Title: Clear

Chapter 14: Memories of Forever

Pairing: Harry/Draco

Rating: R for slash themes

**WARNING**: THIS STORY CONTAINS SLASH THEMES – WHICH MEANS HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN TWO MALE CHARACTERS. YOU ARE ADVISED TO LEAVE IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS.

Disclaimer: The characters portrayed in this story do not belong to me, but to the Harry Potter series by JK Rowling. This is all FICTION; none of it is true. No profit was made from this story. I bear no responsibility for anything you may claim from this story, you have been warned.

LAST WARNING. SLASH. HOMOSEXUALITY. LEAVE IF YOU DON'T LIKE.

Plagiarism is a crime. But I'm sure you know that already.

***

"I'm bored," Draco whined.

Crabbe grunted. Goyle didn't even reply.

"What shall we do now?" asked Draco, swinging a leg off the bench. He was lying back on it, lengthwise, arms crossed behind his head. The three of them were in one of the gardens on the Malfoy estate, trying to entertain themselves while their parents had a meeting with other parents about "important business".

"Dunno," Goyle muttered. It was a bit too hot under the afternoon sun to talk. Crabbe just grunted again.

"Let's go into Father's study. It'll be nice and cool, and there'll be lots of interesting things to look at."

"I dunno," said Goyle warily. "It's a bad thing when you go somewhere when they say people can't go in."

"Trespassing," Crabbe corrected.


"Whatever," said Goyle.

Draco glared. "Let's go."

Goyle sighed and stood up, brushing his trousers off. "Sure." Crabbe grunted, and started to get himself off the ground.

---

"Oh, wow," said Draco, taking a slim book out from the tall bookcase. "Look, a book on the different potions that can mute someone. Volume one," he read off the spine. "Temporary, but painful."

Crabbe took the book eagerly, seeing the lavish illustrations as Draco flipped through it quickly and tossed it down, and Goyle tried to peek over his enormous shoulder as Draco continued to rummage amongst the titles, perched on the rolling ladder that carried him around the room from ceiling to floor.

The three of them had been here all afternoon, and now the sun was setting outside, casting long, dark shadows into the room. "Draco, I'm lighting a lamp. Can't read the books – too dark."

"Whatever," came the reply.

Goyle shook his head and lit a lamp, setting it on the stand where he and Crabbe were standing around before lighting another one and passing it to Draco.

"Look, here's an encyclopaedia on hexes. How simply splendid." Draco practically squealed, and Goyle suspected he would have done so, were squealing not a forbidden act for Malfoys.

"Eh," said Goyle.

"Eh," said Crabbe.

"Hey, look, this one doesn't have a title."

"Lots of books ain't got none."

"Don't have one."

"Whatever."

"But Father always labels them anyway, so he can keep track of which ones are cursed and which ones say which and which ones burn your eyes out if you read it. He never has a book without a title or label." Draco climbed down from the ladder gingerly, steadying himself with one hand as his other arm clutched the thick, thick book to his chest. He dropped the book onto the reading stand, and it fell with a muffled 'thump', dust wafting from it and illuminated by their lamp.

The book itself was spectacularly covered, and its thick ebony wood cover had designs carved on so they protruded like molten piles of silver. They didn't know what the symbol on the front stood for – only that it looked – "Cool," said Crabbe, trailing fingers over the motif.

"Come on, let's see. I want to see," said Draco, pulling on Crabbe so that he now stood in the middle.

"Draco, do you think your father would mind if we looked at it? I mean – it doesn't have a label, you know. What if it's not…safe?" Goyle pulled at his sleeve worriedly.

"Father would not mind. The unsafe ones always have labels. And if anything happens to us, he'll fix it when he gets back," replied Draco, with the air of one that had complete confidence that Father would make everything right for Draco because he always did and always will.

"Alright then," Goyle said, but he was still unsure.

Crabbe was biting on his fingers. He had a bad feeling about this. One that he couldn't pinpoint, but he knew it wouldn't be a good idea if they read this particular book – even though it did have an awesome design on the front, and the 3D carving on it was SO AWESOME…but Draco wanted to see it and he didn't want to get hexed for being a coward.

