*Sorry for the wait, I've been working major overtime on my manuscript. Hope you enjoy though! ^.^ Oh, by the way, one more chapter and I'll be finished and posting my new fanfiction!*
Chapter Thirteen:
For a long time after they left we just stared at one another. I couldn't think of anything to talk about, and Clef never had a desire to speak to anyone, least of all me. The silence made me want to scream, and the anger raged inside me, "Why did you do that?" I finally snapped, and he stared at me with unchanging blue eyes.
"Do what?" he asked innocently.
"Do what?" I mocked and threw my hands in the air, which shot a searing pain through my ribs. I winced but put my hands down and continued, "Offer to stay? Don't you see that I need to be alone just now?"
"Umi, when you suffer injuries it doesn't matter how bad of a fight you and Nori got in, you shouldn't be alone," I had to have known he suspected something, and I groaned. A fight? Should I let him believe it was a fight? I let him, I was angry enough to shelter the truth at the moment.
"I'm not a child, I'm perfectly capable of," I stood, and my knees buckled underneath me so I fell to the ground, not gracefully by any means.
Clef shook his head as I pulled myself back up into a sitting position; my ribs were throbbing. "That will have to be fixed," he mumbled. "I think you might have re-cracked one of your ribs."
"Great," I muttered, but the anger flew away when his hands fell onto my chest and my heart began to heave. I prayed to any God that would listen that he wouldn't hear my beating heart. He was too far into the healing to have heard though; his magic caressed mine gently, feeling and bending, and the pain was almost gone by the time he opened his eyes. "Thanks," I whispered almost breathlessly as he nodded and helped me to my feet.
"You should rest," he said gently, and I shook my head.
"I don't want to rest."
"Come on Umi, please don't be stubborn with me, for once," he begged, and I turned to face him. I was suddenly very aware of my body, of the slight curves and the smooth skin. I knew just how my hair looked at the moment as it fell over my eyes in blue waves. But more than anything I was aware of him. I could see the slight ripples of a muscled stomach under his robes and the lavender hair that teased his face. I felt the strong arm he had around my back and wanted to melt into that arm.
"I-I…" my face grew hot, but I didn't care. I was lost in the feeling, the feeling of completeness. We had to be destined to be together. Quickly I slammed the thought from my head- this was Clef! Yes, I had loved him at one time, I probably did now, but I had…I stopped, and tears sprang to my eyes.
"Hey, don't cry, it couldn't be that bad," he whispered and swiped a few tears from my eyes. I closed my eyes and felt his gentle fingers bat against my lashes. I sighed deeply and tried to fight down the emotion.
"I'll rest for you, but could, I mean, would you stay with me? I don't really want to be alone," I felt like a child in the question but a woman when he nodded and kissed my forehead. Sometimes I felt that he treated me differently from the other two, this was one of those times.
He helped me hobble back to my room, me blushing all the way. Once he offered to carry me, which only made me blush deeper and shake my head.
When we got to my room, Clef sat in a chair beside my bed, and we talked of old times.
"Then one day you vanished," Clef's solemn voice broke the laughter we had just shared. "We all missed you, but Fuu and Hikaru swore you were fine. Why did you just suddenly vanish?"
"I…" I lowered my eyes. Could I tell him? I knew I should, but…
He nodded and would have dropped it, but I saw the hurt. He thought I couldn't trust him.
"It's hard for me, to relive it," I told him hurriedly.
"I didn't mean to…I just thought you might want to talk about it. I just wanted you to know how badly we missed you and how glad we are that you're back where you belong," his smiled warmed my heart.
"Clef, I think I'm ready to stay, for good," I told him, and his eyes widened.
"But what about friends, family? I thought that's why you went home, why you stayed home when Hikaru and Fuu came here," there was no denying the fear that I saw grip his heart. He reminded me because it was his duty, not because he wanted to.
My eyes fell again, then rose in a smile, "I did, but…all I have left is in Cephiro. My greatest friends are here. As for family…" I started when he was about to question. "My parents are dead Clef, they were the only family I had. They were murdered, by a drunk driver; that's why I couldn't come back to Cephiro. I couldn't face you, and when I recovered I thought I had been away too long," it all came flowing out, and I realized I wasn't crying. "I've cried enough for them, they knew I loved them," I mumbled softly.
"Umi, I'm so sorry," he whispered, but I shook my head.
"It's only his fault. The worst part was that he murdered two people and only got his license taken away and a few months in jail," my hands clenched into fists. All I had left was anger.
"I don't know a lot about your world, but I know that murder is right nowhere. There is no punishment worthy of a man who kills innocents. I am sorry, for your loss," he apologized again, and I nodded and thanked him weakly. "I only wish I could have been there for you when they were lost."
"Me too," I looked down at my hands, "But that was my own fault."
"I don't hold it against you, I understand your actions," his voice was so distant, so formal.
There was a long moment when I was sure that if either of us spoke the silence would shatter like glass and fly at me in a million different pieces, shredding my skin. So I didn't speak, I hardly breathed. I felt as if I was in that room again and shuddered. Clef smiled weakly and stood heavily. I stared at him desperately, not wanting him to leave, but unable to speak. That silence was still there, those shards could come flying.
"I don't mean to seem rude, don't take it the wrong way," Clef began in that same formal tone. "But really I must be going, I have things that needed to be attended to after the downfall of the Dark Lords."
I nodded, and he bowed his head to me as I did the same to him, "Clef," I called, my throat was dry. I didn't know what I was going to say, anything to make him stay.
