Disclaimer: The usual, you know the drill. (If you were waiting for a lapse
in judgment such as this to sue me, than ha ha! I win. Just look on the
former pages if you care about he disclaimer.)
A/N: Once again, sorry I took longer than usual but I have school and you guys aren't reviewing!!!!!!! *Whimper* please review??? Well, regardless of whether or not you review, here's the next chapter.
Darkness sat around me, engulfing me, my best and only friend. And I let him in, injected him into my veins and enjoyed the results. Her body lay in my arms, her corpse; in my arms. And I wouldn't let her go. If I let her go, she might wake up without me. They came and tried to take her away from me, telling me she was dead. Dead! She wasn't dead! She was just sleeping............... 'Just sleeping'. I whispered to myself. My tired soul gave out. I couldn't pretend anymore; so I just wept.
Who knows how long I sat on that stage, rocking her in my arms and crying. Could've been minutes, could've been hours, could've been days for all I cared.
In the beginning they were all there, giving me pitying glances but they didn't last long. One bye one they disappeared. They left to their own relatively painless realties, away from my painful one.
The Bohos were some of the last to leave, but eventually, even they left me. Zidler was still there when they weren't; I guess he felt guilty. As he should. I didn't even want to look at his face. He had betrayed all of us, especially Satine, and had gained nothing from it.
But out of all of them, one stayed faithful. Toulouse. Toulouse was the last to leave. When the only noise that had filled my ears for a long while was my own breathing; I heard his footsteps. They came closer, and stopped behind me. He handed me an envelope, along with three words. "It's from her." That was it.
I could feel his eyes on the back of my neck for a long time before he finally walked away. I moved the paper through my hands, and looked at it. There was one word written across it, in her beautiful script. "Christian" I was almost curious to its contents, but stuck it in my shirt pocket, swearing to look at it later. Right now I had other business to attend to.
~~~~*~~~~~ ~~~~~*~~~~~ ~~~~~*~~~~~
She laid on my bed, with the moonlight shining on her, almost making her glow. If only I saw the slight movement of her chest, I could make myself believe that nothing had changed. But it had; and not for the better. I had carried her up to my carried and laid her on my bed. Strange thing to do, I know, but it only seemed right. If I left her, they would take her away and I couldn't bear for that to be the last time I ever saw her. So I had taken her with me and once again, it was just the two of us in my garret, like old times. I would take her back to them tomorrow morning; but at the moment, I just needed one more night.
I walked up to the bed and held her hand in mine, but quickly let go. Cold to the touch. No matter how hard I tried, I would never get the wonderful time that we had shared back. With this realization, I sunk to the floor in a depressed haze.
'Why did this have to happen to me? Why did God insist on tormenting me? I was given love, it was taken away, I was given it back and it was ripped from me just as quickly. Someone up there must hate me.' Thoughts pulsed through my head as I sobbed for the millionth time that night. 'I should have never come to the damned Moulin Rouge.' I thought bitterly. 'Then I never would've gotten hurt. Father was right.' After drowning in my own bitterness and regrets for quite some time, I realized something. The letter. The letter Toulouse had handed me. It was still in my shirt pocket.
I quickly got up and walked over to where I had thrown my shirt on the floor. Picking it up, I reached inside the small pocket until my fingers came into contact with paper. Slowly, carefully, I pulled the letter out. No doubt, I was curious about it's contents but in truth, the letter scared me a little. I didn't know if I could handle something from Satine to me; not tonight anyway. Regardless of the fears I had, my curiosity won and I slowly unfolded the paper. Inside were these words:
My Dearest Christian,
If you are reading this, I can only assume where I am. Where all whores and liars go. Where the ones that don't deserve eternal happiness go. Don't miss me; don't cry for me; even though I doubt that you will. I deserve to be where I am. I hurt you, and it wasn't fair to you. But regardless of the way you feel about me, there is something you must know. The pain I caused you was not in vain; hard to believe, but true. The Duke was going to kill you. Kill you. I knew that you would follow me wherever I went, regardless of the circumstances. Whether I was sick or well, or whether you thought I loved you or not. I knew it, Zidler knew it, Marie knew it. You know it too. The only way to save you was to break your heart and hope that you wouldn't follow me. I'm sorry. I know I can't say it enough, but I am sorry. But you don't have to worry. The Duke won't have me, I won't be his. There is now way in hell. I would never hurt you like that. That's why things must end this way. They have to. I don't want to hurt you anymore. Cyanide will be my untimely end; poison. Strange how two little pills can do so much damage. I only wonder if people will miss me and notice my absence. People who actually care about me. Not about my body, or my "talent". I hope that someone will care. I can only pray you do. I love you. Advienne Que Pourra.
