Disclaimer: I don't own Moulin Rouge or any of the characters in this
chapter. They all belong to Baz Luhrman.
A/N: Wow! This is the longest chapter so far. Sorry it's been a while sense I last updated, but I've been on vacation for two weeks with my only access to a computer being $.50 a minute. Hope you enjoy this chapter and I will answer the "cliffhanger" soon. Happy Reading!
Jinny-Gurl: Toulouse Latrec (the historical person) had knees, but John Leguizamo didn't because he had to walk on his knees for the part. Does that help any?
"I owe you nothing, and you are nothing to me. " Now, I could say that those words shook me to the core, hit me like ice, stung like a million bites all over my body. But that wouldn't explain nearly well enough. The exact feeling I felt at that moment wasn't poetic pain, wasn't ironic love, wasn't elaborate or descriptive. It just hurt. Like a pain I never have felt before and hope to never feel again. Try to imagine being covered by scorpions, bees, snakes and anything that sting or bites or injects venom times one thousand, and you're nowhere near it. It just hurts.
Oh; but that's not the best part, far from it. After the pain comes a numbness; a numbness which springs from the overwhelming feelings of before. Your body simply can't handle it all. The numbness makes you want to feel something, anything to believe you're still human. It hurts so much, you simply can't feel it. But at that moment, all of that meant shit.
'I'm nothing to him.' I thought, 'exactly what I always really was. Nothing.' My sobs came out in short coughs, thanks to the demon crushing my lungs. Out of my blurred vision, I saw Harold. He put his hand on my arm, I think, I didn't care anymore. I couldn't feel anything, much less him. "It's for the best," he said in a vain attempt to comfort me. "Who's best?!!!!" I wanted to shout. "Who's fucking best!!!!!" I almost started my rant, but the demon kept me constrained. Harold too, my hands and lifted me up, while speaking towards the audience.
"And now, my bride, it is time to raise your voice to the heavens and say your wedding vows." I stood there shaking, wondering how I could "raise my voice to the heavens" if I could barely whisper, much less see. But it didn't matter. Nothing did. There I stood a shattered and broken whore; that was all. I didn't deserve Christian and I didn't deserve love. Fuck love! Love is worth nothing. Love is so.......That was when I heard it, a voice from above.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return!"
That was all it took. The breath leapt from my throat, as I knew in my heart that something heavenly had saved me. I didn't have time to think, nor did I need to. The words found themselves.
"Never knew I could feel like this" I sang over my shoulder slowly, but with a newfound strength. "Like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss, every day I'm loving you more and more." I turned into the audience's view, expecting to only see the silhouettes through the lights and my tears. But an odd thing happened. I could see one man with his back turned to me, standing in the aisle and knew I had one chance left. He turned to face me.
"Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing." There was no way I would let him go. "Come back to me and forgive everything!" I gasped for air, not even caring that everyone saw. Did he believe me, could he trust me again? More importantly, would he?
"Seasons may change, winter to spring. I love you. Till the end of time." Knowing I had gambled with my career, my friend's careers, their lives and my life all I could do was hope. Silence reigned in the theatre for everyone else, but all I could hear was my own heart pounding.
All he had to do was say anything, or even walk away. But he just stood there, and it killed me. Then, starting quietly, I heard his wonderful voice pull me towards him, out of the underworld.
"Come what may, come what may, come what may, come what may." He sang and walked towards me; all I could see was Christian. Our voices joined together in a gorgeous sound. "I will love you, until my dying day!" We had done it. We had actually done it, and he was back, mine forever, nothing could take him away. Unfortunately, Toulouse decided to intervene in our romantic moment.
"They're trying to kill you!" he yelled. Well, somebody had to say it. The next events were a colorful blur to me. The stage broke out into chaos, but it all seemed in slow motion when I was looking at Christian. We had won, the artists had won, not the financier. And Zidler made sure of that. The Duke was gone, and he had nothing from his visit to Paris but a black eye. I turned to Christian and whispered in his ear.
"That deserves a kiss, don't you think?" He just smiled at me. And kiss we did. The curtain closed, and the rose petals fell as we broke away. We had won, love had conquered all obstacles, and nothing could stop our love. Nothing.
But I had forgotten one little detail. My life was no longer my own. Christian turned away from me towards the curtain but I kept his hand in mine. I took in a quick breath of air as I gasped and began coughing.
