Chapter sixteen- Miroku the moron and Jaken's diary

Disclaimer: ^__________________^

Author's notes: judging by the chapter title you just know our fav. Pervert is going to do something that's JUST SO HELPFUL!

~*~

Miroku, not having fully transformed yet, appeared to be more around the age of ten. He looked around and then started screaming when he saw Jaken, he ripped open his air rip, and Jaken didn't move an inch. The air rip was the size of a quarter and could only suck in some pebbles and other small objects.

"...MONK! What the hell are you doing?" Inu-yasha yelled at Miroku, suddenly he got bigger and so did his air rip.

.............

Jaken was slowly and yet powerfully sucked into the air rip with a blood- curtling scream.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!" Inu-yasha screamed as he realized that his only ticket for Kagome ever returning to normal, "YOU GOD DAMN MORON YOU JUST SUCKED OUR ONLY CHANCE OF CHANGING KAGOME---"

"And Sango."

"AND SANGO-"

"And Kikyo and Naraku and Shippou and Rin and Sesshoumaru, and Kouga, and Kanna and Kagura and....wait," Miroku counted on his fingers, "I think that's it, yeah, that's it."

Inu-yasha grabbed Miroku and started strangling him, "IM STUCK WITH YOU, A PERVERTED OLD LADY AND A BUNCH OF LITTLE KIDS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE I FUCKING HATE YOU IM GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"Relax Inu-yasha-"

"HOW CAN I RELAX WHEN KAGOME IS A LITTLE GIRL!?!?!?! ARE YOU (#@& and then I'll($&@(#&(@$&( you @74294e739749374)@#*)@*$)@*#)@*#)@$*#)($^ and %)%I'm gonna^*%)*$)*#)$*@)(*%*)$*^& SO )@#*)@!!)*)$@*)#(&%#(??????"

((AN: I'm going to leave a lovely lasting image for everyone out there, and sorry if I offended any one with Inu-chan's little swearing problem))

Inu-yasha swearing carried on for a few more hours as all the children were shoved into a different room in hopes of shielding their already destroyed virgin ears.

Miroku sat calmly, looking around with mild interest and smiled simply, nodding whenever a new death threat was thrown at him. He didn't really seem to care that Jaken was gone.

After Inu-yasha was on the ground, hoarse and out of breath Miroku said, "look on the bright side."

"Where have I heard this before?" Inu-yasha croaked.

"You still have me."

Silence.

"And you can do whatever you want with Kagome," Miroku winked and then paled as a very pissed off Inu-yasha came face to face with him, his face darker then the dark faces the chibis had during the chocolate god sacrifice incident. ((AN: that's really dark))

"ANYWAYS, why don't we have lunch," Miroku rubbed the bumps on his head and opened the cooking pot, taking a big nose-full, "Oh, this stuff smells good what is it."

"Kikyo."

"That's great I'll just--------O___________O........kikyo?"

"Yeah."

Miroku closed the lid over the pot very slowly.

~*~

Meanwhile in the chibi corner... ((AN: doesn't that sound just so cute? The chibi corner *scribbles it down on a piece of paper for later*))

Kagome pouted in her corner, Kouga tried to get her attention even if he thought girls were 'icky', Naraku hoped around like a bunny, still wearing his bunny cloak, Kagura watched her 'father' with deep and uttermost respect, Kanna stared at the wall, Sango played with kirara ((whose here for some reason, hush)), Shippou missed being bigger, Sesshoumaru was in the middle of a thumb sucking session, and Rin was staring at him happily.

They all listened with intrest at Inu-yasha's wonderful new vocabulary that was now 'cool' and they made a mental note to remember it for later, then it got quiet with some mumbles, then the smell of burnt clay filled the room, then stopped.

They all looked at each other and resumed what they were doing.

~*~

"Well at least I don't have to get chocolate."

"That's the sprit Inu-yasha."

"Shut up I still hate you."

"Now that's not very nice."

"Shut up."

"Make me," he looked at the menacing face of Inu-yasha, "Um never mind."

Kaede stirred her sister's corpse in the stew and smelled It, "you know Inu- yasha those chibis of your sure know how to cook."

