THE UNMASKING OF KUNIMITSU! (or, "HOW THE TEKKEN COMMITTEE CREATED A FAKE BEAUTY PAGEANT AS AN ATTEMPT TO UNMASK SAID KUNIMITSU, BUT THAT PARTICULAR TITLE WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO LONG")

By Lord Kazuya(a.k.a. SaiyanRage a.k.a ShadowIvy, a.k.a Miss "I Can't Decide on ONE name")

It all started with a question:

"What do you suppose that Kunimitsu girl looks like without her mask?"

Lee looked at Kazuya. "You must be really bored."

Kazuya glared at Lee. "Hell no! I'm just curious, that's all."

Lee nodded in understanding. "In that case, I'm curious too."

"Alright then. Call the committee."

NARRATOR: SO KAZUYA DECIDES TO HOLD A MEETING WITH THE COMMITTEE IN REGARDS TO KUNIMITSU AND A PLAN TO MAKE HER LOSE HER MYSTERIOUS MASK.

Kazuya shook his head. "I thought I told you that you didn't have to talk like that!"

NARRATOR: Sorry, sorry!

Kazuya cleared his throat to get the committee's attention, however, they still had not learned to be quiet upon being told to. Kazuya pulled out a megaphone, and shouted:

"SHUT THE HELL UP WHEN I'M TALKING!"

Everyone did so.

"Lee, memo: 're-teach committee to learn when to shut up'. Anyway, I called you all here for a very important reason—"

" You're going to apologize for every mean thing you've ever done to us?" Paul interrupted with a sneer.

"HAHAHAHAHA! Hell no." Kazuya leaned towards Lee. "Tell me again, WHY is he on this committee?" he whispered.

"I believe you said his neck was perfect for strangling."



"Thank you." Kazuya sat forward, shaking his head. "I'm here to announce a plan so ingenious, only I could have thought of it."

"Great, must be something along the lines of killing his father," replied Paul with a sneer. Within seconds, he was punched in his jaw.

"Anyway," continued Kazuya as he removed his fighting gloves, "this is NOT another plan in which I try to kill my father, so you can all relax…"

Kazuya felt like punching out a large portion of the committee when he heard their remarks about how tired and overdone his plans to kill his father were. However, he kept calm, knowing an opportunity to do so would arise soon.

("Besides," Kazuya added, "There has been no such meeting in which I discussed how we were going to kill my father. Give me some credit here, people!")

"Behind this cloth is my plan…I'm going to show you before some of you go mental from waiting so long." With that, Kazuya removed the sheet, and on it was a very crude, almost Picasso-like drawing of Kunimitsu, except there was a question mark where her face would have been.

Lei had to say something: "And you call this piece..?"

Kazuya sneered. "Very funny, Lei Wu-Lame. Okay, so I'm not Crystal Aura, PMBQ, Fanty, Ron Chan, or even that psycho Saiyan-what's her-face, but I think you get the general idea!"

"You want us to try and draw a question mark on Kunimitsu's face?" asked Bryan.

Kazuya smacked his forehead, and made a violently shaking fist, ready to put the hurt on Bryan. "No…the plan is to try…and get Kunimitsu…to…lose the mask."

Nina looked up from her gun, which she was cleaning. "Now that you mention it, I have been rather curious."

"You think she keeps it on because she's afraid you girls will get jealous of her?" asked Lei.

"Not bloody likely," muttered Anna.

"Well, I think we can assume that she's nothing like your skanky ass," Nina muttered.

"You bitch! Take that back!"

"Yeah right!"

Not a second after Nina's retort, Anna slapped Nina, and she responded in the same way. The committee began to cheer wildly, holding up cash as they shouted the woman they bet it on.

Jun approached Kazuya. "Dear, you need to put a stop to this…even Jin is involved in the chaos!"

"I'd really like to honey, but I think I'm going to allow this."

Jun replied with the a glare so cold, it made Nina's look scorching.

"Alright, if you don't stop with the bitch-slapping and bet-placing, I'm going to jump in and kick some ass!!!"

Everyone immediately became orderly once more.

"Gotta love that Devil side," Kazuya muttered to himself. "Lee, take a memo. Get a gavel. A really big gavel. A gavel big enough for me to knock Paul out with."

