Author:  The Wanlorn

Title: For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky 23/?

Summary: I bite at summaries, so you're not getting one.

Rating: PG13 for language and stuff.

Spoilers: None that I know of.

Pairing: Eventually will touch upon all pairings I like.

Distribution: Ask and ye shall receive.

Disclaimer: Jander and Raistlin belong to WotC.  Nire and Azrael belong to me.  I'm getting no profit out of this, barely even any good reviews.  No copyright infringement is intended, this is just something to pass the days until the end of the world.

Thank Yous: Thanks to my beta, Kitrine.

Italics denote emphasis or thoughts.  I trust you to be smart enough to figure out which ones.  Or book names and the like.

Italics denote telepathic speech.

Chapter Twenty-Three

            All thoughts of how he had been ready to leave all mortals behind and go off on his own were lost from Jander's mind at this immediate crisis.  Without a thought for anything else, he gated to Nire's room.

            Raistlin was already there, kneeling next to Nire.  He had felt the vast outpouring of power that lasted less than a minute wash through his tower.  He had run up to her room, wondering what the damn fool girl was doing.  As soon as he saw her on the floor, he dropped to the knees beside her and felt for a pulse, frantically searching.

            Upon seeing his pale face, Jander knew that the mage had done nothing to Nire - she had done it all herself.  He dropped to his knees on the to her side of her, not fearing being in the mage's presence for the first time in a while.  Listening intently, he could hear a weak, struggling heartbeat, and faint, faint breath whispering past her lips.  She was alive, but only barely.

            Raistlin raised his stricken face to look across the body at Jander, unmindful of the danger presented by being in the same room as a vampire.  Whatever she did, she had been planning it.  This was the wrongness he had sensed for the past few months.  Whatever she had done, she had been planning it, and everyone else had been clueless.  Jander's throat was tight as he raised his eyes to meet Raistlin's so tight that he couldn't speak.  When he finally did, his voice was hoarse.

            "She's alive.  Barely."

            A look of relief filled Raistlin's face as he said, "Help me get her onto the bed."  His voice was strained.

            Jander easily lifted her, his stomach twisting in knots.  Oh, gods, if she died… He laid her gently on her cot, and then moved out of the way so that Raistlin could get in and heal her as well as he was able.  As he stepped away, his hands were shaking.  What a fool he had been!  He was drawing away from her, being angry with her, for such a stupid reason.  She hadn't meant what she said and he could understand why she had lashed out at him.  Her heart was failing, even as Raistlin worked on her, and she still thought hat he was angry with her, that he hated her.  When she had called him, he could feel her sorrow at that, and her hopes that this would rectify everything.  Whatever this was.

            So he watched Raistlin, his arms crossed protectively over his chest.  For the first time in a long time, he prayed to any gods that were listening to let Nire live.  Raistlin soon had her stabilized, her heartbeat still weak but not faltering as before.  He could now see her chest rising and falling with each breath.  For now, she would live.  Whatever she did wouldn't kill her in the next few minutes.  Raistlin moved back from her unconscious body.

            His face was pale and drawn, quite obviously tired.  He had exhausted every healing and life-giving spell that he knew.  "Let's find out what she was making."

            Not acknowledging the spoken words, Jander continued to stare at Nire.  Everything had changed within moments.  Now he realized that, even if he had left, in a few years he would have made his way back to her.  He would have returned, if only to see how she was doing.  Having met the lass, he could not imagine a world without her.  When had his life become so wrapped up in hers?  A dangerous thing for a vampire, that was.  He couldn't imagine never being able to draw a laugh out of her again, never hearing her tell him her troubles, never telling her his troubles.  If he hadn't been so self-centered…

            As he examined her workspace, Raistlin felt as though his heart were being crushed in a vise.  He wasn't sure just when he had come to view this child as his best and closest friend and protégé, but it had happened.  If she died right now, he would never be able to forgive himself.  He should have pressed her for what was wrong, kept a closer watch on the things she was creating.  He could have prevented this if he had!  But now, now her blood would be on his hands.

            Two envelopes caught his eye.  One had his name on it and the other had Jander's, both written in Nire's round handwriting.  He silently handed the appropriate one to the vampire and then opened his.  Perhaps this would provide some answers to why and what.

            Without preamble, in bold letters, she had written, CORK THE DAMN BOTTLE, across the top of the page.  A sad smile briefly filling his face at her typical abrasiveness, he corked the open vial that was filled with clear fluid.  Then he returned to what she had written.

