Final Fantasy VII and all related names and characters are property of Square.
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Chapter Three
"No! Not the flying zucchinis again!" Yuffie woke with a gasp, and quickly scanned the area for signs of aerial vegetables. Finding none, she relaxed and turned to check on Rufus...
...who, incidentally, had gone. A small white figure trudging down the road to Kalm about a quarter-mile off indicated where.
"HEY!" she yelled, and set out at a run to overtake the escapee. Within a minute, she caught up, and yelled "HEY!" again for good measure before setting in on her speech. "Where do you think you're going?"
"What does it look like?" he replied in a sarcastic tone very different from that of before. "I'm going to Kalm."
"Well I rescued you, so you can't go anywhere until you tell me what I want to know. And don't say you've got amnesia or something, cause that would just be SO stupid and cliche."
"Yes, I do have amnesia, as a matter of fact; I can't remember why I went with you in the first place." He quickened his pace, but Yuffie kept up easily. "And I have no idea what either of us are doing here, or why I'm not dead; in fact, I don't actually know that I'm not dead."
"Some help you are."
"May I suggest that you leave so you won't have to put up with me anymore? And don't think I'm in your debt; staying there would have made no difference to me at all."
She thought for a moment, then shook her head. "As much as I hate you, we'll have to keep together if we want to have any chance of finding out what happened just now. I hope you're at least a bit curious about why people are coming back from the dead."
"........"
"Fine. Be that way. But you're going to have to get used to having me around. Besides, I have to keep an eye on things in case you try any more evil deeds."
"Very prudent of you," he muttered.
"Yes, I thought so... Wait! Are you mocking me?"
"I wouldn't dream of it."
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Two hours later, they arrived in Kalm, dusty, tired, and both extremely annoyed. The road there had looked much the same; Kalm itself was rather different. After the destruction of Midgar, it had been deluged by refugees, who soon made it into a major city. Though nowhere near as big as Midgar had been, it now boasted several skyscrapers and an extensive suburbs.
"I think I liked it better when it was just a town," moaned Yuffie as they emerged from the confusing maze of streets into a large plaza. Seeing that they were no longer lost, however, she cheered up a bit. "So what do we do now that we're in Kalm?"
"First we find out if our -- or should I say my -- money still works," said Rufus, employing a tone normally used for explaining very simple things to idiot children. "Then find a place to stay the night. I suppose you'll insist on coming along?"
"Have you not been listening to anything I say? Yes, I'm coming." She scanned the area. "That looks a likely place over there," she said, pointing to an establishment across the square.
"That looks like a cheap second-rate motel to me."
"Cheap being the operative word. You do realize that we have to save our money? What'll we do if it runs out before we can find more?"
"I suppose you're right. Let's go."
It was indeed a second-rate motel, and, as it turned out, the only one with rooms in the city. "It's the Annual Historical Festival," explained the manager from behind a huge mug of coffee which was apparently the only thing keeping him awake. "Every year. Big crowds of crazy history lovers. Lots of parties and costume shtuff..." He nodded off temporarily, but woke up when Yuffie jogged his mug. "Mf? Oh yeah... rooms. You're lucky, cause we just had a cancellation. Unfortunately, we have only one bed left. That might not be a problem, but you'll have to share the room with another party, so try not to disturb them." He raised his eyebrows meaningly. Perceiving that both of his customers looked disgusted and outraged, he added, "But we can also provide extra blankets if one of you wants to sleep on the floor."
"Yes please," said both at the same time.
Rufus produced a handful of coins; seeing them, the manager choked on his coffee. "Where'd you get these? They're pre-Meteor coins, aren't they? I saw some history nut bragging that he bought one for 2,000 gil!"
"We don't have any money left from buying them all," lied Yuffie, "so we'll give you one instead of the 250 gil for the night."
"Oh, certainly," said the manager, pocketing his one coin so they couldn't change their minds and handing over a pile of grayish blankets. "Your room is upstairs -- third on the left."
Yuffie stomped all the way up the stairs and down the hall. "That was so disgusting the way he was hinting... stuff. Oh, it makes me feel sick."
"Well, I'm flattered, but I think I have more reason to be disgusted. I can't believe he thought I would be involved with someone like you."