Miroku grinned, "Yeah, what's for dinner tomorrow? Chicken fried Kouga."

Inu-yasha groaned, but to his dismay they continued.

Kaede smiled, "How about Sesshoumaru with a side of Shippou marinated in some lemon sauce?"

"Don't forget the frozen Sango, I'd lick her any day," Miroku had this far away look on his face much to Inu-yasha's disgust.

"THANK YOU FOR THAT LOVELY IMAGE YOU SICKO!"

"Any time," Miroku smiled, still imagining god knows what about Sango.

Kaede suddenly burst into a fit of laughter. Inu-yasha and Miroku looked at her wearily.

((AN: *ahem* behold Inu-yasha and Miroku's face: O__o))

Kaede held up a brown notebook like thing and the two men stopped their bickering to look at her with raised eyebrows.

The old woman cleared her throat, "I have before me, Jaken's diary, he did not die in vain and-"

"GOD DAMN IT WOMAN YOU NOW DECIDE TO BRING THIS OUT LET ME SEE THAT!"

"No!" Kaede stuck her tongue out and started to have a fit like a seven year old ((AN: what a wonderful image, ne?))

"Fine then, are you going to read it then Kaede-sama," Miroku asked as he sipped some tea that popped out of nowhere.

"..."

"Why yes, I will, Houshi-Sama," Kaede cleared her throat and then began, "DAY ONe: I looked around, wondering where I was, I clutched the flask gingerly in my hand as I awaited the scum bag Naraku to come, actually when he's not wearing that baboon cloak he has a nice ass and---"

"........."

"HA I KNEW JAKEN WAS GAY," Inu-yasha yelled triumphantly.

Kaede glared then continued, "And lately his baboon pelt has been stained, that no good bloody half breed's probably been pissing him off, too bad, with those circles under his eyes he loses his yummy expressions, making me want to just eat him up-"

"Kaede, that's grossing me out," Inu-yasha looked like he was on the verge of puking.

"-But Naraku will never compare to m' lord Sesshoumaru, if only I could get rid of Rin, then I could get milord alone and then I'd-"

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA DON'T TELL ME MY VIRGIN EARS!!" Inu- yasha said as he clutched his dog ears that were plastered to his head, "THAT'S MY BROTHER HES TAKING ABOUT THANK YOU!"

From the depths of the chibi corner, "WHATS A VIRGIN!?"

Kaede sighed, "are ye going to let me read Inu-yasha or are ye going to be an ass wipe?" she paused then continued, "I'll skip that...O_O lovely journal entry, Ahem, DAY TWO: the monkey pimp master has yet to arrive, I know he wants my spell, made from my toenails, which I have a lovely supply in Sesshy-Chan's tail, and of course, adding water will make it weak, so I always have to urge milord not to walk in the rain. He always listens. I wonder, does he think the same way about me?-"

"My brother is straight you know," Inu-yasha growled, "that damn toad, I'll never look at my brother the same way again."

"INUYASHA, stop interfering, this is highly entertaining," Miroku nodded to Kaede.

"But I'm getting besides the point here, I finally see Naraku coming and I present him with the arrow with my poison on it, he walks away with a lovely stride in his step and I have to admire him for being a single parent."

Inu-yasha had a look of disgust on his face, but he'd had that look for quiet some time now, "Hag, does it say anything about the cure?"

Kaede flipped through the page, "HEHEHEHHE, I mean, DAY SEVEN: I saw Inu- yasha today londging near a tree as the little kids danced around some burning corpses, I could tell they weren't real, but damn, did he look hot just sitting there all relaxed and-"

"KAEDE I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THAT THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" Inu-yasha covered his ears and rocked in a corner, "that has nothing to do with a cure!"

Kaede shrugged, "I just like watching you suffer."

~*~

AN: ok, I had to cut it off there, I was running out of ideas, and I'm so proud of myself, no one suspected Jaken, I was going to make Sesshoumaru the maker of the spell and then being the Einstein's reincarnation, I turned him into a chibi, and then all my back ups did too, so I had to dig around, but I wanted to use a character from the series, not an OC, because I just find those things annoying.

R+R

Tell me what you think! ^_^ and I personally don't think Jaken's gay, I just like making him an ass.