'No!' I thought, panicking, 'Not now! Life is finally good, don't take that away from me!' I silently pleaded with God. "Please God no! No! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! I made a mistake. Don't let me die, I promise I'll be good! He loves me, can't you see? Don't let me die now, not now!" The pain grabbed my chest again, as breathing became increasingly harder. Christian turned around and caught me just in time.
I'd never been happier in my live. Love had conquered all, the Bohemian ideals had won and most importantly, I was finally with Satine. And there was no way she would ever leave me again. At least, that's what I thought. I walked towards the red curtain, through the shower of rose petals, leading Satine behind me. I felt a slight tug on my hand, but didn't think much of it, being caught up in the moment as I was. But then her hand started pulling away from my grasp. I turned around just in time to catch her. My brain frantically searched for a painless explanation; but I knew there wasn't one. Nothing like this ever came easily.
I brought Satine down to the ground in my arms, and did not let her go.
"Satine, Satine? What's the matter? What's the matter." I stuttered in confusion. My only response was more coughs, but I kept up my inquiry. Still Satine did not answer. Not that I really needed one, though. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew the truth. By now a group of people had gathered a good distance around us. Bu I didn't notice any of them. How could I pay attention to the mindless drones around me when my love was dying? Satine continued coughing, producing blood at the corner of her mouth. I wiped it away with my hand, which I stared, dumbfounded at.
'No, no this can't be happening.' I thought. 'God, no! I just got her back and you're taking her away from me again?!!!!!! That's not fair!!!' And indeed, it wasn't fair, but sometimes that's how things work out. I held Satine in my arms as she was shaking violently, like a frightened animal. "Somebody get some help!" I frantically yelled.
"I'm sorry Christian. I'm so sorry." She repeated. What was she sorry for, she didn't do anything wrong.
"It's going to be all right." I whispered; more for myself than for her. "It's going to be all right."
"I'm cold" she said "I'm so cold, Christian. Hold me. Hold me." I gently lifted her into my arms attempting to do the impossible.
"I love you." I said. I set her gently in front of me and she smiled; I couldn't help but smile back.
"You've got to go on Christian." No, no, she wasn't leaving yet, I wouldn't let her. "I can't go on without you, though." "You've got so much to give." Satine caressed me cheek lightly as I rocked her back and forth. I cried. Tears of pain that strong cannot be held back by sheer will, so I make to attempt to.
"Tell our story Christian." But I wouldn't accept a goodbye yet. Not from her, she had too much to live for. "No." "Yes, yes." I was crying and she could see my pain. Her blue eyes looked into me, so intense and bright.
"Promise me, promise me." She nodded her head, as I did so reluctantly. "Yeah." There was no way I could say no to this woman. By now she was fading, and it was obvious. But what do you say to the love of your life in her last minutes living. There's nothing much you can say, but I know she understood. By now I was shaking uncontrollably, even more than she.
Satine looked into my eyes and I knew this was it. I just squeezed her harder. Her frail voice echoed in my ears, "I'll always be with you."
With that, she faded away. Nothing dramatic, the pain just stopped for her. But mine was just beginning. I sobbed for my lost love as I held her body in my arms. Open, racking sobs fell from my lips.
"Why God did you do this to me?!!" I screamed "We just wanted love, is that a crime?!!!!" Everyone left me alone in the dark with my hatred, my Satine and my questions.
As I lay in Christian's arms, looking up at his confused and contorted face I could only think of one thing. I couldn't leave Christian now; not now. I was going to cause him so much more pain than I ever meant to. Things weren't supposed to be happy. God would give us justice for all we had gone through. But he hadn't and now our lives would be ripped apart. And all I could feel was the fear that I would never live again. Never breathe fresh air, or see the sky and the water or the smile on a small child's face. Or Christian. I would never feel his warm breath on my neck or hear the poetry he wrote, or look into his loving eyes. And that scared me. Fear covered every inch of my mind as I thought back to that afternoon. Two pills in my hand, and a glass of water. That simple, that easy, barely any fight. But no, I couldn't make it that easy. And I would never be sure until the end came.
The one pill was in my system and the other one..... well, the other one was in the plumbing system, I guess. I had second-guessed myself at the last minute, taken only one and now it was slowly killing me. Blackness started crowding my vision, as Christian squeezed me towards him. He slowly brought me back down, and his tears fell onto my face.
"I'll always be with you." I whispered, knowing it would all end today. I said a prayer for my love as shallow breath left my lips. 'Good bye Christian. I'm sorry.'
