Author: The Wanlorn
Title: For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky 26/?
Summary: I bite at summaries, so you're not getting one.
Rating: PG13 for language and stuff.
Spoilers: None that I know of.
Pairing: Eventually will touch upon all pairings I like.
Distribution: Ask and ye shall receive.
Disclaimer: Jander, Raistlin, they all belong to WotC. Nire and Azrael are mine. No money is being made, this is purely for my amusement.
Thank Yous: Thanks to my beta, Kitrine. And thanks to love_of_my_life, who has been hired to be my official soundingboard, whether she likes it or not. Chapters can be churned out faster now that I have someone to bounce ideas off of, as opposed to talking to myself. …not that I talk to myself, you understand. I'm not crazy like that, I swear. I don't go walking down the street, arguing with myself, never, really!
Author's Note: Just to let you all know, and all of you be grateful, I nearly killed myself trying to get this chapter all written and typed out before I left for vacation. Sunday morning and Thursday morning I'll be driving to and from the Poconos with my friend, at least a five hour trip each way. Ten whole hours to write…
Story Notes: This is the sweetest end to a chapter I think I have ever written. I just can't stop grinning at the picture in my head. I really have to try and get this made into a movie, know what I mean? I'll hire all of you people who review to be in it. :-D A couple of my friends are good with special effects, and everything. If you're all willing to work for free, or maybe for donuts…
Italics denote emphasis or thoughts. I trust you to be smart enough to figure out which ones. Or book names and the like.
Italics denote telepathic speech.
Chapter Twenty-Six
When Jander finally woke up again, he could sense that it was night once more. He had slept through the rest of the previous night and the day. That was highly unusual and made him slightly uneasy. Sitting up, he saw Azrael slumped against the wall. Of course the teen would not want to share a bed with a vampire. Nire was the only one foolish enough to d that. And he had almost lost her.
Getting out of the bed silently, he quickly changed his clothes and ran a brush through his hair, tying it back with a strip of leather. For a moment, he considered leaving Azrael to sleep and going back to Nire. However, he knew that, not only would the girl tear his ass to shreds if he did that, but it would also needlessly upset Azrael.
Kneeling down beside the boy, he shook his shoulder gently. "Wake up, Az. I'm leaving soon."
His pale eyes began to flutter open slowly, then snapped open and blinked a couple times. "What?"
"I'm going back to check on Nire. You said you wanted to come, so go get cleaned up."
The teenager scampered, there was no other way to describe it, out of the room. Within minutes, he was back, not looking as though he had slept on the floor any longer. He followed Jander through the gate, keeping close. Just in case. True to form, Nire was arguing with Raistlin.
"I'm fine! I'm all better. So let me up, I want to do something. Anything. I want to move."
"No." Raistlin's voice held the tone of a long argument. Jander smiled, hearing the weariness in the mage's voice. Uncomfortable in this unfamiliar place, Azrael was torn between hanging back or sticking close to Jander.
"God damn it, man! My muscles are atrophying!"
"Fine," Raistlin snapped. "Go ahead and try. You deal with her, Jander." He stalked out of the room angrily, not noticing Azrael.
"Didn't mean to piss him off that badly," Nire mused as she forced her sore body to obey her demands. Raistlin was probably right and this was stupid, but she had to try. "Hey Az, whassup?"
"Nothing much." He understood now why Jander hadn't given any thought to him before. Nire looked bad, sickly to the utmost. Her skin was pasty pale and there were dark circles under her eyes.
Ignoring the adamant protests of her body, Nire forced herself up off the cot, literally pushing herself to her feet. For a moment, she teetered there, balanced precariously on the small area afforded to her by the soles of her feet. This was certainly a stupid idea, and just as she decided a good idea would be to sit back down, she felt her knees begin to buckle. Jander leapt forward just in time to catch her and ease her back down onto the cot, his hands lingering a little longer than necessary.
"Thank you my friend. I s'pose Raist was right… oh well." She grinned, lying down again and lounging amongst the sheets. "Note to self: no more life-draining spells unless I'm sure they're going to work all the way."
