**
I'm glad she's happy but now I don't what way is up. I need to talk to someone. Now. But I have class and -
"Mr. Senate, I'm finished with my Social Studies work but can you help me chose between two idea's for a paper?" Thomas Jand asks, thrusting a note card under my dazed face.
I regard the note before looking up again, "Write about Teddy Roosevelt, Lipshitz is grading these and, though I'd enjoy it, I don't think he want's to read about the life story of Playboy's Miss April."
"How did you know she was Miss April?"
"I guessed."
He laughs before going back to his seat and starting the pre-paper work sheets.
If I was in another situation with to do with a woman I might just dismiss it by staying I should have stuck to magazines but this isn't that kind of situation. I could have used that excuse with Lauren. But not with Dana because it isn't like that, even now it isn't like that. Something is different, even how I feel and now I don't know.
I need to talk to someone.
**
"Diva Divine, this is Ginger speaking."
"Hey, Casey." She was the one that told me I needed a stage name, hers was 'Ginger' and she helped me decided on mine. Brigitte, it's about as inconspicuous a stripper name as any, there must be a million 'Brigittes' out there.
"Dana! Where have you been, I haven't heard from you in two days! You had me worried."
"I'm sorry, I just . . . there was a problem but it's okay now. I'm okay."
"Are you coming into work tonight?"
"Yeah, just making sure I'm still working."
"Night shift again? I thought you like the day work better, why'd you switch?"
"I need the cash and the cash is better at night. Am I on?"
"You're on the board for 8:00, I tried to call your cell to let you know but you were disconnected. God, Dana, you scared the hell out of me."
"I'm sorry, Case, I'll explain later but don't worry because I'm okay now." Maybe I should have kept my phone on, but it was a sacrifice for school money. I don't talk to nearly as many people as I used to anyway; all that 'We'll be the best friends even after high school' is crap.
"You better be or I'll kick your butt now for not calling me if you were."
Casey. The only one who would. But I'd never tell her I needed help because even if she knew I was nervous when I started working there she would never know I was weak.
"Bye, Case."
"See ya, girl."
**
"Marilyn, can I talk to you?"
"I really can't, Harry, I have to make thirty copies and the machine broke down so I have to go to Copio's," she sighs. It has been breaking down more and more but I wish she'd forget about that for now or else I'm dead.
"Please. Big problems."
She stopped. "Harry are you okay?"
I look from side to side for a reason I don't know before I answer, "I'd like to say yes to that question."
"Alright, we're talking." She grabs my arm and pulls me into the copy room, folding her arms and looking at me.
"I'm sorry for dragging you into this but Kevin went to Florida and Milton would never forget it and--"
"Okay, I get I'm not first choice, now speak."
" . . . Forget it."
"What? Harry, wait!"
"No, I'm okay, forget it."
This was a big mistake, I don't need to talk about it, and I don't need to have my business thrown all over anyway.
"Harry!" Marilyn calls but I'm already out the door and down the hallway.
"I was wrong, I don't have a problem, thanks!"
I hear her sigh loudly but I don't look back as I turn the corner.
**
I'm going to have to go back to my mothers soon. I took some clothes but not all of them and some jewelry and my diary . . . my jewelry might be pawned now and . . . I hope she hasn't read my diary.
I'm not thinking of that now, now I'm thinking of . . . talk shows. Two women are arguing over the same man who is sitting back and insisting he'll have them both 'when we get home'. This could be a repeat but I know it isn't, it's just that there are always two girls and a guy insisting he'll have them both 'when we get home'. Every talk show is the same, I bet there are people in China having the same talk show fights.
I wonder if Harry will watch TV with me next time, last night he graded papers but . . . We can watch TV like friends.
**
"Hey, Handsome."
Lauren.
She leans against the doorframe casually.
That's it.
If someone asked me if this was a good idea I'd say no but no one is asking me, especially not myself. But it seems so clear now, to wipe away the confusion about Dana is to wipe it away with something else. With Lauren.