"Oh, shut up." She opened the door to a large room with several beds; all but one were occupied by sleeping vacationers. She dumped the blankets on the floor and flopped down on the empty bed. "Good night, and if you try anything I will seriously kill you."
"Wait a second. I'm the one paying for this, so you sleep on the floor tonight. Get off the bed and take your blankets."
"Are you kidding? I'm the lady here, and besides, I deserve to sleep on the bed. Who rescued you from a bunch of dangerous archaeologists?"
"If you hadn't, you wouldn't even have a roof over your head right now. You should be thankful that I even let you stay."
"Oh yeah?"
They argued for another half-hour; eventually, they just pushed the occupant out of one of the other beds so there would be two, and went to sleep grumbling about each other's stubbornness.
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Next morning...
Having been woken up bright and early by an irate and rather stiff hotel guest, Yuffie drew up a plan for further action. It ran as follows:
1. Find a shop and sell the old money to some sucker.
2. Find a history book so we can figure out what's been happening while I was dead.
3. Get something to eat... No, make that number two.
4. Figure out what else to do.
Looking over her shoulder, Rufus remarked sarcastically, "It's fortunate you're along; I would certainly never have spotted such blindingly obvious things to do on my own."
"So excuse me for wanting to plan clearly! You obviously have no planning skills anyway, seeing as you made such a huge mess of everything last time we were alive, getting Midgar attacked by monsters and all that..." She trailed off, looking back. Rufus turned abruptly and headed for the door. "Oh, sensitive, are we?" she said cuttingly. He closed the door behind him with a bit more force than usual. On reflection, Yuffie felt a little bit guilty for having said that... but not too much. Besides, now she could finish her planning in peace. Humming happily, she took up her pencil again.
They met some time later outside the motel; Yuffie toyed with the idea of apologizing for her earlier remarks, but discarded it on the grounds that they had been true anyway and he'd probably just use it as an excuse to insult her again. Having sold most of his money to a dumbstruck antiques dealer, (while Yuffie spun an implausible yarn about having dug it up on some island south of Mideel) they procured a form of breakfast from a drab cafe and made inquiries as to the nearest library.
"Take the bus from the next corner," said the bored girl behind the counter, "the one with all the crazy people in costumes on it. The library's right next to where the festival's being held."
"Thank you!" chirped Yuffie, now feeling on top of the world after two dubious eggs, a doughnut and a mug of heavily sugared tea. At the bus stop, though, she had a worrying thought: "What if someone recognizes us?" she wondered aloud.
"First," replied Rufus, "I doubt if anyone will recognize you, and second, has it not once occurred to you that at this festival there will be dozens of people dressed as historical characters walking around?"
Yuffie felt rather stupid to have missed that fact, so she grumbled, "I never thought I'd be an historical character... it makes me feel too old."
"Get used to it, then; it seems you'll be one the rest of your life if we never find a way to get back," was the reply, which she found less than comforting.
At this point, the bus arrived. As the cafe girl had said, it was filled with "crazy people in costumes," which unnerved her to no end; especially disconcerting was seeing several people dressed as members of AVALANCHE. A red-headed woman dressed as an obscure figure from the history of North Corel complimented her on the realism of her costume.
"Where did you get the shuriken?" she gushed. "I've been looking for one just like it for my costume, but you simply can't get weapons from Wutai these days..."
"You mean you wanted to dress up as me... uh, Yuffie?" asked Yuffie. This is very freaky...
"Oh yes, dear, but I doubt I could ever do as well as you. Why, you look just like her pictures! Not that there are many, though; have you ever seen the one of her with the noodles and that mechanical moogle? That's a real personality coming through... you don't get that often from old pictures."
"WHAT?" gasped Yuffie. "I ordered Cloud to burn that! Oh, he is in so much trouble when I get back..." She stopped, seeing the woman's surprised glance. "Er, just, y'know, keeping in character and all that," she explained nervously. "I, um, think you really need to... to understand people's characters... um, like what they would say and... stuff like that."
To her relief, the other accepted the explanation. "Oh yes, I think so too. And you certainly do a wonderful job of it, too! It's nice to meet someone who really gets into their role."
"Uh... thank you." Are these people all half crazy?
