Chapter Five: MORE TOILET INCIDENTS?

Ok, I hope you lot are enjoying this so far! Is Mary Sue coming across as an MS parody, or as an MS? Are the toilets getting old?

Mary Sue wrinkled her nose as her brown hair fell past her hazel eyes as she lifted the old rag up from the depths of the toilet. After much fiddling with the broom, Mary Sue had managed to wrap a whole pile of, well, um, excretion, into the rag. She tied the rag to the end of the broom, doused it in kerosene, straddled the end of the broom as far away from the rag as she could, then turned and threw a match on it.

Now, excretion can be used, in its gas form, for electric power, and can also be rather explosive, so when Mary Sue dropped the match on the rag, the kero burst into flames, and so did the contents of the rag.

The resulting explosion propelled Mary Sue upwards toward a sky light in the roof, some twenty feet away.

"YES!" She cried, then she screamed and covered her face with her hands as the broom burst through the window.

Artemis sat at his computer, playing Splinter Cell, oblivious to the incident.

"YES!" Screamed Mary Sue again as the broom flew up into the air above Fowl manor. She turned as the flame on the tail died out, crackling up the last pieces of straw, but refusing to light the plastic rod. Then she realised there was one stage of her plan that had not been taken into account.

The Landing.

"NOOOO!" She screamed as the broom began to plummet toward earth. "NOOOOOO" She screamed, as if it would change her fate. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She yelled before running out of breath.

She tried to close her eyes, but the wind was forcing them open, and blowing her mouth open, as if she had four golf balls stuffed in each cheek. By now a small crowd had gathered on the front step, excluding Artemis.

Fortunately for Mary Sue, and the author, because this is an excellent story telling device which lets him continue this crappy story, a huge localised gale caught her broom and flung her in Artemis' bedroom window, just as he stood up to look through his CD collection.

Mary Sue smashed into the CD collection. CDs flew everywhere. Halflife, Morrowind, Soul Reaver, Tomb Raider, Serious Sam, Jedi Outcast, WarCraft III and.

"DEUS EX* (That's day-oos ex, people)" Screamed Artemis as one CD flew toward the open window. "NOOO!"

The game fell out the window, Artemis in tow. He grabbed it triumphantly, and promptly fell into his Mother's frog pond, keeping the precious CD above the water.

He climbed out, cold, shivering and with a frog on his head.

Love It? Hate It? *Deus Ex is a computer game, about a secret agent dude, JC Denton, it's got conspiracies, great characters, and your actions in the game affect its plot! It's the best game ever. Go buy it. If you haven't heard of it you must live under a rock on Mars. It's hugely popular, there's a sequel coming out this year, and a movie is planned!