"Hey."
"Ready to go?"
"Just finishing up."
I can hear her sandals as they get closer to my desk.
"I was wondering something," she tells me.
"And that would be?" Flirt, I can flirt.
"If you missed me."
I haven't really thought about that.
"Yes."
She smiles. "Good."
Her arm snakes around my neck and she kisses me before pulling away.
"Let's go to your place." That was my voice and I said it and . . . I mean it.
"Okay."
I mean it.
**
Harry's going to be coming home soon. I know I'll greet him with a smile because I want to, he gave me another chance, but I also know I can't completely forget what I did and I don't know if he can either.
Something nice. Nice . . . Pain in the ass. Yep, the spring. I'll fix the spring. For both of us in case I have to sleep on it tonight . . .
**
"Kiss me!"
I give her what she wants, slipping my tongue to play with hers as she tries to pull my jersey over my head instead of unbuttoning it. She's leading me to her bed but I already know where it is and I pick her up for the rest of the way. We fall on the bed and I know my weight crushes her as we hit the mattress and she let's me know, breaking away and pushing me.
"Harry!"
"Sorry."
She makes a noise of annoyance and I just roll over as she sits up.
"Need practice?"
"You're lucky if I don't fall asleep, I've slept less than eight hours for the past four days!" I yell.
"Hold on, Harry, let me give you a trophy. Am I supposed to feel guilty for getting suspended?"
"Why not? Add it to your list of emotions, what are you up to now? Four?"
She looks offended and crosses her arms over her chest as she looks at me. "I want you to go."
"You and me both."
I sat up, springing off the bed and heading to the door, wondering how I was going to get back to the school to get my car.
**
"Hey."
"I'm going to take a nap."
"Not a good day at work?" I ask hoping it was that and not my presence here.
"Bad day."
"Okay, um, I'll see you when you get up."
He nods and goes into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.
I hope he doesn't sit on the couch.
**
I'm glad she's happy but now I don't what way is up. I need to talk to someone. Now. But I have class and -
"Mr. Senate, I'm finished with my Social Studies work but can you help me chose between two idea's for a paper?" Thomas Jand asks, thrusting a note card under my dazed face.
I regard the note before looking up again, "Write about Teddy Roosevelt, Lipshitz is grading these and, though I'd enjoy it, I don't think he want's to read about the life story of Playboy's Miss April."
"How did you know she was Miss April?"
"I guessed."
He laughs before going back to his seat and starting the pre-paper work sheets.
If I was in another situation with to do with a woman I might just dismiss it by staying I should have stuck to magazines but this isn't that kind of situation. I could have used that excuse with Lauren. But not with Dana because it isn't like that, even now it isn't like that. Something is different, even how I feel and now I don't know.
I need to talk to someone.
**
"Diva Divine, this is Ginger speaking."
"Hey, Casey." She was the one that told me I needed a stage name, hers was 'Ginger' and she helped me decided on mine. Brigitte, it's about as inconspicuous a stripper name as any, there must be a million 'Brigittes' out there.
"Dana! Where have you been, I haven't heard from you in two days! You had me worried."
"I'm sorry, I just . . . there was a problem but it's okay now. I'm okay."
"Are you coming into work tonight?"
"Yeah, just making sure I'm still working."
"Night shift again? I thought you like the day work better, why'd you switch?"
"I need the cash and the cash is better at night. Am I on?"
"You're on the board for 8:00, I tried to call your cell to let you know but you were disconnected. God, Dana, you scared the hell out of me."
"I'm sorry, Case, I'll explain later but don't worry because I'm okay now." Maybe I should have kept my phone on, but it was a sacrifice for school money. I don't talk to nearly as many people as I used to anyway; all that 'We'll be the best friends even after high school' is crap.
"You better be or I'll kick your butt now for not calling me if you were."