"What did you do?" Azrael asked bluntly. As corny as it sounded, Nire was the little sister he never had.
"Tried to kill myself," she told him matter-of-factly as the two dragged chairs over to her bedside. "Obviously, it didn't work. Oh well. There's always tomorrow."
He didn't understand how she could smile brightly when she was saying that. It disturbed him to realize that one day, she would be no more if she continued trying this. A slight, worried frown appeared on his face whilst he contemplated the fact.
"Nire…" Jander said pleadingly.
"Don't worry," she said in a cavalier voice, smiling reassuringly. "I'll wait until both you and Az are sick of me before trying again. Moving right along… Hey, I hope that after you took that stuff, you had a nice long sleep. It's supposed to make you really drowsy, know what I mean? Not forever, just for, like, the first couple days."
Azrael was confused as to what she was speaking of, but a light came into Jander's eyes. That would certainly explain why he had slept so much last night. Or, yesterday.
"Thanks for telling me that now, little one," he said, semi-sarcastically.
"You're welcome." She grinned. "At least I remembered, eventually. So, who knows a story they can tell to entertain me?"
* * * * *
One full tenday later, she was ready to go home. Physically, that is. Physically, she was truly all better. No one would be able to tell that she had almost died.
In all other respects, however, she was never less ready to return to her house on Earth, to return to her biological family. After an entire week of not seeing or hearing any of them; after an entire week of being around Jander and Raistlin almost 24/7, she honestly wasn't sure if she could handle returning to that place full of fighting where she was perpetually ignored until the most inopportune moments.
But she had to. Neither of them would let her stay with them for an indefinite amount of time, she knew that without asking. If she absolutely had to go back, which she knew she did before she wore out her welcome and lost their precious friendships, then she couldn't go back after being missing for four weeks. It was time to figure out if she could travel through time using the gate spell she made.
Not today, though. After tomorrow evening, after Jander stopped by with Azrael. Then she would go back. She would go back and actually begin to think about what she was going to do about this new development in her life.
* * * * *
Jander sent Azrael into Nire's room alone ahead of him, promising to be in there in a moment. Glancing back once, he went in. For the past week, he had clung to the vampire, not in a physical way, but certainly never letting him from his sight. Jander was glad that he had let go of enough of his paranoia to go visit Nire alone. Needing to speak to Raistlin without Nire hearing, Jander drew the mage off down the hall.
"She's doing it again," he immediately said.
"Pulling away?" Raistlin asked, running a hand through his white hair. "Aye, she is. But not in the same way as before."
"True." Jander had to agree with that.
"She's smiling more, her eyes are sparkling, for once she seems genuinely happy. But… it seems as though she is once more walling herself off." This was what was worrying Raistlin just as badly as it was Jander. Before, she had been withdrawing and sullen. Now, she was withdrawing but happy.
"Exactly." Nodding, Jander agreed. "And… I think I know why. Why she's so happy, that is, not whys he's building up her walls once more."
"Well?" Raistlin prompted after a moment. "Why?"
"She hasn't been home, of course. No parents, no siblings… Just us." He paused, trying to decide if he wanted to say the next part out loud. "I think… mean, well, wouldn't it make sense if… Shouldn't one of us-"
"Offer her a place to permanently stay," Raistlin finished for him. "Get her away from those people for good." Pausing, her added sadly, "But I know she would never want to stay here, not with me." Never with me, he thought. Not Raistlin, not someone with my reputation. There were times when being a semi-evil mage really had a downside.
Jander could certainly commiserate with that. He was a vampire on the move constantly. There was no way she would even consider living with him. The bitterness was apparent in his voice as he said, "Nor would she agree to stay with me."
"We're both in the same boat, aren't we? The question is, though, do we even want to offer, just in case?"
"And put her in the position of having to figure out how to turn us down, yet still keep us around?" Jander mused. "I suppose not."
Make in an agreeable snort, Raistlin said, "No, I agree. Well, let's go to her room. She's planning on going home today."
Snorting angrily at the thought of his little girl returning to that house, he walked back with Raistlin. In her room, Nire was slouched across the back of her chair and Azrael was sprawled across the bed. She was telling a story, which she immediately stopped telling when the adults came in the door.
