Chapter Four: Alone

Neo rolled over in his bed. It was so different without Trinity beside him, so...cold. He winced as a painful cough shook him. He had been coughing a lot lately.

He rolled over again, unable to find a comfortable position. The bed seemed so empty. It had been three days since the argument, and they hadn't spoken to each other since. He had wanted to, more than anything. But every time he got near her, something held him back. What if she was still mad at him? He didn't want to push her further away.

She said to back off. he reminded himself. But still? What if she didn't really mean it? What if she thinks I'm mad at her? He rolled over again, his mind filled with indecision and confusion. What should I do?

He knew that he couldn't live without her. He wouldn't be able to stand not talking to her or seeing her for much longer. Well, he had seen her. Technically. They had passed in the corridors several times, and during one excruciatingly awkward moment he had come into the mess room when she was already there. But it wasn't the same as really seeing her, looking into her eyes, talking with her. And he couldn't stand it. It was driving him crazy, being without her. At the same time, though, as much as he wanted to see her, he avoided her. Every time he saw her they ignored each other, and every time it was like a knife in his heart.

He had tried, he really had, to bring himself to talk to her. But he just couldn't, not without knowing what she had meant. So he tried his hardest to stay away from where he knew she would be. He had gotten into the habit of eating only once a day, to cut down on the chances of running into her. He knew that he shouldn't. Be could already feel himself getting more tired, becoming weaker.

Coughing again, he climbed out of bed and walked to the door.

I'll just go, I'll just go to her room and tell her how sorry I-am. Right now. he told himself, willing himself to turn the handle. But he didn't. Just as he knew he would, he turned and flopped back onto his bed.

This was driving him insane.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Trinity shivered and pulled the thin blankets more tightly around herself. It was so cold without him.

Three days. she thought. Three days of hell. Three days of you being too proud, and too scared, to go tell him that you're sorry. She shifted, rolling onto her back.

She hardly ever saw him anymore. He must have been avoiding her, or she would have run into him more often. She never saw him in the mess anymore. The last time she had seen him, passing in a hail, he had looked pale as death.

What have you done? she screamed at herself. Why do you have to be so goddamn stubborn? You could just walk up to him anytime. You could just say, "Neo, I'm sorry." And he would forgive you. She sighed and turned over. She could never seem to get comfortable anymore.

What have you done? she repeated to herself. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut to stop the tears from rolling down her face.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Morpheus drummed his fingers on a table as he pondered on whether to call a meeting. He had seen Neo and Trinity avoiding each other. Every time one came around the other would find some excuse to leave. It had been going on for three days now, and he was worried. They had both stopped getting work done as fast. He had to admit to himself now that they were probably...lovers.

The thought was still hard for him to accept, though. It seemed.odd. He sighed, shaking his head.

It isn't up to me to say who falls in love with whom. he thought. But should I talk to them about it?

He just couldn't decide. He wouldn't want to put them even more ill at ease with each other than they already were. . . but then again he needed them to get along.

Oh, what to do? Frowning, he shook his head. I'll have to talk to them...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Trinity dragged herself into the mess the next morning, She hadn't slept more than two hours, and the dark circles under her eyes showed it. Mechanically she got herself a bowl of goop and sat down at the table. She didn't even glance up when Tank came in and sat down across from her.

"Jeez, Trinity, you look like hell," he said, frowning. "What 's wrong?"

She looked up at him and forced a smile.

"I'm fine, I just didn't get much sleep," she explained.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "Nothings botherin you?" Her eyes flicked up to meet his. He knew had pushed it too far. Trinity hated people prying into her business.

But god, she really does look awful. he thought.

"I told you, I'm fine," she said, her voice warningly calm. Suddenly she stood up, grabbing her bowl. "I'd better get to work," she added as she dumped out the goop into a waste container and rinsed her bowl. Tank frowned as she walked out, the door swinging behind her.

She hadn't eaten a single bite.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Neo hesitantly pushed open the door to the mess room. Seeing that She wasn't there, he walked in. It was just Tank. Tank twisted in his seat slightly to see who it was.

"Oh hey, Neo," he called.

"Hey," Neo mumbled as he poured himself some goop and made his way to the table. Glancing up, Tank shook his head. Neo looked worse than Trinity had. He was paler than a ghost. Tank cleared his throat, wondering if he should ask him.

"So, um, do you know what's up with Trinity?" he asked casually, staring down at his goop and then sneaking a glance at Neo.