Kazuya cleared his throat again. "Now then…anyone else have any thoughts as to why Kunimitsu wears that damn mask 24-7?"

"Me, me!" exclaimed Hwoarang as he flailed his hands wildly.

"Alright, go ahead."

Hwoarang still flailed his arms.

"Stop that."

"Sorry…anyway, my thoughts were that she may be a really ugly chick man- wait! Dude! What if she was, like, a dude? You know, the ones that take hormones or some crap like that to look like a girl?"



Kazuya raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry I even dignified you, you damn junkie!"

"I'm not a junkie!" Hwoarang protested. "Oh man, the room's changing colors…whee…." He soon fell out of his chair, going on about the changing colors.

Kazuya shook his head.

Jun raised her hand.

"Yes, honey?"

Paul snickered, but was soon silenced by a brick to his head. Kazuya muttered something to himself, then nodded. "Go on."

"I was thinking that maybe we should have a beach party, but she might end up wearing a scuba mask, so never mind." Jun lowered her head.

"Boy, that was a really good one!" sneered Paul. He was then smacked by a really big concrete block.

"Hey, what counts is that you tried, sweetie." Kazuya immediately pulled out another really big concrete block in case someone else tried to say something funny. He put it away after a long silence, and noticed Hwoarang's hand in the air. "What now, you damn junkie?!"

"Hey, I'm not a junkie!" Hwoarang protested again. "While I was on the floor, I realized that the best way to get that Kuni chick to lose her mask is to hold a fake beauty pageant!"

Kazuya was ready to throw a chair at Hwoarang, but Hwoarang's idea came to him sooner than the idea of throwing the chair did. Kazuya immediately put the chair down. "That is actually a good idea. Lee, jot this down: Hwoarang can actually think of something good when high. Alright, so what do you ladies think?"

Jun smiled at Kazuya. "I'd like to participate."

Lei cheered, and was soundly struck by a chair.

Anna stood up and shook her hips. "Of course I'll do it."

Ling jumped for joy. "Yay! Pageants are like, fun and stuff! I'm totally going to the, like, mall, and get me a dress!"

Julia held up a determined fist. "I'll definitely do it."

Michelle stood up too, holding a determined fist as well. "I'll do it too. This may be fun—"

She turned to see Ganryu staring and drooling.

"—so long as you keep him as far away from me and Julia as possible."

"Did you get that, Lee?" asked Kazuya.

Lee looked up from his notepad. "Uh, yeah, sure." Kazuya eyed Lee in a threatening way, then focused his attention towards Nina.

"Nina?"

"If you think I am going to participate in this damn contest of yours, you are dead wrong."

Kazuya shook his head. "Oh God...Nina, if you participate, I'll give you the one thing you've always wanted."

Nina looked at Kazuya with starry eyes. "You mean?"

Kazuya nodded. "Yes."

Nina shrugged her shoulders. "What the hell...it's worth it. But if any one of you give out catcalls to me, I'm going to give you my f,f+3 attack!" She folded her arms and nodded.

Kazuya raised an eyebrow.

Lee scratched his head. " 'f,f+3 attack'? What's that? Irish slang for 'I'm gonna beat your ass' or something?"

"Maybe it's the name of one of her guns," suggested Jin.

Nina shook her head and rolled her eyes. "I'll just shoot you, okay?!" she replied through clenched teeth.

"Okay then, that's settled. Jun, you're the most people-friendly; you should invite her to it. Everyone else, we got preparations to make for this fake pageant!"

A REALLY LARGE, EMPTY ROOM IN THE MISHIMA HOUSE

"Alright, I want to see real decorations, not some cheap, tacky-ass excuses for decorations!" ordered Kazuya.

"How come you're not helping out?" whined Julia.

"I'm motivating you people to do it right. Would you rather have Ganryu motivate you?"

Julia shuddered. "You got a point."

Lee approached Kazuya. "Hey Kazuya, Michelle just got the balloons, but she got them in the wrong colour."

Kazuya glared at Lee. "So? Tell her to take them back and get the right ones!"

Lee shivered. "I'm afraid she'll hack me."

Kazuya hit Lee with a stool. "You are so paranoid! Michelle!"

Michelle looked up at Kazuya's direction. "Yes?"

Kazuya waved his hand, beckoning her to come to him. "Come here for a minute."

Michelle walked up to Kazuya. "Yes?"