The three of them held their breath as Draco opened the page.

They stood there, silent, as they drunk in the images off the page. They stood there, silent, as the image finished playing itself and Draco reached out with one pale, slim hand and turned the page. And they stood, silent, until the image finished and he turned the page again.

The horrors seemed to increase with each page, as did the volume and number of screams that accompanied it.

Upon the opening of the cover, Draco immediately knew what this book was. He didn't know if Crabbe and Goyle knew, but by the fifth page, it was obvious even to them. How could it be not? The sight of their parents there – father and mother in a pair, always father and mother together – working – WORKING – is this what they called working?

Crabbe felt his throat constricting, and the room suddenly felt too small. He was dizzy – but he wanted – no, he needed to keep on watching. Oh, but how his lungs hurt with each painful breath drawn. It hurt. It hurt so, so bad.

Goyle let out a small 'meep' as Draco turned the page and this time it was his parents – his parents only – and who was that figure? A Muggle girl, no older than they, stripped naked and chained to the dungeon walls next to the similarly naked bodies of her parents. All three were bleeding from cuts and lacerations, but these were nothing compared to the Cruciatus curses hurled at them over and over again, seemingly on a whim. Goyle's hands instinctively went to cover his face, but he could not restrain himself from peeking between his fingers – wanting – needing to see his parents creating such horror.

And then Draco turned the page again and just stood. And stood. And stood, unblinking, unmoving. He didn't even seem to be breathing. The image stopped, but this time, he did not reach out and turn the page. He merely stood, watching, as the image paused and began to play itself again. And again. And again, as the screams and pleas echoed through the room, ringing in their ears.

At that moment, Crabbe knew that the three of them would never forget these screams. Especially not Draco, who had been standing, watching, lost memories of soft hugs, sweet perfume and melodious lullabies clogging his senses as the unmistakeably Malfoy blonde hair glimmered on the page, the unmistakeably Malfoy eyes crying and a pair of unmistakeably Malfoy eyes filled with rage. Draco can't remember having seen her before, yet he knew her as a dragon would know its cubs.

Grandmother Malfoy. Hung on the wall by chains, the rich fabric of her designer robes torn and caked with mud and dirt, hung like a common Muggle or Squib.

Torture. For what seemed hours on end…and then murder. By her own son.

Lucius Malfoy.

Father. 

***

He should have known.

He should have known that he didn't deserve such love. He didn't deserve the daily rose and heart-shaped chocolate he found every morning on his nightstand – he loved roses, and he loved chocolate, but he loved Harry more. He didn't deserve the hidden embraces and stolen kisses in dark corridors at all times of the day, just around the corner from teachers and students alike. He didn't deserve the short loving notes tossed onto his desk in the middle of classes, and in Potions, the notes that couldn't be read because bad aim threw them into his bubbling cauldron instead. He didn't deserve any of it.

He didn't deserve the love of Harry Potter.

Love – love! He was loved – perhaps for the first time in his life, someone loved him. And for the first time in his life, he wanted to laugh, laugh and shout look, mother, I'm in love with Harry Potter – and he loves me back so much!

He was not worthy of it, not from Harry. Not for someone like him.

" - scum like you deserve nothing more than nothing," Weasley spat at him. "Not even hatred from Harry, and certainly not anything more."

I know, I know…

"Then I wonder what he's doing with a beggar and a Mudblood to the likes of you and Granger," he snarled in retort.

"Ron, stop that! Draco, please, please," Harry tugged weakly at his sleeve while fending off Weasley, blocking the much larger boy from Draco with his own body. Draco knew that if Harry wasn't using himself as a shield, then Weasley would have begun pummelling him to the ground already.

"Harry, he's gotten you bloody brainwashed! Didn't you just hear what he called me and Hermione?!" Weasley was livid, face darkened enough to almost hide his freckles.

Harry turned to his best friend. "Of course I heard, I'm not deaf! Just – stop with your comments, you're only going to provoke him further!"

