Disclaimer: For the last time; I do not own these characters, I don't own ER, and I don't even own the computer I'm using right now. In short, I don't own anything at all, so suing me would be pointless.
Thanks for all the great feedback! All you lovely reviewers may now congratulate yourselves, because I have finished this story and I couldn't have done it without you. I decided not to turn this into an R-rated story after all (I'll save that for the sequel if I ever write one), but I hope you'll still find the ending satisfactory.
Part of the dialogue in this chapter has been strongly influenced by the episode Of Past Regret and Future Fear, but before anyone sues me, see the disclaimer. ;)
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Chapter 11 – When the Past Meets the Future
"Elizabeth!"
Elizabeth could hear her name being called after her, but she was too flustered to stop. She could still feel the warmth of Robert's lips on hers, and she was only dimly aware of the ER buzzing around her. She had to get out. She needed to cool down.
"Elizabeth!"
This time she could hear the voice sounding much more commanding. It was coming from much closer, accompanied by hurried footsteps. Elizabeth had just made her way out of the door when Romano finally caught up with her. He grabbed her arm to make her stop, ignoring the bunch of doctors and nurses that were standing at the ambulance bay, waiting for new patients to arrive.
"Lizzie," he panted, still slightly out of breath after the running. "What was that all about?"
By this time all the people gathered at the bay had turned around to see what was going on. They all seemed to think they were witnessing round #1,697,203 of the ever continuing battle of words between the doctors Corday and Romano, and were holding their breaths, expecting a sharp response from Elizabeth to silence her colleague. But none of that was coming. Elizabeth was still feeling oddly light-headed, as if a huge weight had just been lifted off, and all she could manage for an answer was a grin directed at her own shoes.
"Elizabeth?" This time Romano's voice was getting impatient. "Would you care to share what's so amusing?"
"Robert," still grinning, Elizabeth finally turned to look at him, ignoring his question. "What would you say of a cup of coffee?"
"Coffee?"
"Yes," she confirmed, nodding towards the infamous Doc Magoo's across the street.
"Um…Well…Don't you people have anything better to do?!" Robert suddenly turned towards the nurses and attendants around them and he frowned at Carter who had also appeared. Then he returned his attention to Elizabeth: "Fine. I'll have coffee," he replied, "But if I were you I'd try some tranquilizer instead."
"I think coffee will do just fine." Elizabeth smiled. They began walking towards the cafeteria in silence, and after a while Elizabeth continued: "You know, I always thought I preferred tea, but lately I've been thinking I might have been wrong all these years. Coffee has its merits. It makes it so much easier to get up in the morning and yet…it can also keep you going all night long."
"Lizzie, you scare me," Robert retorted, sounding half amused, half worried, and having no idea what she was talking about. Elizabeth knew she must have given the impression by her recent actions and words that she was losing it, but she enjoyed Robert's present state of confusion too much to reassure him she still had her sanity.
"What? You don't like coffee?" she asked innocently, "Perhaps you haven't tried the right kind. You see, I'm quite certain that a small cup with strong contents is often better than a huge cup with very lame…coffee."
"Um…right." Robert replied, glancing curiously at Elizabeth. "But whatever you say, the poison they serve here is awful in all forms, and the small cup is better only because there's less to swallow."
They then entered the café and chose a table in the far end of the place before Romano continued, changing his tone from confused to commanding:
"Ok, Lizzie. Spit it out," he ordered plainly. "I see you've done your best to distract me, but tell me, what the hell was that – that kiss all about?"
"What? You didn't enjoy it?" Elizabeth asked archly, still trying to avoid giving a direct answer, because she didn't know how she should explain herself or much she could reveal.
"That's not what I meant." Romano sighed, getting impatient. "I just want to know your motivation before thinking any more of it."
"Well…" Elizabeth began hesitantly. What had been so easy to express by the swift action of locking their lips was so much harder to explain in words. "You see, that was…I think I got a bit carried away," she confessed, blushing.
"Yes, I could gather as much," Robert retorted. His voice sounded almost indifferent, but he looked very serious, even vulnerable. "What I would like to know is why that happened. Look…"
He didn't finish his sentence as they were then interrupted by the waitress who had come to take their orders. Elizabeth quickly chose a regular cup of coffee and Robert settled for the same without even looking at the list. Once the girl was gone, he continued:
"Look, if that was just some joke…or something that one of the desk jerks dared you to do, a bet or something..." he trailed off, picking up the creamer and fingering it absently.
Elizabeth was feeling awful. Did he really think she would sink that low?
"Robert," she began, but when he wasn't looking at her, she paused and reached her hand to lift his face up, forcing him to look her in the eye. "You know I would never do that, don't you?"
Robert didn't answer.