Instead, she bounce out of the chair and said, "I'll finish it later, Az. Hey guys, whassup? Have a fun little secret conversation? Me 'n' Az did."
A very short visit ensued before Nire decided it was time to go home.
"Raist, this is another one of those times when I can't thank you enough," she said. "Thanks for letting me stay and all that. I know that I'm a big problem, but what can I say? That's just me. Thanks."
She turned to Jander next. "Jander, man, sorry for doing that to ya. One day soon, we'll go test it out, 'kay? Or you better do it and assure me of the results. So I'll know if I'm any good at what I do. So I'm done impinging on your lives.
"For now, at least," she added cockily. "I'm going to go home now."
Raistlin nodded. He had been glad to have her stay with him, but he wasn't a fool. She would never want to stay for good. Instead, he nodded, smiling slightly. "You're always welcome here, lass, you know that. If you would like to stay for another couple days…" He drifted off, leaving the offer open.
Yes. She did want to stay for longer. In fact, she wanted to stay forever. She never wanted to go home again, to go back to that place. But, she knew.
She knew that they would eventually get sick of her, that she would eventually wear out her welcome. So she said, "It's time for me to go. I'd love to stay longer, but I have to go home. You want to come with me, Jander? Just in case?" She wasn't quite sure what the 'just in case' meant.
Jander, of course, pounced on the opportunity to spend more time with her, even though he had spent almost every waking minute with her for the past three tendays. "Of course I do. I'll be back to the room in a little bit, okay, Az?"
The boy looked up at the vampire from his prone position on the bed. He wanted to say that it wasn't okay, wanted to say that he wanted to come too. He wanted to say that he still didn't trust Jander, didn't believe that he wouldn't just disappear again, leave off into the sunset. He wanted to say all that. He wanted to stay close to the adult-figure that had apparently adopted him. But, like many things that would best be said out loud, none of that came out. Instead, he nodded, stood up, said goodbye to Nire, said goodbye to the two adults, and left.
He went back through the gate to his room in the inn, to his bed, and sat there, nervously awaiting Jander's return.
Ever so quickly, Nire hugged Raistlin and, true to form, she backed away. Turning to Raistlin, she said, "Let's go. Time's a-waistin'."
Chuckling a little, Jander followed her through the gate that she made, ever so independent, and to her room. Nire purposely made the gate, enforcing the time in the same way she did the place in which it appeared. She made sure the time, if it worked, would be a couple hours after she had left her room the last time.
This was a test to see if it actually worked, to see if she could truly travel back in time like this. So she glanced at Jander as they appeared in her room.
"Look, stay here, I'm gonna go check out what day it is."
"What do you mean?" he asked quizzically, looking down at his friend in confusion.
"Well, yeah, I tried to see if I could go back in time to just after I left the last time so no one would notice my absence. Not that they would anyways," she muttered after that.
"They might not notice your absence, little one." Jander was tired of arguing this point with her because he was beginning to think that she might be right. Maybe they didn't really notice when she was gone. After all, he hadn't heard anything more about her mother regarding them. What sort of parent would so such a thing as allowing their young daughter to go off with complete strangers? "They might not notice when you're gone, but we, Raistlin, Azrael, and I, the rest of your friends… We certainly would."
She smiled weakly. Of course, she didn't believe it and knew it wasn't true. But she had to smile to keep Jander fooled so he could keep himself fooled. So she smiled weakly and left the room.
Jander looked around the room at the mess on everything, waiting for her to come back. Within moments, she had returned, closing the door behind her, a smug smile on her face. He took that to mean that she had been successful, that she had been able to form a gate that brought her back in time. This was certainly a new revelation. This meant that he could travel through time… and perhaps change things…
"It worked," she said, sprawling across her bed now. Despite the enforced inactivity of the last week, she still did not want to move. Were she with her friends, on Faerûn, or perhaps on Krynn, it would have been different. But here, she did not want to move at all. She wanted to lie down and die.
