Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. They are all property of
the Wachowski brothers and Warner Bros.
Thanks for all the lovely reviews! They do keep me going. And yes, I realize Trinity would have probably whipped out her gun and shot Persephone on the spot. But then there would be no more story to tell .
And yes, Jane, you have to keep me grounded. Knock me on the head whenever you think this story is getting out of hand. I am SOOO very busy and sleepy...sigh...finally earning my pay.
Chapter 2: Voyeur
Rated PG-13.
There was an outpouring of emotion channeling through Trinity at this moment that she could barely decipher - she only knew it involved rage - immense rage - bewilderment, chagrin, confusion, disbelief, irrational fear and back to rage again. She felt an unfamiliar flushing heating up her cheeks, and tried to contain it, as though it were possible to contain such emotion. What an embarrassment it would be if it showed, and especially in front of that goddammed...
(jeezuzfuckingchristbitch)
How dare that woman! How could she even conceive of something as low as that? The incredible temerity of it all..she was not even human, she was a program, and maybe that was why. Programs didn't have values or feelings. They were just like vampires, little mouths that fed on real humans until they sucked the lifeblood out of them.
No. Not Neo. They had just found each other, for heaven's sake. They had been through so much together. There could never be anyone else for her. In her previous life, before she was unhooked from the Matrix by Morpheus, she had had very few lovers. Most men found her too abstract, too involved in her vast cyberworld, too internalized (as one college professor with whom she had a brief fling put it). She had thrived on code and hacker chat rooms more than actual life. After finding out her 'real life' was a lie, she had no regrets about it.
She had never loved anyone as much as she loved Neo.
She remembered the first time she saw him. His digital signature in the Matrix, rather. The Oracle had told her she was predestined to love a man who was still trapped inside the Matrix, and that man would be The One. Thereafter, she had begun searching for him, even before Morpheus did. When they finally found him together, she had watched him for hours and days on end, especially when the others were not around. She felt guiltily like some twisted voyeur, but the curiosity was overwhelming. This is the one, the fortune tellers say, that she would love. Would she even have a choice in the matter?
Even as the wheels were turning, she was falling in love with him, just looking at him through green-colored glasses. Here, the suggestion predated the event, just like the man who had psyched himself up so much to think he was ill that he actually became ill. She was psyching herself up to love him; and really, it was so easy. They were kindred spirits, both solitary hackers more inclined to spend their evenings at the computer terminal than with live people. As far as she knew, since she started watching him, he had not dated. He did not seem to be in contact with his family, if he had any. He had a few friends who popped in occasionally, but most of his connections seemed to be with cyberspace people, across miles and leagues of digital flotsam. He ordered in pizza, or had Chinese take away. He rarely went out.
He was alone. So very, very alone.
What are you doing now, she would venture daily, sitting by the terminals, watching the digitized green code streaming across her Neoworld. Are you sleeping well? Are you as restless as I am? What are you thinking? What do you actually look like, in the flesh?
When Morpheus had made the decision to contact him one fateful day, she volunteered to be one to meet him.
'You want the first peek, Trinity?' Cypher had drawled. He was fascinatingly intuitive. She just wished she didn't dislike him so much.
'None of your goddamned business.'
She had followed him and his friends to a Goth club, the kind where leather, manacles and spanking predominated. When she saw him close up for the first time, standing in a corner all by himself, again distancing himself from everybody, she was taken aback. He was beautiful. That was the only word with which she could describe him. He had features that were finely crafted and exquisite, as though an artisan had wrought a pen to them, with soft brown eyes that were pools of mirroring innocence. Although his face was prettier than any girl's, he remained remotely masculine. Nevertheless, it was a passive masculinity that was as mysterious as it was vulnerable; he radiated an aura that was both fragile and otherworldly.
We would have to do something about that, she thought. It was his eyes. They betrayed everything. When they got him out, she would have to teach him how to shade them, to give him a mask of imperviousness.
In this club, he was a sadist's dream come true.
She would have to protect him.
She would spend most of the rest of her life thinking that. No matter what superhuman powers he acquired, no matter how many times he spun round the world, saving it, she would always have to be there for him. Maybe he knew that too, because he seemed to need her as much as she needed him, understandably more so. She had had years to acclimatize herself to the real world. He had only been unplugged for six months.
It was strange, to be needed so much for once in her life.
She wondered if that would be an obstacle to their relationship. The fact that he sometimes clung to her, like she was the only rudder he had in this brave new world. It was in those times that she felt more like his mother. Would she remain attracted to a man like that? A superhero who had so many angst issues that he walked about in the real world seriously insecure, like a stranger in a strange land?
One look into his eyes dispelled all that. She would have no doubts that she loved him, and would continue to love him. It was the entire package - his strength, his vulnerability, his earnestness, his whimsy - she had no regrets about loving him whatsoever.
