AN: I'm actually going to turn this into a nice little collection of one- liner parodies. Now, review responses:

Lizzie Dark: I'm flattered. You'll enjoy this next one.

Daroga's Rainy Daae: Sometimes flaming is fun. PMS is good for one thing, no? Actually, I don't usually post here. I've just returned after a good three-month break of no ff.net. It really pisses me off the way the Sues have just taken over, and most good fanfic is being removed due to 'violations' or has given up and moved on to another site. I don't usually read Phantom of the Opera fanfic, I'm not too familiar with the book/musical (it's been a few years). I have faith that you are a good writer, just like the rest of us, and please see my other review for anything else.

Anne Parkington: Aye, it's very sarcastic. It's spawned from the depths of a grouchy old author's mind.*sigh* I remember when TPS was still here, and all the Sues had not been created.before the badfics drove away the goodfics. I'm getting nostalgic. Sorry. Anyhoo, thank you.

To all: *bows* Arigato. This next little ficlet is dedicated to my dearest friends at Cardboardia and soupfiction. We're all insane on the inside, but it takes a good fanfic and Pixy Stix to bring it out.

Disclaimer: What do you think? Me no own, you no sue, good for me, better for you. That also, is not mine. Iunno whose it is. Why's it better for you? Because all I have is some coffee and a sarcastic mind.

The Tolkien Purist Goes to Middle-earth

By: Yeah, yeah, you all know from the last chapter.

One day, Anna the Tolkien purist found herself in Middle-earth.

Now, there are three ways this story can go:

A: Anna decides "Screw Tolkien, I'm gonna wreak havoc on the canon." She succumbs to the manners of the Sue and tries to get in someone's pants until the PPC come and kill her.

B: True to her Purist nature, she is distraught that she has interfered with the canon in any way and kills herself in a most quiet and non-canon disturbing nature.

C: She, also, stays a Purist, but instead of dying, goes deep into Eryn Lasgalen, Fangorn, or the depths of the Wild, builds a non-canon disturbing house, and lives a hermit for the rest of her non-canon disturbing life.

Well, well, well. Anna now has three choices, and either way she'll kick the bucket eventually. Poor Anna. *evil grin* Anna decides (A, B, C) and follows that path.

The End.

AN: *wipes away a tear* It's good to be a sardonic old bitch, isn't it? Enjoy it? Great. Review, leave me a 'This is hilarious', I'll be happy. Hate it? Fun. Flame the crap outta me. I'm used to it. Remember: I will love you only if you leave me a well-rounded review. Flames I laugh at, praises I like, but even they can annoy me. One last thing: You wanna risk your life giving me 'OMG!!!!111 This SOOO sux!!!!111' reviews? Go ahead. I dare you. Sue author. *hisses*