Chapter Two: Hermione's New Look

Later, Harry had found himself on the train to Hogwarts. He had been sitting in a compartment with Ron, and to his delight.Neville. Hermione had just popped her head in, when Harry realized how different she looked. Either her boobs had grown or she was wearing a padded bra.it was most likely the latter because girls don't just start growing at 16. Harry laughed on the inside at Hermione's feeble attempt to be "sexy". What she was wearing was atrocious and even a gay blind man would say "oh Jesus, what is she wearing?".

Hermione was wearing a black mini-skirt and a low cut midriff top. She started babbling, while Ron and Neville looked at her, practically drooling like animals. She dropped her books ("Probably on purpose that little slut" thought Harry") and bent over to pick them up to expose what was definitely not a padded bra. Both Neville and Ron felt that their trousers were becoming a tad bit crowded. Harry noticed Neville's obvious hard-on.

"Dammit" he thought to himself, "Now I'll never have a chance with Neville!" He heard his name in the distance.

"Harry"

"Harry"

"HARRY!"

"What?" He looked up. It was Hermione's ugly face. She made herself look like a billboard for animal testing with all that make up on her face.

"You will never believe my summer!" she said with glee. Of course, like any prostitute, Hermione wasn't crossing her legs, even though she was wearing a skirt, which was an obvious invite or just a really good impression of Madonna. She then began to delve into her summer sex-capades with countless horny teenage boys and grown men. Ron didn't even flinch at the fact that Hermione mentioned how good the Weasley twins were in bed, or that it was, in fact, the best three-way in her life.

Ron began licking his lips like a lonely little fool who never gets laid. He stopped Hermione mid sentence.

"Well, after I shagged Steve-" "Umm, Hermione?" said Ron "Yeah?" Said Hermione looking really pissed she couldn't tell her story.

Ron whispered something in her ear. A mischievous grin took to her face.

"Harry, Neville, could you two clear out for a bit?" asked Hermione.

Harry knew, no doubt that Hermione and Ron were going to get it on (to no ones surprise, seeing as that everyone knew that Hermione had been trying to shag the entire Weasley family. It was actually to Mr. Weasley that Hermione lost her virginity, when Hermione stayed at Ron's house for the Quidditch World Cup). At least he could have more alone time with Neville.

Harry and Neville went to the empty compartment next door, only to press his ear up to the wall between them and Ron and Hermione's mad shagging.

"Wow!" said an amazed Neville. "This is the closest I've been to seeing a naked woman!"

"What about that time when you walked in on your Gran taking a shower?" Said Harry. He knew that would make Neville much less excited.

"That didn't happen!" said Neville with a tone of pain and resent.

Harry decided to make a quick joke. "Hey Neville, is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" grinned Harry. He caught Neville in the act.

"Oh, what? Oh, no that's just a banana!" said Neville. He pulled a banana out of his pocket and began to peel it. Harry knew this was going to turn into a cock tease. Why oh why does Neville have to eat fruit that reminds Harry of his enormous package?

Harry looked away as Neville ate the banana. This was too painful. Then the screams next got so loud, Harry forgot the banana entirely.

The screams stopped and Hermione came into the compartment and slipped on Neville's banana peel. She was on the floor in just her wizard cloak.

"Ha!" she said. " That brings my count to 7 out of 9 Weasley's! I still need to get the Mrs. and Ginny! You should have seen Ron's face! I don't think he'll ever be the same after that bout of completely skanky sex!"

Ron crawled in on all fours like he had been wounded and then passed out.

Harry looked at Hermione inquisitively.

"Hermione, what the fuck happened?" said Harry

"You answered your own question.fuck!" said Hermione "now if you excuse me I have an appointment to see Seamus Finnigan"

Ron got up and he along with Harry stuck their heads out of the compartment and looked at her leave (sort of in the fashion they did in on the movie version of the "chamber of secrets", except Ron still had on his "O" face and Harry wasn't pleased to see that she wasn't petrified. Oh that Chris Columbus and his plucky little moments.) Ron fainted again and Harry knew that this year was gonna suck.

AUTHORS NOTE: The "O" face is in reference to the movie "Office Space" and is not of my own creation, so don't sue me. If you don't know the "o" face then you're screwed.

Will Harry ever get Neville in bed? Does Ron permanently have the "O" face? And will Hermione ever get herpes? Tune in next time, same place, same site for another installment of Harry Potter and The Mission of Life!!