"I noticed that you did not buy the right colour of balloons like I wanted. Also, I don't think it is anyone's birthday today. Do you mind taking them back and getting them exchanged for the ones I requested?"

Michelle twitched for a moment, which made Lee flinch.

"No problem! I'll be back before you even begin miss me!"

"That long, huh?" Kazuya muttered to himself. He noticed that Lee was clinging onto him like a leech.

"Lee, get the hell off of me."

Lee shivered. "Didn't you see how she twitched? She's going to kill someone, I just know it!"

Kazuya looked at his brother with concern. "You are really are scared, aren't you?"

Lee nodded.

Kazuya placed his index finger and his thumb on his chin. "I see...Lee?"

"Yes?"

"GET YOUR SORRY ASS BACK TO WORK!" With that, Kazuya smashed Lee with a tennis racket, sending Lee flying across the room. Kazuya shook his head, and continued to observe the work in progress. He then noticed Paul resting in a lounge chair.

"Paul!! What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

Paul waved his hand in a "go away" gesture to Kazuya. "The hell does it look like? I'm taking a break."

Kazuya cracked his megaphone. "There's no breaks until I say so, slacker- boy! Now get back to work!"

Paul yawned. "Maybe la—"

He was interrupted by a tennis racket, which hit him directly on his head, knocking him off of his lounge chair. Kazuya then threw a canister of tennis balls at Forrest Law.

"Ow...what'd I do?!" he asked as he rubbed his head.

"You didn't try to tell Paul that he needed to work."

"But I did try to tell him to get back to work!"

Kazuya needed another way to justify his actions.

"Well, uh...you, uh, you didn't try hard enough!! Now get back to work before I throw another canister at you!"

Jun walked in moments later.

Kazuya waved at Jun. "Hey honey! Good news, I hope?"

Jun nodded. "She's agreed under one condition: That a crown is given to the winner of the contest."

Kazuya raised both eyebrows. "A crown?"

"Or a tiara."

Kazuya shrugged his shoulders. "Fine, whatever. Lee!"

Lee (who was wearing a cast on his arm) walked up to his brother. "What do you want now?"

"We have to take another trip to the store," answered Kazuya. He stepped down from his stool. "However, since I gotta make sure the committee gets their jobs done, you need to get these items for me."

Kazuya handed Lee a list, which amazingly came into fruition only two minutes after Kazuya learned that a tiara (or crown) was needed.

Lee scanned the list. "Glitter? Gold sequins? GLUE?!"

Kazuya patted a metal bat. "You want to make something of it?"

Lee shook his head rapidly. "No! I'll be back soon enough!"

Lee ran out the door. He was greeted by Michelle, which only made him run out faster.

Michelle shrugged her shoulders, and showed Kazuya the balloons. "Are these the right ones?"

Kazuya inspected the gold-coloured balloons, and pulled out a gold paint- pen. "Perfect, except for the 'Prom 2000' part. Just take this pen and mark it out as best you can."

Michelle twitched again, and then took the paint-pen. "No problem!" she exclaimed.

Kazuya drummed his hands on the side of the stool, then picked up his megaphone. "Hey Yoshimitsu! Get over here for a minute."

Yoshimitsu walked up to Kazuya. "What's up?"

"I suddenly realized that you have not said a thing ever since we came up with this plan."

Yoshimitsu scratched the back of his head. "Why would I have anything to say?"

"Well, I understand that Kunimitsu is your big-time rival. I thought that you might have some objection to this."

Yoshimitsu shook his head. "I'm actually curious as to what she looks like without her mask."

Kazuya almost jumped out of his chair. "I thought she was with your crew for a while! Surely she didn't have that mask before she joined...did she?"

Yoshimitsu nodded. "She's had that mask on for the longest time now. I've never seen her without it myself."

Kazuya clenched his fist. "Damn. Oh well. Say, does she—hold on a second." Kazuya grabbed a bookcase shelf and threw it a Lei.

"Don't think I don't see you trying to court my Jun, Lei WuLame! Get your flirtatious ass back to work!"

He returned his attention to Yoshimitsu. "Now, where was I? Crap, I don't remember. Oh well, back to work with you. "

As Yoshimitsu went back to helping the decorations, Kazuya noticed Hwoarang was tripping out again.

