Author's Note: yes, I finally finished this...you cannot imagine how horribly insane my life has been since I started this... *sighs* but it is finished!

Chapter 4 - I'm With You


Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?
It's a damn cold night
trying to figure out this life
won't you take me by the hand?
take me somewhere new?
I don't know who you are
but I...I'm with you



Darkness. Mac had been just standing in the middle of darkness for what she could only imagine as hours, if not longer. She tried to wish herself anywhere, but the darkness. It wasn't working. Mac felt numb. She was really starting to panic. 'Why am I in the dark? Shouldn't I be on the bridge?!' Mac thought to herself. But it suddenly dawned on her. What if she was dying? What if she was standing on the bridge and she was dying? Mac started to panic again, 'dead? I can't be dead, not yet! I have so much to do still! Harm! What about him? I have so many things to tell him!' Mac's panic turned into pure terror. 'Was this death? Condemned to standing in the dark for eternity?' She wanted to do so much more with her life. She wanted to tell Harm so much. She wanted a family. A husband. Children. A home with a white picket fence and all the bells and whistles. Happiness. A solitary tear froze on her cheek. Mac didn't bother rubbing it away. She had so many things she was going over in her mind. 'Our deal. We were suppose to have a child together. Harm and me. Together. A family. And happiness.' She wanted it so bad. And she hoped that Harm had wanted them to make it to the deal as much as she had. "I'm SO sorry, Harm," Mac said upset.


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Gunny and the squad had gotten them sucessfully to a heliocopter and were headed back to Maryland. Harm had his arm wrapped around Mac, who was unconscious, keeping her supported. Gunny sat across from them with one of the marines who had extracted them. "She'll be fine," Gunny said confidently, "Sir."

Harm looked at him, "I hope so."

"I'm so...sorry...Harm..." Mac mumbled weakly.

Harm moved his gaze back to her. "It's going to be okay, Mac, we're going to get you home. Just hold on." Harm was really starting to worry about her. 'This is ALL MY FAULT!' Harm thought staring at Mac. 'I should have just gotten her out and away when I had the chance. I shouldn't have played hero and made sure those missiles were gone. It was the CIA's mission! They should have taken care of it!' Harm's anger towards the CIA, Clayton Webb, and himself built up inside of himself. He hated the CIA. They hadn't been able to keep tack of their operations, let alone their operatives and who they dragged into their jobs. He hated Clayton Webb. Webb had gotten Mac involved. Taken her undercover into an extremely dangerous operation and taken Gunny too! 'US Marines and Navy personnel are not Webb's own personal pawns in his twisted schemes!' He hated himself. For not stopping her from going on the mission in the first place. He had the chance and he didn't act. For not being there all the times he had been TOO busy with Annie, Bobbi, Jordan, Renee, or anyone else. For not telling her how much her cared about her. For crashing them and not getting straight out of Paraguay when they could.


********************************************



Several hours later, they landed in Bethesda. They figured getting her straight there would be better than taking her to the closest hospital and then flying her to Bethesda later on. Mac hadn't regained unconsciousness the entire trip. They immediately rushed her into the ER when they landed.

Gunny waited with Harm, who was getting checked out since they wouldn't let anyone see Mac until she was stable.

The doctor finished, "okay Commander Rabb, you're good to go."

"What about my partner? Lt Colonel Sarah MacKenzie?" Harm asked hoping for good news.

"I'm afraid I haven't heard anything," the doctor responded. "I'm sure they'll let you know." The doctor left to tend to another patient.

Harm sat there finishing buttoning up his new clean shirt. He didn't like that answer. He wanted to either see Mac or hear that she was going to be alright.

A nurse entered the room and looked over at Gunny, "excuse me but there's an Admiral Chedwiggen looking for you."

"Uh...thank you," Harm said and then gave Gunny a 'look'.

The nurse left.

"Sir?" Gunny asked.

"Technically I resigned my comission before I came looking for Mac. I'm no longer a Commander," Harm explained.

"The admiral explained that when I returned with Webb, Sir."

"Drop the Sir, Gunny."

"Well if you had waited around long enough you would have found out that there was a filing accident and somehow your resignation was lit on fire and I was forced to grant you leave," Admiral Chedwiggen cut in.

Harm and Gunny turned a bit surprised to see the admiral and Tiner standing there. "Si!" Gunny said snapping to attention not really seeing any other option in the situation.

The admiral looked Harm up and down. "Commander, did you hear what I just said?"

Harm crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the bed defiantly. He wasn't happy. The whole reason why he resigned was because it was the ONLY way to go after Mac. "What made you change your mind?"

"Does it really matter?" Chedwiggen asked not liking Harm's attitude.

"Yes," Harm said definatly. "Mac could have died! Along with Gunny...and Webb! You were going to just do nothiing and let them die!"

"Sir, with all due respect," Gunny interrupted. "We knew the risks."

Harm glared at Gunny, "the fact that you both thought you were suppose to be there, but the CIA did NOT know you were involved let alone AUTHORIZE your involvement."

"Commander, don't think I liked denying you from going after Colonel MacKenzie. Do you think I like my personnel involved in dangerous CIA missions?"

Harm took a breath, yelling at his CO wasn't helping. At least he still had his career. "They won't let us see her or tell us what's going on," Harm said changing his voice from hostile to desperate. "She kept blacking out..." Harm told him trying to keep together.

"I'll see what information I can get," Chedwiggen told him sincerely knowing that Harm had NEEDED to yell at him and he didn't blame him for doing so. "Why don't you three go wait in the lobby? Lieutenant Sims and Roberts are there."