Casey. The only one who would. But I'd never tell her I needed help because even if she knew I was nervous when I started working there she would never know I was weak.
"Bye, Case."
"See ya, girl."
**
"Marilyn, can I talk to you?"
"I really can't, Harry, I have to make thirty copies and the machine broke down so I have to go to Copio's," she sighs. It has been breaking down more and more but I wish she'd forget about that for now or else I'm dead.
"Please. Big problems."
She stopped. "Harry are you okay?"
I look from side to side for a reason I don't know before I answer, "I'd like to say yes to that question."
"Alright, we're talking." She grabs my arm and pulls me into the copy room, folding her arms and looking at me.
"I'm sorry for dragging you into this but Kevin went to Florida and Milton would never forget it and--"
"Okay, I get I'm not first choice, now speak."
" . . . Forget it."
"What? Harry, wait!"
"No, I'm okay, forget it."
This was a big mistake, I don't need to talk about it, and I don't need to have my business thrown all over anyway.
"Harry!" Marilyn calls but I'm already out the door and down the hallway.
"I was wrong, I don't have a problem, thanks!"
I hear her sigh loudly but I don't look back as I turn the corner.
**
I'm going to have to go back to my mothers soon. I took some clothes but not all of them and some jewelry and my diary . . . my jewelry might be pawned now and . . . I hope she hasn't read my diary.
I'm not thinking of that now, now I'm thinking of . . . talk shows. Two women are arguing over the same man who is sitting back and insisting he'll have them both 'when we get home'. This could be a repeat but I know it isn't, it's just that there are always two girls and a guy insisting he'll have them both 'when we get home'. Every talk show is the same, I bet there are people in China having the same talk show fights.
I wonder if Harry will watch TV with me next time, last night he graded papers but . . . We can watch TV like friends.
**
"Hey, Handsome."
Lauren.
She leans against the doorframe casually.
That's it.
If someone asked me if this was a good idea I'd say no but no one is asking me, especially not myself. But it seems so clear now, to wipe away the confusion about Dana is to wipe it away with something else. With Lauren.
"Hey."
"Ready to go?"
"Just finishing up."
I can hear her sandals as they get closer to my desk.
"I was wondering something," she tells me.
"And that would be?" Flirt, I can flirt.
"If you missed me."
I haven't really thought about that.
"Yes."
She smiles. "Good."
Her arm snakes around my neck and she kisses me before pulling away.
"Let's go to your place." That was my voice and I said it and . . . I mean it.
"Okay."
I mean it.
**
Harry's going to be coming home soon. I know I'll greet him with a smile because I want to, he gave me another chance, but I also know I can't completely forget what I did and I don't know if he can either.
Something nice. Nice . . . Pain in the ass. Yep, the spring. I'll fix the spring. For both of us in case I have to sleep on it tonight . . .
**
"Kiss me!"
I give her what she wants, slipping my tongue to play with hers as she tries to pull my jersey over my head instead of unbuttoning it. She's leading me to her bed but I already know where it is and I pick her up for the rest of the way. We fall on the bed and I know my weight crushes her as we hit the mattress and she let's me know, breaking away and pushing me.
"Harry!"
"Sorry."
She makes a noise of annoyance and I just roll over as she sits up.
"Need practice?"
"You're lucky if I don't fall asleep, I've slept less than eight hours for the past four days!" I yell.
"Hold on, Harry, let me give you a trophy. Am I supposed to feel guilty for getting suspended?"
"Why not? Add it to your list of emotions, what are you up to now? Four?"
She looks offended and crosses her arms over her chest as she looks at me. "I want you to go."
"You and me both."
I sat up, springing off the bed and heading to the door, wondering how I was going to get back to the school to get my car.
**
"Hey."
"I'm going to take a nap."
"Not a good day at work?" I ask hoping it was that and not my presence here.
"Bad day."
"Okay, um, I'll see you when you get up."
He nods and goes into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.
I hope he doesn't sit on the couch.
**
