Wow! I have not updated in a long time! Guess I've been busy with the
stories under my own pen name. Well, here's the deal, my partner here has
lost interest in this fic (understandable) but I've fallen in love with it!
So, one more chapter to go after this and then I'm writing either a sequel
or an extended version or something under my pen name, ok? Well, on with
the chapter! Thanks to everyone who reviewed!
Shangri-La
~~~~~
Vicious' View:
May keeps a lot of pictures on her wall, but I like this one best. The one with the lanky man in the blue suit and the funny green hair eating bell peppers with his fingers. May is in the background, looking like she's scolding him, and there's a dog there too, kind of off to the side and looking sleepy. I wonder who the man is. He looks very laid back and very funny. May said he was my friend, but he died. I'm sure if I could remember him, I'd miss him dearly.
"Vicious!" May calls me from the kitchen, and I turn to jog over to see what she needs. I like to make myself as useful as I can since I don't seem to help in the income department too much. I attained a job at a small restaurant as a waiter and dish washer, but it doesn't pay too much.
As it turns out, all May really wanted was for me to help her make dinner. She looks a little sad tonight so I try to cheer her up by doing my best Cajun chef impression, complete with exaggerated accent. At first she looks like she thinks I'm a total weirdo, and then she just smiles and shakes her head. But before long, I have her laughing quietly, holding a hand to her mouth as she tries not to let her joy pour out. Why does she restrain her happiness around me?
"Vicious, you surprise me sometimes," she says quietly, and turns around to start chopping up carrots for the vegetable stew. I don't bug her by asking what that comment was supposed to mean. Instead, I make a comment of my own.
"You don't like to kiss me."
She stiffens, freezing in mid-chop. "What makes you say that?"
"You always turn you're head and cough," I say matter-of-factly. It's understandable, really. May just doesn't feel comfortable around the new me just yet, and the way I talk sometimes must make me seem like a stranger, but I've been meaning to point this out for a while. I add one more little thing that's been annoying me. "And at night, in bed, you start sneezing if I so much as look at you."
"I have allergies to your shampoo," is her meek reply, and she hunches over her shoulders, refusing to turn around and look at me.
"Then why do you buy it?"
"Because your scalp is sensitive."
"Why are you only allergic at night?" This tone I'm using is even starting to scare me. It's deadly calm. But that's how I feel. Calm. "Are you afraid of getting close to me, May? Because that's what I'm sensing here."
No response.
Now I'm getting frustrated. "It's not like I'm going to change into someone else!" I exclaim, throwing up my hands in irritation. "This is who I am and we're gonna hafta make this work, aren't we? May! I'm here for you! You can trust me! Why won't you let me get close to you?!"
Her hands start to fly as she cuts up the carrots at top speed, nearly losing a finger in the process.
"I'm not going to hurt you! I'd protect you to the end! All I want, is for you to let me in and stop pushing me away. Is that so much to ask? I mean, you're perfect! I love you! And I know I've never said that before, but it's true, and that perfect remark was WAY off subject, but that's how I see you, and I just wish you'd share a little of that with me... I wanna take care of you, May, and I feel bad cuz right now, the best I can do is a few bucks an hour at some two-bit job down town! Are you mad at me?" I pause. Then, in utter distress, "Please, talk to me! What are you afraid of, May?!"
"I am not afraid!" she cries, whirling around.
I am facing her now, scowling, my hands on my hips. "Then prove it."
And she does. She puts her arms around my neck and kisses me - and it's all very cold and mechanic. At first. After a while, she warms up, and I hold her tighter. She seems to be a little scared, but desperately wanting affection. She's my wife - I don't remember her. Perhaps this what her fear and her need originates from. I don't know. All I know is that she is warm, she is soft, quite a few moments pass, and I actually have to push her away when the pot of soup begins to boil over, the liquid hissing angrily as it hits the burner.
May blinks in a bewildered fashion at the mess. "Great. Dinner is ruined." But her voice is too soft and almost awed to sound as if she really means it. A small smile creeps over her face and she stares at me with a dazed look in her eyes.
I run a hand through my colorless hair, sighing. "Wanna go out?"
She slowly nods. I get out coats and we leave.
~~~~~
It rains. Actually, that's too much of an understatement. It's a downpour, torrential almost. We both get soaked trying to run home and by the time we're back in the apartment, May is coughing and sneezing, and blowing her nose on a handkerchief.
"Guess tonight you don't have to pretend to be sick," I tease, and she shoots a glare my way.
"Too bad," she mumbles, running back to the bedroom, "'cuz I was warming up to the idea..."
Wow. Talk about time stopping. I actually zoned out for a few seconds after that. It's weird - really weird. We're married. I have amnesia. We feel like strangers. And she's starting to like me! No, love me!