And now she would have to make a choice, because he was looking at her once again for direction (permission?) on how to proceed with Persephone. The damned woman was looking smugly at both of them...oh, she knew how to get a rival's panties into a bunch. Trinity felt like whipping out her gun and emptying its load into that infuriatingly knowing face.
What was to stop her actually?
Temper, Trinity, temper.
She did it anyway before anyone could object, although she had no intention of pulling the trigger (they all knew Persephone was vital to their quest). It was more to show the woman she was no easy pushover, and that there would be severe repercussions should anything go wrong.
'I could shoot you where you're standing right now.'
'But you won't,' Persephone replied, still maddeningly in repose, like an icy Snow Queen. 'You need me and you know it.'
'Trinity,' Morpheus cautioned. He nodded to Persephone. 'If you would excuse us, the three of us will have to talk.'
'Of course. I'll step outside.'
Trinity watched the lithe white figure in that impossibly tight dress slink out of the bathroom. Her fingers were still gripping the barrel of her gun, she didn't want to let it go.
'There has to be another way,' Neo said as soon as Persephone was out of earshot. 'I could find out where the Merovingian lives, and probe around until we find the Keymaker. He's got to have him in a room somewhere..'
'But there's no time,' Morpheus interrupted. 'The Merovingian specializes in codes that are hidden in tumbles. Every door has its own lock and password, much like that corridor you were in when Seraph took you to see the Oracle. The Keymaker could well be hidden in an Arctic cave, accessed only by a key available to those who control it. It would take us hours to hack through the code, even if we knew where the connecting doors were in the first place.'
'What are you saying, Morpheus?' Trinity could barely suppress her rage. 'Are you saying you want him to go through with it with that...that creature? Is that the choice you want him to make?'
Morpheus did not look at her. 'Neo, know that whatever you decide, remember that your body here is but a construct. It is nothing more than a digital imprint. Whatever you do here is merely a projection of your thoughts.'
'You're making the choice for him even before he's had the chance to make it himself.' Trinity gritted her teeth. 'Damn you, Morpheus.'
'Trinity, sometimes we have to make sacrifices. You of all people should know that.' The captain nodded at them both. 'I will leave you both to talk about it.'
Trinity felt as though she would implode. The whole world was against her, and now that Neo was turning towards her, she could feel the cogs in his brain clicking..Jesus, he couldn't be contemplating it, could he? Not him surely.
'He's right, Trinity,' Neo said in a low voice. 'We don't have time. I've done many things in here I'm not proud of - all those people still connected to the system I've killed, all in the name of the greater good...I've got more blood on my hands than anyone else here put together.' He shook his head sadly. 'Some messiah I'm turning out to be. I'd always thought messiahs were supposed to be pure, clean and innocent. So this...tryst is nothing. It's just a mind game, that's all.'
'You mean a mind fuck.' She closed her eyes. 'God...why does it have to hurt so much?'
Suddenly, she felt the need to look into his eyes, to see him revealed before her. As though reading her mind, he complied, removing his shades. There were those eyes again, so compelling, like wells of deep hurt.
'I am not betraying you, Trinity. I love you, you know that. You will always be the only one for me.' He looked away. 'I've never been too good with words, and I don't know how to convince you otherwise. But this is nothing...nothing at all. It's like being involved in a virtual reality game, like one of those "Woman in the red dress" programs.'
Yes, poor Mouse. She had sifted through his programs, from the mundane to the risque. She would always miss him terribly.
'You played that program?' She was unable to hide the edge in her voice.
It was really unbecoming of her to be this jealous. She was a female warrior, icy and strong, and needless emotions would only get into the way of her purpose, which was exactly what was happening now. Curses, she was being twisted in and out, getting all hormonal and becoming everything she had always hated in a woman.
'You have me in the real world.' He took her hand and held it against his chest. 'Always remember that.' He squeezed her hand. 'That is what counts. Remember all those chances we had to be together in the Matrix? We never took them, because we wanted everything we had to be real.'
'Yes, I know that.' She felt as though her heart would break. He was right, of course, him and Morpheus. Every word.
She wanted one final kiss to be sure though before she surrendered him to that woman. So she took his face in her palms and kissed him, long, full and searching, on the lips. He responded hungrily. Tell yourself, she thought, that this is but a figment of your imagination, a rendering of neural synapses in your brain. And if you can fool yourself into thinking that, I will applaud you.
She was no fool. She had never been one.
Oh, he loved her. She had no doubt about it. But there would be something that would be irrevocably changed about him.. After the event...she instinctively knew it. She had a premonition that something bad was about to happen.
'Go,' she said, a curious sense of numbness spreading across her body, 'before I change my mind.'
'Remember, I love you.'