"Hwoarang, just what in the hell are you doing?! You're supposed to be fixing up that light structure!"

Without looking at Kazuya, he replied, "Dude, the lights, man. I can see all the movements my hands make...cool, man."

Kazuya raised a chair over his head, until he noticed Jin wasn't busy—with the work anyway. "Jin!"

Jin rolled his eyes as he turned away from Julia and towards his father. "Yes, dad?"

"Finish up those light fixtures. Hwoarang is no longer in any condition to do so."

Jin rolled his eyes. "Yes, dad." He set right to work.

Kazuya gave himself a nod of satisfaction, then eyed what Ling was doing.

Ling was humming a Backstreet Boys/N'Sync/whoever-the-hell-it-is-because- they're-all-the-same tune, when she was startled by the booming voice of Kazuya(well, it was booming only because he had that megaphone):

"LING! What do you think you're doing? We don't need any of those damn yellow ribbons!"

Ling smiled. "But they like, make the room look totally cute!"

Kazuya buried his face in his free hand. He removed his face from the hand, and spoke through the megaphone again.

"We have a ton gold ribbons! Why the hell aren't you using those?!"

Ling's smile became bigger. "Well, like, I couldn't find them. So I brought out my own set, you know?"

Kazuya resisted the urge to throw a 2x4 at her. "Well, start taking them down! Nina!"

Nina looked up at Kazuya. "Yes?"

"Where did all those gold ribbons go?"

Nina looked around. She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Why are you asking me?"

"Because I thought maybe you tied your sister up with them."

Nina scoffed. "Give me a little credit, Kazuya! I didn't tie her up with them!..." She put her hands behind her back and looked away innocently. "I simply...gagged her and tied her up with them , that's all."

Kazuya rolled his dark eyes, then shook his head. "Then go out and get more! And when you come back, I need you to burn those yellow ribbons once Ling takes them down."

Nina looked at Kazuya strangely. "Why?"

Kazuya put on a pair of sunglasses. "Because when Jin tested one of the spotlights on them, they became so bright, they started to burn my retinas. Now hop to it!"

Nina complied, and left. At that moment, Lee entered (without a cast this time). "I got the stuff you needed." He pulled out a few of the items. "Glue, gold sequins, gold glitter, gold glitter glue, gold confetti, some rhinestones, gold spray-paint, and a Burger King crown."

Kazuya took the bag. "Good work. Speaking of work, I need you to get some chairs and tables. Get to it now."

Lee moaned, but was instantly hit by a very large dictionary. "Ow, dammit! Where the hell do you get all those objects from anyway?"

Kazuya responded by throwing a very large thesaurus at him. "Alright, alright, I'll get back to work."

Kazuya was about to get comfortable, when he saw King bring in the drinks.

"KING!"

King looked over at Kazuya. "Did I do something wrong?"

Kazuya laughed. "Hahaha...'Did I do something wrong'...King, what does the label say on that keg?"

King looked at the label. "Imported beer."

Kazuya replied in an unusually calm tone, "What did I specifically request?"

King scratched the back of his head. "Red wine."

Kazuya nodded. "Will you go back and try it again?"

King nodded. "Uh, sure thing!" King dashed towards the door. Good thing he didn't throw anything at me, he thought.

"King, aren't you forgetting something?"

King turned around. "I don't think I—"

He was struck by a keg of beer.

Nina came back. "Alright, I got the ribbons!"

Kazuya nodded, ignoring how unusually fast Nina acquired them. "Great." He faced Ling. "Hey, I thought I told you to take those ribbons down!!"

Ling overheard. "No! I spent forever putting them up! Besides, they're too pretty to look at!"

" 'Pretty' isn't the word," Kazuya muttered to himself. "Jin!"

"Yes, dad?" he asked unenthusiastically.

"Hit all the lights, and aim them at those yellow ribbons."

Kazuya quickly put on his sunglasses, which was strange, because it didn't say anywhere in this story that he took them off.

"I don't have to be consistent if I don't want to," stated Kazuya.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Nina.

Kazuya almost jumped out of his chair. "Nobody. Jin, hit the lights already!"

Jin did so. The ribbons shone a light whose brightness could rival that of the sun.

"Oh my god! Turn off the sun!" shouted Law as he covered his eyes.

"Damn, Ling...where the hell did you get those ribbons from anyway?" asked Nina as she shielded her eyes.

