Chapter 2: The Uncomfortable Predicament
It was Friday afternoon and Severus Snape was sitting in his dungeon classroom with third year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. In all honesty, Severus was preoccupied with thoughts of his own, and the students took full advantage of this luxury by indulging in the small talk and gossip they were oft denied in the potions master's classroom.
On Monday, he'd had that "talk" with Dumbledore, and quite frankly, he had found the incident rather distressing. Now, four days later, it was still in the forefront of his thoughts. What "distressed" you more Severus, he asked himself as he let himself relax into the old, soft leather of his chair behind his desk, the fact that you were given advice on you sex life, or perhaps the fact that it was that damned Dumbledore that had offered you that advice? Damn the elderly bastard and his bloody advice. Severus had a sneaking suspicion that it was a combination of both that had made the whole situation altogether bothersome.
He had not expected his romantic life, or more accurately lack thereof, to be the chief topic of conversation when Dumbledore had "asked" Severus to his office for a little "discussion." After 14 years of living alone with nothing to look forward to except a day filled with teaching mindless barbarians, Severus never really thought about being romantically involved with anyone, let alone a former student. This was especially the case when he was working as a spy. He didn't have time to think of such frivolities as dating and sex. In a sense, he had become numb to the concept of love in any form, especially that of the romantic persuasion.
Speaking to Dumbledore had acted as a sort of wake up call to his senses. Of course, he had noted and subconsciously, though his mind never allowed him to admit it to himself, appreciated the "attractiveness" of some of his older students; it had always been something he could ignore. Now, he almost felt as if he were a teenager again, thinking of nothing but sex and how to go about getting it. His hormones were racing and he didn't like it. His teenage years were not fond ones. He was acutely aware of his masculinity and the femininity of the women around him. He found himself staring at some of his seventh year students, in a way finding, or rediscovering, his sexuality, something that had long since been forgotten. He was certainly beginning to remember the things he had valued most about the female body as a young man.
He realized very quickly that he missed the softness of a woman's skin. He remembered how he adored women who were more curvy and voluptuous. He recalled that he'd liked long dark hair. He felt that it almost heightened their femininity and made them all the more exotic. The thing he found most erotic of all was the innocence that some women seemed to possess. At times, he thought himself very sick for his fantasies of corrupting the innocence of some of his more attractive sixth and seventh year students.
Severus, as was to be expected, did not approve of his newfound, or recently uncovered, sexuality. Over the past four days since his "talk" with Albus Dumbledore, Severus had caught himself casually "glancing" over young female bodies more times than he could remember doing in the past 14 years of his teaching career. He felt as if he was loosing control of himself, and he didn't like it at all. This only served to encourage his foul mood.
Control was key in Severus' life. As a young man, living under his mother's authority, he had very little control over anything in his life except his own thoughts, and even then, he had to push them aside when his mother had ordered him to join Voldemort's throng for "pureblood honor".
Though he wouldn't admit it then, and still, many years later, had trouble coming to terms with his thoughts, he had wanted to join the Death Eaters. They offered him power, companionship, and a way to control his own life, or so he thought. As it turned out, Severus' freedom was nonexistent as the control over him was relinquished from his mother only to be handed over to Voldemort. He was a true potions master and his skills were greatly appreciated by those around him. He'd almost come to think that he could accept his role as a Death Eater, until he witnessed the torture, and eventual murder of several muggle children. It wasn't enough for the Death Eaters to torture and kill, for what they had done to the bodies afterward had been if anything worse… Severus had put on a show, pretending to take perverse enjoyment in the night's proceedings. Severus thanked the heavens that he had practiced occlumency.
Immediately, after he was given leave from Voldemort's presence, Severus ran to the only wizard that he thought could help him without judgment, Albus Dumbledore. Albus had listened to him, and had given Severus a way out of his life, and a chance to redeem himself in his mind and in the mind of others. He took the position as potions master at Hogwarts, telling Voldemort that he was there to get "information" about the activities of the Order when in reality, he was betraying his "Master." He felt as if he had found some semblance of control and balance in his life.
Severus wanted every aspect of his life to be his to decide, so he created a certain routine that he had unconsciously found himself adhering to. It made Severus feel safe in a way. Soon enough, Voldemort was vanquished, for a time at least, and this left Severus with time to reflect on his life, apart from spying and risking his life every other day. He still had his routine.