She watched him exit the bathroom, dread settling all around her.
Thanks for all the lovely reviews! They do keep me going. And yes, I realize Trinity would have probably whipped out her gun and shot Persephone on the spot. But then there would be no more story to tell .
And yes, Jane, you have to keep me grounded. Knock me on the head whenever you think this story is getting out of hand. I am SOOO very busy and sleepy...sigh...finally earning my pay.
Chapter 2: Voyeur
Rated PG-13.
There was an outpouring of emotion channeling through Trinity at this moment that she could barely decipher - she only knew it involved rage - immense rage - bewilderment, chagrin, confusion, disbelief, irrational fear and back to rage again. She felt an unfamiliar flushing heating up her cheeks, and tried to contain it, as though it were possible to contain such emotion. What an embarrassment it would be if it showed, and especially in front of that goddammed...
(jeezuzfuckingchristbitch)
How dare that woman! How could she even conceive of something as low as that? The incredible temerity of it all..she was not even human, she was a program, and maybe that was why. Programs didn't have values or feelings. They were just like vampires, little mouths that fed on real humans until they sucked the lifeblood out of them.
No. Not Neo. They had just found each other, for heaven's sake. They had been through so much together. There could never be anyone else for her. In her previous life, before she was unhooked from the Matrix by Morpheus, she had had very few lovers. Most men found her too abstract, too involved in her vast cyberworld, too internalized (as one college professor with whom she had a brief fling put it). She had thrived on code and hacker chat rooms more than actual life. After finding out her 'real life' was a lie, she had no regrets about it.
She had never loved anyone as much as she loved Neo.
She remembered the first time she saw him. His digital signature in the Matrix, rather. The Oracle had told her she was predestined to love a man who was still trapped inside the Matrix, and that man would be The One. Thereafter, she had begun searching for him, even before Morpheus did. When they finally found him together, she had watched him for hours and days on end, especially when the others were not around. She felt guiltily like some twisted voyeur, but the curiosity was overwhelming. This is the one, the fortune tellers say, that she would love. Would she even have a choice in the matter?
Even as the wheels were turning, she was falling in love with him, just looking at him through green-colored glasses. Here, the suggestion predated the event, just like the man who had psyched himself up so much to think he was ill that he actually became ill. She was psyching herself up to love him; and really, it was so easy. They were kindred spirits, both solitary hackers more inclined to spend their evenings at the computer terminal than with live people. As far as she knew, since she started watching him, he had not dated. He did not seem to be in contact with his family, if he had any. He had a few friends who popped in occasionally, but most of his connections seemed to be with cyberspace people, across miles and leagues of digital flotsam. He ordered in pizza, or had Chinese take away. He rarely went out.
He was alone. So very, very alone.
What are you doing now, she would venture daily, sitting by the terminals, watching the digitized green code streaming across her Neoworld. Are you sleeping well? Are you as restless as I am? What are you thinking? What do you actually look like, in the flesh?
When Morpheus had made the decision to contact him one fateful day, she volunteered to be one to meet him.
'You want the first peek, Trinity?' Cypher had drawled. He was fascinatingly intuitive. She just wished she didn't dislike him so much.
'None of your goddamned business.'
She had followed him and his friends to a Goth club, the kind where leather, manacles and spanking predominated. When she saw him close up for the first time, standing in a corner all by himself, again distancing himself from everybody, she was taken aback. He was beautiful. That was the only word with which she could describe him. He had features that were finely crafted and exquisite, as though an artisan had wrought a pen to them, with soft brown eyes that were pools of mirroring innocence. Although his face was prettier than any girl's, he remained remotely masculine. Nevertheless, it was a passive masculinity that was as mysterious as it was vulnerable; he radiated an aura that was both fragile and otherworldly.
We would have to do something about that, she thought. It was his eyes. They betrayed everything. When they got him out, she would have to teach him how to shade them, to give him a mask of imperviousness.
In this club, he was a sadist's dream come true.
She would have to protect him.
She would spend most of the rest of her life thinking that. No matter what superhuman powers he acquired, no matter how many times he spun round the world, saving it, she would always have to be there for him. Maybe he knew that too, because he seemed to need her as much as she needed him, understandably more so. She had had years to acclimatize herself to the real world. He had only been unplugged for six months.
It was strange, to be needed so much for once in her life.
She wondered if that would be an obstacle to their relationship. The fact that he sometimes clung to her, like she was the only rudder he had in this brave new world. It was in those times that she felt more like his mother. Would she remain attracted to a man like that? A superhero who had so many angst issues that he walked about in the real world seriously insecure, like a stranger in a strange land?
One look into his eyes dispelled all that. She would have no doubts that she loved him, and would continue to love him. It was the entire package - his strength, his vulnerability, his earnestness, his whimsy - she had no regrets about loving him whatsoever.