Raist-

Hey, man.  If you're reading this, I guess I'm dead.  Wow, that's cool to think about.  I guess you're wondering just what the hell did I do.  Okay, well, the thing I had you cork is for Jander.  Ya know, "cure" some of the things that make him a vampire.  Make sure he drinks all of it, okay?  I figured I'd do one thing good for someone in repayment for making all of your lives miserable all these years.

If I could have thought of something to do for the both of you, I would have.  The two of you were the ones who most pretended to be my friends.  I must say that you both deserve awards for dissembling so.  But it was either give him the semblance of mortality, or get rid of your hourglass eyes.  And, well, Jander's going to live forever.  You're not.  I'm sorry, but either spell would have killed me.  I hope you understand.

I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me.  This room has been a valuable retreat, and your lessons a welcome diversion.  I'm sorry that I didn't last long enough for your work to pay off.  I hope that whatever you planned to use me for can still be carried out.

I'm out, man.  If the others notice that I'm gone, tell them whatever you want.  I know that my parents won't notice, so don't bother telling them.  Everything in this room is now yours, obviously.  Although Jander will undoubtedly be glad I'm dead, odds are he'll find some way to feel guilty, so make sure he drinks that.  Thanks again for everything.

~Nire

            Raistlin was surprised to feel a slow wetness trickling down his cheeks.  He was crying.  His poor lass had been worse than any of them had though.  He should have seen this coming!  But instead… Never before had he felt this sick with worry.  He had exhausted all healing spells he was able to use in one day, but he wasn't sure if it was enough.  Sure, he could see her breathing, he could feel a weak pulse, but that outpouring of power had been her.  That had been her life power, her life force, everything she was.  This was planned, right down to her death.  Nire never did anything halfway.  She always accomplished her goal.  Whatever spell she had done, she knew it would take enough power and energy out of her to kill her.  If she didn't want to live, all the healing spells in the world couldn't make her live.  He could only wait and pray.

            Jander couldn't stop staring at the lifeless body on the cot.   Even when she was doing nothing, Nire had always seemed as though her mind was running.  Even when she slept.  Now, nothing seemed to be home in there, nothing at all.  His sweet little one seemed to be gone.  His mind finally focused on the paper in his hand.  Numbly, he opened the envelope, cracking the black wax that she used as a seal.  Nire's strong writing popped out at him.

Jander~

Ah, 'tis the end of an era - no more will you have to put up with my annoyances or anything about me anymore.

            He was already crying, bloodtears rolling down his cheeks.  Why didn't she understand the he  enjoyed her company?  He loved having his little one around, keeping him entertained, keeping him happy, regardless of whether he wanted her there or not.  Her persistence was one of the things he loved about her.

Remember that time on the hill when I asked what you wanted most in the world and you said the be mortal?  Well, I do.  And, while I can't do that, this is the best I could do.

I can already see you trying to feel guilty about this, regardless of the fact that you're glad I'm gone.  Well, don't.  You, of all people, should know that I'm glad I'm dead.  And this isn't your fault.  You just gave me a good means to an end.  Had I not done this, been waiting for this, I would have slit my wrists or something much earlier.  Oh, yeah, I can hear you wishing that I had done that so I was out of your life sooner.  Sorry, man.

            This was all his fault, whether she wanted to let him admit it or not.  She must have been planning this since that night.  If he had just kept his damned mouth shut, none of this would have happened.  This is why he should have left long before.  Whether by its own hand or indirectly, a vampire only caused a mortal death.

When I snapped at you that day, I had just come back from getting the recipe for this potion.  And that was why I said what I did.  I was so angry because I was trying to help, and you were yelling at me just like everyone else has always done when I try to do something right.  I know that you had no clue what I was doing, so I couldn't blame you, but I did anyways.

You will never understand how sorry I am.  Never.  Out of all the people I know, you have the most right to tell me when I'm being stupid, or to chastise me.  I should of just taken it like I was an adult, instead I lashed out like the child I am, saying the first words I knew would hurt you.  If I could go back in time, I never would have said anything.  But I did, and I am eternally sorry for that.

You were truly my best friend, my closest friend.  Whatever your ulterior motive, I thank you.  You were always there for me to talk to, whether I wanted to or not.  All I can do is thank you, and say that I am sorry.  Words are not enough, so I hope this will do.