A/N: Wow! This is the longest chapter so far. Sorry it's been a while sense I last updated, but I've been on vacation for two weeks with my only access to a computer being $.50 a minute. Hope you enjoy this chapter and I will answer the "cliffhanger" soon. Happy Reading!
Jinny-Gurl: Toulouse Latrec (the historical person) had knees, but John Leguizamo didn't because he had to walk on his knees for the part. Does that help any?
"I owe you nothing, and you are nothing to me. " Now, I could say that those words shook me to the core, hit me like ice, stung like a million bites all over my body. But that wouldn't explain nearly well enough. The exact feeling I felt at that moment wasn't poetic pain, wasn't ironic love, wasn't elaborate or descriptive. It just hurt. Like a pain I never have felt before and hope to never feel again. Try to imagine being covered by scorpions, bees, snakes and anything that sting or bites or injects venom times one thousand, and you're nowhere near it. It just hurts.
Oh; but that's not the best part, far from it. After the pain comes a numbness; a numbness which springs from the overwhelming feelings of before. Your body simply can't handle it all. The numbness makes you want to feel something, anything to believe you're still human. It hurts so much, you simply can't feel it. But at that moment, all of that meant shit.
'I'm nothing to him.' I thought, 'exactly what I always really was. Nothing.' My sobs came out in short coughs, thanks to the demon crushing my lungs. Out of my blurred vision, I saw Harold. He put his hand on my arm, I think, I didn't care anymore. I couldn't feel anything, much less him. "It's for the best," he said in a vain attempt to comfort me. "Who's best?!!!!" I wanted to shout. "Who's fucking best!!!!!" I almost started my rant, but the demon kept me constrained. Harold too, my hands and lifted me up, while speaking towards the audience.
"And now, my bride, it is time to raise your voice to the heavens and say your wedding vows." I stood there shaking, wondering how I could "raise my voice to the heavens" if I could barely whisper, much less see. But it didn't matter. Nothing did. There I stood a shattered and broken whore; that was all. I didn't deserve Christian and I didn't deserve love. Fuck love! Love is worth nothing. Love is so.......That was when I heard it, a voice from above.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return!"
That was all it took. The breath leapt from my throat, as I knew in my heart that something heavenly had saved me. I didn't have time to think, nor did I need to. The words found themselves.
"Never knew I could feel like this" I sang over my shoulder slowly, but with a newfound strength. "Like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss, every day I'm loving you more and more." I turned into the audience's view, expecting to only see the silhouettes through the lights and my tears. But an odd thing happened. I could see one man with his back turned to me, standing in the aisle and knew I had one chance left. He turned to face me.
"Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing." There was no way I would let him go. "Come back to me and forgive everything!" I gasped for air, not even caring that everyone saw. Did he believe me, could he trust me again? More importantly, would he?
"Seasons may change, winter to spring. I love you. Till the end of time." Knowing I had gambled with my career, my friend's careers, their lives and my life all I could do was hope. Silence reigned in the theatre for everyone else, but all I could hear was my own heart pounding.
All he had to do was say anything, or even walk away. But he just stood there, and it killed me. Then, starting quietly, I heard his wonderful voice pull me towards him, out of the underworld.
"Come what may, come what may, come what may, come what may." He sang and walked towards me; all I could see was Christian. Our voices joined together in a gorgeous sound. "I will love you, until my dying day!" We had done it. We had actually done it, and he was back, mine forever, nothing could take him away. Unfortunately, Toulouse decided to intervene in our romantic moment.
"They're trying to kill you!" he yelled. Well, somebody had to say it. The next events were a colorful blur to me. The stage broke out into chaos, but it all seemed in slow motion when I was looking at Christian. We had won, the artists had won, not the financier. And Zidler made sure of that. The Duke was gone, and he had nothing from his visit to Paris but a black eye. I turned to Christian and whispered in his ear.
"That deserves a kiss, don't you think?" He just smiled at me. And kiss we did. The curtain closed, and the rose petals fell as we broke away. We had won, love had conquered all obstacles, and nothing could stop our love. Nothing.
But I had forgotten one little detail. My life was no longer my own. Christian turned away from me towards the curtain but I kept his hand in mine. I took in a quick breath of air as I gasped and began coughing.
