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Shattered: an Evangelion fanfiction Chapter 4
The boy awakens slowly; the carnage from the day before still fresh in his mind. His body is still covered in the blood of the men who lost their lives to him. He can recall their faces perfectly; each one vividly etched into his mind, never to be erased. Even before his eyes are fully open to the morning light, he begins to shed tears of remorse for the men who have for so long tormented him.
The boy doesn't quite understand why he feels so much for these men, ones who wouldn't, didn't, hesitate to kill him and everyone he held dear. He does not understand why, but that doesn't stop him from feeling overwhelming guilt for what he has done. His tears begin to fall more freely now as his sorrow begins to fully take hold. His mind begins to slip away from reality, returning to a place deep within himself; a place he has been before but has no memory of.
The boy finds himself once again on a dark plane in the deepest recesses of his mind. He looks around the empty world, franticly searching for any form of life. Finding nothing he collapses to the ground and begins to sob uncontrollably. He hates the immense feeling of loneliness this place conveys to him. It is as if this entire world has been abandoned leaving nothing but emptiness. Images of the men that lay dead around his physical body push their way into the boy's mind; each one bringing out even more sorrow from the boy's soul. The boy simply continues to sob, his face buried in his hands in an attempt to drive away the images that assail him. Even in death these men give him no peace.
'Why do you feel remorse for these men?'
Startled, the boy turns around to see the cloaked man that he spoke with the last time he came to this place. Memories come flooding back into the boy of his first visit here. The being regards him with an impassive eye before cocking its head to the side and asking again.
'Tell me. Why do you feel remorse for the deaths of these men?'
'I. I... killed them. Why shouldn't I feel remorse for them?' the boy replies, still sobbing quietly.
'They tried to kill you. They brought it upon themselves. Why does this cause you unrest?' The image replies, still staring impassively at the boy, its eyes never leaving his downcast face. The boy's eyes slowly move upward, towards the being's enshrouded face.
'Even so, they didn't deserve to be utterly slaughtered like they were. No matter what they did to me they could never deserve what I did to them.' The boy breaks down and begins to cry uncontrollably once more; his gaze once again falling to the ground below him.
'They could and they did. There is nothing you could have done to those men that they had not earned through a lifetime of spilling innocent blood. Did you not think of what would happen if you had not killed them?' the image's voice booms inside the boy's head.
The boy turns his head upward again and regards the image through still falling tears. 'But even if they deserved to die, their deaths are still on my hands,' the boy sobs, still unable to bring himself to stop crying.
'Why do you still grieve for them?' the image asks after what seems like an eternity of silence.
'I. I don't know.' The boy replies, wiping the tears away from his eyes, ' I just don't know'
'You must understand that your grief can never bring them back' the image continues after a few moments, 'why must you continue in this pointless endeavor?'
'Why do you care?' the boy ventures, trying to catch the image off guard, 'just let me do as I wish.'
'If I were to do that then you would simply let yourself whither away and die, losing yourself in your grief, and I cannot have you doing that.' The being answers, a small grin forming under the deep shadows that cover its face.
'Why do you care whether I live or die?' The boy says after a pause to finish wiping the tears from his face.
'I have told you before boy, I am you, we are one and the same.'
'What do you mean?' the boy asks, confused, 'we are one and the same? I don't understand.'
'You will young one, you will,' the image says, its form quickly dissipating into the emptiness that surrounds them, 'for now, you must awaken, do not presume that those men you killed were the last that will come for you.'
'Wait! I still don't understand.' The boy yells out as the world around him shatters and he once again finds himself returned to reality. All memories of what has just happened are nothing more than fleeting images to him now.
It is night now and the boy absently wonders what has happened. It was morning last he knew and now it is night. He simply casts the question aside and prepares himself to continue running.
Author's notes: well another chapter done and a bunch more readers confused. I've done my job. On a side note, I've got a lot of complaints about killing off Auska and/or Rei but I assure you that it needed to be done to set up the story. Sorry people. Ja ne.