He thought mostly about his past, and his relationship with Dumbledore. He was truly grateful to Dumbledore for keeping him out of Azkaban, and giving him a chance to deem himself worthy of living, but he was also angry. Albus was a smart man and knew how to manipulate those into doing exactly as he wanted them to do. He found their weakness and used it for his own benefit. In Severus' case, he had used his guilt to coerce him into spying for the Order. This thought angered Severus to no end, for to him, it was only someone else exerting control of his life again, but his guilt had stopped him from confronting the Headmaster and leaving Hogwarts. He still felt as if he had a debt to pay to the world and to Dumbledore, though some would argue that he'd done more than enough, without any recognition to boot.
He also found himself thinking of Angelina Johnson, or trying to anyway. He was trying to remember distinct things about her character, anything that would give him any clue as to why Dumbledore had suggested very obviously that he should consider his soon-to-be colleague a potential mate.
Though Severus was very inexperienced and quite inept in the areas of love and relationships, he knew enough to know that there had to be some kind of initial attraction, or magic, that occurred between the two said parties. If she would "tame" me as nicely as Dumbledore suggested she could, why can I barely remember her face, let alone she as a person? Severus was not being entirely truthful to himself, as he did indeed remember her face and body very well.
He had taught Angelina Johnson for seven years, and she had never shone brightly amongst any crowd. It didn't help that she always hung around Alicia Spinett and Katie Bell, two girls who were very exotic looking in two distinctly different ways. Angelina was…just another Gryffindor. He did remember glancing at the girl. In a way, Severus liked the fact that she was average looking in comparison to her two friends. It was like Angelina was more tangible, touchable…real. If there was one thing he remembered about her, it was her body, and the fact that he indeed found it unnervingly touchable even then. She had started developing before most of her fellow classmates, and stopped developing after her most of her fellow classmates. She was curvier than most, and had rather large breast, a relatively small waist and wide hips that Severus often caught himself, along with his male students, admiring against his will.
Certainly, this is what "frightened" him the most about Angelina's impending arrival. Of the entire faculty, he, Albus, Argus, and Minerva were the only ones who lived at the school during summer term, and now, he would have to contend with a young, and not to mention, very attractive women living there as well. It would console the potions master to think that he would have the dungeons all to himself, but that just "happened" to be where Ms. Johnson was staying, alone with him…
Luckily for Severus, the ringing of the school bell, telling him that it was time for dinner interrupted his thoughts. Saved by the bell, he thought to himself before rising from behind his desk and leaving his dungeon classroom for the Great Hall.
Severus entered the Great Hall at 6:00 P.M., punctual as usual. He walked toward the faculty table, choosing to ignore the "withering" glares he was receiving by the all of the school's houses, even his own. He let out a self-satisfied smirk. If that is the best those beast Dumbledore calls children can do, then they have learned far less from me than even I thought they did.
Sitting down at his usual seat, to the right of the Headmaster, much to his chagrin, he waited for the food to appear. He wanted to get out of the Great Hall as quickly as possible in all honesty. He wanted to avoid speaking to the Headmaster if it were at all possible. He still wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea of Dumbledore giving him advice concerning his love life. Besides, the fact that he could offer such advice leads one to believe that the ancient Albus Dumbledore had once upon a time had a love life of his own. Though Severus could admit that he was being immature in thinking so, he found the idea of his old headmaster ever having sex an absolutely absurd and disgusting one.
"Hello my dear Severus," Dumbledore said cheerfully, completely breaking Severus out of his thoughts. "How are you feeling?" Dumbledore asked innocently, smiling brightly, eyes twinkling.
"How do you think old man?" Severus spat out bitterly, all the while glaring at the headmaster. "Thanks to you, my week has been rather… unpleasant. Now if you would please leave me to my meal. I must be leaving soon, and I should like to go without dying of starvation."
Dumbledore merely chuckled. "You always were a bit melodramatic, Severus," Albus said fondly.
Severus smirked at the elderly headmaster before replying, "And you always were a bit senile, Albus." The Headmaster just chuckled before turning to the plate in front of him.
Severus rose from his seat to leave the Great Hall earlier than usual, something that was becoming quite usual since the "talk". Unfortunately for him, a hand on his shoulder ruined any plan of his to go to his room and wallow in the past.
"I should like a word with you," said Dumbledore, not even looking up from his plate.
"Shall I meet you in your office Albus?" Severus replied curtly. Whatever the Headmaster had to say to him, he instinctively knew he was not going to like it. He would've liked to have had the "balls", as his students so crudely but accurately put it, to refuse the old man, but, alas, he did not.