"Oh, so you're taking his side now, aren't you?" Weasley sneered.

"He's not taking sides, you dirty sewer rat!" Draco roared, at the same time Harry screamed, "I'm not taking sides!"

Silence, except for the sound of heavy breathing from Weasley and Harry.

It was Harry who spoke first. "Ron, why don't you go to Hermione – she's been waiting for quite some time now. I'll be there in fifteen minutes." Weasley moved to speak again, glaring daggers at Draco, but Harry cut in again, speaking in a firm, no-nonsense voice. "Ron."

Weasley swept from the room, still glaring at Draco.

Harry sagged against Draco. "I'm sorry," he whispered, clinging to him almost desperately, stroking his hair so, so gently.

Draco was shocked. Harry? Harry was sorry? What?!

Light kisses traced his skin, and Harry was still murmuring to him, "…don't listen to him, so sorry you had to hear that…I love you still…don't listen to anything he said, they're lies, all lies…"

He hadn't really listened to Weasley's mad ramblings and so had no idea what Harry was talking about.

"That's alright."

Harry stopped his feverish kisses and looked him straight in the eye. "Draco…Hermione knows already. But Ron…Ron's my best friend. Do you think maybe…?"

"I have nothing against Granger," said Draco airily. "And I suspected she knew because she actually talked to me privately after one of our Prefect meetings. Really nicely as well. Called me Draco and everything. Just because she's a Mudblood –"

"Draco!"

"Shh. I'm not done yet. Like I was saying, just because she's a Mudblood doesn't mean that I have to hate her, you know. I actually quite like her now. It's just rickrack like Weasley I can't stand."

"Draco!" wailed Harry. "That's so mean!"

He pulled away. "Well it's true," he said firmly. "I haven't insulted him, I haven't insulted his family, I haven't insulted Granger since we…you know. Do you know how difficult that was? And it was all out of respect for you. And now, he finds out about us, and it's still my fault? What, is everything my fault? You came to me, you know, and I think that's something you're going to have to tell him."

"I know, I know, but." Harry sighed. "Couldn't you have been maybe a bit more accommodating just now?"

"What, with him spitting insults at me, my father, my family, at my name and at what I am? You know very well yourself that I am not a Death Eater – yet," he added, looking away. His gaze darted back to Harry quickly, icy and fiery all at once. "And I just stood there, sucking it up until he mentioned you." Draco scowled fiercely.

Harry sighed. "I know. I was there."

"Then you should know it's not my fault." Draco twisted away from him, crossing his arms in a huff.

Harry immediately tried to pacify him, sweeping him into his sturdy hold, nuzzling into his neck. "Don't be mad, Draco. I wasn't angry with you, I was just…I don't know. You know? It's Ron."

"Eh," Draco grumbled.

"I have to go now. I'll talk some sense into Ron. Hermione will, at any rate. Just. Will you be alright? I knew I shouldn't have come today, I really shouldn't have." Harry sighed again as he stepped away from Draco.

"Great, now it's my fault again for making you come?"

"No! No, Draco, I didn't mean it like that. I just. Even if you didn't want to see me, I would have tried to find you just the same. Just. I don't know."

"Well find out then. You can't always not know."

"I just. I don't want you to be mad at me. And I don't want you to be mad at Ron either."

"I'm not mad. Who said I was mad?"

"I can just tell, Draco. You're frowning again."

"So? I can't just frown?"

"I never said that."

"No, but you said that you can tell I'm mad just because I'm frowning."

"I have to go now."

"So go." Draco's head whipped round to glare at him viciously.

Harry just looked at him, a strange emotion in his eyes. Draco sniffed and turned back to his original position, but he could still sense Harry's slow movements towards the door and the soft click as it shut behind him.

Crumpling to the floor, Draco's hands went to his face and he clutched at his head desperately.

oh it hurts it hurts it hurts

Pain. Pain so pure, so full of anguish it surprised Draco that he lasted so long without blowing up – literally. He wasn't sorry for anything he said to the fucker Weasley, but he was sorry for being so harsh with Harry. But it didn't matter anymore, nothing mattered, because the slow pounding was all that counted.

so sorry Harry but it just hurts so much I can't -

He fished a small bottle out from the folds of his robes and twisted the cap off, taking a huge gulp of it, wincing at its bitterness.