Elizabeth took a deep breath and tried to continue, but didn't know where to start from. It was at that moment when a sudden memory of an event from roughly five years ago came to her mind and made her smile. Encouraged, she began: "The thing is…I mean, there's no way to say this but flat out, so I'll say it as it is: our relationship has not moved in the direction I now realize it should have. Now, partly that is because I have been foolish and also because I'm not very good at communicating these kind of feelings, but the truth is that…I find you attractive."
Robert was now staring at her with a look of mingled disbelief and amusement, and something which might have been either hope or doubt – it was obvious he also remembered the first time he had asked her out, in the same place, with almost the same words.
"Pretty good speech," he said after a moment of silence. "Whoever taught you that must have been a man of great wisdom."
"Hardly," Elizabeth snorted. "But he has his moments."
"And you find him attractive?"
"Well, if I forget his lack of hair, height and manners…and the fact that most of the time he is a pompous ass, then yes," Elizabeth smiled, "In some unthinkable way I do find him attractive."
"Wow, Lizzie, you really know how to boost a man's ego. Be careful or it might explode."
"I don't think there is any way I could possibly make that ego any bigger than what it already is."
"Don't be too sure about that," Robert quipped. Then he fell silent and turned serious again.
Elizabeth could sense he still doubted her sincerity, and quite frankly she couldn't blame him after all the years of rejection, but she was beginning to be at a loss as to how to get herself through to him. She reached her hand to touch his and decided to wait for him to speak next.
He looked down at their linked hands, then back up to Elizabeth's eyes as if asking for a permission for more. She tried to smile reassuringly, all the while being embarrassingly aware of the fact that her face was flushing again. Slowly Robert let go of her hand and lifted it up to her burning face, reaching gently to caress her cheek. His touch sent a warm shiver through Elizabeth's body and she closed her eyes to endeavor the sensation. She opened them again when she heard Robert whispering her name:
"Elizabeth?"
"Mmh?"
"Will you go out with me?" He was holding his breath, as if still preparing for the worst.
Elizabeth smiled at him, keeping him in suspense.
"I thought you'd never ask," she finally replied, her smile growing wider as she spoke, and suddenly Robert chuckled:
"I have, actually," he pointed out. "On more than one occasion, I might add."
"But that was long ago," Elizabeth protested. "We were both two very different people back then."
The smile on Robert's lips died as suddenly as it had appeared.
"Yeah. I still had two good arms those days." he sighed.
"That's not what I meant" Elizabeth hurried to assure him. "In fact, I think it's mostly I who is different. Or maybe I've just come to know myself better and realized that what I once thought I wanted and needed is not what I really do need."
"And what is it, then, that you really want?"
The word 'you' played on Elizabeth's lips, but she wasn't ready say it, not yet.
"Something different than what I had," she replied instead. Then, realizing what she had just implied, hastened to add: "I'm not saying that I did not love Mark, because I did - very dearly. It's just that, although I still miss him, and always will miss him, as a friend and companion, and as the father of my child …I don't really miss him as a man – or as a husband."
Elizabeth didn't know why she was suddenly telling this all to Robert, of all people, but for some reason it was important to her that he knew - that he understood where she was coming from. After finishing her speech she fell silent, as if waiting for him to pass his judgement, but when he said nothing, she continued:
"You see, when he died, the only thing I felt was pain and sorrow, and I couldn't – or didn't want to – sort out my feelings for him. All I knew was that I missed him. I couldn't bare to think at the time if I really was missing the love of my life or just a dear friend, or even worse; if I was only missing the fact that I had someone to share my life with. But when time passed and I got over the worst period of adjustment, I had to start thinking again, and I had to be honest with myself. Mark was an excellent man. He was good, kind, loving…and yet, as much as I loved him, I'm not sure if our marriage would have lasted, had he lived. In short, I'm not so certain anymore if he really was the right man for me in the first place."
Elizabeth fell silent again, wondering if she had said too much. After all, she had just confessed something she had never said aloud before, hardly even admitted to herself. Yet, she felt somehow secure that she could talk to Robert about anything and he would understand, or at least make the effort to understand, which was more than most people would bother to do.
As she looked up to see the effect of her speech on Romano, she knew she had been right. The look on his face reminded her of the day she had told him about Mark's returned tumor. He had been of great support for her then and she knew she would be again. He'd always be, if she only let him.
"Elizabeth…" he finally began, but didn't seem to know how to continue. It was obvious that he was even more surprised than Elizabeth herself of her sudden moment of openness.
"You don't have to say anything," she cut him off. "I just…I just felt like I had to get that all out."
"I'm glad you did," he said simply, squeezing her hand gently.
Another awkward silence followed, during which Elizabeth nervously sipped her coffee and Robert kept staring at his own, untouched cup.
"So," Elizabeth finally made an attempt to continue the discussion. "What about you?" she asked.
"What about me?"
Hundreds of questions rushed through Elizabeth's mind and she didn't know where to start from.
