Authors Note: This story is supposed to take place in Harry's 6th year. The first two chapters are strictly about Harry, but after that it's about some secrets Voldemort has kept hidden for years.

Chapter One- Bedtime Follies

Harry Potter lay in bed, having, as opposed to most, a wonderful dream.

A hazy room whirled around him, a voice was caressing his ears

"Harry, I need to tell you that I." whispered the voice tenderly. It sounded oddly familiar to him. (Foreshadowing???)

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Harry awoke with a start to find Vernon Dursley staring at him. He had obviously been knocking on the door until he decided to lug his fat ass in there all by himself

"I've been hearing you all night boy," said Vernon breathlessly. "Talking in your sleep. Moaning." (If you know HP well, you should realize that this particular line is in book five, but said by Dudley. It's a funny line so I used it. But is not plagiarism.)

"What do you mean?" said Harry. But he knew. He had a warm sensation all over his body, still recalling the blissful dream.

"Maybe you ought to take care of that," said Vernon with a superior look on his face, pointing at Harry's privates.

Harry now knew where the warm sensation was coming from.

After Vernon left, Harry decided to finish the "job" the dream had started. When in Rome...(you know what I mean)

Minutes later, Vernon could still hear Harry stuck in boyhood fantasies. Loud fantasies. He banged on the wall and yelled

"Boy! What are you doing in there?!"

He heard a muffled reply through the wall.

"Something.uhhhh..Something.ohhh.SOMETHING M-M-M-MAGICAL!!!"

Harry needed some tissue.

Although Vernon didn't allow the "m" word in his house, he'd let it slide this time.his first time jerkin' it had been pretty magical too.

AUTHORS NOTE: Due to Harry's boring summer (which mainly consists of eating, masturbating, sleeping, masturbating, watching TV, masturbating, being oppressed by muggles and masturbating) we are going to skip to the day Harry leaves for Hogwarts.

Harry awoke on September 1st to realize that he's finally going back to school! Not only would he be learning new things, seeing his friends, and all around being liked, the English fascination with blowjobs was a definite highlight. Besides he was going to get the person he has loved since he first arrived at Hogwarts.

"Neville." Harry whispered to himself, with a smile on his face and a tightening in his pants.

Harry traipsed down the stairs trying to imagine Her Majesty, the Queen in a wet t-shirt contest to make his enormous boner disappear. Yes, along with the scar and powers that Voldemort had left with Harry when he attempted to kill him, Voldemort had blessed him with the famous "Slytherin Monster". Harry had a huge wanker.

"Maybe Neville will like me more if knew how well endowed I am" Harry wondered to himself.

LOOK FORWARD TO CHAPTER TWO!!! HERMIONE'S NEW LOOK!!!

Well kids, until next time, keep on masturbating. Or trucking, if that's what you're into.