One, two, three…

Counting slowly to himself, he waited until his head felt sufficiently light before getting up clumsily and stumbling out of the room. He knew he really should stop – it was going to kill him sooner or later if his doses increased any more – but he didn't care. Just a mouthful – sometimes two – and his pain subsided until the effects wore off and he needed another sip.

He crashed into the wall outside, having overbalanced as he closed the door, and his head knocked harshly against the sharp stone. He wiped at his head clumsily and wondered idly why his fingers came away red and glistening before toppling off down the corridor once more.

Sleep sounded good just then.

***

"What do you mean YOU KNEW?!" Ron's enraged shout rang through the Great Hall, and all eyes turned towards the pair at the end of Gryffindor table.

Hermione glared. "I figured it out myself. And sit down, you fool." She reached across the table and pulled Ron back down into his seat.

"Hermione," he hissed. "You knew about Harry and Malfoy and you never told me? How long? For them? And you?"

"I knew you were going to act like you are now. So I told Harry to tell you himself." Hermione frowned. She wasn't feeling especially compliant towards Ron at the moment, and he was already getting on her nerves. "I've known for a couple weeks."

"And how long have they…" He couldn't even say the words.

"A couple of weeks."

"So you knew since the beginning and you never even hinted it to me?!"

"He wasn't supposed to tell you!"

"But he didn't!"

"He was probably just waiting for the right time, Ron. After all – he knew you'd react like this, and he had to think of a way to tell you that would be least traumatising."

"Least traumatising?! Anything he has with Malfoy would be traumatising no matter how it was put!" Ron was standing up again, and he leaned over the table, looming over Hermione. "And why didn't you tell me about it?"

"I told you already! It wasn't my secret to tell! And I knew you'd be acting like this, so I never pushed Harry to tell you!" Hermione had stood up as well, and the two were almost nose to nose over the wide table.

"Of course not," he sneered. "Harry was too busy sucking cock and you were too busy fucking your bloody loyal Hufflepuff."

It was a small blessing that he said all this in a tight, angry whisper so no one but Hermione heard anything he said. Most of the students in the Hall thought they were just having another not-exactly-lover's spat.

This time, Hermione was more angry than hurt. "Ronald Weasley! You should be ashamed of yourself. Yes, Harry likes boys. Half your brothers do. Yes, Harry likes Draco. Is that so hard for you to accept? And don't –" she held up a hand to stop him cutting in, " - try to bring me into this. We were supposed to have settled this two weeks ago, Ron. I'm saying this for the last time – my love life is none of your business. Now if you know what's good for you and Harry, you'll listen to what he has to say when he comes in."

"I don't have to listen to anything," he growled, and stalked out of the Great Hall.

Hermione sunk back into her seat, brushing her hair out of her face tiredly. She rather wished Ron would just grow up and mellow out a bit. Sighing, she opened her Arithmancy textbook and resumed her studying.

"Hey Hermione."

She looked up and smiled. "Harry."

Harry looked around. "Where's Ron?"

Hermione shrugged. "He just left."

"Oh." Harry fidgeted and drummed his fingers on the tabletop. "Um, Hermione. Um. Ron kinda walked in on me and Draco just now when we were – ah." He blushed brightly.

Hermione nodded and patted his tapping hand. "I know."

"Did he – say anything particularly…bad?"

"Well. It's just the usual prejudice he has against Malfoy." But something in her eye must have given her away because Harry began wringing his hands in a strangely maternal way.

"I'm so sorry, Hermione!" Harry looked distraught. "If I had known he'd blame you, or drag you into this, I would've told him so much sooner. It's just – well, with schoolwork and all the meetings with Dumbledore I have now and Draco, I just. I just…"

"I know, Harry. I know." Hermione smiled comfortingly at him. "Draco needs you right now, Harry. I know something big is going on, and I know that Draco hasn't been well – ill a lot, am I right?"

