Bloopers, and the like.
"That was almost scarily easy! No blood or nothin'!" said Sam.
"Please don't," whispered Frodo.
"No blood? No snot?" said Merry. "It just popped out? No tearing? No ripping?"
"Nope. Just a popping sound, like a toe out of joint, that."
Frodo went green and dashed off to be sick again.
#######################################################
"Oi, am I thirsty!" said Sam wiping his brow.
"Try not to think about it," said Frodo. Then he frowned and put out his hand. "Is it raining?"
"Oh, water!" said Merry catching some in his hands.
"If I didn't know no better, I'd say one could live quite comfortably in here," said Sam catching some of the water in his mouth and letting the cool, refreshing liquid dribble down his throat, and a little down his chin. Frodo and Merry laughed and splashed some at each other.
. ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' .
Pippin stared in horror. The beard had opened, but there didn't seem to be a cause. He heard laughing and talk about water. There it was! Gandalf's mouth had opened in his sleep!
"NOOOOOOOO!!!" howled Pippin grabbing the tin can. "DON'T DRINK IT!!! HE'S DROOOOOOOOLING!"
There came screams from within, horrible, twisted sounds not sounding at all like happy carefree hobbits, or even human voices. Pippin dropped to his knees and clutched his heart.
"Sweet Valar, let me die!!!!" came from within. "Ai Elbereth!!!"
(It was Tweaks' idea! Don't hit me!)
##########################################################
^^ Behind the Scenes: Inside the Beard ^^ Director (me)-Ok, cut! Break for lunch!
Elijah: Whew! I thought we'd never get that take done!
Dom: You're telling me?
Sean: Stupid feet.
Elijah: I never knew it was that hard to fake vomit!
Dom: Must you?
*a noise is heard and a figure bursts onto the set*
Hugo: Mr. AAAndurson!
Elijah: Not again! Hugo, there's nobody here named Anderson!
Hugo: There isn't?
Dom: No.
Hugo: Uhhh, Mr. AAAAstin!
Sean: Aren't you supposed to be on the "Evil Eyebrow Rampage" set?
Hugo: No, they said I could take the rest of the day off! Mr. AAAstin! Put it on my tab!
Dom: *whispers* Elijah, did you hide his meds again?
Elijah: But it's so funny...
################################################
"My dear Frodo, do you know what?" said Gandalf putting his hand on the hobbit's curly head.
"What, Gandalf?" said the hobbit turning his enormous blue eyes upward.
"You'd think that people would'a had enough of silly love songs," sighed Gandalf
"What?"
"I look around me and I seeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it isn't so."
"Oh?"
"No. Some people wanna fill the woooooorld with silly love songs. What's wrong with that? I'd like to know. 'Cuz here I gooo, agaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!"
"Elijah! You took his meds too?" wailed Dom.
"Ok, you're right. Maybe it isn't funny."
######################################################
"Theeshr good Winnerds," slurred the wizard gazing at his glass with bleared eyes.
"Do ya hafta go sho shoon?" hiccupped Frodo. "I got lotsh more in the shcellar...we could ivvite shome people ovver, have a party...good timesh."
"I could ivvite schome real wild people...Sharumang'll lovva come."
"Mr. Frodo? Your garden is all weeded," said Sam.
"Sham!" cried Frodo getting up and walking unsteadily towards him. "We gonna have a party! Good timesh..."
"I'monna 'vite the whole 'ntire White Counshil...Elronsh goshome good schtuff. Bring chipsh. Ang dipsh. Hic!"
"Coffee, need more coffee," muttered Sam.
######################################################
Co-Author (Tweak) - Yo, Oddie!
Oddie - Yeah...
C-A - I don't appreciate the changes you made to my script ideas. I wanted that 'drooling' incident in the story, not as a blooper.
Elijah - I seem to have some wierd growth on my elbows.
C-A - Perfect! Let's write in in!
Oddie - Maybe as a blooper.
C-A - See! There you go again! Every good idea I have, "Let's make it into a blooper! Let's make it into a blooper!" It makes me sick.
Oddie - Why do you call me Oddie?
C-A - Cause I want to!
Oddie - Well, you're a tweak!
C-A - Now, now, just hold on a second. Breakfast should be ready soon.
Billy - Did someone say second breakfast?
Dom - Billy!
Oddie - It's 8:30 in the evening.
C-A - Aww, go eat somebody's gotee. Hey, that's a good plot twist! Y'know, Billy eats the beard!
Oddie - Maybe as a blooper.
C-A - ARRRRGGGHHH!
Billy - No way I'm eating the beard.
Elijah - Um, guys? It's getting bigger...
Oddie - Aren't you supposed to be taking medication for that?
Elijah - Yeah, have you seen them?
Dom - (cackling wildly) See how you like it! Ha ha, throw THAT in a punchbowl, Ponce Hairytoes! Wahahahaha!
C-A - Elijah, give him his meds back and I'll get yours. Sound fair?
Elijah - Ok, fine. *sigh*
##################################### And there ya have it at last. Maybe now you'll understand why I was slow getting it up. *sigh* And (hopefully) that's the end of the Beard saga.