The bus stopped at their station with a jerk, and most of the occupants poured out. On the steps of the imposing and brand-new looking library a crowd was milling around; in the larger square in front several booths selling old artifacts or holding trivia contests had been set up. Though the fair looked enticing, Yuffie resignedly followed Rufus into the library.
Inside it was cool and much calmer; a long line of people snaked around the sides of the large central room. They seemed to be waiting to get into a door on the right; a sign above proclaimed that the attraction was a special documentary showing during the fair, and its title -- "A Study of the Shinra Period and the Fall of Meteor."
"Hey, let's go in there!" said Yuffie. "We might find out something about what happened afterwards." Rufus seemed to think it would be a waste of time, but allowed her to lead the way to the end of the line. In about five minutes, the doors were opened and the audience took their seats in a small auditorium. The lights dimmed, and the documentary started.
It was an hour long, and for the most part told them nothing they didn't know already; ironically, it focused mostly on the Shinra Corporation and featured as a rare and precious find rescued from an old TV station a fifteen-minute propaganda video of Rufus himself making a speech, which both of them had seen many times and found extremely boring (and in one case, unpleasant to remember).
"Now will you just let me find the information we need?" said Rufus when they emerged, annoyed at having lost an hour. "I didn't think I could watch that speech one more time and make it through alive."
"I make a point of not giving boring speeches," Yuffie retorted. "My legacy won't be one of sleep-inducing documentaries."
"That's because you don't have one."
"Hmph."
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Amalie ("Emmy") Barton emerged from the darkened auditorium a few steps behind our quarreling heroes, notebook clutched to her chest, and stood for a moment blinking in the strong light. She was a history student at a college in another town, and had taken advantage of the holiday break to come and see this same boring feature. Always eager for more chances to learn about her ancestors, the branch of the family her relatives liked to keep quiet about, she had thought it most interesting.
She wondered if she should talk to some of the attendees in costume; they tended to do quite a lot of research into their chosen characters, and might have some insights... Looking around, she spotted a likely one -- a young man seemingly dressed as the infamous giver of boring speeches was walking away at a brisk pace towards the wing where books on history were kept... She hurried after him.
She lost him momentarily among the shelves, but spotted him again facing away from her at the end of an aisle. As she approached, he said in an annoyed tone to someone around the corner: "No, you idiot, we do not need books on the history of bubblegum, I don't care how "neat" they are. You're wasting time. We're looking for the post-Meteor period."
Oh good, that's very close to what I want to know about. These people really do go in for realism, don't they? Even to the point of imitating voices. Kind of creepy, really...
"Excuse me, I'm doing some research on the Shinra period and I..." She was startled into silence momentarily when he turned round. It's unbelieveable! He's got the exact same face -- maybe he's a distant relative!
"What is it? I'm very busy right now and -- What are you staring at?"
"Oh, I'm sorry! It's just that you look so much like... like..."
"Rufus Shinra? Yes, I can see why you would think that. Considering..." A girl with an armload of books came running round the corner and collided with him and with Emmy, sending all three sprawling on the floor.
"What are you doing?" he snapped at the girl, who was also, Emmy saw, in costume as one of the lesser-known members of AVALANCHE -- she couldn't remember which -- complete with a dangerous-looking symmetrical bladed weapon which Emmy was sure must be illegal.
"You told me to make it snappy, so I made it snappy and look where it got us," replied the girl cheerfully. "But while you were chatting up girls, I found all these useful books! And there's all these tables where you can sit down. Let's go over there, cause my feet ache now."
"Er, would you mind if I came with you? You see, I'm doing some research, and I'd like to ask you a few questions."
"Fine," muttered the young man irritably, getting to his feet. "We've got all the time in the world, I suppose. Being dead."
"Oh, don't mind him," said the girl, helping Emmy up. "He's just snarky like that. We haven't introduced ourselves, have we? I'm --" she thought, as if deciding on something -- "I'm Yumi! And this rude guy over here is Ru- er, Rude- um, Rue! Yeah! Like the herb, you know."
"Yuf- I mean, Yumi, you have a very uncreative mind. That must be the worst false name I've ever had," said "Rue."