Harry nodded. "I would tell you except it's not my secret to tell – you know how it is. I just needed to see him today because he had one of his migraine-type headaches again. It makes him hurt all over, and he hurts even when I touch him, no matter how gently I do, and it kills me to see him like this, Hermione, I just couldn't stand it, and somehow Ron just walked in on us when I was kissing him, and…" He sighed.

"Did they fight?"

"Ron did. Draco held off until Ron mentioned me."

Hermione looked impressed. "You do realise that Ron is making himself into a total git? He's become the bad guy here, not Draco."

"I know." Harry sighed. "I just feel so…bad…about the whole thing."

Hermione sighed. "Believe me, Harry, I know."

***

Crabbe and Goyle found Draco passed out in the corridor just in front of the Slytherin common room. They sighed, and Goyle muttered a quick healing spell for the cut on Draco's forehead before Crabbe lifted the delicate boy into his arms and the two of them brought him to bed, tucking him in.

Goyle sighed. "It's gonna kill you if you keep at it, Draco."

Crabbe looked confused for a second. "His arsenic? All Malfoys can hold their arsenic."

Goyle slapped him. "No, you bloody idiot. The thing. Remember – he made us never mention it ever since…last time."

"Oh."

"I wonder if we should tell Potter."

"But…"

"I know, I know. Just. He needs some control over it, you know?"

The two of them were silent for a while, just watching their friend sleep.

It was Crabbe who spoke first. "Do you get the feeling sometimes, Greg, that we're all just living a story? When sometimes you look at Draco and you think 'There's no way life can suck that much'?"

Goyle laughed quietly. "I sure wish we were in a story then, Vincent, because then Draco wouldn't be killing himself this way and we wouldn't be our father's pawns and somehow – just somehow – there'd be a happily ever after out there for us – especially for Draco."

And then Goyle clicked off the lights as Crabbe switched the nightlight on, and they left silently, shutting the door gently behind them.

To Be Continued…!

I just want to thank everyone that's still reading – I know my writing hasn't really been up to standard for chapters 13 and 14…I don't know. Ah well. I hope it'll improve soon, because things should start to pick up soon. Really soon.

And now…for very very lengthy thank you notes – because your reviews just make me want to glomp you all!!!!!

