Disclaimer: Sadly, I still don't own ER or Robert or Elizabeth, or anyone else for that matter. That just sucks, so don't make my life any more miserable by suing me, ok?
Thanks for all the feedback! Keep it coming! I'm slowly but steadily nearing the end of this story and to celebrate that, I finally got around to writing a new chapter. I'm not sure if I like it, but I hope you do. :o)
Oh, and this takes place during Things Change, involving the suture room scene, but since this is fan fiction, I decided to make a little twist…and I don't care if it's realistic or not. ;)
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Chapter 10 – Suturing
Elizabeth felt her pulse quicken as the realization slowly invaded her mind. Her feelings for Robert were something more than what she had always imagined. But how long had it been going on? A week? Had the intense moment shared in the elevator started it all? No, it had to be longer than that, but as hard as Elizabeth tried, she could not pick any particular moment that would have changed everything. She had despised Robert, then she had forgiven and forgotten, eventually she had even begun to trust him as a friend, but how and when had that turned into what she was feeling now? She had no idea.
The next thing to hit her mind was panic. What if Robert would notice her staring? She wasn't ready to face him yet. Not before she could be certain of what she wanted. Elizabeth quickly looked away, fidgeting her hands nervously, but Robert only kept sipping his coffee, staring absently out of the window. He was seemingly oblivious of the rumble that was going on in Elizabeth's mind.
"Um…well," she finally stammered when she could no longer take the tension that was building up in the room – or was it just in her mind? "If we're…er…finished with this…I- I think I should go to get some work done." As soon as she had spoken, Elizabeth realized she didn't really want to go. It was just her in-built self protection mechanism telling her to run as fast as she could before she would make a fool of herself.
Romano turned to look at her, finally noticing that something was not right.
"Are you ok?" he asked. "You…uh…look a bit pale." The voice was worried, even though he was clearly trying to hide it.
"Yeah, I'm fine" Elizabeth forced herself to smile. "I just…I just need to…" her mind was drawing a blank as her eyes got caught in the strong lines of Robert's jaw. She blushed and quickly averted her eyes. "I have to go," she muttered, sounding colder than she had intended.
But in spite of her words, Elizabeth was not moving. She stood still, as if waiting for a final dismissal from Robert. Only it never came. He had turned to face the window again. It was impossible to see his expression. For a while Elizabeth's mind battled on whether to use the opportunity to run as far as she could or to stay and face her feelings. Her brain was screaming for her to go, but her feet were just as vehemently refusing to move.
When Robert realized she still hadn't left after a minute, he turned around again, this time sounding slightly irritated:
"Can't you find the door?" he snapped. "It's right under the exit sign in case you…Are you sure you're okay?" Robert's tone turned worried again as he noticed Elizabeth looking at him strangely.
"Robert, " she said breathlessly, still rooted on the spot. "I think there is something we should…Damn it." Just as Elizabeth was trying to communicate her thoughts to Robert, her pager went off. She felt an almost irresistible urge to take the little devil and just toss it out of the nearest window, but somehow she still managed to pick up the pager and read the text that appeared:
"ER, Trauma 1"
"I have to go" she stated mechanically without looking up.
Before Robert could say a word, if he even was going to say anything, Elizabeth rushed off, hoping that her heart wasn't beating loud enough for everyone around her to hear it. Once out of the room she had to stop to gather some breath and to collect her thoughts before rushing to treat the trauma. The last thing needed was a dead patient to bring her back to her senses. But she was also relieved that she now had more time to think through everything that had taken place. Maybe after a few open chests and a couple of cups of very strong coffee she would wake up and realize it had all been a dream.
Elizabeth spent the rest of her shift going up and down the building from ER to OR and back to ER again, whenever her pager would start beeping. But her mind was hardly ever at the task at hand. It kept wandering into whichever part of the building Robert was most likely to be in while she was doing her job somewhere else. More than once she was on the verge of dropping what she was doing so that she could go and find Robert, but each time she brushed the thought off as ridiculous.
Even if she would find him, what could she say? 'Hi, Robert. I just realized I want to be a cup of coffee in your hands and on your lips, so could we just make out now?' or 'I have been thinking, and I've decided we should take our relationship to the next level.' Pathetic. But at least the look on Robert's face would be worth seeing.
Elizabeth chuckled at the thought. She could almost see his jaw dropping. And what a jaw that was… Elizabeth shook her head. Who was she trying to fool? She needed to talk to Robert. She was still hesitant about doing anything that involved the possibility of actually getting together with Romano, but she couldn't just pretend that there was nothing to discuss, either. She was old enough to work out these kind of feelings without starting to behave like a teenager. Besides, she had never run away from a man she was attracted to before. On the contrary, she had always pursued her prey until she got what she wanted. Why should this time be any different?
Maybe because she had never had feelings for a man like Robert before? A man who was her equal, in some ways even her superior, when it came to the quickness of mind and the strength of will. Thinking back to all her previous relationships, Elizabeth had to admit to herself that she had always chosen men she knew she could dominate and who could never beat her at verbal sparring. But Robert was different - and it scared her. Any relationship with him would be a step, or more like a leap, to the unknown.
Yet, the more Elizabeth tried to talk herself out of all the feelings she now knew she had for him, the more she felt compelled to explore them - and the harder she tried to push away her newly discovered desire for him, the more she found herself longing for his touch.
Finally she had to surrender. As soon as her shift was over, she walked determinedly to the ER desk and, before she could change her mind, promptly asked where she might find Dr. Romano.
"The last I saw him, he was heading for the suture room with a cut in his arm." Jerry informed her in between answering the phone calls.
