The first thing Stephanie became aware of was the faint beeping that mirrored her heartbeat. Then the slight pressure of the I.V. Finally she opened her eyes to a white blur.

That smell. Steph knew that smell and upon recognizing it she closed her eyes again, not waiting for them to focus. There was no need. She knew where she was. The last time she was here she'd made the biggest decision of her life. Or had it been? She'd actually made the biggest decision in a life just beginning. It hadn't really affected her that much. Had it? What had she done with herself since then that would reflect that decision? No immediate answer came and the ensuing emptiness prompted her to curl up on her side. As she twisted at the waist beginning the roll from her back, lightning shot through her body and she cried out in pain.

This didn't surprise her so much- she instantly remembered the fight in the alley- but the strong, slender fingers that gently grasped her shoulder, slowly but firmly pushing her back into the bed and the soothing voice that followed certainly caught her off guard.

"Miss Brown, you should lie still. You're no doubt still in much pain." Stephanie knew this was a stranger though she could not see him. Yet, everything about his manner calmed her in a way she could not describe. She opened her eyes and allowed them to focus on the hospital room. Sitting by her bed side was a slender man she wouldn't call old but he was certainly past his prime. He'd retracted his arm and sat straight but relaxed regarding her with concern.

She blinked several times and realized she must be on some powerful pain medication. The world seemed fuzzy and her thoughts were sluggish coming only with effort.

"I'm to apologize for Tim. He sent me to look after you until he can come himself. He says he's quite busy but I believe he's rather upset with you. I'd suggest you think of a good apology, young miss. He's not the kind of lad you want to lose because of a silly quarrel like this." There was no condescension in his words. In fact he was so forward and sincere she caught herself feeling a pang of regret, inwardly reciting her excuses for what she had done. Instantly she resented him. Then glaring:

"Who are you?"

He bowed slightly at the waist.

"My name is Alfred. I believe we met briefly though you may not recall" She did vaguely and nodded her affirmation. "Now, if I may inquire. I've been anxious to know what you remember from your ordeal. Specifically, how you came to be found lying unconscious and half naked in an alley." Steph recoiled, pulling her blanket a little closer to her chin. Alfred went on pointedly. "Your physician found no sign that you'd been molested in any way but your injuries are substantial. Then there are the half-dozen or so thugs they found around you, most of which are in critical condition." He paused lowering his head a moment. Stephanie, watching him closely, thought she caught a glimpse of the expression he was attempting to hide. It held an almost palpable dread as though the words he was about to say carried the most dire of consequences. But, it was there and gone again replaced in a moment by the objective face of duty. "The one found closest to you was dead when the ambulance arrived."

Stephanie didn't know how this man expected her to react but it was immediately apparent that the rattled sigh of relief that escaped her took him by surprise. She stared at the ceiling and wondered at herself. Something inside her had hoped that man would die. In the alley she felt justified in self-defense to take any measures needed to keep him from his goal. She knew she did not have the strength or control to incapacitate him without killing him. She realized bitterly that, in that moment, the idea had been moot since she hadn't the strength to even break free much less try to harm him. But, now...shouldn't she feel bad? She could understand the lack of guilt; After all, she hadn't personally taken a bat to his head.

When Robin had explained so passionately the line that must never be crossed- that they could never under any circumstances by action or inaction take another human life- she had thought it was a given. Of course, this was the defining line between the good guys and the bad guys. Besides, she couldn't kill anyone if she'd wanted to and she couldn't imagine wanting to so she never gave it a second thought.

Now she was thinking about it and by her inaction- no, by her incompetence, a man was dead. And for whatever reason, she could not deny her relief and utter lack of grief.

"Are you uncomfortable?" the words interrupted Stephanie's self-battery. She misunderstood at first and so retorted defiantly.

"Why? Should I be?" He smiled patiently.

"You are shifting in your bed and fussing with the I.V. Do you need it replaced or another pillow perhaps?" She blushed, realizing he was not referring to her thoughts. By way of apology she decided to open up a bit.

"Just being here makes me a little uneasy. In the hospital, I mean."

"Is this due to lack of experience or unpleasant memories?" He inquired kindly and she was glad he was so willing to change the subject despite the fact that she had yet to answer any of his previous questions. She considered.

"Neither really. I've stayed in the hospital once before but at the time it wasn't...so bad." Before she knew it she was telling him the whole story. About the child she'd given away literally hours after it was born. She was surprised to feel a tear slide down her face; she wasn't sad. It was relief, she realized, looking up at Alfred. He was listening, no interrupting with stupid questions, no criticism. Yet that was not all she was feeling. She had thought she'd made her peace with the whole matter but it felt so good to talk about it. She realized there was something lingering that she'd been avoiding, but still she couldn't quite place it.

"So you regret this?" he asked.

"Never." She stated flatly.

"Then why do you carry shame?" He asked with such confidence, as though her soul was laid bare before him. Her rebellious retort died on her lips and she shrugged in defeat.

"I don't know." But even as she said this it came to her. She felt she had shirked her responsibility. She'd made a terrible mistake and her penance consisted of nine short months of minor discomfort and an epidural. Then, without batting an eyelash she'd dumped any remaining responsibility on a total stranger. The tears flowed freely now. No hysterics or sobbing, just understanding and relief.

Alfred seemed to read her mind. "But it was right, wasn't it." She nodded gratefully. "Now only one mystery remains." He went on. She assumed, having resolved this issue, he would now redirect the subject back to the night before. So, she closed her eyes and prepared to recite what she could remember.

"What needless punishment have you devised to replace this discarded motherhood?"

The unexpected question left Stephanie stunned momentarily. She actually didn't understand what he was asking for several seconds. Then, it hit her like a physical blow. Tim had told this strange old man who she was and now he was suggesting that Spoiler was nothing more than a subconscious need to punisher herself.

She balled up her fists in rage.

"I was Spoiler before that you know!" She snarled between clenched teeth. There was no reply. She shot the empty chair next to her bed a look that could have melted it but it didn't hit its mark. In fact, Alfred was nowhere in the room. She began to breathe heavily and a lump formed in her throat. What was she doing? Had he really known or had she just told him? Had he presented a conclusion or had she come to it on her own?

Her next thought was a murderous one directed at the still absent Timothy Drake for a hundred things she couldn't call to mind in her rage. Then came a feeling of betrayal from the mysterious Alfred who'd purged her shame only to cast doubt on her highest ambition.

As she forced herself to slow her breathing and relax she realized how completely Alfred had faded from existence. As she slipped into fitful sleep she wondered if he'd been there at all. After all, where would such a man- the perfect blend of humility and dignity- learn such a devious trick?