"There's so much about you that I don't know…", she sighed.
"You never asked," he replied simply, still staring at his cup.
"Would you have told me everything if I had?"
"I guess not."
"Will you tell know?"
"I guess that depends on what you want to know."
Elizabeth took a deep breath.
"Well, there are a lot of things…", she began.
"Such as?" Robert finally took a sip of his coffee.
"Such as… Have you ever been in love?" she asked, almost instantly regretting her question as Robert set his cup down and frowned, looking away.
Then he turned to look at Elizabeth again, smiling ruefully.
"Are you sure you want to know?"
"Of course," Elizabeth assured him. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't"
"In that case," Robert turned to look at his watch, "I'd say your pager will "go off" in about five seconds or something else will come up and you will have to excuse yourself. Trust me, I know the drill by now"
"Why, are you trying to say…" Elizabeth dropped off mid-sentence as she suddenly realized what Robert must be meaning, and the look in his eyes confirmed her suspicion. She quickly looked down at her hands, trying to conceal a fresh blush on her face.
"I think that's my cue," Robert said, standing up swiftly. He quickly paid the coffee and was out before Elizabeth could do as much as blink. However, as soon as she did register that he was gone, and could see his retreating figure through the window, she too jumped up and rushed after him.
"Robert!" she yelled as soon as she figured she was near enough to be heard. "Wait!"
The man ahead of her stopped, but didn't turn around. Elizabeth reached him in a hurry and, not knowing what else to do or say, slipped her hand under his elbow and patted it gently.
"Don't you think you forgot something?" she breathed, very much out of breath after the running.
"Well, I obviously forgot you have been behaving very strangely today," he replied, looking down at his elbow to which she was hanging.
Elizabeth ignored his comment and continued:
"We didn't fix that date yet," she said, still breathing heavily. "That is, if you still want to go."
"On a date?" he repeated. "With you?"
"Yes," Elizabeth looked at him quizzically. "Didn't you just ask me out?"
"Never," he said flatly. Then, grinning at Elizabeth's dumbfound expression, added: "Never in million years would I let go of such an opportunity."
"Why, you little…" Elizabeth began, but was interrupted when Robert pressed his finger firmly against her lips to silence her.
"Rule number one, Lizzie;" he said, tracing her lips with his finger. "Never call me little."
"And rule number two?" Elizabeth breathed, forgetting her annoyance and surrendering completely to the man before her as Robert cupped the side of her face in his hand.
"I'll think of something later," he replied. Then, running his hand from Elizabeth's left cheek to the back of her neck, he pulled her down for a kiss that was unlike anything she had ever experienced before. It was full of hunger, yet gentle, forceful but still slightly hesitant. At first all Elizabeth could do was let her lips part and let him explore the depths of her mouth with all the passion he had been holding back for so long, but as soon as he had to pull back for a short breath, she promptly took her turn to work her way through his lips and the rest of his mouth. She was just preparing to move on from the tongue to explore the strong lines of Robert's jaw when the sound of an approaching ambulance made them aware of their surroundings again.
They were standing on the side of a busy street, only a corner separating them from all the gossips of the County General. With a silent agreement they broke apart, but after a quick look around to make sure that no one was paying attention to them, they leaned in for another kiss, which was meant to be quick but which would inevitably have turned into another long sucking session had they not been interrupted by the first drops of a spring rain that was taking over Chicago.
With regret, they broke apart again. Elizabeth was feeling breathless and completely at loss for words. She brought her hand to her mouth and smiled as she saw Romano licking his lips, looking both satisfied and thoughtful. Something needed to be said, but neither of them seemed to have the words.
"It's raining," Elizabeth finally stated.
"No kidding," Robert retorted.
Another awkward silence.
"So," Robert continued, watching as the raindrops began forming small ponds on the streets. "Shall we stay here and see how soaked we can get or should we try to find a shelter?"
Finally Elizabeth smiled again and reached out to grab Robert's arm.
"I don't mind the rain," she replied, "Let's walk." And with that she dragged Romano with her and they began strolling away from the nearness of the hospital, with no particular direction in their minds.
They walked in companionable silence for a while. They had their arms linked, and as they were now close enough now to one another to feel each other's warmth, words were no longer necessary. At the river they finally stopped and Elizabeth spoke again:
"That woman you said you had been in love with," she began softly, reaching her hand to caress Robert's face with the pretence of wiping away raindrops. "Was that really me?" she whispered.
A small smile appeared on Robert's lips.
"It always has been you," he replied simply, catching Elizabeth's hand of his cheek and bringing it on to his lips, before leaning in to plant a full kiss on her lips, this time with less force and more gentle loving. The rain kept pouring down on them, but neither of them cared about it as they became more and more absorbed in their tight embrace and the kiss that was to be a start of their new future, together.
THE END