"No, I shall meet you in your chambers. Besides, I've been meaning to give you a little help in the decorating department. Your chambers are awfully dull, not to mention uninviting."
Severus walked away, fuming. How can a magical genius be so…mentally challenged? Severus shook his head in defeat. He knew he would never understand the old man.
He walked to his rooms in the heart of the dungeons rather crossly. Upon reaching an unmoving portrait of intertwining snakes, one of the few motionless pictures in Hogwarts, he quickly said the password, "Sub Poena," which meant "under penalty." His password had not changed in all the years he'd been teaching. He had special wards that made anyone he had not given special permission to enter his rooms forget the password as quickly as they'd discovered it. Call him paranoid, but he's be damned if a student ever got into his chambers.
Severus had chosen the Latin saying, because then and now, he felt that it was fitting. Ever since he had fled from Voldemort, he had come to Dumbledore wanting to know what he could do to make up for his crimes against wizard and muggle alike. He felt as if he had deserved to be punished, and sometimes, when the mood struck him, he would chuckle as he uttered the words. Despite what his students may have thought, the potions master did have a sense of humor, no matter how dry it was.
Stepping through the entryway, he found himself in his sparse living room. Apart from two old and worn, black leather chairs, a fireplace, and two large bookshelves, the room was bare. Needless to say, anyone who may have been given the permission to enter the quarters had noted how "uninspired" the décor was, especially Albus Dumbledore.
Opposite the fireplace was a large oak door, which led to Severus' bedchambers. Severus walked through the door, and glided across the stone floor to his closet. He decidedly ignored his mirror as it screamed and said something that resembled, "What a hideous creature! Kill it Severus…Oh it's you."
"Do shut up you infernal mirror!" Severus shouted. "Do you realize how close you are to becoming nothing but a pile of dust?"
"Do not hate me for telling the truth. I can't help the fact that you look like some sort of repugnant beast. Would you prefer me to lie to you?" replied the mirror.
"I would prefer you to BE QUIET!"
"Well, so much for my effort to be nice. Though you must admit it was a valiant effort."
Severus left his bedchambers quickly before the urge to throw something at the mirror grew too great for him to ignore.
Upon exiting his bedchamber, Severus witnessed a wizard perusing through his humble library.
There was only one wizard who could possibly get through the wards on his door…
"Albus, what in bloody hell are you doing in my rooms, without my knowledge!"
"Oh, am I in your rooms? It is quite easy to get lost in this castle isn't it?" Albus feigned complete innocence, though a guilty flush graced his elderly features. He even had the decency to attempt a confused look. "You know I am getting old, my dear Severus. Perhaps my age has finally caught up with me."
"If you are going to enter my chambers without my knowledge, the least you could do is stay out of my personal belongings."
"Oh," replied the headmaster with a sheepish grin on his face, "I didn't mean to offend."
Severus gave Dumbledore a look that was famous for its ability to frighten the truth out of many a man. Albus Dumbledore was no exception.
"Would you believe me if I said it was an accident?"
"No. For some reason, I don't think this is an accident. You've been waiting for me to return this whole time." Severus' tone was harsh and soft at the same time. A combination that had made many a student tremble.
"Why, yes I have. You do remember that I wanted to have a word with you."
"What could you possibly want to talk to me about at this time of night?" Severus massaged his temples, trying to ease the pain of the headache that was there and beginning to worsen. Damn the old geezer.
"Well, as you're probably aware, Angelina is arriving tomorrow."
I knew it. "And just why did you want to discuss this with me…again? I thought we'd already reached some semblance of an understanding. Or as much of an understanding as you're capable of."
Dumbledore chuckled quietly. "Why my dear Severus, you're too young to be acting in this manner. Why, you have the opportunity to live again, and find happiness and love…"
"What is this talk of 'love' Albus? It would be too much to ask for the young woman to be interested in me, let alone love… Anyway, how can you be so sure that this little happily-ever-after fantasy will work?"
"I don't know; I just have a feeling."
"A 'feeling'"? You well know I have trouble following your logic, let alone your 'feeling.'"
"Come now Severus. You know how many young wizards such as yourself would be jumping at the opportunity to impress a young, beautiful witch. I'm practically delivering love potential on a silver platter encrusted with diamonds, and you still find errors in its presentation."
"I already told you. I'm perfectly content with my life as it is. I don't need some woman around changing the life I have grown accustomed to. Why can't you just let this go?"
"Because I don't want you to end up like me, lonely in my old age."