"My retinas are on fire!" whined Lei.

"Whoa...dude, that's pretty bright," said Hwoarang.

"Are we gonna get radiation poisoning for this?" Julia asked rhetorically.

"I don't see anything wrong," said Bryan as he shrugged his shoulders.

Kazuya sighed. "Turn it off, Jin!"

"I can't find the switch!"

"I'll handle this!" Nina grabbed a pair of sunglasses, and shot the light.

"Majority rules, Ling. Lose the ribbons. Nina, when those ribbons are down, burn them. Quickly."

Ling sighed, and began taking them down.

"Ganryu! Get your fat ass back to work!"

Ganryu looked at Kazuya. "But I am working!"

Kazuya's fists shook violently. "Watching Michelle work is NOT work! Go help Lee get the furniture in here!"

"But I already told you, I AM—"

Ganryu barely managed to dodge the barrage of machine-gun bullets. He used the same speed that helped him win the Surge to leave the room before he could be shot.

Kazuya handed the MP5 back to Nina.

"Jun!"

Jun walked up to Kazuya,

"Yes?"

"I need some aspirin and a glass of water...could you—?"

Jun nodded. "Okay." She left to grab the requested items. Kazuya shook his head.

"Lee, take a memo: teach committee to follow directions properly. Have Ling shot if she brings another damn yellow ribbon to another meeting again. Have Ganryu tied to C4 the next time he tries to defy me again. "

EVENING THE NEXT DAY

"It took forever, but we finally did," stated Kazuya. At this point, all the characters were very tired and worn out; even Kazuya showed signs of fatigue. "Alright, you ladies better hurry up and get ready! Kuni will be here at any given minute!"

The ladies left the room. Kazuya folded his arms, and shook his head.

"The rest of you need to wear something much more suitable. Go change. Now!"

"Hey, how come you're not changing out of that damn purple suit?" demanded Paul. Kazuya grabbed Paul by the throat.

"NOBODY MESSES WITH THE PURPLE SUIT," he replied as he throttled him. "Now go change, lest I break your neck."

FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER

"The ladies should be here any minute now," said Lee.

Kazuya nodded. "Great. Alright, Hwoarang! Hwoarang, where are you, you damn junkie?!"

Hwoarang scowled at Kazuya. "Damn it, I'm not a junkie!"

Kazuya ignored this, and looked at Hwoarang's outfit. He wore black jeans, and a T-shirt that had a picture of a tuxedo on it.

He shook his head. "Hwoarang...this is really sad."

Hwoarang shrugged his shoulders. "I don't see anything wrong with my outfit!"

Kazuya wanted to break a bulletin board over Hwoarang's head so very badly. "Don't tell me you spent all your money on dope."

Hwoarang shook his head. "Imported cigarettes. They're imported cigarettes, dude."

Kazuya rolled his eyes. "Fine...get your ass up there and work on the lights, okay?"

Hwoarang nodded lazily. Lee ran up to Kazuya.

"Hey, do you have the crown-tiara thingy?"

Kazuya pointed at the display case which carried the golden tiara. Lee inspected it.

"Wow...you'd never know it was made of gold sequins, some other shiny fake crap, and a Burger King crown," he said.

Kazuya nodded. "Yup. Now Kuni has no choice but to show up!"

Lee nodded. "Have you got a judge for this?"

Kazuya's eyes shot wide open. "Holy shit!" He knew he didn't, but he didn't want Lee to know that he didn't know—"I sure do!"

Lee raised a silver brow. "Then tell me who it is."

Kazuya bit his lip. He smiled moments after. "Well, I...uh...I found this guy who judges really well, and uh, he...damn, I'm not even going to lie. I spent so much time making the crown, I completely forgot."

Lee sighed, then grinned. "Don't worry. I already got someone, in case you forgot."

Kazuya stared at Lee blankly. "Lee...normally, I would by putting my fist right on the bridge of your nose, but under the circumstances..."

Lee let out a sigh of relief, but was punched in the gut before he could completely let the sigh out.

Kazuya brushed some loose strands of hair from his face. "Thanks Lee."

"No....problem..."

Kazuya grabbed a megaphone. "Alright, places people...judging panel, take your places...Hwoarang, lights please..." Kazuya noticed who the judge was: Lei.