'No!' I thought, panicking, 'Not now! Life is finally good, don't take that away from me!' I silently pleaded with God. "Please God no! No! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! I made a mistake. Don't let me die, I promise I'll be good! He loves me, can't you see? Don't let me die now, not now!" The pain grabbed my chest again, as breathing became increasingly harder. Christian turned around and caught me just in time.
I'd never been happier in my live. Love had conquered all, the Bohemian ideals had won and most importantly, I was finally with Satine. And there was no way she would ever leave me again. At least, that's what I thought. I walked towards the red curtain, through the shower of rose petals, leading Satine behind me. I felt a slight tug on my hand, but didn't think much of it, being caught up in the moment as I was. But then her hand started pulling away from my grasp. I turned around just in time to catch her. My brain frantically searched for a painless explanation; but I knew there wasn't one. Nothing like this ever came easily.
I brought Satine down to the ground in my arms, and did not let her go.
"Satine, Satine? What's the matter? What's the matter." I stuttered in confusion. My only response was more coughs, but I kept up my inquiry. Still Satine did not answer. Not that I really needed one, though. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew the truth. By now a group of people had gathered a good distance around us. Bu I didn't notice any of them. How could I pay attention to the mindless drones around me when my love was dying? Satine continued coughing, producing blood at the corner of her mouth. I wiped it away with my hand, which I stared, dumbfounded at.
'No, no this can't be happening.' I thought. 'God, no! I just got her back and you're taking her away from me again?!!!!!! That's not fair!!!' And indeed, it wasn't fair, but sometimes that's how things work out. I held Satine in my arms as she was shaking violently, like a frightened animal. "Somebody get some help!" I frantically yelled.
"I'm sorry Christian. I'm so sorry." She repeated. What was she sorry for, she didn't do anything wrong.
"It's going to be all right." I whispered; more for myself than for her. "It's going to be all right."
"I'm cold" she said "I'm so cold, Christian. Hold me. Hold me." I gently lifted her into my arms attempting to do the impossible.
"I love you." I said. I set her gently in front of me and she smiled; I couldn't help but smile back.
"You've got to go on Christian." No, no, she wasn't leaving yet, I wouldn't let her. "I can't go on without you, though." "You've got so much to give." Satine caressed me cheek lightly as I rocked her back and forth. I cried. Tears of pain that strong cannot be held back by sheer will, so I make to attempt to.
"Tell our story Christian." But I wouldn't accept a goodbye yet. Not from her, she had too much to live for. "No." "Yes, yes." I was crying and she could see my pain. Her blue eyes looked into me, so intense and bright.
"Promise me, promise me." She nodded her head, as I did so reluctantly. "Yeah." There was no way I could say no to this woman. By now she was fading, and it was obvious. But what do you say to the love of your life in her last minutes living. There's nothing much you can say, but I know she understood. By now I was shaking uncontrollably, even more than she.
Satine looked into my eyes and I knew this was it. I just squeezed her harder. Her frail voice echoed in my ears, "I'll always be with you."
With that, she faded away. Nothing dramatic, the pain just stopped for her. But mine was just beginning. I sobbed for my lost love as I held her body in my arms. Open, racking sobs fell from my lips.
"Why God did you do this to me?!!" I screamed "We just wanted love, is that a crime?!!!!" Everyone left me alone in the dark with my hatred, my Satine and my questions.
As I lay in Christian's arms, looking up at his confused and contorted face I could only think of one thing. I couldn't leave Christian now; not now. I was going to cause him so much more pain than I ever meant to. Things weren't supposed to be happy. God would give us justice for all we had gone through. But he hadn't and now our lives would be ripped apart. And all I could feel was the fear that I would never live again. Never breathe fresh air, or see the sky and the water or the smile on a small child's face. Or Christian. I would never feel his warm breath on my neck or hear the poetry he wrote, or look into his loving eyes. And that scared me. Fear covered every inch of my mind as I thought back to that afternoon. Two pills in my hand, and a glass of water. That simple, that easy, barely any fight. But no, I couldn't make it that easy. And I would never be sure until the end came.
The one pill was in my system and the other one..... well, the other one was in the plumbing system, I guess. I had second-guessed myself at the last minute, taken only one and now it was slowly killing me. Blackness started crowding my vision, as Christian squeezed me towards him. He slowly brought me back down, and his tears fell onto my face.
"I'll always be with you." I whispered, knowing it would all end today. I said a prayer for my love as shallow breath left my lips. 'Good bye Christian. I'm sorry.'