Notes:  Thank you so so so so so much for bearing my stupid block so patiently. It's still here and I think it's getting worse. Eh. Hee! Much thanks to May, the very evil bunny, ClarKeRaVen, alistar, Evil Laughter, efa, Summer, Anne Phoenix, Lady Malfoy II, someone who's too lazy to login, Heavens_beyond, GlacierFlame, bondagechic, IncubusSuccubus, in-a-crushd-tin-box, Patchfire, Marionette, Gwendolyn Malfoy, Lunadeath, mellony melody, Sera Luanma, J (BleedingEros), Moonblade, Sienna of Lothlorien, Zany, pottergirl, Mistic, random reviewer, ILLk, Hoshiko-Malfoy, Little Bunny Fu Fu, scythefire, Kiren, vanityfair, AshFarley, phoenixwhitebirch, Sineadluv, K.C., Marian of the Faeries, AuroraThank you very much for reading, and I hope you liked this chapter!, Tanya Maxwell, Reveuse, Avalon Princess, yiota, chrisseee67, Rosetta, deadredsocks, JadeDragon I am *relieved* that you liked the last chapter. Being as superstitious as me, I believe that 13 and 14 are bad numbers (14 meaning 'must die' if pronounced crookedly in Cantonese) and I have this dark cloud hanging over me that these two chapter would be really really bad. LOL, your encouragement means a lot to me – thank you!!!!, Chiaki Dark, Jade_Jewel, Chireel, Scap, TanisaFyreOoh, interesting point you have about Narcissa. *nods* But do you think maybe she's unwilling to do anything about it because it might mean that Draco might be harmed as a result of her actions? A mother's love overrides everything…Very very interesting point though, I'm going to have to think seriously about it., Jinsei, The Intellectual Dirtbag, Ghaleonsama, Baby Ty Ty, AmZ, mistykasumi – Thank you so much for your review…and yes! The strange writers' block you mentioned drives me completely up the wall as well!!!, Morien Alexander, Jubilee – Wow, my first threat! (well, kind of…) Thank you for your review, and I'm *so* glad you like Clear so much…I actually had this chapter done a lot earlier (at least a week and a half), but I really hated how it turned out, so I rewrote it…, amethyst, Portuguese-Girl, IamtheLizardQueen, Green-and-Silver, Bizzle, Anna, jay, Tsuyuno – I'm glad you liked the beginning, and is mellow at the end a good or bad thing? Hm. Maybe exciting the whole way through is better, hee! Hope you keep on reading – and thank you SO much for putting me as a favourite. I feel all cuddly now!, nightwing, Shades, Bubblie Bunnie, FatalDreams-Seducer of Fantasy, Aurenne, ruzI guess my Narcissa is a bit of a weird one…and the part you were confused about – I think she was having some internal dialogue, since that part was written in her POV. She mentioned Draco as her son, but then decided that it wasn't the correct label for him, so she called him Lucius' son, and the Malfoy son. And then she said "Her son? No." to mean that even though he *was* her son, he wasn't really, because strictly speaking, he wasn't *her*son…um. You know? I think it is because she was never a proper mother, and so he could never be "hers". I just hope I didn't make it more confusing for you…, Silmarien – Thank you for reading and reviewing! Your comments really mean a lot to me – I completely understand about waiting for stories (I do it a lot, too), and I wish I could hurry it up sometimes, but it's hard…hope you understand., Anita Blake – You are so very right about Draco! He will be snapping, soon, but it may or may not be in a very obvious way. Or maybe he'll snap *after* Christmas? I'm glad you liked the blinking part – I liked it too. Narcissa will play a part at a crucial time, but will unlikely to become a very very important and main character, I think. Reviews make my day completely, and thanks are definitely in order :D, Rings of Saturn, Black Night, ljp, KitoriHmm, I hope this chapter provided a little background into that pact of theirs. Draco's b-day is Christmas Eve, and I'm not so sure about Narcissa – since she's a Sagittarian, I think she has a greater-than-usual interest in stars, or perhaps just people's personalities and their sign. Thank you for your review!, crimson nightmare – Wee! So happy you like my Narcissa. I hope she gets a better life, too. Maybe soon. Maybe next life. Maybe…heehee! *waves little Harry flags* there'll be some problems along the way, but hopefully Harry will still be our hero! or rather, Draco's hero! I still need to work in Voldie's sick SICK desires for Draco, so keep a lookout!!!! :D Thank you for reviewing!!!, But Siriusly, NatalieSilent Angel, Cathy, ShikalaEee! Don't cry! *hands tissue* I do hope you're crying because you liked chapter 13!!, TheUnknownJedi – Thank you very very much for reading and reviewing! I hope you like this chapter just as much as the others. I love that you love it!!!!, M-chan – my brother is a Capricorn as well! Except he was born on the 26th, not the 24th like Draco. I'm glad you liked Crabbe and Goyle – I know they're stupid, but I like to think that there are more to them than just being mindless henchmen. I share the same view as you about Narcissa – her love for her son is enough to keep her quiet and obedient even to someone like Lucius – at first for her own life, and later, for her son's., Spike Shinizzle – Woman, actually, lol! I'm glad you enjoyed my story so much, it makes me so happy to know people like what I write. As for Dumbledore – he probably has a few somethings up his sleeves…and I guess Draco grew his hair out to be more like his father???, LunarGlow20 – Thank you SO much for reading and reviewing! I'm happy to know that you stayed up reading because you found it addictive – though I can't say that staying up is a good thing to do (so naturally, I'm practically nocturnal, lol!). Hope you like this chapter!, Mystic-Flower – Oh wow! I'm so happy you gave my little story a chance…and Harry/Draco a chance as well! Thank you for your review, and keep reading!!!! :D