Taking Chances
Harrison John laid away almost every night since his encounter with Josh Ford nearly a month ago when they had been locked in The Novak together. He couldn't forget the things that they had said to each other, and of course he kept wondering what could have happened had Mary Cherry not interupted them.
He deserpatly wanted to get some sleep, but visions of Josh and his new girlfriend Carmen filled his head. He couldn't believe that they were still together. He loved Carmen and all, but a part of him wanted them to break up.
I guess I am gay or something, Harrison said to himself. He wondered if this was what his mother had felt like when she was struggling to come out of the closet. He wished that he could talk to her about this, but he wasn't ready to talk to anybody about his secret longings for Josh Ford just yet.
He looked at his digital clock on the night stand and noticed it was nearly three in the morning. He decided that sleep just was not going to happen tonight, and got up, flicking on the light on his night stand. He rubbed his fingers through his hair and got up, walking over to his desk slowly. He turned on his desk lamp and opened his notebook. His mind was taking him places and he couldn't help but to write them down on paper.
Slowly he wrote, "What is he doing with her?"
Nearly a week later, Harrison felt like his world was ending. He didn't understand what had come over him. He had decided to try and become a musician and things had went haywire from there. He had even taken his writings and made them into a song. He had deeply hurt his friends and most importantly his relationship with Josh. They had almost come to blows over a song he had performed and he just knew that Josh hated him now.
He had patched things up with Carmen and Sam, but now he didn't know what to do about Josh. Had he blown his only shot of being friends? Would they ever get the chance to talk again? Harrison longed to know the answers to his questions.As if somebody was pulling the strings, the phone rang and Harrison picked it up.
" Hello? " He asked into the reciever.
" It's Josh, we need to talk. " A familiar voice said.
" Oh, hi. " Harrison said trying not to sound as nervous as he was.
" How about we meet at Mr. Clucks in an hour? " Josh suggested.
" Sounds good to me. " Harrison said.
" I'll see you there. " Josh said and hung up.
Harrison held the reciever to his ear and listened to the steady dial tone. He felt like he was about to go out on his first date or something. His stomach did flip flops and he tried to get it to stop. I've got to get ready, he thought.
One hour later, Harrison sat anxiously in a booth at Mr. Clucks, a fried chicken fast food place in town. He checked his breath to make sure it was okay and then he caught a glimpse of himself in the napkin despincer and checked his hair. He thought he looked okay, but deep down inside he wondered why he was getting all excited over nothing. Josh would most likely come in and try to finish the fight they had earlier and that would be it.
Josh was fashionably late as usual. He walked over to Harrison's table and sat down in the booth across from him. He didn't speak for a bit which made Harrison more nervous about this talk.
" I'm sorry about earlier. " Josh muttered finally.
" It's my fault Josh, really it is... " Harrison said before Josh interupted him.
" No, it's my fault. I was fooling myself into thinking I was ready to date again and I hurt Carmen in the process. " Josh said.
" She'll be fine Josh. " Harrison said trying to reassure him.
" I hope so Harrison. " Josh replied.
" I shouldn't have sand that song though, it wasn't fair, to you or Carmen. " Harrison explained.
" Why did you write it anyway? " Josh asked.
Harrison sighed and lowered his head a bit. He didn't want to tell him why he had written it, but he knew he would sound like a liar if he said anything else.
" I was...am, kinda confused about some things. " Harrison said softly.
" Do you like Carmen or something? " Josh asked. Harrison almost laughed, Josh could be so dumb at times and totally clueless.
" No, not Carmen. " He replied.
" Oh.....oh! " Josh said getting what Harrison was saying.
There was an odd silence between them for minutes. Josh looked down at his hands and Harrison tried to avoid any looks between them. He couldn't believe that he had just said what he had.
" Well look Harry, it's okay with me if you're... " Josh started. He looked around and then lowered his voice.
" Gay. " He finished.
" I'm not gay Josh. " Harrison said.
" Then what? " Josh asked.
" I'm just questioning I guess, kinda like what we talked about. " Harrison explained.
" Are you into me or something? " Josh asked.
" I don't know. Maybe. " Harrison said trying not to say what he wanted to.
" I'm...I'm flattered man, but..."
" It's not going to happen, I understand. " Harrison finished.
" That's not what I was going to say. "
" Then what were you going to say? "
" I was going to say that I don't know if I could ever return your feelings. " Josh said in a hushed voice.
" Oh. " Harrison said startled.
The rest of their conversation was about various things that didn't relate to their feelings. Josh tried to change the subject several times and Harrison was more than happy to change them. After another thirty minutes or so, they decided to call it a night. Harrison went out into the parking lot and started his mother's car. He watched for a second as Josh's truck tried to start. He could hear the motor trying to start but not turning over. Perfect timing, he thought to himself.
Josh shut and locked the truck and hurried over to Harrison's car and tapped on the driver's side window.
" Can I catch a ride with you? " He asked Harrison.
" Get in. " Harrison replied.
They rode in silence for the duration of the trip. Josh's house was not really that far away from Harrison's so it didn't take long to get there. He pulled the car into the Ford's driveway and parked it.
" Well thanks man. " Josh said and started to open the door. He paused for a moment and then turned back to face Harrison.
" What? " Harrison asked.
Josh move quickly and cupped Harrison's face with his hands and pulled it to his. They kissed for a few seconds. Harrison was shocked at first but then relaxed and kissed him back. It was sweet, almost innocent, and it made Harrison feel more alive than he had ever felt in his life. He didn't want it to end but Josh pulled back and smiled. There were no words exchanged, just a few smiles and then Josh hurried and got out of the car and went inside.
Harrison couldn't keep his huge smile off of his face and put the car in reverse, backing out of the driveway and going down the street to his own house.