And now she would have to make a choice, because he was looking at her once again for direction (permission?) on how to proceed with Persephone. The damned woman was looking smugly at both of them...oh, she knew how to get a rival's panties into a bunch. Trinity felt like whipping out her gun and emptying its load into that infuriatingly knowing face.
What was to stop her actually?
Temper, Trinity, temper.
She did it anyway before anyone could object, although she had no intention of pulling the trigger (they all knew Persephone was vital to their quest). It was more to show the woman she was no easy pushover, and that there would be severe repercussions should anything go wrong.
'I could shoot you where you're standing right now.'
'But you won't,' Persephone replied, still maddeningly in repose, like an icy Snow Queen. 'You need me and you know it.'
'Trinity,' Morpheus cautioned. He nodded to Persephone. 'If you would excuse us, the three of us will have to talk.'
'Of course. I'll step outside.'
Trinity watched the lithe white figure in that impossibly tight dress slink out of the bathroom. Her fingers were still gripping the barrel of her gun, she didn't want to let it go.
'There has to be another way,' Neo said as soon as Persephone was out of earshot. 'I could find out where the Merovingian lives, and probe around until we find the Keymaker. He's got to have him in a room somewhere..'
'But there's no time,' Morpheus interrupted. 'The Merovingian specializes in codes that are hidden in tumbles. Every door has its own lock and password, much like that corridor you were in when Seraph took you to see the Oracle. The Keymaker could well be hidden in an Arctic cave, accessed only by a key available to those who control it. It would take us hours to hack through the code, even if we knew where the connecting doors were in the first place.'
'What are you saying, Morpheus?' Trinity could barely suppress her rage. 'Are you saying you want him to go through with it with that...that creature? Is that the choice you want him to make?'
Morpheus did not look at her. 'Neo, know that whatever you decide, remember that your body here is but a construct. It is nothing more than a digital imprint. Whatever you do here is merely a projection of your thoughts.'
'You're making the choice for him even before he's had the chance to make it himself.' Trinity gritted her teeth. 'Damn you, Morpheus.'
'Trinity, sometimes we have to make sacrifices. You of all people should know that.' The captain nodded at them both. 'I will leave you both to talk about it.'
Trinity felt as though she would implode. The whole world was against her, and now that Neo was turning towards her, she could feel the cogs in his brain clicking..Jesus, he couldn't be contemplating it, could he? Not him surely.
'He's right, Trinity,' Neo said in a low voice. 'We don't have time. I've done many things in here I'm not proud of - all those people still connected to the system I've killed, all in the name of the greater good...I've got more blood on my hands than anyone else here put together.' He shook his head sadly. 'Some messiah I'm turning out to be. I'd always thought messiahs were supposed to be pure, clean and innocent. So this...tryst is nothing. It's just a mind game, that's all.'
'You mean a mind fuck.' She closed her eyes. 'God...why does it have to hurt so much?'
Suddenly, she felt the need to look into his eyes, to see him revealed before her. As though reading her mind, he complied, removing his shades. There were those eyes again, so compelling, like wells of deep hurt.
'I am not betraying you, Trinity. I love you, you know that. You will always be the only one for me.' He looked away. 'I've never been too good with words, and I don't know how to convince you otherwise. But this is nothing...nothing at all. It's like being involved in a virtual reality game, like one of those "Woman in the red dress" programs.'
Yes, poor Mouse. She had sifted through his programs, from the mundane to the risque. She would always miss him terribly.
'You played that program?' She was unable to hide the edge in her voice.
It was really unbecoming of her to be this jealous. She was a female warrior, icy and strong, and needless emotions would only get into the way of her purpose, which was exactly what was happening now. Curses, she was being twisted in and out, getting all hormonal and becoming everything she had always hated in a woman.
'You have me in the real world.' He took her hand and held it against his chest. 'Always remember that.' He squeezed her hand. 'That is what counts. Remember all those chances we had to be together in the Matrix? We never took them, because we wanted everything we had to be real.'
'Yes, I know that.' She felt as though her heart would break. He was right, of course, him and Morpheus. Every word.
She wanted one final kiss to be sure though before she surrendered him to that woman. So she took his face in her palms and kissed him, long, full and searching, on the lips. He responded hungrily. Tell yourself, she thought, that this is but a figment of your imagination, a rendering of neural synapses in your brain. And if you can fool yourself into thinking that, I will applaud you.
She was no fool. She had never been one.
Oh, he loved her. She had no doubt about it. But there would be something that would be irrevocably changed about him.. After the event...she instinctively knew it. She had a premonition that something bad was about to happen.
'Go,' she said, a curious sense of numbness spreading across her body, 'before I change my mind.'
'Remember, I love you.'
She watched him exit the bathroom, dread settling all around her.