Oops. he thought regretfully. Neo looked liked someone had stabbed him.

"Uh - no," Neo answered a moment too late.

Guess they had a fight or something...

Neo traced circles through his goop with his spoon. He just wasn't hungry anymore. Suddenly he coughed, dropping his spoon into the goop. Tank glanced up.

"That sounds pretty bad, man. You sick or something?" he asked. Neo just shook his head as he slowly ate some of the grayish mess. They sat in silence for a minute.

Suddenly Neo got up and dumped out the rest of his goop - half of it. Tank watched as he left and then shook his head.

God, they're gonna be the death of each other if they don't make up! he thought as he swallowed the last spoonful of his 'breakfast'.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It took Morpheus some time to find Neo. He had looked in the mess, in Neo's quarters, and the control room. Finally he spotted him hunched over a computer in the engine room.

"Neo," he called from the doorway.

"Yeah?" said Neo as he stood up and faced him.

"I need to speak with you. Come to the mess room in half an hour."

"Sure," he answered, watching as his captain walked away.

Trinity wasn't nearly so difficult to find. She was sitting in the control room, watching for Sentinels. She heard him come and flashed him a questioning look.

"Come to the mess room in half an hour. I have something I must discuss with you," he said. She nodded distractedly, not even noticing when he left.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Neo walked into the mess and sat down at one of the tables. Apparently he was early, as Morpheus wasn't there yet. Drumming his fingers on the table, he wondered what this could be about.

Tank could have told him that he thought I was sick...but no, that's not the kind of thing he would have a meeting over... He glanced up as Morpheus walked in.

"Sir," he said respectfully. Morpheus just nodded and sat down at the end of the table. Neo shifted nervously as they sat there in silence. What was going on? Why wasn't he talking?

It almost seems like he's waiting for something. he thought. Suddenly the door swung open, and Neo realized that Morpheus had been waiting for something - or more accurately, someone.

Trinity froze when she pushed open the door to the mess room and saw Neo sitting there.

What's he doing here? she thought. Morpheus looked up and saw her.

"Trinity, sit down," he said pleasantly, normally.

As if this is normal... she thought as she walked over and sat down at the table, closer to Morpheus than Neo.

Morpheus cleared his throat and turned to look at them both.

"I do not mean to pry," he began. "I do not mean to involve myself in things that I have no business being involved in. He paused for a moment and glanced from Trinity to Neo. "But this must stop. I do not know what it is between you two, but it will not be tolerated. We all must work together to get this ship in running order. You must learn to get over your differences." Standing up, he glanced between them again. "Do not leave until you have solved whatever problem it is that is causing so much trouble," he ordered. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes sir," Neo mumbled. Trinity merely nodded. They both watched as he left. The silence that stretched out seemed to last forever. Finally Neo turned towards her and looked into her eyes. "Trinity- I -" he paused for a moment, unsure of how to start. "I'm sorry for yelling," he said softly, glancing down and then looking at her again. "It's just that - I just got so frustrated. You always looked so sad, and you would never tell me what was wrong. I could never help." He stifled a cough on the back of his hand and waited to see what she would say.

"Neo, it's not your fault," she said with a sigh. "Sometimes I just...can't deal with this. I don't how to. I can't deal with never knowing if you won't make it out one day. I can't deal with always being so afraid of losing you," she admitted softly, picking at her fingernails. She heard him get up and as she looked up she saw him walking over to her. He sat down next to her and took one of her hands.

"Trin, I'll always come back. I promise you. I couldn't not come back, not knowing that you're still here," he told her.

"But what if -" she began. He cut her off with a shake of his head.

"I promise. I will always come back," he said again. She shifted closer to him and he wrapped his arm around her.

"I'm so sorry, Neo. I missed you so much," she said, for once in her life not afraid to admit that she needed someone. He smiled at her and for a moment they were silent.

Neo's dry, hacking cough cut through the silent air. Trinity squeezed his hand, concern written all over her face. "Are you okay?" she asked, her eyes searching his face. He cleared his throat and nodded. She eyed him suspiciously before deciding to drop it for the moment.

If it gets any worse, I 'll drag him to the Med Bay myself.

"We'd better get back to work," she said regretfully. He sighed and stood up.

"Yeah, I guess so." Slowly they left, reluctant to leave each other after being apart for so long.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm so sorry it took me so long to update, stupid summer school homework was taking up all my time. Once again thanks for the reviews, and I'll update sooner than last time. Promise!