            He absently wiped tears from his face, even as more red streaks quickly replaced the ones that had been brushed away.  If he had done things differently, made her feel more wanted or something, none of this would have happened.

Okay, I'll get to the point.  What you can and can't do.  You can go out in the sun again, although I'd suggest only for short periods of time at first, or else you'll get a wicked bad sunburn.  Running water is all cool again - you can go swimming in rivers and shit again, and it won't do whatever and you won't sink.  No more Black Thumb, so you don't have to wear those ridiculous white gloves anymore - assuming, of course, that's why you wear them.  I'm not sure about holy shit - you'll have to check that out yourself.  Holy water, though, is normal water again. Basically, everything bad about being a vampire is taken away and everything good remains.  You're some kind of superman now.  How cool is that?

Now, I suppose you're wondering about blood.  To that, I have good news and bad news.  The good news first, of course.  You cane at mortal foods, drink mortal drink, and it will be assimilated into your system the same way blood is.  And they won't taste like shit the way I'm assuming they do now.  However, you can't just survive on that, you still have to drink blood.  And now, you can't starve yourself the way you do.  If you continue your habit of not feeding until you're half-dead, your body will start rejecting mortal good until it gets the sustenance it needs.  So it's good and bad.

Well, it was a fun trip.  Thanks for everything.  If you ever die, you can bet your ass that I'm going to be fighting my way up from the Ninth Level of Hell to visit you in whatever level of Heaven you get sent to.  Drink the potion.

~Nire

            He groaned weakly, the papers fluttering to the floor from his numb hands.  He could only stare at the body on the bed.  Everything that she had one for him… Had this just been an ultimate attempt to escape him so that she wouldn't feel guilty?  He didn't think that he could bear to drink the vial, not knowing what it had cost.  He just couldn't.

            Raistlin could clearly see the thoughts running across the vampire's face.  His mind had already wrapped itself around the thought that Nire might die, enough to at least think past it, and was now concentrating on what he could have done to make her live.  The child wasn't going to die without a fight, not if he could help it.  But still, he used the words that he knew would galvanize the vampire into action.

            "Don't you dare," he hissed in unfeigned anger.  "Don't you dare even consider not drinking that.  If you don't drink what she made for you, then you have made her death worth nothing.  Do you understand me?  She laid her life at your feet for inspection, and if you decide that she isn't good enough, if she gave up her life for you to waste it, then you will have to answer to me and all of her friends."

            Jander didn't bother to argue that he would be doing so because of different reasons.  What Raistlin said made sense, though, and had the desired effect.  Although his entire body felt frozen, and it was obvious in his walk, he went to the small, corked vial.  Before he even picked it up, he glanced at Raistlin and at Nire, his face streaked with red tears.  Raistlin's golden eyes, now dry, glared at him angrily.  Jander could feel the blame flowing from him.  He stared miserably at the small vial and the clear liquid within.

            He picked it up ad uncorked it, swirling the liquid.  It looked like water, smelled like water… His heart felt as though it were slowly being crushed in his chest.  He'd rather have her here, alive and well, and him still a cursed vampire than have her dead and him mortal.  Hadn't he done enough to show her that?  Hadn't he shown her how much he treasured his company?  As of late, he hadn't.  Not really.  Instead, he had been avoiding her.  And for that, he was eternally sorry.  Perhaps if he had not been feeling so damned sorry for himself, he would have seen this coming.

            Forcing back his tears of grief, swallowing the screams of torment that threatened to burst forth, he pondered the vial.  Expecting a bitter flavor, the way it slid coolly down his throat was a welcome surprise.  It tasted similar to his memories of elverquisst, liquid silver going down his throat.  He swallowed, the coolness settling in his stomach.  The sensation spread through his body, to the lower extremities of his limbs and up into his head.  It was gone as quickly as it had spread, and he felt no different.  Nire had given up her life for naught.

            "Happy?" he asked bitterly, speaking to Raistlin but his brooding silver eyes focused on Nire.

            Raistlin sighed disgustedly.  It finally clicked in his head that he truly had nothing to fear from this vampire.  "You are truly pathetic.  Get a grip on yourself.  She's not dead yet.  I assume she taught you some general healing magic.  You better start using it on her."

            Numbly, Jander walked to the cot and began doing just that.

