave my last chapter way too much credit. I really am embarrassed. Also, I was looking back at old Lady of Shalott chapters, and it made me realize that no matter how many times you proofread something, errors still do appear. *Groan!* One of these days… One of these days I really am going to go through read all of my stuff just to correct minor annoyances.

Daniexpress- Thank you! Even if it doesn't always seem that way, I do try.

Alia- Lol, that wonderful vote of confidence makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Aurinia- I agree- Severus sometimes reminds me of Filch in that yes, I can see him with his own little precious "Mrs. Norris." And I think that the relationship will certainly be an interesting one. As much as Severus feels as though he should be taking care of her, Hermione feels like she should be taking care of him. Neither realize just quite how both have become dependent upon the other and subconsciously function as one mind--even though they both retain their original personalities.

LoPotter- Quantum loves attention. That's why she just chewed through Severus' favorite quills and knocked over all his potions vials.

Tracy- I can't always guarantee speedy updates, but I write in notebooks during my spare time. I really don't feel good about posting unless I have about 4000-5000 words up, either, so sometimes it takes a little while. I thank you for your patience, though!

Rosebud- YOU laughed, but Severus did not! He had to wash his pillows after that! Needless to say, he was impossible to live with for the next few days.

Kat63- P-Fysics is fun and so is Chemistry. And Severus looks cute with kittens in his pocket.

Eowowiel- wow--that really makes me feel so good! I hope my work continues to be worthy of your admiration!

Tegan- Oh, you'll be pleasantly surprised when we make it to the actual transformations! I think I've outdone myself there, and there is so much potential for humor! (I'm chuckling and running through exactly what I'm going to write when I get there… but I have to get there first!). And watch out for when Severus calls Hermione Hermione, and when Hermione calls Severus Severus (or Professor) because it switches when they feel comfortable with each other, or when they are upset.

Majestic Witch- here you go, another chapter. :)