Satine
By the time I had finished reading this, my hands were shaking, and the ink was running from my tears on the paper. Only one main thought remained in my mind.
'She killed herself.' I whispered. 'She killed herself for me. And I yelled at her and abandoned her when she needed me the most.' I thought back painfully to the earlier events of that evening. "I owe you nothing, and you are nothing to me." 'I had thought that I had known everything and the only injustice in the world had been done to me. I hadn't even seen or cared about her pain. But after all that, she accepted me back and died in my arms. Died. Died for my sake.' My brain kept circling back to her voluntary sacrifice and I couldn't keep the tears from falling. I sang what popped into my head, even though I was still choking back tears.
"Sad eyes follow me. But I still believe there's something left for you and me for you and me for you and me." I buried my head in my arms and tried to hide from the world.
"Hold me now, I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking mabie six feet ain't so far down." The song had brought a fresh batch of tears to my eyes that soaked the arms of my shirt thoroughly. I fell asleep like that; crying with my head in my arms.
~~~~~*~~~~~ ~~~~~*~~~~~ ~~~~~*~~~~~
Sunlight shone on my face, as I opened my eyes and saw her laying next to me her chest rising and falling softly. I slowly breathed a sigh of relief. It had all been just a dream, and now she was here with me. Satine moved slightly and rolled over. She sat like that for a moment, eyes closed, as I studied her face. Then her eyelids slowly opened, and a small smirk appeared on her face.
"You know" she said, "I don't know if I'll ever get used to waking up with you staring at me." I just smiled right back at her, happiness emanating from me.
"But you're the most beautiful thing to watch in the morning." I leaned over and moved towards her until her lips were centimeters from mine. I closed my eyes as my lips got closer and closer and ...............met with something cold and hard.
I opened my eyes and realized I was laying face down on the wooden floor of my garret. I almost started crying for the deep sadness I felt at that moment. It had only been a dream. I had dreamed that I had dreamt reality. Slowly, I rose up to my feet, steadying myself on the metal frame of my bed.
She was still there on my bed, with the sunlight illuminating her hair, creating a halo effect. My brain told me that I could not do this anymore, endure this torment, and she was only magnifying the pain. I would have to say goodbye. I carefully walked over to the bed and sat down on the side. Something came to my mind, the perfect goodbye. When she had first come to the Moulin Rouge as a teenager, Satine was sad and lonely. Marie became her mother and every night would sing to her. Once, Satine had taught him the lullaby.
"Hush my love now don't you cry. Everything will be all right. Close your eyes and drift in dream, rest in peaceful sleep. If there's one thing I hope I showed you, hope I showed you. Just give love to all." I stared at her lovely face, and stroked her cheek lovingly.
"Oh my love.in my arms tight, every day you give me life. As I drift off to your world, will rest in peaceful sleep. I know there's one thing that you showed me. That you showed me." How I wished that she could hear my song and sing with me. But I knew now that was impossible. At least she would have a proper goodbye. Tears once again filled my eyes as I sang the last words to my love.
"Just give love to all. Let's give love to all." I touched Satine's fingers lightly and continued. "I know there's one thing that you showed me, I know there's one thing that you showed me, that you showed me. Just give love to all." I bent down and kissed her lips one last time. "Let's give love to all."
I put on my jacket and shoes, ran my fingers through my hair in an attempt to look presentable and knew I was finally ready. I took one last look at her, put on my hat and walked to the door. I would tell Zidler where she was, and he would take care of it. I put my hand on the doorknob and turned it, walking out into the hall. The voice that filled my ears made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.
"Christian?"
~~~~~*~~~~~ ~~~~~*~~~~~ ~~~~~*~~~~~
A/n: OOOH! Cliffhanger! The songs used in here were Creed, "Hold me Now" and "Lullaby".