Harrison John laid away almost every night since his encounter with Josh Ford nearly a month ago when they had been locked in The Novak together. He couldn't forget the things that they had said to each other, and of course he kept wondering what could have happened had Mary Cherry not interupted them.
He deserpatly wanted to get some sleep, but visions of Josh and his new girlfriend Carmen filled his head. He couldn't believe that they were still together. He loved Carmen and all, but a part of him wanted them to break up.
I guess I am gay or something, Harrison said to himself. He wondered if this was what his mother had felt like when she was struggling to come out of the closet. He wished that he could talk to her about this, but he wasn't ready to talk to anybody about his secret longings for Josh Ford just yet.
He looked at his digital clock on the night stand and noticed it was nearly three in the morning. He decided that sleep just was not going to happen tonight, and got up, flicking on the light on his night stand. He rubbed his fingers through his hair and got up, walking over to his desk slowly. He turned on his desk lamp and opened his notebook. His mind was taking him places and he couldn't help but to write them down on paper.
Slowly he wrote, "What is he doing with her?"
Nearly a week later, Harrison felt like his world was ending. He didn't understand what had come over him. He had decided to try and become a musician and things had went haywire from there. He had even taken his writings and made them into a song. He had deeply hurt his friends and most importantly his relationship with Josh. They had almost come to blows over a song he had performed and he just knew that Josh hated him now.
He had patched things up with Carmen and Sam, but now he didn't know what to do about Josh. Had he blown his only shot of being friends? Would they ever get the chance to talk again? Harrison longed to know the answers to his questions.As if somebody was pulling the strings, the phone rang and Harrison picked it up.
" Hello? " He asked into the reciever.
" It's Josh, we need to talk. " A familiar voice said.
" Oh, hi. " Harrison said trying not to sound as nervous as he was.
" How about we meet at Mr. Clucks in an hour? " Josh suggested.
" Sounds good to me. " Harrison said.
" I'll see you there. " Josh said and hung up.
Harrison held the reciever to his ear and listened to the steady dial tone. He felt like he was about to go out on his first date or something. His stomach did flip flops and he tried to get it to stop. I've got to get ready, he thought.
One hour later, Harrison sat anxiously in a booth at Mr. Clucks, a fried chicken fast food place in town. He checked his breath to make sure it was okay and then he caught a glimpse of himself in the napkin despincer and checked his hair. He thought he looked okay, but deep down inside he wondered why he was getting all excited over nothing. Josh would most likely come in and try to finish the fight they had earlier and that would be it.
Josh was fashionably late as usual. He walked over to Harrison's table and sat down in the booth across from him. He didn't speak for a bit which made Harrison more nervous about this talk.
" I'm sorry about earlier. " Josh muttered finally.
" It's my fault Josh, really it is... " Harrison said before Josh interupted him.
" No, it's my fault. I was fooling myself into thinking I was ready to date again and I hurt Carmen in the process. " Josh said.
" She'll be fine Josh. " Harrison said trying to reassure him.
" I hope so Harrison. " Josh replied.
" I shouldn't have sand that song though, it wasn't fair, to you or Carmen. " Harrison explained.
" Why did you write it anyway? " Josh asked.
Harrison sighed and lowered his head a bit. He didn't want to tell him why he had written it, but he knew he would sound like a liar if he said anything else.
" I was...am, kinda confused about some things. " Harrison said softly.
" Do you like Carmen or something? " Josh asked. Harrison almost laughed, Josh could be so dumb at times and totally clueless.
" No, not Carmen. " He replied.
" Oh.....oh! " Josh said getting what Harrison was saying.
There was an odd silence between them for minutes. Josh looked down at his hands and Harrison tried to avoid any looks between them. He couldn't believe that he had just said what he had.
" Well look Harry, it's okay with me if you're... " Josh started. He looked around and then lowered his voice.
" Gay. " He finished.
" I'm not gay Josh. " Harrison said.
" Then what? " Josh asked.
" I'm just questioning I guess, kinda like what we talked about. " Harrison explained.
" Are you into me or something? " Josh asked.
" I don't know. Maybe. " Harrison said trying not to say what he wanted to.
" I'm...I'm flattered man, but..."
" It's not going to happen, I understand. " Harrison finished.
" That's not what I was going to say. "
" Then what were you going to say? "
" I was going to say that I don't know if I could ever return your feelings. " Josh said in a hushed voice.
" Oh. " Harrison said startled.
The rest of their conversation was about various things that didn't relate to their feelings. Josh tried to change the subject several times and Harrison was more than happy to change them. After another thirty minutes or so, they decided to call it a night. Harrison went out into the parking lot and started his mother's car. He watched for a second as Josh's truck tried to start. He could hear the motor trying to start but not turning over. Perfect timing, he thought to himself.
Josh shut and locked the truck and hurried over to Harrison's car and tapped on the driver's side window.
" Can I catch a ride with you? " He asked Harrison.
" Get in. " Harrison replied.
They rode in silence for the duration of the trip. Josh's house was not really that far away from Harrison's so it didn't take long to get there. He pulled the car into the Ford's driveway and parked it.
" Well thanks man. " Josh said and started to open the door. He paused for a moment and then turned back to face Harrison.
" What? " Harrison asked.
Josh move quickly and cupped Harrison's face with his hands and pulled it to his. They kissed for a few seconds. Harrison was shocked at first but then relaxed and kissed him back. It was sweet, almost innocent, and it made Harrison feel more alive than he had ever felt in his life. He didn't want it to end but Josh pulled back and smiled. There were no words exchanged, just a few smiles and then Josh hurried and got out of the car and went inside.
Harrison couldn't keep his huge smile off of his face and put the car in reverse, backing out of the driveway and going down the street to his own house.