I flop down on the couch and grin to myself, wishing I had someone there right now to share my good mood with. And then a thought came to me with such force I spoke it aloud. "I miss Lin."
Lin? Lin who?
Confused, I glance around to see if anyone heard. Of course there's no one there, but still, I'm paranoid. I feel almost ashamed for speaking the name. Who is Lin? I normally would ask May, but I feel so guilty for simply remembering the name that I just can't. But I need to know!
Panicked, I run to the pictures on the wall and search for a familiar face. The smirking man with green hair and deep, amber-brown eyes strikes me as too familiar - but in an awful way. Breathless, I stumble back and over to a chair, my knees buckling when I feel it behind me. Now taking huge, wheezing gasps, I tuck my head between my knees, clutching at my hair so tight it hurts, and try not to pass out. My memory coming back isn't supposed to be painful!
May speaks my name, but it seems so far away. I hear hurried footsteps thud on the floor and feel a gentle hand massaging my back, and her worried, frantic calls plead for me to respond. "What's wrong?" she keeps saying over and over, and I realize I am shaking, choking, sobbing.
I rock back and forth desperately, forcing out something like, 'I think I'm having a panic attack'. I don't know. I'm hysterical by this time.
May is kneeling in front of me and I slide off the chair limply to sit in front of her, staring with glazed eyes at her face. It's blurry. Tears run down my face and there is a knot in my throat. "What's wrong with me?" I whisper.
She reaches out to me and somehow I am diving into her embrace, and she is holding my head to her chest, hugging me tight because I am still freaking out. And then it passes. I am calm again, sniffling and clutching at her, but no longer screaming or breathing erratically. I feel hollow inside. Like I did something wrong and have no remorse.
"Let's go to bed," May says quietly, and I nod. She helps me to my feet and leads me back to our room, and I don't even undress. Just lay down and cling to her so tight she has no chance of even wriggling out. But she doesn't seem to mind.
"I love you," I tell her, voice trembling. I mean those words so much I ache. "I really do."
"I love you too, Vicious," she murmurs against my neck, where she has buried her face. Funny, sounds as if she REALLY means it, which feels strange. Does this mean all the times she has said it before she didn't mean it?
Doesn't matter.
I curl up as much as I can while still holding her and close my eyes. I'm exhausted. May's big, green eyes are on me, intense and scared, and I peer back at her sleepily, lazily brushing a strand of her shoulder-length, black hair from her face. Then, I close my eyes and fall asleep with her watching me.
~~~~~
Review! Much excitement to come! I'll write the next chapter soon and then the sequel goes under the pen name 'Shangri-La'. I know, I know - I keep stressing that, but I don't want ppl to miss the second half!
Shangri-La
~~~~~
Vicious' View:
May keeps a lot of pictures on her wall, but I like this one best. The one with the lanky man in the blue suit and the funny green hair eating bell peppers with his fingers. May is in the background, looking like she's scolding him, and there's a dog there too, kind of off to the side and looking sleepy. I wonder who the man is. He looks very laid back and very funny. May said he was my friend, but he died. I'm sure if I could remember him, I'd miss him dearly.
"Vicious!" May calls me from the kitchen, and I turn to jog over to see what she needs. I like to make myself as useful as I can since I don't seem to help in the income department too much. I attained a job at a small restaurant as a waiter and dish washer, but it doesn't pay too much.
As it turns out, all May really wanted was for me to help her make dinner. She looks a little sad tonight so I try to cheer her up by doing my best Cajun chef impression, complete with exaggerated accent. At first she looks like she thinks I'm a total weirdo, and then she just smiles and shakes her head. But before long, I have her laughing quietly, holding a hand to her mouth as she tries not to let her joy pour out. Why does she restrain her happiness around me?
"Vicious, you surprise me sometimes," she says quietly, and turns around to start chopping up carrots for the vegetable stew. I don't bug her by asking what that comment was supposed to mean. Instead, I make a comment of my own.
"You don't like to kiss me."
She stiffens, freezing in mid-chop. "What makes you say that?"
"You always turn you're head and cough," I say matter-of-factly. It's understandable, really. May just doesn't feel comfortable around the new me just yet, and the way I talk sometimes must make me seem like a stranger, but I've been meaning to point this out for a while. I add one more little thing that's been annoying me. "And at night, in bed, you start sneezing if I so much as look at you."
"I have allergies to your shampoo," is her meek reply, and she hunches over her shoulders, refusing to turn around and look at me.
"Then why do you buy it?"
"Because your scalp is sensitive."
"Why are you only allergic at night?" This tone I'm using is even starting to scare me. It's deadly calm. But that's how I feel. Calm. "Are you afraid of getting close to me, May? Because that's what I'm sensing here."
No response.
Now I'm getting frustrated. "It's not like I'm going to change into someone else!" I exclaim, throwing up my hands in irritation. "This is who I am and we're gonna hafta make this work, aren't we? May! I'm here for you! You can trust me! Why won't you let me get close to you?!"