*  *  *  *  *

            A week later, there was no change.  Jander had yet to leave Nire's bedside, even Raistlin didn't really want to leave her room, in case she suddenly woke up.  Or in case she suddenly died.  He understood that the vampire's torment was as great as his own, perhaps more so.  Because of this shared suffering, he tried to be nice to Jander, tried to be friendly.  He began to see that this was not some monster, just an elf with a horrible curse.  If Nire lived, he wouldn't worry about her anymore, not if Jander stuck around.  The level of devotion he displayed to the child was astounding.  Of course, most of it could be chalked up to grief, but still, it was astonishing.

            "Perhaps you should see if the potion worked," he suggested quietly one day.

            Jander shook his head dejectedly.  "I… I just can't," he said and left it at that.

            Raistlin put a friendly hand on Jander's shoulder, surprised when the vampire flinched away.  "She's going to be okay.  You know Nire, she's a fighter.  And what seems good at one moment won't seem as good at the next.  Just give her time to make up her mind."  It was utter balderdash, but it seemed to comfort Jander, who smiled weakly.

*  *  *  *  *

            Two weeks.  It had been two weeks.  Raistlin let Jander stay in Nire's room and the elf never left her bedside.  Sometimes he talked to her, apologized, begged her to come back.  Raistlin had never seen anyone so attached to, so filled with guilt over one person.  Together, they healed Nire's body back to what it was before by the third day.  Her mind just wasn't there.

            Raistlin was beginning to lose hope.  Pretty soon, they would just have to let her body die.  A body can't survive without a mind.  At times, grief almost overwhelmed him.  His hands would start to shake and he would have to stop whatever he was doing.  But then he would get a hold of himself and sublimate everything.  Even with all of her faults, Nire was the most loyal, the closest of all who had ever said they were his friend.  He would certainly miss her greatly.

            Jander looked absolutely awful.  He hadn't eaten anything, nor left the room for two weeks.  His face was a sickly bronze and his hair was getting dry, like straw.  The mix of his emotional turmoil and the fact that he was starving himself made the physical manifestations appear quicker.

            "Please," he whispered, holing her hand.  "Please, little one.  Please wake up, I'm begging you.  You're too young to die like this, much less so soon."

            You don't know what you have until it's gone.  Over and over, running through his mind, was how much of a fool he was.  Why couldn't he have appreciated what he had?  A best friend, a daughter, a sister, a confidante.  But he had to be a stubborn ass, always assuming the worst about her.  She was there because she pitied him; she looked down on him like all the rest; she was there just because he was an interesting diversion.  He had let all of his insecurities creep up and overwhelm him.

            No one - no one - could understand why this child was so important to him.  She was the first and the only person ever since he had been curse with this evil, to look at him and not see evil.  Even in the very beginning, even when she had no idea of who he was, even then, she was defending him.  Even when he wouldn't stand up for himself, even when he backed down and ran, she would stay and fight for him.  Whether it was to her friends or to total strangers.  Sure, she lashed out at him when she was mad, but they were empty phrases that held no meaning, not when they were coming from her mouth.

            Of course, he had been too thickheaded to see that until now.  Now that it might be too late to apologize for being so stupid.  Hindsight was always perfect vision.  What a stupid fool he had been!

            He was drawn out of his self-destructive thoughts by an increase in Nire's heartbeat, which he was finely attuned to by now.  Her eyes were flickering, which was more than they had ever done during this death-like coma.  Perhaps she was waking up!

*  *  *  *  *

            Tight knots tying in his stomach, clenching tighter and tighter, kept Azrael awake at night.  He had been abandoned once more.  Jander had abruptly disappeared, leaving him all alone.  Admittedly, all of the vampire's belongings were still in the room, but he had been gone for two weeks.  Azrael held onto a little bit of hope for a while that he was coming back.  Now, though, he was resigned to the fact that he was alone again.

            It was to be expected.  That was the way things were.  He could take care of himself, he was able to survive on his own.  But after having a tiny taste of what it might be like to have people who cared for him, the teenager didn't want to live on his own again.  He missed Jander and Nire deeply.  Why had they both abandoned him?  He hadn't done anything; what made him unwanted by everyone?  Oh, of course, he was the vampire-boy.  Someone who not even a vampire wanted around.

            It was time to leave, take some of the money from Jander's things and leave.  But… he would wait another couple days.  Just in case.

~~End Chapter Twenty-Three~~