Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters within this fic, they are Brenda Hampton's property.

Authors note: This is a fic with a dark story and contains scenes involve non -consensual sex and I urge you not to read it if you are easily offended. This fic is rated R for a reason. This is set in mid season seven before 'I Love Lucy'. In response to Cypher's challenge on TwoP.

I can't look my sister in the eye, she asks me what's wrong and I bullshit about a girl at school. Mom and dad are too busy fighting about dad's job. I don't understand what I did wrong, what did I do to deserve this? I try to be good, I work hard in school, I think I'm an okay Christian. Okay I've had a few major screw ups, getting drunk, that fight with my dad before his heart attack, but I don't think I've done anything evil. I want to know what I did to cause this; maybe if I knew I could do something to redeem myself- I don't know- I just wish he had never come into our lives.

The first time I met Kevin I though he was perfect for Lucy, he was so nice and he was a cop too. I mean we'd always been told what good people the police and fire departments were filled with; his brother was a fire fighter, dating Mary it was to good to be true. One trip to New York has solved our family's concerns, Mary and Lucy had settled down. It didn't last, Mary dumped Ben and escaped to Fort Lauderdale, but Lucy was in love, Kevin moved in and joined Glenoak PD and everyone was happy.

Since Matt left I felt kind of alone, I missed my big brother and Robbie was a poor substitute. Kevin changed all this; I could talk him about girls and school without being patronised unlike Robbie and Matt who could be a bit overbearing at times. It was great, we'd watch sport together and he'd even let drink a few beers at weekends. I trusted him with anything; I would off done almost anything to help him. I even told him when me and Cecilia bought condoms.

Ruthie dropped a bombshell one afternoon; she had a date, so the entire family except for me and Kevin, who was at work, went for ice cream. It was nice having the house to myself for once, I even toyed with the idea of calling Cecilia, but I wanted some time alone. It had only been about half an hour before I heard a car pull up in the driveway, I though Ruthie must of broken some sort of record, by being dragged home by mom and dad after only half an hour. Despite this I still jumped when I heard the front door slam, expecting to hear mom and Ruthie arguing, I was surprised to hear Kevin's voice. "Assholes, freaking assholes, think they can do this to me-" Kevin slammed cabinet doors in the kitchen, Scared I walked slowly into the kitchen "Kevin, are you okay?" I spoke hesitantly, not wanting to provoke him further. "Hell no, that idiot Sergeant is accusing me of excessive force, perp had a knife, what was I supposed to do? I spoke to Michaels and he toldme to come home and cool off. Christ, I'll show that perp what excessive force really means." Kevin opened the fridge and grabbed a beer. "Want one?" "I think it's a little early for me" Kevin rolled his eyes. "Awwh come on Simon, have one, I don't like drinking alone." I swallowed and held out my hand. Kevin put a bottle in my hand and grabbed my wrist "Hey Simon, come up to my room, I wanna cut loose a little." I nodded and followed him to the garage apartment. Maybe this wouldn't be to bad after all, the alcohol seemed to be relaxing him.

I can't really remember what we talked about, dumb stuff like cars and hot girls, it was after about an hour the conversation took a weird turn. Kevin started babbling about people not respecting him enough and he said he had to do something about. I ignored him, thinking it was too much alcohol, but he began ranting, I offered him some coffee to calm him down, but that made him worse. "No one in this house respects me, while Eric's off having a midlife crisis, I put food on the table, paid the bills and helped out with the twins, but do they help me? NO, it would be so easy for Eric or Annie to have a quiet word with Michaels, you know make it easier for me to be promoted, but no they just want me to do their bidding and be grateful that the Camdens want my help." Kevin wasn't drunk, he was angry and I didn't really understand why. "Kevin I respect you and I'm sure my whole family does, they're just no very good at showing it." I smile at him and start to edge towards the stairs "I have a lot of homework so-" "No you don't Simon, but if I can't make you respect me, I'll make you afraid of me." He stared at me, daring me to run. I figured he had to be joking. "Very funny Kevin, I'll see-" He punched me in the stomach and spun me around kicking me in the back, I struggled to breathe as panic set in. He dragged me to my feet and cuffed me to his bed. "Make a noise and I'll kill you." My face was buried in his pillows, I heard his footsteps go down the stairs and the sound of him opening the door that led into the house. My mind raced as I waited for him to return, it must be a really sick joke, he was gonna uncuff me and laugh at me for falling for his joke. I heard the door shut again and the unmistakable sound of it being locked. My heart hammered as Kevin made his way upstairs.