Shattered: an Evangelion fanfiction Chapter 4
The boy awakens slowly; the carnage from the day before still fresh in his mind. His body is still covered in the blood of the men who lost their lives to him. He can recall their faces perfectly; each one vividly etched into his mind, never to be erased. Even before his eyes are fully open to the morning light, he begins to shed tears of remorse for the men who have for so long tormented him.
The boy doesn't quite understand why he feels so much for these men, ones who wouldn't, didn't, hesitate to kill him and everyone he held dear. He does not understand why, but that doesn't stop him from feeling overwhelming guilt for what he has done. His tears begin to fall more freely now as his sorrow begins to fully take hold. His mind begins to slip away from reality, returning to a place deep within himself; a place he has been before but has no memory of.
The boy finds himself once again on a dark plane in the deepest recesses of his mind. He looks around the empty world, franticly searching for any form of life. Finding nothing he collapses to the ground and begins to sob uncontrollably. He hates the immense feeling of loneliness this place conveys to him. It is as if this entire world has been abandoned leaving nothing but emptiness. Images of the men that lay dead around his physical body push their way into the boy's mind; each one bringing out even more sorrow from the boy's soul. The boy simply continues to sob, his face buried in his hands in an attempt to drive away the images that assail him. Even in death these men give him no peace.
'Why do you feel remorse for these men?'
Startled, the boy turns around to see the cloaked man that he spoke with the last time he came to this place. Memories come flooding back into the boy of his first visit here. The being regards him with an impassive eye before cocking its head to the side and asking again.
'Tell me. Why do you feel remorse for the deaths of these men?'
'I. I... killed them. Why shouldn't I feel remorse for them?' the boy replies, still sobbing quietly.
'They tried to kill you. They brought it upon themselves. Why does this cause you unrest?' The image replies, still staring impassively at the boy, its eyes never leaving his downcast face. The boy's eyes slowly move upward, towards the being's enshrouded face.
'Even so, they didn't deserve to be utterly slaughtered like they were. No matter what they did to me they could never deserve what I did to them.' The boy breaks down and begins to cry uncontrollably once more; his gaze once again falling to the ground below him.
'They could and they did. There is nothing you could have done to those men that they had not earned through a lifetime of spilling innocent blood. Did you not think of what would happen if you had not killed them?' the image's voice booms inside the boy's head.
The boy turns his head upward again and regards the image through still falling tears. 'But even if they deserved to die, their deaths are still on my hands,' the boy sobs, still unable to bring himself to stop crying.
'Why do you still grieve for them?' the image asks after what seems like an eternity of silence.
'I. I don't know.' The boy replies, wiping the tears away from his eyes, ' I just don't know'
'You must understand that your grief can never bring them back' the image continues after a few moments, 'why must you continue in this pointless endeavor?'
'Why do you care?' the boy ventures, trying to catch the image off guard, 'just let me do as I wish.'
'If I were to do that then you would simply let yourself whither away and die, losing yourself in your grief, and I cannot have you doing that.' The being answers, a small grin forming under the deep shadows that cover its face.
'Why do you care whether I live or die?' The boy says after a pause to finish wiping the tears from his face.
'I have told you before boy, I am you, we are one and the same.'
'What do you mean?' the boy asks, confused, 'we are one and the same? I don't understand.'
'You will young one, you will,' the image says, its form quickly dissipating into the emptiness that surrounds them, 'for now, you must awaken, do not presume that those men you killed were the last that will come for you.'
'Wait! I still don't understand.' The boy yells out as the world around him shatters and he once again finds himself returned to reality. All memories of what has just happened are nothing more than fleeting images to him now.
It is night now and the boy absently wonders what has happened. It was morning last he knew and now it is night. He simply casts the question aside and prepares himself to continue running.
Author's notes: well another chapter done and a bunch more readers confused. I've done my job. On a side note, I've got a lot of complaints about killing off Auska and/or Rei but I assure you that it needed to be done to set up the story. Sorry people. Ja ne.