Kazuya made a note to throw a pedestal at Lee when all was said and done.

Jin walked up to Kazuya. "Just so you know, that ninja girl with the mask is here."

"She has a name you know."

Jin shrugged his shoulders. "I know...I just didn't feel like saying it."

Kazuya ignored Jin's laziness. "Shall we begin?"

The audience gave an unenthusiastic "yes". Kazuya grabbed his battering ram.

"SHALL WE BEGIN?"

The audience gave an unenthusiastic "hell yes". Kazuya shook his head, and shrugged his shoulders.

"Alright...Lee, send the first one in."

Lee nodded. "Come on out, contestant number one!"

Jun Kazama stepped on the stage, wearing a strapless white silk gown with a rhinestone hair-band, rhinestone shoes, and silk gloves on her arms. The audience clapped, but did not dare to give her cat whistles, because Kazuya was holding a double-barrel shotgun in front of them.

"You look great, mom!"

Jun smiled. "Thank you!" Suddenly, a bouquet of white roses was thrown to her. She caught it gracefully, and read the note. She looked into the crowd, and saw Kazuya with a smirk on his face. She smiled.

"Alright, call out the next one, Lee!"

"Okay...contestant number two!"

Michelle Chang stepped onto the stage, wearing a satin evening gown of ebony color.

"Give her the tiara!" shouted Ganryu.

Michelle rolled her eyes, but continued to walk onto the stage with cheers and endure the catcalls from Ganryu.

"Next one!"

"Alright...contestant number three!"

Nina Williams made her way to the stage, wearing a spaghetti-strap violet evening gown, sating gloves that covered most of her arms, a black scarf, and black high heels.

Kazuya's jaw fell. "Day-am!"

Paul whistled. "Yeah, baby!"

Nina instantly death-glared Paul, stepped off the stage and kicked Paul where most men don't deserve to be kicked (notice that I said "most").

All the guys instantly cringed, winced, or both.

"Damn-Sam!" exclaimed Jin.

"Dude, that was just brutal!" agreed Hwoarang.

"Wouldn't affect me," said Bryan. A sign then smacked Bryan on his head that read "Yeah right!" on one side, and "Where's my damn M&M's?!" on the other.

"And you people think I go too friggin' far..." muttered Kazuya as he cringed.

"I guess that's that 'f,f+3' she mentioned earlier," concluded Lee.

Jun shook her head. "Was that really necessary, Nina?"

"Hey, I warned them what would happen if they even tried to pull something like that."

"I thought you were just going to shoot them."

Nina shrugged her shoulders. "I guess I forgot."

Kazuya did his best to shake off that disturbing moment he just saw. "Lee, bring out the next one."

Lee nodded. He took a deep breath, for he too was disturbed by Nina's actions.

"Will contestant four please come to the stage!"

Julia walked onto the stage, wearing a baby blue gown and a choker with a blue sapphire on it. It became obvious, however, that she had never worn high-heeled shoes before, because she came close to losing her balance twice.

"Heel, toe, heel, toe!" shouted Jin. Everyone in the room, including the contestants on the stage (except for Julia), and Hwoarang stared at Jin.

Jin crossed his arms. "Whaaaaaat?! I heard that's how it is done!"

Kazuya turned around and shook his head. "Lee, memo: That boy ain't right."

"HEY!" exclaimed Jin.

Jun glared at Kazuya. Kazuya rolled his eyes. "Alright, change it: That boy isn't right."

Jun shook her head, as did Jin.

"Go ahead and bring out the next one, Lee."

"Come on out, number five!"

Doing just as she was told, Ling skipped onto the stage, wearing a white Chinese dress. "Hiiii!" she waved. "If you all, like, choose me as the winner of the pageant, I'll like, work to save the pandas, and the whales, and I promise to plant, like, many trees, and give everyone in the world a, like, puppy, and—"

Kazuya grabbed his megaphone again. "This ISN'T that kind of pageant! You're supposed to just walk on stage, show off your damn dress, and then stand with the other contestants! No lame-as-hell promises!"

Ling stomped her foot. "Fine, be that way, you meanie!"

"Lee," Kazuya called through clenched teeth. "Memo: Kidnap Panda. Bring out next contestant."

"Your turn, number six!"

Anna came onto the stage, her breasts bouncing in a blue version of her dress.