It felt like hours before he made his way over to the bed, it was probably only a couple of minutes. I kept telling myself it was a joke and we would be laughing about it for hours. His breathing was ragged as he stood over the bed, I tried to say something, but it was muffled by the pillow. Suddenly I felt his hands pushing my shoulders down and he climbed onto the bed. When he straddled me I panicked and started shouting, but he put his hands around my neck and spoke "Be quiet, or I'll make it worse." He moved his hands from my neck, undid my jeans and pulled them down along with my boxers. It was like I'd been frozen, I wanted to scream and kick, wanted to know what he was doing, but I couldn't I was frozen. I then heard the worst sound ever, Kevin unzipping his uniform pants.

It's a blur after that; it's not that I can't remember it's that I don't want to. After he finished he held a gun to my head and told me he'd not only kill me, but no one would believe me, after all he was Lucy's boyfriend and a respected police officer. The next day he proposed to Lucy, I wanted to be sick, I realised I had to say something to her, but Kevin dragged me away from my family, saying he needed to talk to me, I resisted but my dad smiled and said I should go with him. He locked the connecting door again and motioned to the stairs with a smile. When I didn't move he knocked me to the floor and pulled me upstairs. He did it again.

I pray everyday for him to go away, but it does work and he hasn't stopped, he makes me do other stuff too, but its hard enough discussing this. I wound up crying in front of Chandler last week, I told him I missed Matt, I hope he believed me, cos if he starts digging, Kevin will take it out on me.

Before this started I believed that deep down everyone was good and you could always rely on authority figures to guide you. I realise now it was a lie designed to comfort children, it kills me that Kevin was right, if I say anything no one will believe me and he'll make my life even worse. I think sometimes that God has forsaken me, why is He letting this happen? Is this part of His great plan for humanity? But, then again maybe it is my fault; I must have done something to cause this. I stay awake at night, trying to think what I did to deserve this, but I can't find anything that I've done, that means I deserve this.

I tried to escape for the summer, begged mom and dad to let me stay with Matt in New York, I offer to pay for my own train fare, but they refused, said that Matt had enough to do with having to look after me. So I asked if I could stay with the Colonel, but they said no again and Kevin took me a ride along and threatened to kill me again. After he had done it again, I had a revelation, I didn't care if he killed me anymore, he'd made my life not worth living for.

I went to see Captain Michaels and told him everything and went home and waited. It didn't take long, Captain Michaels, dad and Kevin all came in together. The Captain and Kevin were silent while my dad spoke. "Simon, why did you make up this disgusting story? Are you on drugs? I can't believe you did this, wait till your mother and sister find out what you've done. Maybe you should stay with the Colonel for a while-" Kevin interrupted. "I think Simon should stay here, we should work though this as a family, dad." Kevin smirked and turned towards me and continued in a false tone. "I think we should talk Simon, you're obviously having some problems, we can have a talk after work." Michaels finally spoke. "Don't worry about any charges or rumours Eric, I'll won't write any reports about this. Kevin take the afternoon off to deal with this." "Thank you Captain, we'll deal with this as a family." My dad and Kevin walked Captain Michaels out to his car. I stood in the lounge, knowing that Kevin would never stop. I walked into the hallway and saw Kevin had left his gun in the hallway. Now or never, I picked it up and it felt like a dead weight in my hand. I walked towards the garage apartment and headed up the stairs. I quickly searched Kevin's room and found a pen and paper, I wrote as fast as I could, about what he had done to me and signed it.

The usual sound of Kevin locking the connecting door, this time gave me a boost of adrenaline. He stood at the top of the stairs, in his uniform, smirking. "You'll pay for this, turn around." I turned round pointing the gun at him "You won't get away with this Simon, I'm a cop, you'll get the chair for this. Think about it, put the gun down." I spoke feeling like I wasn't really in control, like I was watching myself. "I don't care anymore Kevin, I don't care if I die, I just want to stop you from doing this to me again." I pulled the trigger, three maybe four times. After a couple of minutes I checked his pulse to make sure. He was dead, I could hear sirens in the distance, I walked down the stairs and learned against the garage wall. The sirens were getting closer; I put the gun in my mouth. A police car screeched onto the driveway and someone kicked the front door in. My finger tightened on the trigger. I should be scared of doing this, but I'm not. Death can't be worse than what Kevin did to me. Someone tries to break down the connecting down, not long now. I close my eyes and pull the trigger just as the door is broken down.