Her hands start to fly as she cuts up the carrots at top speed, nearly losing a finger in the process.
"I'm not going to hurt you! I'd protect you to the end! All I want, is for you to let me in and stop pushing me away. Is that so much to ask? I mean, you're perfect! I love you! And I know I've never said that before, but it's true, and that perfect remark was WAY off subject, but that's how I see you, and I just wish you'd share a little of that with me... I wanna take care of you, May, and I feel bad cuz right now, the best I can do is a few bucks an hour at some two-bit job down town! Are you mad at me?" I pause. Then, in utter distress, "Please, talk to me! What are you afraid of, May?!"
"I am not afraid!" she cries, whirling around.
I am facing her now, scowling, my hands on my hips. "Then prove it."
And she does. She puts her arms around my neck and kisses me - and it's all very cold and mechanic. At first. After a while, she warms up, and I hold her tighter. She seems to be a little scared, but desperately wanting affection. She's my wife - I don't remember her. Perhaps this what her fear and her need originates from. I don't know. All I know is that she is warm, she is soft, quite a few moments pass, and I actually have to push her away when the pot of soup begins to boil over, the liquid hissing angrily as it hits the burner.
May blinks in a bewildered fashion at the mess. "Great. Dinner is ruined." But her voice is too soft and almost awed to sound as if she really means it. A small smile creeps over her face and she stares at me with a dazed look in her eyes.
I run a hand through my colorless hair, sighing. "Wanna go out?"
She slowly nods. I get out coats and we leave.
~~~~~
It rains. Actually, that's too much of an understatement. It's a downpour, torrential almost. We both get soaked trying to run home and by the time we're back in the apartment, May is coughing and sneezing, and blowing her nose on a handkerchief.
"Guess tonight you don't have to pretend to be sick," I tease, and she shoots a glare my way.
"Too bad," she mumbles, running back to the bedroom, "'cuz I was warming up to the idea..."
Wow. Talk about time stopping. I actually zoned out for a few seconds after that. It's weird - really weird. We're married. I have amnesia. We feel like strangers. And she's starting to like me! No, love me!
I flop down on the couch and grin to myself, wishing I had someone there right now to share my good mood with. And then a thought came to me with such force I spoke it aloud. "I miss Lin."
Lin? Lin who?
Confused, I glance around to see if anyone heard. Of course there's no one there, but still, I'm paranoid. I feel almost ashamed for speaking the name. Who is Lin? I normally would ask May, but I feel so guilty for simply remembering the name that I just can't. But I need to know!
Panicked, I run to the pictures on the wall and search for a familiar face. The smirking man with green hair and deep, amber-brown eyes strikes me as too familiar - but in an awful way. Breathless, I stumble back and over to a chair, my knees buckling when I feel it behind me. Now taking huge, wheezing gasps, I tuck my head between my knees, clutching at my hair so tight it hurts, and try not to pass out. My memory coming back isn't supposed to be painful!
May speaks my name, but it seems so far away. I hear hurried footsteps thud on the floor and feel a gentle hand massaging my back, and her worried, frantic calls plead for me to respond. "What's wrong?" she keeps saying over and over, and I realize I am shaking, choking, sobbing.
I rock back and forth desperately, forcing out something like, 'I think I'm having a panic attack'. I don't know. I'm hysterical by this time.
May is kneeling in front of me and I slide off the chair limply to sit in front of her, staring with glazed eyes at her face. It's blurry. Tears run down my face and there is a knot in my throat. "What's wrong with me?" I whisper.
She reaches out to me and somehow I am diving into her embrace, and she is holding my head to her chest, hugging me tight because I am still freaking out. And then it passes. I am calm again, sniffling and clutching at her, but no longer screaming or breathing erratically. I feel hollow inside. Like I did something wrong and have no remorse.
"Let's go to bed," May says quietly, and I nod. She helps me to my feet and leads me back to our room, and I don't even undress. Just lay down and cling to her so tight she has no chance of even wriggling out. But she doesn't seem to mind.
"I love you," I tell her, voice trembling. I mean those words so much I ache. "I really do."
"I love you too, Vicious," she murmurs against my neck, where she has buried her face. Funny, sounds as if she REALLY means it, which feels strange. Does this mean all the times she has said it before she didn't mean it?
Doesn't matter.
I curl up as much as I can while still holding her and close my eyes. I'm exhausted. May's big, green eyes are on me, intense and scared, and I peer back at her sleepily, lazily brushing a strand of her shoulder-length, black hair from her face. Then, I close my eyes and fall asleep with her watching me.
~~~~~
Review! Much excitement to come! I'll write the next chapter soon and then the sequel goes under the pen name 'Shangri-La'. I know, I know - I keep stressing that, but I don't want ppl to miss the second half!
