**
It's morning. The sun is filling as much of the room as it can and I feel sore and achy. I hear sounds coming from the kitchen and it's clear Harry is up. I try to stretch my legs but they protest, along with my neck that has an incredibly painful crick and my head that is pounding. I slept curled up on one side of the couch last night. After I finished crying.
I can't believe I did that last night, undressing in front of him, touching . . .
Maybe my mother was right about me.
I sit up with all of my pains and Harry is coming in with a cup.
"Coffee," he says answering a question I didn't ask as he sets it down. "I took the mule early this morning and got the beans myself."
He flashes me a quick smile; it tries to be a smile. He seems a little unsettled and . . .
My eyes have to be as wide as saucers because I know. I know he knows he saw me, saw what I did.
I think I'm going to be sick.
"Oh my God." I jump up off of the couch and fly into the bedroom, slamming the door behind me without looking back. He knows, he knows, he knows. He probably thinks I'm some crazy pervert. I . . . I can't believe I was so stupid! What am I going to do, I can't stay, even if he wanted me to I couldn't stay. And even if he did it would probably be because he thought I was some slut. He already said he disagreed about the club and . . . I can't believe I was so stupid.
**
She knows. That's obvious. She looked at me a little weird when I put the coffee down before her eyes went wide. Fuck, I'm transparent. And now I can't leave, if I leave she'll probably take off and then what, she's ends up in someplace that she can't handle. I wanted her to leave but not like this, not now. When did this become so confusing - Strike that. It was always confusing. I fall onto the sofa and get a spring in my ass for it.
Knock. Knock.
"Would you like a newspaper?" I hear through the front door.
"No thank you. Bye," I yell. I do not want to deal with pushy sales people right now.
"But you get a free sample."
"Leave it!"
"Sir--"
I get up yelling before I rip the door open, "I'm busy right now, don't you get that I - Lauren."
Life's bitch.
Life. Four. Work is long, Dana comes, Dana is sad, Lauren is here.
Me. Zero . . . though maybe seeing Dana last night could count as something good even if it turned out like --
"Harry?"
I snap back and look at her.
How do I get her to go away?
**
My other shoe, I need my other shoe. There! I finish pulling on it on and stand up. My body seems fine, which is good; I have to work tonight. A green tank top and khaki shorts, my 'fleeing' wear, it has to be, I can't stay here now but later . . . I can think of that later. My eyes are puffy and red and the make-up doesn't cover it completely, not that I care, I just want to stay in this room as long as I can because I can't face him yet.
**
"I thought I'd drop by, see how you were," she smiles as she walks in without an invitation. Then again we've had sex so she probably feels comfortable walking in. I know she wants everything to be good again, our on/off relationship should be sparking up about now but at what stage is the only part that isn't always clear. We're either on the edge of light flirting or already in bed, we've been on one real date so that shows just how black and while this relationship is, any gray and I think the would start spinning the other way.
"Actually, Lauren, I was just on my way out." So please go.
"You changed your hair again."
"What?" 'Go' part not being felt.
"It's a little different, kinda spiky."
Oh. Flirting, I can tell by the 'I'm sweet' expression, it works on her, worked for me. Works for me in a tight, red tee shirt and blue jeans shorts.
I'm a little hooked, I'll admit it, and I must show it to because she's looking slight embarrassed even though we both know she isn't. Just to let me know.
"I know you have work and I know you don't like to be late but . . ."
But . . . but nothing. What happens, we go into the bedroom and Dana gets to see - This isn't turning out well.
"I really can't be late, I'm meeting a student before class. Kyle Greggor."
"Oh." Disappointed and 'I'm intruding, sorry' look cued . . . Now.
Perfect.
"Maybe we can have dinner tonight then."
"I don't know," I say. "I have a lot of work and . . ."
"And wouldn't it be a nice break?"
I hear a creak and I think the door is going to open, but Lauren didn't notice so maybe it's paranoia.
Better safe than sorry.
"Sure, that'd be great. Tonight, six-thirty?" I rush. She nods and I walk behind her, glancing at the bedroom door as I start to gather some papers.
"Six-thirty then," she agrees with a sultry tone as she watches me. She isn't leaving.
"I'd walk you to your car but . . ." I trail off looking at the papers I was trying to gather. She nods and I'm glad she finally got the hint.
"Bye." She doesn't kiss me but she does wink as she walks out of the open door and I don't breathe until I hear the elevator ding.
**
Now or never, now or never, now or never.
I swing the door open and head straight for the door, my bag on my shoulder. Maybe I can stay with some of the dancers at work, Casey, she'll help me. Most of them think I'm a bitch, but she knew I didn't talk much because I was nervous being there for the first month or so.
"Dana, wait!"
I'm going to cry I can feel the tears coming up but I have to hold back. I turn to face him and he steps up to me hesitantly. He has on a jersey for the Yankees and I'd tell him he was a terrible Sox fan if I weren't going to turn into a waterworks.
"Can we talk for a minute?"
I just shake my head. I'm humiliated enough to be standing in front of him, I don't need to know exactly what he saw.
