A Day in the Life of Trevor the Toad

Trevor woke up just as a lumbering giant stumbles toward him. Trevor has been stuck in his cage for a week since trying to eat the Mimbulus mimbletonia. You couldn't blame a toad for being curious and if Trevor had been a cat he probably would have eaten himself, because cats like to eat toads (not that this really has any relevance to the story. The point was that Trevor was an excruciatingly curious.)

If Trevor believed in Buddhism, he would have been the great Muggle escape artist Houdini in his previous life. But in fact, Trevor was a devout Catholic who prayed often and tried to convert people even more than he prayed. Right then, he bowed and thanked God before gobbling down the dead flies that the bumbling giant stuffed clumsily into the cage. Trevor pitied the poor fellow, but it didn't stop him from escaping as soon as the oaf's back was turned.

Wriggling out of the bars, he wrestled his way out of the tiny hole in the corner of the trunk. On the trunk was an assortment of plants, but Trevor couldn't stop and be tempted now, he had animals to convert.

Ribbeting, he bounced his way down to the Girl's Dormitory. Now how did Trevor become a devout Catholic in a Wizarding family? Well, once upon a time the bumbling oaf was slept over at a Muggle friend's house who had a TV. Trevor had breathlessly watched an hour of religious television and he had been changed.

In the dormitory, he found a white rabbit and began to preach the wonders of Bye Bull. At first, he had thought that it was the tragic story about an ox leaving home, but now he understood. It was a marvelous book about religion, not that he ever read any of it. He couldn't read. Trevor was just beginning to get warmed up about the duties of being a good pet, no the best pet, so when the world flooded you would be one of the two animals that would be saved. It was then that he realized that attentive rabbit was none other than a stuffed toy.

Bristling, he moved on to the next animal, a hamster in a cage which was unfortunately asleep. Several hours later, he had talked to five other animals, two owls, a cat, and two rats. The cats had laughed him off and threatened to eat him if he continued this mumbo jumbo. The owls had listened thoughtfully and decided that they had to discuss this matter between themselves. Only one rat had become a follower.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed him. It was a demon with bushy hair. Was he in the lion's den? He began to pray earnestly and soon an angel appeared. A beautiful, brown haired angel who delivered him.. Like John's the Baptist's head on a platter back into the oaf's hands.

Feeling truly happy as he was put back into his cage, the hole in the trunk plugged, he lay on the sand of his cage dreamily. Tomorrow. tomorrow, he would try again.

Author's Note: This is supposed to be humor. Catholics, please do not harm me. Remember Trevor is just a toad.

Now for a limited time: Hegwig's conversation with Trevor. Have you ever noticed that J. K. Rowling likes H names? Harry, Hermione, Hogwarts, Hogsmead, Hogshead, Hedwig, Hagrid

She also likes D words: Diggory, Dumbledore, Dursleys, Dudley, Draco

And S words: Sirius, Severus, Snape, Seamus,

And R words: Remus, Madame Rosmerta, Ron, Rubeus (Hagrid's first name)

But now back to the conversation.

"Do you think God is angry with me?" demanded Trevor one day while he was visiting the owlery.

"Why would God be angry with you?" Hegwig ruffled her feathers, dismissive.

"You believe in God?" Trevor was astounded.

"No, I'm humoring you." The toad visually drooped.

"Well, I think God is mad at me, because I'm not spreading his word," Trevor added, "and I hate people." Thinking about the time that the oaf had forgotten to feed him. "I shouldn't hate people. And I have bad thoughts and do bad things."

"Like what?"

"Like hanging with you, Miss Nosy. " Trevor said cheekily.

"What part of "Love your neighbor as yourself" do you not understand?" Hedwig snapped her beak.

"You're not my neighbor."

That's besides the point.

"Why can't I have an ideological conversation with you?" Trevor asked.

"Cause you're so immature." With that, Hedwig snapped up the toad in her beak and swallowed. (J/K. Actually, she just flew away.) She flew away.

"Okay, let's try again later," Trevor called hopefully.