"Yes… It did work," Jander mused, absently moving a pile of junk off of one of her chairs and sitting down. "Yes, it did…"
"Don't go getting any ideas," Nire said quickly. "Seriously, man. I mean… I know your life sucked, I know being a vampire sucks, I know that if you could go back in time and change things, you would. I am here-" she paused and realized that she was actually going to do this, actually admit a weakness aloud. "I am here," she continued, "begging you. Please don't go back and try to change anything. Seriously, please don't. You're the best friend that I have here, that I have I this life, and it's because of what you went through, what you are, who you knew and what happened to them. That all makes up who you are today. And I'm afraid that-" she paused again, not sure she wanted to continue. Open and all feelings-oriented… She didn't like this, but she did continue. "And I'm afraid that if you go back and change things, and it works the way that you think it will, you're not going to be the same person. Do you know what I mean?" She said the last sentence quickly, so that it sounded like a single word.
Upon hearing that, the true feeling in her voice, upon seeing her lower her guards and the wall she had been building again for just that one instant needed to tell this, he knew that he could wait. He could wait until after she was… gone. He could wait before he went back and changed everything. He could wait.
"Don't worry, little one," he said. "I won't. Pinky swear."
She grinned and reached out with her pinky, hooking it around his again and shaking it. Embarrassed by this vulnerability she had just shown, she brusquely told him that she was tired. Taking the hint, for once understanding why she was doing what she was, he left.
He went back to the inn and poked his head in Azrael's door to show the young lads that he was still there, that he had actually come back. Then he went to his room to stare at the wall miserable and wish things were different, wish that he could take his little one, take Nire and move her away from that place where she was so obviously miserable.
He could see her attitude changing when she said she had to go home, could see it changing more, when she got to that room. He could see what being on the world where she was born, what being there did to her. But there was nothing he could do. He wanted to save her and he couldn't.
Because he was a vampire.
* * * * *
It was a beautiful day, as far as all the optimists were concerned. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. That was on Faerûn, at least, in the area around Jander. On Earth, the weather was Nire's version of the perfect day. Thunder, lightning, angry clouds, and no sun.
Very abruptly, Jander was awake. As he lay in bed and listened intently, he came to the conclusion that it must be sunny outside, since he couldn't hear rain on the roof. Getting up, he dressed slowly and made himself presentable. Today, if it truly was sunny out, he would see if Nire's potion worked. And he might as well do it now, as soon as he could.
Nire, of course, deserved to be there when he did. Oh, who the hell was he kidding? He wanted her to be next to him, he needed her to be next to him. So he gently touched her mind to make sure she was awake before speaking to her.
Are you awake, little one?
That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard you ask, she returned quickly. I felt you checking to make sure I was. So, what's up?
Do you want to come here for a while?
No, Jander, I don't. In fact, I never want to see you again. I hate you.
It took him a moment of heart-stopping pain to realize she was kidding. Very funny, little one, he said dryly. Are you coming?
Why, yes, I believe I will. It beats staying in my room, contemplating the fact that I'm a month older, but they're all not. "So is there any special reason hwy you want me here so badly?" She switched from mental to vocal smoothly, suggesting much practice. Or perhaps just much skill.
"It's daylight," he said vaguely, looking at her but not seeing her. Perhaps this was a dumb idea., Sure, he had faith in Nire's skill, but what if it didn't work? Could he handle the anticipation and then the fall? Probably not.
"Aye, it is," Nire agreed softly, immediately understanding what he meant. She could see the indecision written on his face, the inner turmoil. Even though she hated anyone touched her, she still anted to hold him and make him smile again. The damned potion was supposed to make him happier, not more fucked up and depressed.
"Nire… what if…" He was scared, he could admit it. If this didn't work, then he would be beyond devastated.
After a few long moments of silence, Nire stepped up to a spot right in front of him, almost touching him, looking up into his face worriedly. "What? What's wrong?"
"What if I said that I didn't want to do this?" he asked in a rush.
Shrugging, her eyes turned confused. He never realized how much her eyes spoke of what she was feeling until she was this close. "Yeah, what of it?"