"Just for a minute, sit down."
I shake my head stiffly before I try and talk.
"I'd rather stand by the door."
"Okay," he says before he looks at the floor and clears his throat. "I did see you last night."
"Mr. Senate, I have to go," I say as the tears start now. I can't believe he has to be that honest. I turn for the door but he's behind me grabbing my arm.
"Please wait."
"Wait for what? I can't believe I did that I . . . Let me go!"
"Dana, listen. We can forget."
**
She stops struggling and looks at me, "What?"
"We can forget it even happened, you can still stay here and we can act like . . . like nothing happened."
We can act like I didn't do what she did after the bedroom was empty.
"How can we?" she whispers. "What I did was, it was--"
"I don't care." I don't say it angry and it's better than 'I liked it' which is out of the question.
She softens her face and she seems so vulnerable now and so soft and beautiful with her hair loose and tucked behind her ear.
"We can forget."
We can. She can forget what she did and I can forget what I did afterwards.
"I can't," she says softly with teary eyes. I let go of her but she doesn't leave and I can kiss her now if I wanted to. And I want to but I won't let myself but . . . But I could forget other things. I could forget that she was my student and I was her teacher, I could forget she barged into my life when I didn't want to let her, I can forget that she called me Mr. Senate a couple minutes ago instead of Harry.
"Dana, I. . ."
And she's hugging me.
**
"Thank you so much, thank you." He can't know how this means to me, he can't. We can forget and move on and I'll never think of him the same way again, never again. We can be friends. Just friends forever.
I pull away and scrub the tears off of my face, probably smearing my mascara and everything but I don't care.
"Thank you, thank you," I tell him and I must be smiling like crazy. I take a deep breath and look around. "Okay. I'm going to put my stuff back and then, then we can have a big breakfast. I bought eggs yesterday and I'm going to make you a huge omelet!"
**
I don't know what I'm supposed to say but she doesn't seem to notice because she smiling and happy and going into the bedroom.
"You better be hungry!" she smiles.
. . . I almost kissed Dana. If she hadn't hugged me I might have kissed her. More confusing than before.
"I, um, I have to pass, I'm going to be late."
She comes out with a hurt expression. "Really? Well, okay. Tomorrow, tomorrow I will make you the most amazing breakfast, you'll love it."
"Tomorrow," I agree as I gather my things. "I'll see you around 2:00."
**
Harry closes the door with a quick wave and I look around feeling immensely better. I want to do something special, something for Harry, Harry who has giving me an amazing gift that I could never repay. He forgot and he's letting me stay.
Thank you, Harry.
It's morning. The sun is filling as much of the room as it can and I feel sore and achy. I hear sounds coming from the kitchen and it's clear Harry is up. I try to stretch my legs but they protest, along with my neck that has an incredibly painful crick and my head that is pounding. I slept curled up on one side of the couch last night. After I finished crying.
I can't believe I did that last night, undressing in front of him, touching . . .
Maybe my mother was right about me.
I sit up with all of my pains and Harry is coming in with a cup.
"Coffee," he says answering a question I didn't ask as he sets it down. "I took the mule early this morning and got the beans myself."
He flashes me a quick smile; it tries to be a smile. He seems a little unsettled and . . .
My eyes have to be as wide as saucers because I know. I know he knows he saw me, saw what I did.
I think I'm going to be sick.
"Oh my God." I jump up off of the couch and fly into the bedroom, slamming the door behind me without looking back. He knows, he knows, he knows. He probably thinks I'm some crazy pervert. I . . . I can't believe I was so stupid! What am I going to do, I can't stay, even if he wanted me to I couldn't stay. And even if he did it would probably be because he thought I was some slut. He already said he disagreed about the club and . . . I can't believe I was so stupid.
**
She knows. That's obvious. She looked at me a little weird when I put the coffee down before her eyes went wide. Fuck, I'm transparent. And now I can't leave, if I leave she'll probably take off and then what, she's ends up in someplace that she can't handle. I wanted her to leave but not like this, not now. When did this become so confusing - Strike that. It was always confusing. I fall onto the sofa and get a spring in my ass for it.
Knock. Knock.
"Would you like a newspaper?" I hear through the front door.
"No thank you. Bye," I yell. I do not want to deal with pushy sales people right now.
"But you get a free sample."
"Leave it!"
"Sir--"
I get up yelling before I rip the door open, "I'm busy right now, don't you get that I - Lauren."
Life's bitch.
Life. Four. Work is long, Dana comes, Dana is sad, Lauren is here.
Me. Zero . . . though maybe seeing Dana last night could count as something good even if it turned out like --
"Harry?"
I snap back and look at her.
How do I get her to go away?
**
My other shoe, I need my other shoe. There! I finish pulling on it on and stand up. My body seems fine, which is good; I have to work tonight. A green tank top and khaki shorts, my 'fleeing' wear, it has to be, I can't stay here now but later . . . I can think of that later. My eyes are puffy and red and the make-up doesn't cover it completely, not that I care, I just want to stay in this room as long as I can because I can't face him yet.
