AARRRRRGGH!!!  *Breathing heavily*

So… angry……..

……………

Yeah, I'm back, with more Super Mario Kart SNES experiences to entertain you with.  I still play it all the time while listening to music.  In fact, on August 3rd, 2003, I beat both 150 cc Mushroom AND Flower Cups with maximum points!  Something else very special happened on that day too, but it's none of your business.  Ha ha!

Nelson from The Simpsons: You stole my laugh!  *Pounds fist into hand threateningly*

Me: Um… ah – ha – ha – ha - ha.

Japanese restaurant owner from The Simpsons: You stole MY laugh.  *Holding two razor-sharp butcher knives in each hand*

Me: *Gulp*  Hey!  This is a Mario fan fiction, so get lost!  And whip me up some fried rice while you're at it, okay?

Anyhoo, where was I?  Oh, yeah.  I was playing as Peach (um, duh!) in the 150 cc Flower Cup this morning, as always.  No Dr. Pepper Red Fusion this time, however, just water and a blueberry muffin that I baked myself. 

Well, it was the second track, Ghost Valley 2, I believe, and I was doing fine for the first two laps, dodging Bowser's fireballs and catching zippers, until the oversized spiky idiot came up from behind and threw a fireball in the center of a narrow curve.  Seeing that the fireballs move side to side relatively quickly, I was unable to dodge it, and Peach spun out, losing an insane number of coins, as always.

Well, I could have recovered and won the race, were it not for the ensuing events.  Before I could even begin to accelerate after the spin-out, DK Jr. came up from behind, pulled over sharply to his right, and bumped Peach ALL THE WAY over to the side of the track. 

"DK, you @#&^$%$ #%&^@$$!" she screamed while running into the obnoxious light brown tiles… my archenemy… light brown tiles… *shakes fist in air*  The tile right in front of her broke, falling into the pure blackness.

Now, what do you do, when there is no reverse option, no room to turn to either side, and straight in front of you is the gateway unto hell?  Heh.

"EEEEAAAAA!" Peach shrieked.  I didn't know whether to be happy about killing the bimbo, or angry about the evil DK Jr's mean, merciless tactics; while the chorus' bass line in "Cute Boring Love" by Blindside made my heartbeat race.  (Just in case you didn't know, that song advocates abstinence and purity.)

But anyway, after that money-grabbing thief Lakitu placed Peach back onto the wooden racetrack, and after I wondered why in the heck any sane go-kart driver would even drive on a slippery wooden racetrack, Luigi and Yoshi ganged up on Peach.  Geez, if she weren't already traumatized by nearly committing suicide, maybe she could've dodged an invincible Luigi to the left, and a shove from Yoshi on the right.

Alas, not even my own dexterity (ha ha) could rescue Peach from flying into the light br…rrrr…rown (grr…..!) tiles to the left on the straightaway.  Eh, at least there was plenty of room to accelerate forward!  But Peachie was all out of coins, unfortunately.  If you didn't already know, every time your character runs into or gets run into by another racer, they automatically lose one coin.  And when you get down to zero coins, your character will spin out if touched by another racer and when using the slide technique around a curve.  Doesn't sound so good, now, does it?  Um, no.  Um, duh.

Well!  I wish I could remember how I miraculously managed to get first place on that track, but my method involved mushroom speed-boost dude-thingies and a feather, which allows the racer one big jump, which is quite helpful when using shortcuts, which is quite helpful for winning races, which is quite helpful for winning trophies, which is-

Random reader: Shut up, BCR!

Me: You shut up, you random piece of-

Random reader: *Aims grenade launcher at my precious N64, Gamecube, and SNES, which are all lined up in that order, from left to right*

Me: *Gulp*  Okay!  *Shuts mouth while munching stone-ground corn tortilla chips*

*Sweating*  Anyways!  *Burp*  Um, gee, I'm kinda losing my inspiration, so I'll just end this chapter now.  I may add another chapter once I regain my short-term memory.  So!  Send me a review, if time permits.  Toodles!