"Yes, Sir," Harm said. He was tired. He just wanted to know Mac was okay.

****************************************


The darkness had seemed to grow darker. Mac hadn't thought it possible, but it DEFINATELY seemed darker. It was starting to get hard to move, think, remember, let alone to breathe. She was crumpled up in a ball on the ground. She couldn't feel anything, she was numb everywhere. "Harm…" she called weakly hoping he'd answer or come and save her. But there was no one…nothing… Mac's eyes clamped shut, she couldn't breathe and didn't care. She let go…stopped trying…and she was nothing more…

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Chedwiggen had pulled a nurse aside, "I need to know how Lt Colonel Sarah MacKenzie is."

The nurse's face was saddened, "I don't know her complications or what the doctors say, but I just walked by to hand in x-rays and she was flat lined. The doctor was trying what he could, but I don't know if it worked. I'm sorry," she said before pulling away and headed to the nurses' station.

Chedwiggen headed down the hall looking into the windows of the rooms for his Lt Colonel. After a few rooms he found it. The monitors were beeping, at least that was a good sign, he noted. Though there was a tube down her throat that appeared to be hooked up to a ventilator. A doctor spotted him and walked out. Once the doctor walked out, the admiral took his chance, "how is she?!"

"Who are you?" the doctor asked making sure it was someone he would be able to release information to.

"Admiral AJ Chedwiggen, I'm her CO," he explained hoping that that would work to be able to get information on her.

"She's going to be fine. She'll need to be hospitalized for a week or two, but that's about it," the doctor told him.

"She's on a ventilator though…"

"They're finishing up. She was bleeding internally. She'll have to go through physical therapy also, because of her legs, but she's a marine. She'll be able to get through it."

"Thank you," the admiral told him relieved.

"We'll inform you when she's assigned to a room and when you can see her."

"Thank you again," he said happy that the doctor had told him as much.


****************************************



Mac opened her eyes; she was curled up in a ball on the bridge. 'What had happened?' She remembered not being able to breathe and letting go, but then why was she back? She got to her feet noticing that the snow was gone, that it was warm, and that the sun was out. So much had changed. She turned around when she heard a noise. It was a tall man; she could tell it was a man by the shape of his body. His face was fuzzy though like before. He seemed so familiar. He stepped forward, dressed in all white, dark hair, and piercing beautiful loving blue eyes. Each step he took his face became more and more recognizable. "H…hharm?!" Mac exclaimed seeing that it really was him and ran to him throwing her arms around him.

Harm responded by wrapping his arms around her, holding her close, he kissed her forehead.

She looked up at him with tear filled eyes.

"Everything's going to be okay now, Mac. I'm here. I've got you. You're safe."

And Mac knew that what he said was true. She was safe. Safe with the one man she loved and couldn't have. She closed her eyes and leaned against him holding onto him tighter and then pulled back a bit and lifted her head and then ever so slowly opened her eyes.


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When Mac opened her eyes she was no longer in Harm's arms, but he was looking into her eyes with concern. "Hey…you had us worried…" he said softly.

Mac was a little confused and it took her a few minutes to take in the fact that she was in a hospital bed hooked up to machines and an IV. Harm and the admiral were standing by her bedside.

"You're in Bethesda, Colonel," the admiral told her seeing her confusion. "I'll wait outside…and let the others know you're awake." He smiled and then exited the hospital room.

"Harm?" Mac said looking back into his eyes and noticed how weak her voice sounded. "What happened?"

"You were in Paraguay with Webb, remember?" he said squeezing her hand a bit.

Mac nodded and it was then she noticed that he was holding her hand. She couldn't really feel it, but then she couldn't really feel much of anything at the moment. "You crashed us…"

Harm smiled a bit remembering what she had said after the crash. "But I got us out, didn't I? Okay, so Gunny and some marines helped…"

Mac smiled a little.

"Mac…I shouldn't have let you go with Webb."

"I don't remember giving you much of a choice…"

"I should have said what I was thinking."

"What makes you think it would have made a difference?"

"Because I know it would…"

"And what would you have said?"

Harm looked down taking a breath and then looked back at her, into her eyes, and knew that what he was about to say would change everything, but that it would change everything for the better. "That I…I love you Sarah." Harm smiled and brushed a few strands away from her face, "and that I don't want to hide our feelings anymore."

Mac smiled; maybe the drugs were making her a little more easily to take in what Harm had just said. She wasn't sure. "I love you too," she said and then suddenly wondered if she had just said it aloud or only in her mind.

Harm smiled and leaned down and kissed her.

Mac knew she had said it aloud by his response and kissed him back hoping that this would mean that they wouldn't hold back anymore.

Just then there was the sound of someone clearing their throat from behind them. Harm pulled away and turned to see the admiral standing there. 'Damn!' he thought to himself thinking of how much trouble he'd be in.

"What do you think you're doing Commander?" Admiral Chedwiggen asked.

"Giving the colonel mouth to mouth?" he said somewhat innocently knowing that he'd most likely get yelled at for that response.

"I was having trouble breathing, Admiral," Mac said going with Harm's excuse.

The admiral gave them both looks that told them that he knew that they weren't up to that and he knew it. "We'll discuss how to work that out later."

Harm smiled, "Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir."

Chedwiggen smiled slightly and nodded, "I hope you feel better, Colonel. We'll all be by to visit tomorrow."

"Thank you, Sir."


The End