Mary-Fricking-Sue: An Artemis Fowl Mary Sue Parody
By Ice Raider and His little bro Raziel Hi all! After some serious life consideration and re-reading of all my fanfics, and a good healthy dose of 'Quest Of The Walrus', I decided to post this. This is a Mary Sue Parody, it doesn't parody anyone's story, it just parodies Mary Sues everywhere. I hate Mary Sues. I hate my Mary Sues, I hate all Mary Sues. They are like inner demons, you have to face them, and stare the bitches down. ON WITH THE BASHING!!!!
BTW, no one take this personally, especially the excellent Authors of 'Foreign To Ireland', 'To A New Life' and that other one with the girl who can't stop spouting poetry, cause those aren't MS's. We should all see some of our characters in here, and laugh at them. So, let us laugh together.
A Mary Sue is a perfect female character who is super neat and intimidates the lead male character.
Chapter One: In Which We Meet Mary Sue
Mary Sue Jada Marina Aurora Evelyn Mara Alanna Melody (Insert Other Exotic Names Here) Longman strode purposefully down the corridor of the Majestic Twelve headquarters in Area 51. Her waist length black hair fanned out behind her and her huge emerald eyes flashed with determination. She swung open the door to the Commander's office with one sharp kick. She had been trained in Karate Ju Jitsu Judo Kung Fu, marksmanship and about 1,000,000 other super cool skills. She was an expert computer hacker, too.
The Commander sighed. "Mary Sue Jada Marina Aurora Evelyn Mara Alanna Melody (Insert Other Exotic Names Here) Longman, what do you want?"
Mary Sue Jada Marina Aurora Evelyn Mara Alanna Melody (Insert Other Exotic Names Here) Longman spoke in a voice like a whisper in the toilet drain, like a tinkling of bells being crushed by a semi trailer, yes, it was the most beautiful voice ever.
"Commander, I want a mission!" The Commander nodded. "Certainly, I have one right here. You have to find Artemis Fowl and, drum roll please!" A drum roll sounded throughout the office. "Hmm, that's not what happened before." Said the Commander. Just then a loud farting noise filled the room.
The Commander grinned. "That's more like it, anyway, you have to seduce Fowl, then get the dirt on him, while intimidating him as much as possible, and then you have to bring him in. Now, go send him an intimidating email or something so that you can have a love/hate relationship. MOVE YOUR ASS!"
Mary Sue Jada Marina Aurora Evelyn Mara Alanna Melody (Insert Other Exotic Names Here) Longman (who will be known as Mary Sue from now on) kicked the Commander's computer of his desk and sniffed. "I do what I want, thank you, Commander."
Artemis Fowl sat down at his computers. He was dressed in baggy black clothes, his hair was messy and he stank a little, because, in the time between Eternity Code and now, Artemis had got his memories of the Fairies back, but had decided to give crime the finger and was now that most divine and supreme of all humans.The COMPUTER GEEK!!! (BWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!)
He glanced through his extensive computer games collection, spilt some coffee down his shirt and decided to try and hack the Majestic 12 computer system. (So, maybe he hadn't given up all crime, so sue me, I'm the fricking narrator for frick's sake!)
(A/N: The Following Piece is taken from another story. To the Author, this is not meant to be an insult to you, I just thought that was a pretty cool bit, so I'm using it here. Please don't take it personally and try to ban me.)
Mary Sue grinned as she saw Artemis' electronic tendrils inch closer to total system control, then she kicked him out. "Don't screw with a Mary Sue."
He was just about to gain access to the system when a tiny box popped up. Inside the box was an animation of a toilet being flushed. Before his computers crashed Artemis could have sworn he heard a female voice say "Don't Screw With A Mary Sue."
By Ice Raider and His little bro Raziel Hi all! After some serious life consideration and re-reading of all my fanfics, and a good healthy dose of 'Quest Of The Walrus', I decided to post this. This is a Mary Sue Parody, it doesn't parody anyone's story, it just parodies Mary Sues everywhere. I hate Mary Sues. I hate my Mary Sues, I hate all Mary Sues. They are like inner demons, you have to face them, and stare the bitches down. ON WITH THE BASHING!!!!
BTW, no one take this personally, especially the excellent Authors of 'Foreign To Ireland', 'To A New Life' and that other one with the girl who can't stop spouting poetry, cause those aren't MS's. We should all see some of our characters in here, and laugh at them. So, let us laugh together.
A Mary Sue is a perfect female character who is super neat and intimidates the lead male character.
Chapter One: In Which We Meet Mary Sue
Mary Sue Jada Marina Aurora Evelyn Mara Alanna Melody (Insert Other Exotic Names Here) Longman strode purposefully down the corridor of the Majestic Twelve headquarters in Area 51. Her waist length black hair fanned out behind her and her huge emerald eyes flashed with determination. She swung open the door to the Commander's office with one sharp kick. She had been trained in Karate Ju Jitsu Judo Kung Fu, marksmanship and about 1,000,000 other super cool skills. She was an expert computer hacker, too.
The Commander sighed. "Mary Sue Jada Marina Aurora Evelyn Mara Alanna Melody (Insert Other Exotic Names Here) Longman, what do you want?"
Mary Sue Jada Marina Aurora Evelyn Mara Alanna Melody (Insert Other Exotic Names Here) Longman spoke in a voice like a whisper in the toilet drain, like a tinkling of bells being crushed by a semi trailer, yes, it was the most beautiful voice ever.
"Commander, I want a mission!" The Commander nodded. "Certainly, I have one right here. You have to find Artemis Fowl and, drum roll please!" A drum roll sounded throughout the office. "Hmm, that's not what happened before." Said the Commander. Just then a loud farting noise filled the room.
The Commander grinned. "That's more like it, anyway, you have to seduce Fowl, then get the dirt on him, while intimidating him as much as possible, and then you have to bring him in. Now, go send him an intimidating email or something so that you can have a love/hate relationship. MOVE YOUR ASS!"
Mary Sue Jada Marina Aurora Evelyn Mara Alanna Melody (Insert Other Exotic Names Here) Longman (who will be known as Mary Sue from now on) kicked the Commander's computer of his desk and sniffed. "I do what I want, thank you, Commander."
Artemis Fowl sat down at his computers. He was dressed in baggy black clothes, his hair was messy and he stank a little, because, in the time between Eternity Code and now, Artemis had got his memories of the Fairies back, but had decided to give crime the finger and was now that most divine and supreme of all humans.The COMPUTER GEEK!!! (BWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!)
He glanced through his extensive computer games collection, spilt some coffee down his shirt and decided to try and hack the Majestic 12 computer system. (So, maybe he hadn't given up all crime, so sue me, I'm the fricking narrator for frick's sake!)
(A/N: The Following Piece is taken from another story. To the Author, this is not meant to be an insult to you, I just thought that was a pretty cool bit, so I'm using it here. Please don't take it personally and try to ban me.)
Mary Sue grinned as she saw Artemis' electronic tendrils inch closer to total system control, then she kicked him out. "Don't screw with a Mary Sue."
He was just about to gain access to the system when a tiny box popped up. Inside the box was an animation of a toilet being flushed. Before his computers crashed Artemis could have sworn he heard a female voice say "Don't Screw With A Mary Sue."