A/N: Once again, sorry I took longer than usual but I have school and you guys aren't reviewing!!!!!!! *Whimper* please review??? Well, regardless of whether or not you review, here's the next chapter.
Darkness sat around me, engulfing me, my best and only friend. And I let him in, injected him into my veins and enjoyed the results. Her body lay in my arms, her corpse; in my arms. And I wouldn't let her go. If I let her go, she might wake up without me. They came and tried to take her away from me, telling me she was dead. Dead! She wasn't dead! She was just sleeping............... 'Just sleeping'. I whispered to myself. My tired soul gave out. I couldn't pretend anymore; so I just wept.
Who knows how long I sat on that stage, rocking her in my arms and crying. Could've been minutes, could've been hours, could've been days for all I cared.
In the beginning they were all there, giving me pitying glances but they didn't last long. One bye one they disappeared. They left to their own relatively painless realties, away from my painful one.
The Bohos were some of the last to leave, but eventually, even they left me. Zidler was still there when they weren't; I guess he felt guilty. As he should. I didn't even want to look at his face. He had betrayed all of us, especially Satine, and had gained nothing from it.
But out of all of them, one stayed faithful. Toulouse. Toulouse was the last to leave. When the only noise that had filled my ears for a long while was my own breathing; I heard his footsteps. They came closer, and stopped behind me. He handed me an envelope, along with three words. "It's from her." That was it.
I could feel his eyes on the back of my neck for a long time before he finally walked away. I moved the paper through my hands, and looked at it. There was one word written across it, in her beautiful script. "Christian" I was almost curious to its contents, but stuck it in my shirt pocket, swearing to look at it later. Right now I had other business to attend to.
~~~~*~~~~~ ~~~~~*~~~~~ ~~~~~*~~~~~
She laid on my bed, with the moonlight shining on her, almost making her glow. If only I saw the slight movement of her chest, I could make myself believe that nothing had changed. But it had; and not for the better. I had carried her up to my carried and laid her on my bed. Strange thing to do, I know, but it only seemed right. If I left her, they would take her away and I couldn't bear for that to be the last time I ever saw her. So I had taken her with me and once again, it was just the two of us in my garret, like old times. I would take her back to them tomorrow morning; but at the moment, I just needed one more night.
I walked up to the bed and held her hand in mine, but quickly let go. Cold to the touch. No matter how hard I tried, I would never get the wonderful time that we had shared back. With this realization, I sunk to the floor in a depressed haze.
'Why did this have to happen to me? Why did God insist on tormenting me? I was given love, it was taken away, I was given it back and it was ripped from me just as quickly. Someone up there must hate me.' Thoughts pulsed through my head as I sobbed for the millionth time that night. 'I should have never come to the damned Moulin Rouge.' I thought bitterly. 'Then I never would've gotten hurt. Father was right.' After drowning in my own bitterness and regrets for quite some time, I realized something. The letter. The letter Toulouse had handed me. It was still in my shirt pocket.
I quickly got up and walked over to where I had thrown my shirt on the floor. Picking it up, I reached inside the small pocket until my fingers came into contact with paper. Slowly, carefully, I pulled the letter out. No doubt, I was curious about it's contents but in truth, the letter scared me a little. I didn't know if I could handle something from Satine to me; not tonight anyway. Regardless of the fears I had, my curiosity won and I slowly unfolded the paper. Inside were these words:
My Dearest Christian,
If you are reading this, I can only assume where I am. Where all whores and liars go. Where the ones that don't deserve eternal happiness go. Don't miss me; don't cry for me; even though I doubt that you will. I deserve to be where I am. I hurt you, and it wasn't fair to you. But regardless of the way you feel about me, there is something you must know. The pain I caused you was not in vain; hard to believe, but true. The Duke was going to kill you. Kill you. I knew that you would follow me wherever I went, regardless of the circumstances. Whether I was sick or well, or whether you thought I loved you or not. I knew it, Zidler knew it, Marie knew it. You know it too. The only way to save you was to break your heart and hope that you wouldn't follow me. I'm sorry. I know I can't say it enough, but I am sorry. But you don't have to worry. The Duke won't have me, I won't be his. There is now way in hell. I would never hurt you like that. That's why things must end this way. They have to. I don't want to hurt you anymore. Cyanide will be my untimely end; poison. Strange how two little pills can do so much damage. I only wonder if people will miss me and notice my absence. People who actually care about me. Not about my body, or my "talent". I hope that someone will care. I can only pray you do. I love you. Advienne Que Pourra.