**
"I thought I'd drop by, see how you were," she smiles as she walks in without an invitation. Then again we've had sex so she probably feels comfortable walking in. I know she wants everything to be good again, our on/off relationship should be sparking up about now but at what stage is the only part that isn't always clear. We're either on the edge of light flirting or already in bed, we've been on one real date so that shows just how black and while this relationship is, any gray and I think the would start spinning the other way.
"Actually, Lauren, I was just on my way out." So please go.
"You changed your hair again."
"What?" 'Go' part not being felt.
"It's a little different, kinda spiky."
Oh. Flirting, I can tell by the 'I'm sweet' expression, it works on her, worked for me. Works for me in a tight, red tee shirt and blue jeans shorts.
I'm a little hooked, I'll admit it, and I must show it to because she's looking slight embarrassed even though we both know she isn't. Just to let me know.
"I know you have work and I know you don't like to be late but . . ."
But . . . but nothing. What happens, we go into the bedroom and Dana gets to see - This isn't turning out well.
"I really can't be late, I'm meeting a student before class. Kyle Greggor."
"Oh." Disappointed and 'I'm intruding, sorry' look cued . . . Now.
Perfect.
"Maybe we can have dinner tonight then."
"I don't know," I say. "I have a lot of work and . . ."
"And wouldn't it be a nice break?"
I hear a creak and I think the door is going to open, but Lauren didn't notice so maybe it's paranoia.
Better safe than sorry.
"Sure, that'd be great. Tonight, six-thirty?" I rush. She nods and I walk behind her, glancing at the bedroom door as I start to gather some papers.
"Six-thirty then," she agrees with a sultry tone as she watches me. She isn't leaving.
"I'd walk you to your car but . . ." I trail off looking at the papers I was trying to gather. She nods and I'm glad she finally got the hint.
"Bye." She doesn't kiss me but she does wink as she walks out of the open door and I don't breathe until I hear the elevator ding.
**
Now or never, now or never, now or never.
I swing the door open and head straight for the door, my bag on my shoulder. Maybe I can stay with some of the dancers at work, Casey, she'll help me. Most of them think I'm a bitch, but she knew I didn't talk much because I was nervous being there for the first month or so.
"Dana, wait!"
I'm going to cry I can feel the tears coming up but I have to hold back. I turn to face him and he steps up to me hesitantly. He has on a jersey for the Yankees and I'd tell him he was a terrible Sox fan if I weren't going to turn into a waterworks.
"Can we talk for a minute?"
I just shake my head. I'm humiliated enough to be standing in front of him, I don't need to know exactly what he saw.
"Just for a minute, sit down."
I shake my head stiffly before I try and talk.
"I'd rather stand by the door."
"Okay," he says before he looks at the floor and clears his throat. "I did see you last night."
"Mr. Senate, I have to go," I say as the tears start now. I can't believe he has to be that honest. I turn for the door but he's behind me grabbing my arm.
"Please wait."
"Wait for what? I can't believe I did that I . . . Let me go!"
"Dana, listen. We can forget."
**
She stops struggling and looks at me, "What?"
"We can forget it even happened, you can still stay here and we can act like . . . like nothing happened."
We can act like I didn't do what she did after the bedroom was empty.
"How can we?" she whispers. "What I did was, it was--"
"I don't care." I don't say it angry and it's better than 'I liked it' which is out of the question.
She softens her face and she seems so vulnerable now and so soft and beautiful with her hair loose and tucked behind her ear.
"We can forget."
We can. She can forget what she did and I can forget what I did afterwards.
"I can't," she says softly with teary eyes. I let go of her but she doesn't leave and I can kiss her now if I wanted to. And I want to but I won't let myself but . . . But I could forget other things. I could forget that she was my student and I was her teacher, I could forget she barged into my life when I didn't want to let her, I can forget that she called me Mr. Senate a couple minutes ago instead of Harry.
"Dana, I. . ."
And she's hugging me.
**
"Thank you so much, thank you." He can't know how this means to me, he can't. We can forget and move on and I'll never think of him the same way again, never again. We can be friends. Just friends forever.
I pull away and scrub the tears off of my face, probably smearing my mascara and everything but I don't care.
"Thank you, thank you," I tell him and I must be smiling like crazy. I take a deep breath and look around. "Okay. I'm going to put my stuff back and then, then we can have a big breakfast. I bought eggs yesterday and I'm going to make you a huge omelet!"
**
I don't know what I'm supposed to say but she doesn't seem to notice because she smiling and happy and going into the bedroom.
"You better be hungry!" she smiles.
. . . I almost kissed Dana. If she hadn't hugged me I might have kissed her. More confusing than before.
"I, um, I have to pass, I'm going to be late."
She comes out with a hurt expression. "Really? Well, okay. Tomorrow, tomorrow I will make you the most amazing breakfast, you'll love it."
"Tomorrow," I agree as I gather my things. "I'll see you around 2:00."
**
Harry closes the door with a quick wave and I look around feeling immensely better. I want to do something special, something for Harry, Harry who has giving me an amazing gift that I could never repay. He forgot and he's letting me stay.
Thank you, Harry.
