Author: The Wanlorn
Title: For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky 27/?
Summary: I bite at summaries, so you're not getting one.
Rating: PG13 for language and stuff.
Spoilers: None that I know of.
Pairing: Eventually will touch upon all pairings I like.
Distribution: Ask and ye shall receive.
Disclaimer: Jander, Raistlin, they all belong to WotC. Nire and Azrael are mine. No money is being made, this is purely for my amusement.
Thank Yous: Thanks to my beta, Kitrine. Thanks to all the people who talked me out of leaving home. Without them you guys wouldn't be getting this chapter and I would be somewhere in Maine by now. While I can't say I'm grateful that I didn't just pick up and leave then, you guys should be.
Author's Note: Vacation sucked, just to let you all know. My life sucks, just to let you all know.
Story Notes: ::sigh:: Why is it that I absolutely love a chapter when I'm writing it, but hate it when I'm typing it? I'm really unsure about this one… tell me what you think.
Italics denote emphasis or thoughts. I trust you to be smart enough to figure out which ones. Or book names and the like.
Italics denote telepathic speech.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Nire allowed Jander to lead her out of the room. She happily followed him down the hall. Earlier, he had found an empty room with a window. After deciding that was the room he would use, he had pulled down the shade. That was the room to which he led his closest friend now. A small sliver of light escaped from between the shade and the window frame. Each step forward echoed hollowly in his head. I felt like a death march; the only thing preventing him from running was the child at his side.
The light fell into a thin strip across the floor. Jander went to stand tot eh side of it, to the long side, Nire next to him. There was a tight feeling in his chest, a hand squeezing his dead heart. It was a mixture of excitement and fear. A similar feeling had sunk into the pit of Nire's stomach, a mix of excitement and trepidation. If this didn't work…
Jander stood silently for a while. Nire was the most powerful mage he had ever met. He believed that she had the ability to perform a spell as powerful as the reek of that potion. But… that didn't mean it would actually work. If it didn't, he was in for a badly burned hand. And a badly wounded spirit. Nire said this wasn't because she couldn't stand to be around a vampire, but she might not be truly serious. It was possible that she had convinced herself of a lie. If this didn't work, would she give up on him altogether? Would she try again?
That one thought almost made him leave. It was enough that she had risked her life once for him. That made him angry enough with himself. The thought that she might view herself as forced to do it again was beyond comprehension. If he never tried anything, they would never know.
"Hey Jander?" Nire spoke up quietly. "Not that I want to interrupt this clearly indecisive moment, but I have to ask. Isn't this an awful painful way of finding out if this works or not? If it doesn't work, I mean. Why not try solid food?"
"I prefer a burned hand to a sore gut from regurgitating food," he said, just as quietly. This moment demanded the vocal respect of a graveyard.
She made a sound that suggested that she agreed. For another long moment, they stood in the silent shadows. After another moment, Jander tentatively brushed the back of his hand against the back of Nire's. When she didn't jerk away, or object in the slightest way, he slipped his hand into hers. Her fingers, the skin silky and soft, curled around his, squeezing gently. Gratified by the welcome, he squeezed back and held on, soaking up the comfort she gladly provided.
As he was holding onto her hand like a frightened child, his other hand was slowly creeping upwards. Unconscious of what he was doing, Jander leaned towards Nire slightly, so their arms were touching from the top of her shoulder to the tips of their intertwined fingers. Nire didn't object, though, gladly providing the tactile comfort he needed. Deep, deep down inside, she longed to be this close to people, to be touched and held and comforted. But, alas, physical contact too often allowed people under her armor. But Jander… She was beginning to think that perhaps he was different. So she allowed this.
Ever so slowly, creepingly slowly, painfully slowly, Jander's fingers moved towards the sunlight. They moved millimeter by millimeter, inching closer. His entire body was tight, strained taughtly. Nire could feel how scared he was through the tightness of his body. His hand gripped hers almost painfully. If she didn't think that it would cause him to lose his nerve, she would have reminded him that she was only mortal. Of course, that wasn't strictly true now, was it?