"Dude, this could get ugly!" shouted Hwoarang from above.

"No kidding," Kazuya nodded in agreement. "And it's going to start in 5, 4, 3, 2,..." Still glancing at the watch, he pointed at the stage as if to cue something chaotic.

"How long did you stay up dying that red dress of yours blue, Anna?" asked Nina.

Anna laughed as she shook her hips. "Not as long as it took for you to find your dress at a department store."

"OOOOOOOOOOH," said the crowd.

"Okay, you die now, bitch!" Nina immediately slapped Anna, and another slap-fight ensued.

"Two slap fights in one episode! This is great!" shouted Hwoarang.

Lee raised a silver brow. "'episode'?"

Kazuya shook his head. "He's really high this time, the damn junkie."

"I thought I told you I'm not a junkie!!!"

Nina and Anna continued to slap each other, until suddenly—

The crowd was quiet. The contestants were quiet. Lee and Kazuya were quiet. Hwoarang's "imported cigarette" fell out of his mouth.

"Oh, sweet mother of God," Jin finally said.

Anna's face turned red.

Jun jumped off the stage and covered Kazuya eyes with her hands Julia did the same to Jin.

Nina shook her head. "I told her this would happen if she kept wearing dresses that are a tad big for her! How many of you saw this one coming?"

Everyone raised their hand.

"Anna, don't stand just stand there! Put that back in your dress! This is supposed to be a contest, not some free show!" exclaimed Kazuya.

"....So sorry." Anna readjusted her dress.

"Okay...I think it's safe to say that we are all speechless. Well, for a little while we were, anyway. Okay then, bring on the final contestant, Lee!"

Lee nodded. "Alright, final contestant! Come on out!"

The audience and contestants were in high anticipation for the final contestant. She stepped out from backstage, wearing a maroon strapless dress that had slits on the right side. A flowing black scarf wrapped around her neck and arms.

"Holy shit," said Kazuya.

Yoshimitsu's jaw hit the floor. "Yowza! Talk about a killer bod!"

Another one of Hwoarang's "imported cigarettes" hit the ground. "Damn- Sam!"

Kazuya shook his head. "One thing is wrong. Kuni, in order to be eligible to win the crown, you are going to have to remove your mask."

Kunimitsu shrugged her shoulders, and placed her hands on her mask, ready to remove it. Everyone in the room gasped. Her forehead was exposed, everyone leaned in closer for a better look—

And then the power went out.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" shouted Kazuya. "Someone turn the damn power back on!"

No-one could tell what was going on, because it was so dark. Suddenly, there was a gunshot, then a scream, and when the power was finally restored, Lei was lying on the ground.

"Oh my God! Someone shot Lei!" exclaimed Michelle.

"Oh boo-hoo," muttered Kazuya.

Lei opened his eyes. "No, I'm okay, I'm okay! It's just that I tripped over something, and my gun must have gone off when I fell.

"Then who screamed?" asked Kazuya.

"Someone pushed me down!" cried Ling.

Kazuya shrugged his shoulders. "Oh, okay, never mind then."

"We all seem to be okay," said Jun.

"Yeah, well, not everyone will be okay for long," replied Kazuya as he looked up. "Hwoarang! What the hell happened up there?!"

"Dude, I don't know! I went to find the fuse box using my lighter, and dude, I found this wicked kunai there." Hwoarang tossed it to Kazuya. Kazuya stared at Hwoarang for a moment, amazed that the Korean wasn't electrocuted.

"So, it looks like she had a plan of her own," Kazuya muttered to himself.

"She sure did," replied Lee.

Kazuya jumped for a second. "What the hell?! How did you hear that?!"

Lee shrugged his shoulders. "Your voice carries. Anyway, the crown is gone."

Kazuya scratched his head. "What? She wanted that fake-ass crown? Damn...I guess I really do have mad skills. "

"Yeah, when it comes to failure!" jeered Paul. Kazuya smiled, and threw the kunai at Paul, landing in his head.

"Ahem!"

Kazuya turned around. Nina, who had already changed out of her dress and back into her leather pants/leopard pattern vest/black bikini top outfit, stood there with her hands on her hips and tapping her foot.

"Don't look at me like that, Nina."

"You promised me something, remember?"

Kazuya slapped his forehead. "Of course...listen, if you come to tomorrow's meeting, I will give it to you. I left it at home."