"That was almost scarily easy! No blood or nothin'!" said Sam.
"Please don't," whispered Frodo.
"No blood? No snot?" said Merry. "It just popped out? No tearing? No ripping?"
"Nope. Just a popping sound, like a toe out of joint, that."
Frodo went green and dashed off to be sick again.
#######################################################
"Oi, am I thirsty!" said Sam wiping his brow.
"Try not to think about it," said Frodo. Then he frowned and put out his hand. "Is it raining?"
"Oh, water!" said Merry catching some in his hands.
"If I didn't know no better, I'd say one could live quite comfortably in here," said Sam catching some of the water in his mouth and letting the cool, refreshing liquid dribble down his throat, and a little down his chin. Frodo and Merry laughed and splashed some at each other.
. ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' . ' ` ' .
Pippin stared in horror. The beard had opened, but there didn't seem to be a cause. He heard laughing and talk about water. There it was! Gandalf's mouth had opened in his sleep!
"NOOOOOOOO!!!" howled Pippin grabbing the tin can. "DON'T DRINK IT!!! HE'S DROOOOOOOOLING!"
There came screams from within, horrible, twisted sounds not sounding at all like happy carefree hobbits, or even human voices. Pippin dropped to his knees and clutched his heart.
"Sweet Valar, let me die!!!!" came from within. "Ai Elbereth!!!"
(It was Tweaks' idea! Don't hit me!)
##########################################################
^^ Behind the Scenes: Inside the Beard ^^ Director (me)-Ok, cut! Break for lunch!
Elijah: Whew! I thought we'd never get that take done!
Dom: You're telling me?
Sean: Stupid feet.
Elijah: I never knew it was that hard to fake vomit!
Dom: Must you?
*a noise is heard and a figure bursts onto the set*
Hugo: Mr. AAAndurson!
Elijah: Not again! Hugo, there's nobody here named Anderson!
Hugo: There isn't?
Dom: No.
Hugo: Uhhh, Mr. AAAAstin!
Sean: Aren't you supposed to be on the "Evil Eyebrow Rampage" set?
Hugo: No, they said I could take the rest of the day off! Mr. AAAstin! Put it on my tab!
Dom: *whispers* Elijah, did you hide his meds again?
Elijah: But it's so funny...
################################################
"My dear Frodo, do you know what?" said Gandalf putting his hand on the hobbit's curly head.
"What, Gandalf?" said the hobbit turning his enormous blue eyes upward.
"You'd think that people would'a had enough of silly love songs," sighed Gandalf
"What?"
"I look around me and I seeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it isn't so."
"Oh?"
"No. Some people wanna fill the woooooorld with silly love songs. What's wrong with that? I'd like to know. 'Cuz here I gooo, agaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!"
"Elijah! You took his meds too?" wailed Dom.
"Ok, you're right. Maybe it isn't funny."
######################################################
"Theeshr good Winnerds," slurred the wizard gazing at his glass with bleared eyes.
"Do ya hafta go sho shoon?" hiccupped Frodo. "I got lotsh more in the shcellar...we could ivvite shome people ovver, have a party...good timesh."
"I could ivvite schome real wild people...Sharumang'll lovva come."
"Mr. Frodo? Your garden is all weeded," said Sam.
"Sham!" cried Frodo getting up and walking unsteadily towards him. "We gonna have a party! Good timesh..."
"I'monna 'vite the whole 'ntire White Counshil...Elronsh goshome good schtuff. Bring chipsh. Ang dipsh. Hic!"
"Coffee, need more coffee," muttered Sam.
######################################################
Co-Author (Tweak) - Yo, Oddie!
Oddie - Yeah...
C-A - I don't appreciate the changes you made to my script ideas. I wanted that 'drooling' incident in the story, not as a blooper.
Elijah - I seem to have some wierd growth on my elbows.
C-A - Perfect! Let's write in in!
Oddie - Maybe as a blooper.
C-A - See! There you go again! Every good idea I have, "Let's make it into a blooper! Let's make it into a blooper!" It makes me sick.
Oddie - Why do you call me Oddie?
C-A - Cause I want to!
Oddie - Well, you're a tweak!
C-A - Now, now, just hold on a second. Breakfast should be ready soon.
Billy - Did someone say second breakfast?
Dom - Billy!
Oddie - It's 8:30 in the evening.
C-A - Aww, go eat somebody's gotee. Hey, that's a good plot twist! Y'know, Billy eats the beard!
Oddie - Maybe as a blooper.
C-A - ARRRRGGGHHH!
Billy - No way I'm eating the beard.
Elijah - Um, guys? It's getting bigger...
Oddie - Aren't you supposed to be taking medication for that?
Elijah - Yeah, have you seen them?
Dom - (cackling wildly) See how you like it! Ha ha, throw THAT in a punchbowl, Ponce Hairytoes! Wahahahaha!
C-A - Elijah, give him his meds back and I'll get yours. Sound fair?
Elijah - Ok, fine. *sigh*
##################################### And there ya have it at last. Maybe now you'll understand why I was slow getting it up. *sigh* And (hopefully) that's the end of the Beard saga.