They both saw the instant that the very tips of his fingers crossed into the small sunbeam. Out of habit, Jander quickly, violently, jerked his fingers back, curling them into his hand. It took him a moment to realize, for it to sink into his head that it hadn't hurt. There had not been a single iota of pain. He brought his fingertips to his face and examined them closely. Not a mark. They weren't even red.
Nire squeezed his hand reassuringly as he looked down at her. Cautiously, he slowly put his hand, his whole hand, into the tiny shaft of light. A smile spread across his face as he marveled and turned his hand over. He never realized just how pale his skin was until it was exposed in the light of the sun. Over and over again, he flipped-flopped his hand in the light. Nire, too, was smiling, albeit her smile was tinged with sadness.
Jander stepped into the miniscule shaft of light, pulling Nire by the hand to join him. He reached out to snap up the shade. Luckily for him, Nire's reflexes were quicker than his thoughts. As soon as she saw his chest muscles twitch, her free hand shot up to cover his silver eyes, while she drew up their clasped hands to cover her own.
"That was pretty damned stupid," she told him, wincing at the bright glare that managed to eek its way around the hands in front of her face. "Allow me to explain something to you, chico. I have the great misfortune of having to actually be awake during the daylight hours, and I have to occasionally be outside under the evil glare of the sun. Sometimes, I will end up having to go right from the lank light of here, to outside. Do you have any idea how fucking bright that is to me? Can you even begin to imagine how much that would hurt your eyes?"
As she was talking, she was slowly raising her hands away from their eyes. He was ever so grateful that at least one of the two of them had a brain. "In conclusion, never. Ever. Do that without warning me first."
He squinted in the bright, bright lights as Nire dropped her hands. Absently, he drew her to his side, facing the window, slinging an arm around her wait and hugging her to him. The world looked so different, even from the few times he had gone out at dusk. Soft edges, so often blurred in the darkness, now were highly defined. Colors were vibrant and dancing, almost leaping off the objects, as opposed to muted and quiet. He would guess that he could see twice as well, twice as far, than he could at night.
Nire, too, was squinting, just not as badly as Jander. She wasn't lying when she said that she hated the sun. Already, there was that urge to either pull down the shade or retreat from the room. But, her loyalty to her friend, and the fact that it felt strangely right to be in his arms like that, kept her in front of the window.
Elated, Jander finally turned to Nire. He grabbed her up in a huge hug, swinging her around in a circle. "It really does work, little one! It really does!" He set her back on her feet, tucked against his side like she was before, and returned to staring out the window.
Nire could only grin at his exuberance. Inside, she was jealous. She wasn't quite sure why she felt this emotion and it pissed her off. Perhaps it was because he was so happy when before, he had always been as down as she. Now he had discovered that elusive happiness she had never been able to find. And he had found it with her help, no less.
As he stared out the window, Jander's eyes were tearing from the brilliance. Ever few seconds, he had to blink, his squinted vision blurring red. Inside, there was a growing unease. This… felt wrong. It just didn't feel… right. His instincts screamed that this was somehow bad. While he assumed that it was just because he was so used to the sun being an agent of death… Or maybe not. Perhaps, after all of these many centuries, he was truly a creature of the night. It was all so glorious outside, a shiny new gold piece, but it was almost too bright.
It was too bright. Bright and glaring and still painful, just in a different way. It threatened to strip away everything he was, to change him. It was going to remake him, transform who he was, create someone new. Someone new with remnants of the old him. The light was going to rip him apart and sew him back together.
Or maybe he was just being paranoid. Maybe he was so damned used to being a vampire that it would take a while to get used to being semi-mortal. Small steps. Perhaps small steps, he had to slowly get used to being able go out in the noonday sun. Tiny little baby steps.
As it was, he couldn't take it anymore. The feeling of unease was growing to a point where it was squeezing his gut. He reached out and pulled the shade back down, blocking the harsh light once more. The relief he immediately felt was replaced by panic. He couldn't see.
"Take a breath, Jander." Nire immediately felt what he was feeling. She was well attuned to his strong emotions by now. "It's like when you stare at a flame, then look away and a funky-colored version of the flame still dances in front of your eyes. It's the same concept. So give it a moment."