Nina nodded. "Fine. But it better be here...otherwise, it's f,f+3 for you!"

Kazuya shuddered at the very thought.

THE NEXT DAY

"Okay, so the plan was a failure for the most part...but we all had a good time...well, some better than others, but that doesn't matter! Who knew that Kuni really wanted a crown tiara thingy simply so she can steal it?"

Yoshimitsu raised his hand.

"Put that hand down, smart-ass. Anyway, I got a letter from Kuni this morning."

"Read it!" demanded King.

"All in favour of my reading this letter out loud, say 'aye'!" shouted Kazuya.

"AYE!"

Kazuya smirked. "I concur."

He cleared his throat, then began to read aloud:

"Dear Tekken Committee,

As you may already know, I was made aware of your contest when Jun Kazama approached me with the idea. I decided to take advantage of this by requesting that there be a crown for the winner. Of course, you supplied that for me—after all, the head of the Committee is rich.

I checked the room during the Anna fiasco, and learned about the fuse box and the location of the crown. When I came onto the stage, as I pulled my mask off, I pulled some ninja magic that nearly all of you wouldn't understand, and temporarily turned the power off(in case you're wondering, I moved so fast, you all didn't even know I moved at all!).

I made my move, and snagged that precious crown. I laughed all the way home, thinking how easy it was to fool you all (did you really think I was going to show you my face?). However, as it turned out, it was I who was the fool. After careful inspecting, I came to learn that the so- called crown was nothing more than a bunch of rhinestones and gold sequins glued onto a Burger King crown! So I have but three words for you: Fu—"

"—and that's the end of the letter," Kazuya said quickly as he crumbled it up and tossed it in the garbage can.

"Wait, what was she gonna say?' asked Julia.

Kazuya shook his head. "Does it matter?"

"Hell yeah dude...you got me all curious now," replied Hwoarang.

"Man, I say we go take it out of the garbage can and see for ourselves!" suggested Paul. However, Kazuya pulled out a flame thrower, and torched the letter and the garbage can.

"Lee, memo: get new garbage can." He then grabbed the remains of the garbage can, and threw it at Paul.

"Well, that's all for today. Dismissed!"

Everyone left the room, except for Nina.

"A-HEM!"

"Yes, Nina? Wait, don't tell me, I already know. Lee! Bring out the box!" ordered Kazuya as he snapped his fingers. Lee struggled as he tried to carry a big, lengthy box to Nina. He collapsed, and the box fell on him.

"I'm okay," he winced.

Nina opened the box, and smiled.

"I'm guessing it's to your liking?" inquired Kazuya.

Nina grinned. "Hell yeah! I LOVE IT!" Nina pulled out her gift: a very large gatling gun. She lifted it with ease.

"Then we're back on good terms, right?"

Nina nodded. "For now. We'll talk about this over tea." She winked, and left.

"Well, I guess this is where the story ends," said Kazuya.

Lee shook his head. "Damn, again! What do you mean 'story?!' Who do you keep talking to?!"

Kazuya shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Come on, I'll buy you a cookie."

"Whoo-hoo!" Lee threw on his Ray-Bans.

NARRATOR: So the plan almost worked. But hey, there's next time, right?

"No, there isn't," replied Kazuya.

NARRATOR: Why not?!

"Because it would be redundant."

NARRATOR: Well fine then. *leaves*

Kazuya shrugged his shoulders. "Well, so ends another episode of 'Tekken Committee'. I must say that I'm an even bigger psycho in this episode than in the last, and I fear it will only get worse! But I'm too busy laughing so hard to really make an issue of it. Once again, characters get abused in this story—Paul took a kunai in the head and survived!

"By the way, how many of you honestly thought Kunimitsu was going to unmask herself anyway? Yes...uh-huh...yes, I see your hand raised...well, you're all gullible, you know that?

Anyway, that's enough from me. Oh, and in case you're wondering about that Anna thing, it was her left breast that fell out of her dress. Until Next Time..."

"Wait! One more thing, before I run out of time! The three words Kunimitsu had for us were Fu—"

NEXT EPISODE: The Eighteenth Member! See who is the final member of the committee! Also, see what happens when Kazuya tries to say a certain four- letter word! All this and the origin of "Bob" in the next TEKKEN COMMITTEE!





















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