He turned and I could swear I saw a flash in his eyes, a flash of…hope? That I would say what he could not? I shook the thought away, the Master Mage falling in love with me? What was I thinking?
My own brain doused my hopes, and I gave a shaky grin and asked instead, "Do you know if those monsters- people were returned to themselves?"
He nodded, "I don't know how, but when the Dark Lords were destroyed their spells were as well. They are all safe and back with their families by now."
My grin was genuine this time, and I nodded, "That's good."
"Yes," he pondered and walked out with the same thought on his mind. I shook my head and looked out the window. I wanted to get up, I wanted to be near the water, but I knew I would never make it, and I was forced to stay in bed.
§§§~~~
When the other two and everyone else returned at the end of the day, Fuu and Hikaru came running into my room, and I grinned when I saw them. I put the book down that Clef had brought and tried to smile past their wide eyes.
"What's wrong?" I inquired, though I had a pretty good idea what was on their minds.
"It's-it's…" Hikaru hesitated, as if deciding against telling me at the last minute.
"Nothing, just glad to see you," Fuu finished Hikaru's decision, and I gave them a sideward glance. I wanted them to tell me, and I was pretty sure I knew what they wanted to tell me, but I wasn't going to come out and say it. I wasn't sure I could come out and say it and save any face. I would burst into tears; I knew it. I didn't want to do that in front of them, so when Fuu said 'nothing' I let it drop.
"So how was your day?" I asked casually, and Hikaru shifted nervously while Fuu dropped her eyes.
"It was…nice," Hikaru looked up and smiled, and I gave her a shifty glance, which caused her to study the floor almost intently as Fuu did.
"Do anything interesting?" I probed.
"Nothing really," Fuu responded, a little more smoothly than Hikaru, but not by much. "We just went…around…the woods…"
"Oh," I nodded and then there was that awkward silence again.
"It's time for dinner," Hikaru put in quickly, and Fuu nodded vigorously, thankful for the diversion.
"Can it be brought to me?" I asked something that I never would have asked under normal circumstances, but I felt like facing no one at the moment.
"Oh come on Umi-chan, that's no way to think. You've got to practice walking," Hikaru grinned her normal grin when the subject was moved.
"Yes, up you go," Fuu grabbed my arms as I held them out for her, and I shook my head and whined. They laughed as I put a step forward and felt the searing pain. I sat down again, then stood on my own.
"One foot in front of the other," I whispered to myself, reminding my legs and mind how it was supposed to work. I took one step forward and was spared the pain, only a dull pang was in its place. I winced slightly, but it wasn't unbearable. I took another step, still, only a dull pang. I grinned and took a few more steps and reached the door. I opened it and walked into the hall, Fuu and Hikaru followed close behind, nervously.
I managed to walk all the way to dinner by myself though it took quite some time and I was out of breath when I reached the hall, but I was able to do it by myself.
Clef smiled and commented the improvement, but that was all the more we spoke during dinner. I pulled into myself and tried to make merry conversation, but it was hard. I felt so many eyes on me, making sure I ate, trying to see if I had overworked myself. Then I felt two other sets of eyes, both were caring and worried, but neither could I look up into. I finished quickly and decided I'd try out my skills and walk to the garden.
There were protests, and I groaned and laughed, trying to tell them I was okay. Eventually I convinced them I'd call for help if I needed it, though no one asked how.
Worst kept secret, I thought to myself and grinned, spelled armor- that's ingenious. I wish we'd had that in the first couple battles.
I stood up heavily and the dull pang followed every step I took to the gardens, but once inside them, I knew it was well worth it. I walked to the stone fountain and looked in; the water was clear and a few oversized goldfish swam in it. I smiled weakly, and a tear fell into the pond. I moved on, unable to bear my own worn expression. They had to see; they had to see the turmoil. I wasn't the only one who was wearing a mask it seemed.
I was too wrapped in my thoughts to even see the shadow behind me- the gentle look at the ripple in the fountain. I was too submerged in my own darkness that I didn't feel the eyes or the similar darkness- didn't hear the footsteps as they padded restlessly behind me.
There was the rustle of feet on fallen leaves, and I turned, my blue hair whipped behind me. My eyes widened at the intrusion and the look on the intruder's face. My mind threw me through thought after thought, pouring emotion, mainly anger and fear and anticipation through my body.
"What do you want?" I snapped angrily, and he pulled back, the pain in his face grew, and I regretted my words.
"I'm sorry Umi, I'm sorry," he whispered and was about to turn, but I stopped him.
"What are you sorry for?" I asked, raising my head slightly then dropping it and turning it slightly.
"For-for everything," I had never heard him so unsure of himself before.
"Clef," I sighed. "You have nothing to be sorry for."
"Yes, I do, you just don't know it, please, sit, we'll talk. I'll explain, Umi, there is so much to explain," he took my arm and led me to a bench near a grove of Fire Cherries, planted just after Hikaru's decision to stay for good.
"What do you want to tell me?" I inquired, trying to stay casual.
"There was…another reason that Uchiyama wanted to destroy you…" he began.
Tori:
"So we go from year to year
With secrets we've been keeping
Though you say you're
Not a Templar man
Seems as if we're
Circling for very
Different reasons
But one day the Eagle has to land
Out past the fountain
A left by the station
I start the day
In the usual way
Then think -- well why not --
And stop for a coffee
Then begin to recall
Things that you say
Pluck up the courage
And snap it's gone again
I start humming "When Doves Cry"
Can someone help me?
I think that I'm lost here
Lost in a place"
Tori Amos, Scarlet's Walk, Wednesday