Her words calmed him. She must know what she was talking about and she had never lied to him before. He was merely overreacting. Once again, she was right. As the fluorescent picture of the window and scenery that had been burned in front of his eyes faded, he realized that he had his arm around Nire, and she wasn't protesting. She wasn't even stiff like she was trying to cringe from his touch without seeming to cringe. Quite the contrary, actually. She was relaxed and leaning into him slightly. It was amazing.
Amazing, and he was completely undeserving. He could not think of a single thing that he had done to earn the right to be one of the select few that she trusted so much. No matter what she did for him, not matter how much he changed, he would always be a grotesque creature of the night. Even if he became comfortably with walking in the sun, the simple face of the matter was that he was a vampire. He had to feed on blood to survive. Nire couldn't change that. In fact, just the opposite, now she was dropping by every night to make sure he fed on something. He didn't dare lie to her, either. If she found out, there would be hell to pay.
"Well?" Nire asked quietly, sensing something was wrong.
He hugged her again, holding on for longer than necessary once more. "Thank you, little one. That's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me."
"Do you still need moral support?" she asked as he let go of her. "Or are you done experimenting for the day?"
"I am, for today," he told her, laughing gently.
"Thank God," she exclaimed, moving two steps away from him.
Talk about a downer! His mood just plummeted to the pits. "Am- Am I really that distasteful to be near?" he asked quietly, almost forlornly.
Oh shit, she had done it again. Just more proof that all she did was hurt people. "Hell no!" she was quick to assure him. "What? You think I could have handled it that long without wigging out if it was anyone else? 'S not you, it's everyone else. You just have to pay for their crimes. Too often, the arms that do the hugging have a knife hidden in the sleeves."
He wasn't sure what to say to that, didn't even know if there was a way to respond. That was as close to an apology as Nire ever came. This was an apology for being herself, something that she would never do. While he couldn't be sure whether or not she was lying to him - after all, there was a first time for everything - he was certainly grateful that she fabricated and apology for something she swore she would never apologize for.
Jander's long silence was making Nire nervous. When someone hurt him, he always got this woeful look no his face. It barely changed from his normal look, but she could see it. It always made her want to gold him and cuddle him, basically make him feel better. That feeling was dangerous to her. Knowing all the shit that feeling this could get her into, knowing how hurt it could get her, didn't stop her from wanting to comfort him.
And that look was on his face right now.
And it was her God damned fault.
"Jesus, Jander, I'm sorry. And I'm trying. Really, I am." She stepped up to him, standing in front of him. Her hand hovered uncertainly by his cheek before gently touching, butterfly soft. "Just please don't look like that."
He smiled slightly, feeling so much better about himself, even though she backed away quickly. For her part, Nire was embarrassed as hell. She could not believe she had just done that. To preserve her sense of self, to keep her hidden fragility safe from braking, she drew back and withdrew her empathy to inside of herself.
Jander didn't mind as much this time. She had showed that one moment of tenderness. So she was capable of it, and maybe somed- He cut off whatever thoughts were following that. Evil, nasty thoughts, when they were coming from him.
"C'mon," Nire said, walking to the door., "If you're not going to try anything else, then let's go back to your room. 'Kay?"
He followed her out of the room, a slight, content smile on hid face. It might take a while, but he was going to make it seem natural again to be out in the sunlight. Then he would work on the rest of it.
* * * * *
"Nire," Jander whined. "Why isn't this working?"
"Are you whining?" she asked, choking down laughter as she pulled the shades down in her bedroom and ran a line of tape down the edges. He visibly relaxed when she did.
"Yes I am," he said petulantly.
"That's my job," she returned, giving up and laughing. After making sure that no sunlight was getting into her room, she shoved everything off of her bed and flopped back onto it. She tossed a pillow onto the other half of the bed as Jander lay down.
"Why can't I do it?" he whined again.
Sighing in mock exasperation, she attempted explaining it to him. "You can't erase centuries of self-preservation instincts in three days, chico. It's going to take a while, probably longer than my lifetime."