"Which arm?" Elizabeth immediately wanted to know. "Is anyone attending to him?" She knew she sounded worried, but she couldn't bother to try and hide it. A few nurses turned to look at her in surprise, but Jerry's attention was already turned to yet another person seeking for a doctor. Elizabeth shrugged and, after shooting a glare at the nurses who were now exchanging curious looks, rushed in the direction of the suture room to find out for herself.
As she entered the room, she was caught by the scene that unfolded before her eyes: Robert was sitting there alone, trying to fix a cut in his non-functional arm with the one that was still working. Elizabeth could easily imagine that he had, in his pride, refused all the help he might have been offered. He was ignoring her entrance as well, even though it was clear that he had noticed her. Apparently he was determined to play the doctor by himself this time.
But Elizabeth wasn't as easily discouraged as the rest of the staff.
"Don't tell me your HMO doesn't cover someone else to do that for you," she spoke, deciding to approach the matter lightly.
Robert didn't even look up as his replied:
"Well, you know if you want something done right…"
Elizabeth didn't bother to reply. Instead, she silently drew a chair next to Robert and went on to pick up a pair of gloves before taking over the task. To her surprise, Robert did nothing to stop her. But soon she found herself hoping she hadn't been so eager to offer her help, because now she was sitting uncomfortably close to Romano, and he kept staring at her intensely while she was trying to concentrate on her job. It was frustrating, to say the least.
For a while Elizabeth kept working silently on Romano's arm, but then she suddenly became aware of a change in his expression as he winced.
"Did that hurt?" she asked almost hopefully.
"Kind of."
The doctor in Elizabeth immediately took over:
"What do you mean 'kind of'?" she asked, frowning.
Robert shrugged. He obviously didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
"I just thought I felt something," he replied "But it was probably just my imagination."
Elizabeth immediately picked up a stick and, after quickly glancing at Robert, she poked it into the cut. He winced again:
"Ouch"
They exchanged looks and Elizabeth's lips slowly curved into a delighted smile. Robert, however, hid his satisfaction better.
"Give it to me" he grunted, motioning towards the stick with his head. "Let me try."
"No, I need to tie up your wound." Elizabeth declined, returning to her professional mode again. "That arm doesn't need any more damage."
"But I…"
"You felt something and that's enough for now. We are not taking any risks of another infection. You'll see Dr. Gunn tomorrow."
Robert glared at her, but didn't say anything more. He looked away and let Elizabeth finish the parsing of his arm in silence.
"There now," she finally spoke with a slightly awkward smile when she was done. "As good as new."
"Very funny, Lizzie." Robert snorted. "You know it'll never be as good as new again."
"But it is getting better." Elizabeth insisted.
"Usually when there's a step forward there'll soon be two steps backwards," he countered.
"Maybe this will be a turn for the better."
"I wish I could believe that."
There was a short silence, then Elizabeth swallowed and slowly placed her hand on the injured arm.
"Robert, it will get better," she assured him. "Maybe it will never be fully functional again, but at this point even partial recovery…"
"And what do I do with a partially recovered arm?" Robert cut in impatiently. "You know it won't allow me to return to surgery."
"But it will allow you to do a lot of other things."
Robert didn't reply, but Elizabeth could see that he had acknowledged the truth of her words. She decided it was time to change the subject:
"Robert" she began gently, removing her hand from the unfeeling arm to trace the fingers of the other one.
He instantly looked up, surprised, eyes full of doubt and hidden emotion.
Elizabeth blushed, but went on to grasp his hand and gently squeeze it. Then she slowly lifted her face to meet his eyes with a steady look.
"Do you remember how I asked you to join me for dinner a few days ago?" she asked, obviously confusing Robert even more. He could only nod.
"And you asked," Elizabeth continued. "If I really wanted it or if I was just trying to please you."
Romano cleared his throat as if to force the words out of his suddenly very dry mouth:
"Yes, I recall that," he said hoarsely.
Elizabeth gave a small smile, pushing away the last seeds of doubt that still lingered in her mind.
"The answer is 'yes'," she said, lowering her voice until it was a mere whisper.
"'Yes' to which part?" Robert's dark eyes were pouring searchingly into Elizabeth's blue ones, and she suddenly felt very weak.
"To the first one," she heard herself gasping. Then, gaining control of her voice again, she added more reassuringly: "I really want it."
Her words were met with silence. Elizabeth wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but she couldn't help feeling slightly disappointed when Robert looked away before he finally spoke:
"Elizabeth," he began quietly, but his voice was growing stronger as he spoke: "You don't have to do this. I know it's just…"
"But I want to." Elizabeth cut him off firmly.
"Why?"
Elizabeth blushed again and looked down at her hand which was still squeezing Robert's fingers. She withdrew her arm as if his skin was suddenly burning her.
"Elizabeth?"
She took a deep breath, feeling her own pulse beginning to race again. This was it. She now had the perfect opportunity to open up to Robert and get it over and done with, but for some reason the words were refusing to come out of her mouth.
After what seemed like an eternity, but what might have been only a few seconds, Elizabeth forced herself to look up again. Robert was gazing at her with a closed expression on his face.
"I can't do this," she told herself as she stumbled up from her chair, not even realizing she had said anything aloud before she felt the weight of Romano's hand landing on the palm of her which was still resting on the table.
"Can't do what?" he demanded, getting up as well and moving around the table to face Elizabeth.
"This," she blurted out before her mind could catch up with the actions of the rest of her body. Then, to the shock of them both, Elizabeth grabbed Robert's head between her hands and leaned in to place a short but fiery kiss on his frozen lips. The sensation only lasted for seconds and before Robert could even realize what had happened, Elizabeth had broken the kiss and was heading out of the door, feeling so light-headed she wasn't even sure which way she was supposed to be going.
TBC