Emmy blinked. These people were very odd... should she really be getting mixed up with them? But the girl Yumi had her by the arm and was already pulling her towards the reading tables, so she supposed she had no choice now. She sat down across from the pair of lunatics or, possibly, over-zealous history buffs.
"Well, I guess I should introduce myself now. My name is Amalie -- Emmy -- Barton, and I'm a history student from Calintz. Um... the reason why I was so surprised to see you is that I thought you might be a relative of mine. I'm a distant descendant of the Shinra family, you know, from a sister-in-law of the original president of the company, so..."
"Wow!" said Yumi. "What a coincidence! A descendant! Should we tell her?"
"I think so," replied "Rue". "My relatives were always worthless, but they may be able to provide us with more information and they're probably too spineless to sell the story."
"What?" gasped Emmy. "So you are a relative after all! Are you a criminal or something?"
"You might say that."
"Now... now look, just because we're related doesn't mean I'll help you evade the law! I should go!"
"I don't think you get the point," said Yumi. "Probably, you know, because we haven't told you yet."
"All right," said Emmy, determined to carry this through even if it meant risking being in the presence of these lunatics, "what is the point?"
"The point," said "Rue" in exasperation, "is that this is not a festival-goer, but the real Yuffie Kisaragi. Whereas I am an actual relative of yours, but one you probably don't want to know -- meet Rufus, your third cousin fourteen times or so removed." He sat back to observe the effect this would have.
Emmy stared and gave a slight gasp. She remained motionless for almost thirty seconds, apparently trying to say something.
"Hey, do you think she's breathing?" worried Yumi/Yuffie. "Should I poke her or something?"
But Emmy recovered herself at that. "I - I can't believe that! You're talking about time travel! It's impossible and completely made up!" She jumped up and backed away from the table. "I'm... I'm going to call the police if you try anything, so you have one chance to give me some sort of proof."
"What do you want? Voice patterns? DNA samples? I must warn you, though, if you have tests done and anyone finds out, you'll probably be put in prison for 'helping' me."
"Wh- what?" she quavered. "Well... don't you have any other way of proving it?"
He handed her the remaining pre-Meteor money and the identification card they had used to escape Midgar. Emmy looked closely at the money, then scrutinized the card, holding it up to the light carefully, as if she were afraid it might break. "This is a genuine Shinra Inc. identification card! And it does have your photo on it... and it does say "President" in big letters --"
"Just in case I ever forgot who I was."
"-- and you can't really forge these things, their security features were made with some old technology that's been lost... So I suppose," she said slowly, giving the card back, "that you really are genuine... I never thought I'd meet a third cousin of mine, especially not one who was fourteen times removed and a legendary figure of oppression."
"Life's little surprises for you. So, shall we go somewhere more -- private," he looked around at the curious readers sitting at other tables, "to discuss this further?"
"Oh... Er, yes, I guess we can go to my aunt's apartment. That's where I'm staying, but you'll have to go before she comes back on Tuesday -- I don't think she could handle the shock. I'm not handling it too well myself..."
"Don't worry," said Yuffie, extending a supporting arm, "I felt that way too when I realized I wasn't dead. Kind of like drowning in fluffy cotton candy, huh?"
Emmy blinked again.
"Don't do that, Yuffie, you'll drive her mad with your insane chatter before she can tell us anything," said Rufus.
"Oh... oh I'll be all right," Emmy said, "but I'm really looking forward to an explanation of all this."
They used Emmy's card to take out the history books (incidentally, the books were never returned and Emmy would some years later be quite distressed when she received a letter informing her of her 300 gil debt to the Kalm library.) and boarded the bus once again -- there's item four on my list completed, thought Yuffie as she settled into a drowsy nap in her seat.
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author's notes: I hope this chapter is better than the last; as you can see, the humor aspect is becoming more and more evident now. It's been a month since the last chapter -- a bit of a long wait, but inspiration held off until last week. I've been writing other things instead, though, and I hope to get some of those up. Reviews are more important on this chapter because this is going to be the prominent style for most of the story (as planned so far) and I want to know what you think of it. The month-long wait helped, though; I've been reworking my plans for the later parts and getting a better image of what I want in general. And as for Emmy's real name -- no, this is not a self-insert, that's a completely different name that I just happened to like.