"Are you not satisfied with the course your life has taken, Albus?"
"Oh sure, it has been fulfilling, but it would've been more so if I had someone to share it with me. I needed companionship back then, but I was too afraid to seek it."
"I like being alone."
"No you don't. You just have nothing else to compare it to."
"Let's just say that I was interested in pursuing a…relationship with Ms. Johnson. How can you be so sure that she would be amicable to the idea?"
"Severus, Angelina has been through much in the world of romance. She's looking for a certain stability and faithfulness that very few wizards contain. You may be harsh and cold, but she has enough spunk to put up with that. It is your unwavering loyalty that will capture her heart."
"Is that so?" Dumbledore nodded as Severus continued. "I must ask, what is it about Ms. Johnson that will so captivate me, the 'lonely old hermit'?"
"Oh, many things," Dumbledore started with a tone of admiration in his voice. "As you must remember, she is quite beautiful. She is kind, but feisty. Definitely what I would call a no-nonsense woman. For some reason, I couldn't see you with any other type of woman. But the thing that will capture your heart will be her openness. She won't run from you, or hate you for your past. She will love you for what you are, and secretly, I know that is what you crave."
Damn the old bastard. Severus sat in silence, considering what his old "friend" had said. Was it possible that he, Severus Snape, had what Angelina Johnson was looking for in a partner? The thought was so absurd that he almost felt like laughing…almost, and it scared him, for with each moment that passed, he became more and more attracted to the idea of pursuing a relationship with Angelina.
"Lemon drop?" Dumbledore asked, knocking Severus out of his quiet reverie.
"You know very well that I hate the bloody things."
"And you know a meeting of ours would not be complete if I didn't at least offer you a drop."
"As much as I hate to agree with you, what you say it true. Does this mean you're done ruining my life?"
"Almost. I came to ask a favor of you."
Severus sighed, annoyed. He knew that Dumbledore's favors were really a nice way of commanding people to do as he would have them do.
"What Albus?"
"What are you planning to do tomorrow?" Albus asked, seeming not to have heard the question Severus had asked.
"I was going to go to Diagon Alley to replenish my potions supplies. What is it you would have me do?" He was getting exasperated with the old man. Of course, when am I ever not annoyed with the infernal old fool?
"Shall I conjure some tea?" Dumbledore asked, smiling.
"Damn it Albus, answer my question. What do you want me to do?"
"I am so pleased to hear you are visiting Diagon Alley tomorrow, for I was going to ask you to go there."
"To do what?"
"How many sugars do you like in your tea Severus? I always forget. I suppose I'm getting old…"
"Can you not understand English, you old crackpot? What in bloody hell do you want me to do?"
"Temper, temper Severus. I only want you to receive Ms. Angelina Johnson at the Leaky Cauldron at 12:00, and while you're there, you two could have lunch or something of that nature anyway."
I knew the old bastard would pull something like this.
Severus took a deep breath to calm himself. Control, Severus. Stay in control. He reminded himself before daring to speak.
"Is there not someone else who can receive her?" Someone who is not me.
"I'm afraid you're the only one who can do it," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling with mischief and knowing.
"You planned this didn't you?" Severus asked accusingly.
"Haven't I already told you? I couldn't have planned this if I tried, though I appreciate the flattery."
"Is there anything else Albus?"
"Nothing besides these horribly decorated chambers you have here. How can you ever expect to impress a woman with this?" Dumbledore said, eyes moving around the room. "What do you think about painting these walls?"
"Get out Albus."
"Are you sure, I have some great ideas for this space."
"Get Out."
"Oh, all right, but before I go, I must leave you with a bit of advice."
"What could that be? I've had enough of your advice to last me a lifetime."
"The world is full of fish, but very few are salmon."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" The old geezer has truly lost it now. I'm sure of it.
"I'm not quite sure. It sounded good, at the time," Dumbledore appeared to be in deep thought before he suddenly announced, "I must be off." With that he was gone; leaving Severus slightly disturbed by the whole ordeal.
Now I'm sure the old man has gone insane. Severus thought as he sank into one of his old leather chairs.
Thoughts of the next day soon filled his mind. What would he say to her? How would she react to him? What in bloody hell was he going to do? Severus would never give in and admit that he was nervous about the next day, but any onlooker would recognize the distinct look of discomfort that replaced the usual sneer worn by the potions master.
He soon fell into a fitful sleep, all of these questions running through his mind. This was definitely not apart of the daily routine.