Satine
By the time I had finished reading this, my hands were shaking, and the ink was running from my tears on the paper. Only one main thought remained in my mind.
'She killed herself.' I whispered. 'She killed herself for me. And I yelled at her and abandoned her when she needed me the most.' I thought back painfully to the earlier events of that evening. "I owe you nothing, and you are nothing to me." 'I had thought that I had known everything and the only injustice in the world had been done to me. I hadn't even seen or cared about her pain. But after all that, she accepted me back and died in my arms. Died. Died for my sake.' My brain kept circling back to her voluntary sacrifice and I couldn't keep the tears from falling. I sang what popped into my head, even though I was still choking back tears.
"Sad eyes follow me. But I still believe there's something left for you and me for you and me for you and me." I buried my head in my arms and tried to hide from the world.
"Hold me now, I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking mabie six feet ain't so far down." The song had brought a fresh batch of tears to my eyes that soaked the arms of my shirt thoroughly. I fell asleep like that; crying with my head in my arms.
~~~~~*~~~~~ ~~~~~*~~~~~ ~~~~~*~~~~~
Sunlight shone on my face, as I opened my eyes and saw her laying next to me her chest rising and falling softly. I slowly breathed a sigh of relief. It had all been just a dream, and now she was here with me. Satine moved slightly and rolled over. She sat like that for a moment, eyes closed, as I studied her face. Then her eyelids slowly opened, and a small smirk appeared on her face.
"You know" she said, "I don't know if I'll ever get used to waking up with you staring at me." I just smiled right back at her, happiness emanating from me.
"But you're the most beautiful thing to watch in the morning." I leaned over and moved towards her until her lips were centimeters from mine. I closed my eyes as my lips got closer and closer and ...............met with something cold and hard.
I opened my eyes and realized I was laying face down on the wooden floor of my garret. I almost started crying for the deep sadness I felt at that moment. It had only been a dream. I had dreamed that I had dreamt reality. Slowly, I rose up to my feet, steadying myself on the metal frame of my bed.
She was still there on my bed, with the sunlight illuminating her hair, creating a halo effect. My brain told me that I could not do this anymore, endure this torment, and she was only magnifying the pain. I would have to say goodbye. I carefully walked over to the bed and sat down on the side. Something came to my mind, the perfect goodbye. When she had first come to the Moulin Rouge as a teenager, Satine was sad and lonely. Marie became her mother and every night would sing to her. Once, Satine had taught him the lullaby.
"Hush my love now don't you cry. Everything will be all right. Close your eyes and drift in dream, rest in peaceful sleep. If there's one thing I hope I showed you, hope I showed you. Just give love to all." I stared at her lovely face, and stroked her cheek lovingly.
"Oh my love.in my arms tight, every day you give me life. As I drift off to your world, will rest in peaceful sleep. I know there's one thing that you showed me. That you showed me." How I wished that she could hear my song and sing with me. But I knew now that was impossible. At least she would have a proper goodbye. Tears once again filled my eyes as I sang the last words to my love.
"Just give love to all. Let's give love to all." I touched Satine's fingers lightly and continued. "I know there's one thing that you showed me, I know there's one thing that you showed me, that you showed me. Just give love to all." I bent down and kissed her lips one last time. "Let's give love to all."
I put on my jacket and shoes, ran my fingers through my hair in an attempt to look presentable and knew I was finally ready. I took one last look at her, put on my hat and walked to the door. I would tell Zidler where she was, and he would take care of it. I put my hand on the doorknob and turned it, walking out into the hall. The voice that filled my ears made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.
"Christian?"
~~~~~*~~~~~ ~~~~~*~~~~~ ~~~~~*~~~~~
A/n: OOOH! Cliffhanger! The songs used in here were Creed, "Hold me Now" and "Lullaby".