"I give up," he said darkly. "This isn't going to work. I'm hopeless. As much as I want to change, I can't." He threw his arm across his eyes in a melodramatic manner that she knew was in dead seriousness.
"Oh good God!" Nire exclaimed, rising to her knees and straddling his waist. With one hand, she grabbed his arm away from his eyes and pinned it by his side. "Knock it off, you big baby. Go ahead and give up if you want, but don't start bitching that you suck at life unless you stick it you for a while yet. Got it?"
That certainly cheered him up. "Yes ma'am," he answered cockily. "Are you going to get off of me now?"
She bounced experimentally, getting a grunt out of him. "Nope, I don't think so. You're pretty comfortable. Put up your knees so I can lean back."
Chuckling, he did as she asked. "Little one, how do you manage to survive with a personality that clashes with itself so much?"
"It doesn't," she said as she leaned back and laced her fingers behind her head. "Ah, very good."
"So… are you going to explain?" he finally asked, dying of curiosity.
"Dunno. 'Splain what?" She wiggled around a bit, settling herself more comfortably against his legs, clearly taking joy in the fact that she was sitting on top of him.
"How is it that your personality doesn't conflict with itself." Now he was beginning to wonder if he were pushing this too far. If she was this comfortable with physical contact right now, he didn't want to scare her off. Being around Nire was like loading straw onto the back of the camel. That one extra straw could cause her to shut down. It was the errant puff of air that made the house of cards fall.
"Oh." She pretended that she hadn't know that was what he was talking about, a slight grin on her face. "Well, you see. Y'all aren't allowed to touch me. But I can touch you, 'cause then it's under my control and when I choose. And people from here, well, they don't touch me and I don't touch them."
"Why the difference?" he asked, sensing he was treading on thin ice.
"Because there is." Her tone clearly said that was the end of the conversation in a way he had only thought mothers were capable of. "Anyway, what are we going to do once it's dark out?"
"Does it ever matter to me, little one?" He couldn't resist jibing her like that.
"It does sometimes, you dork." She grinned at him. "Fine then, I want to go shopping."
"Shopping where?" Shopping when Nire was involved meant shopping for weapons, music, or exploring little knickknack shops. All three were things he could handle doing with her for a long time. The other thing that made the request not unreasonable was that she didn't like to shop for long periods of time. An hour at the most, and she was done.
"The main streets of Waterdeep," was her immediate answer, daring him to deny her when she was in the position to bounce on his stomach.
"Little one…" he had to try, though. If there was any way to get out of it, he would. It wasn't his safety he was worried about if (when, a little voice whispered in his mind) people recognized him, but Nire's. People dealt swiftly and harshly with those who associated with vampires and knew their nature.
"Don't even try to work your way out of it again," she warned him.
"And what if someone recognizes me?" he asked quietly.
She waved her hand in the air, disregarding his concern as trivial, and yet, at the same time, not trivializing it. "Don't worry so much, chico. Bit city - I bet they run vampires out all the time. Or stake 'em," she added as an afterthought. "They won't remember you. And even if they did, the odds of them recognizing you are slim."
"What if we run into your friends?"
"Must we have this conversation every time I want to go to Waterdeep? What are the odds of running into them again? I'm not letting you talk me out of it this time. I am set on wandering around those streets tonight, with you along. Got it?"
"Yes, Nire,' he said meekly. Then he sat up and physically lifted her off of him. "Then let's go back to my room and see how much money Az has left me with."
"Oo." She couldn't resist mocking him. "Big manly elf removes puny human from body in impressive feat of strength!"
"That's an oxymoron, you know," he said absently as he formed a gate.
"What? The word puny used in relation to me?"
"No. Manly elf." She knew he wasn't listening to her anymore by the way he was distractedly speaking.
"Yeah yeah yeah, you take all the fun out of it,'" she joked. "Let's vamanos."
"Vamanos?" he queried, his mind snapping back to attention, hoping for a definition.
"Means let's go in Spanish."
"Let's let's go?"
"Yup. Shuddup. Let's go."
~~End Chapter Twenty-Seven~~