He took a step back from her, about to ask the thing that had been bothering him for weeks on end. "What I mean is, did you do this for me because you don't wish to be around a vampire? That it would be so much easier to be in my presence if I at least seemed mortal?"
"Jesus Christ, Jander!" He flinched when she spoke, assuming what her answer would be. Nire was always straight with him; he could never sense her to be lying, so he assumed she didn't. That meant she would tell the truth, now.
She took in the hurt and pain in her eyes and the way he was standing, as if expecting a blow of some kind. And there came that urge to hold him and comfort him again. "You always manage to turn something good into some nefarious scheme of some sort, or put some kind of bad twist to it. You want the truth? The whole truth?"
Nire waited until he nodded before continuing. "Fine. The truth. The truth is, I didn't want to do this in the first place. The little voice in my head kept telling me that giving you as much mortality as I could was the stupidest idea in the world. As soon as you drank the drink, you would be gone. The only reason why you put up with me is because I'm safe. I know you're secret, so I'm safe. But once I have you the ability to live like a mortal, you would be off and away, leaving me at the side of the road like everyone else does.
"And I figure that, once you can go out in the sun during the day and not fry, you'll become a day creature. And that sucks for me because I hate the fucking sun. If I could sleep all day and be awake all night, I would. And when that happens, what would happen to Az? Would you leave him behind because he has to travel at night?
"But, ya know what? I did it anyways. Why? Because last time you had to run from somewhere, all I wanted to do was go and kill those fucking bastards for doing that to you. And you sounded like that was what you wanted so badly. I'm sick of wandering around with you and seeing you afraid to talk to people because something might slip.
"I would do anything I could to make you stop hiding from people. Anything to wipe the sadness from your face, from everything you do. And that was the best I could do.
"There. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God. Happy?" Her stomach hurt again, the tight, crushing knot of fear. Fear of his reaction. His long silence wasn't helping any.
Jander, for his part, was shocked to silence. All he could do was stare at her wordlessly. A crushing wave of renewed guilt hit him. Once again, it was his fault that one of his friends had almost died. Logically, he understood that if he hadn't provided her with this opportunity to end her life, she would have tried in some other, more effective way. Logic didn't direct his emotions, as much as he sometimes wished it did.
There was more, though. She obviously actually believed that if he could truly go out into the world of mortals that he would drop her. How could she believe that? Obviously, there was something he hadn't (or had) done to make it so she had that little trust in him. Or maybe it was just because she knew that vampires couldn't be trusted. How could she possibly know that she was everything to him? That he would be more willing to cut off both off his legs than be without her? Especially if he would admit neither thing to himself.
As it was, rising above the guilt and sadness, was a feeling of elation. It was the first time in a very long while that he had felt the bubbles of happiness her speech had caused. He knew Nire well - at least, he thought he did. And the Nire he knew looked out for Number One first and foremost. If something went against her desires, or would eventually cause something she didn't want, she wouldn't do it. The fact that she did this for him, something which she had just told him was the very opposite of what she wanted, said a lot about how she viewed him, about how much she cared for him.
The tight feeling in the pit of her stomach was only getting worse as Jander stared. She never should have opened her mouth. It was a fight to not wince or massage her stomach. This was why she never opened herself up to anyone, why she wasn't a touchy-feely person.
Finally, she couldn't take the silence any longer. "Well? Are you just going to stare at me? Either you can say, 'Let's go see if this works', or 'Never mind, some other day perhaps', or 'Forget it, Nire, I decided I like being a vampire'. All I did was give you a chance to choose. The chance you never got."
He could hear the hidden fear in her voice, much buried. Wonderful, another thing he had screwed up. Thinking fast, he said, "Well, this situation calls for a hug; I was trying to decide if you would kill me or not."
Nire smiled in relief and relaxed. "You and Raist are probably the only two I wouldn't," she admitted.
With the sweet smile that so rarely appeared spreading across his face, Jander wrapped his arms around Nire. She hugged him back tightly for a moment. Soon enough, though, she backed away. That was enough feelings for today.
"It's daylight," he said, smiling at her.
She smiled back. "Yeah, it is."
~~End Chapter Twenty-Six~~
