Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.
Belonging nowhere
By miyamoto yui
Part 2 - Itai.
With his eyes blinking for a moment, one couldn't understand if he was in pain or just performing a natural function for he had always masked his strength with silence.
Sesshomaru, ever since he was young, had always thought to himself and was not used to speaking his thoughts aloud. He thought that there was no point in wasting energy on speech with people and things that were unworthy of his attention.
Rin squirmed once more and then turned to her side as Sesshomaru just lifted his eyebrow a bit. It was a habit he had become accustomed to, as if he were guilty of being a voyeur and feeling things that he had never experienced before. Especially if he thought about dealing with something that seemed so weak.
So humanly weak.
It burned him deep inside, so he remained silent.
The fact that Jaken had already verbally announced that he was uncomfortable with this whole situation wasn't helping. And the scene of Rin as a little girl standing in front of her village with that certain expression came back to haunt him.
"I want to be with you," she had said to him.
That's what made him feel so possessive over her. The fact that she had looked past everything. Whether as a travel companion or as a youkai, she had gone beyond what
every other person thought of him as.
To her, he was Sesshomaru-sama.
She liked him just for being himself.
And somehow, it always troubled him. He didn't know what to do with it, except to tell the girl to go away...
...until he could no longer tell her so.
He looked at the moon and shook his head slightly. "These idiotic thoughts that run through my mind make me think of my brother," he mumbled to himself as he got up and leaned his back on a nearby tree.
"We should not have come here," he thought to himself as Sesshomaru's eyes looked down to the ground.
It was the only way though.
The only way to make Rin go away...
To convince her to go back to the human village that she had separated from many years before.
But he didn't want to do it. He needed her to do it by herself.
Jaken's words repeated in his head. "Even if she did, you would have found some way to get her back."
The look on his face held a countenance of such sureness. He was so confident that his master would have gone and gotten Rin.
This just got Sesshomaru more frustrated.
Was that so true?
So deep in thought while looking at the ground, Sesshomaru didn't notice that Rin had gotten up and went to him. While kneeling before him, she tilted her head with a wistful look on her face as she took Sesshomaru's cloak and put it on him once more.
He didn't say anything as she wrapped it around his shoulders. But she didn't like this particular silence from him. It was different from the other times, and she figured that he was still upset with her.
She never could really understand him. He never said anything and so one never truly understood whatever went through his clear, yet complicated mind.
When she took the collar and pulled it while brushing her fingers lightly on his undergarment, Sesshomaru watched her eyes as they avoided looking into his face. Rin was soon done and nodded as she said, "Thank you for letting me use your cloak again."
This wasn't the first time he had done it. It was about the twelfth time and he couldn't figure out why he had to do it.
She could survive since she was a strong one, for he would never deal with those who were weak. Yet, he couldn't help but try to make her feel comfortable.
"I keep on telling you that you don't have to," she lightly scolded him as she looked at him.
Silence.
Rin then turned towards the fire, but as she glanced back at Sesshomaru, she didn't like the look he gave. It was not like any other that he had ever given to her.
Pity and affection meshed into a face that always liked to remain expressionless.
Sesshomaru then looked away from her and folded his arms as he looked at the sky once more. Without looking at her, he asked, "Rin, are you happy as you are?"
Rin blinked as the profile of Sesshomaru stared back at her. She had never been asked this question and in her mind, it had never crossed inside of it.
"I..." Then, she looked at the ground and then back at him. It wasn't out of embarrassment, but more of a shock at such a strong question that never didn't seem hard for her to answer.
All she wanted was to be with Sesshomaru-sama forever.
As she had wished on the nagareboshi so many years ago, but remembered as if it were only yesterday.
"Of course I am, Sesshomaru-sama," she answered firmly as she smiled and looked at him.
He still wouldn't even glance at her.
Then, she looked at the wide blue sky filled with stars. "Why would you ask me that?"
She didn't expect an answer.
A pain went through her chest though she remained smiling.
It was that small lull that always came back whenever she would see that sad look on his face. It was the one that he never showed to anyone, lest they think that Sesshomaru was feeble.
To her, he was like the moon itself. With so many faces, and yet she loved them all.
She accepted all these sides to him, known and unknown.
For he didn't push her away.
He didn't abandon her...
On the day she should have died, he came back for her.
And with that alone and its silent thanks, it was enough to make her bound to him. She gave no protest to this arrangement.
"Do you understand why those boys approached you this afternoon?" He didn't even blink though inside he was so angered that he could have burned something with only the touch of his finger.
Rin then got up as she approached the river. She looked at her wavered reflection as she answered, "Yes, I did."
Washing her face, he disrupted the reflection as the cold water sent a chill through her body.
Drip, drip.
Little drops of water were going back into the river as if they were taking a piece of her away.
Without wiping her face, she faced Sesshomaru. "I could have taken care of myself!"
Sesshomaru knew better.
He then looked at her as he smelled the tears that had come down and intermingled with the river water down her face. But his face remained unmoved.
With his quiet voice, he said, "There will come a time when you will want that type of affection from someone, Rin."
He was always blunt and honest with her, even if it would cut her.
This time, it cut him also.
At that moment, the wind blew softly through the trees making them rustle. They continued to look at one another.
"Don't you ever wonder about things like that?" he asked her.
He didn't want to ask her anymore questions though about a million had run through his while he talked to her.
She just said, "Yes, I do, but that doesn't really matter much to me."
With her hands in fists, she shook her head slowly. "You always do that, Sesshomaru-sama. You always think I can't do things by myself."
Sesshomaru silently listened to her.
Then, she turned around and continued, "Or is this your way of telling me to just leave and go to the village? Am I that much of a burden to you?"
Rin stood there not really wanting to hear the answer because she was so scared of the response she'd receive.
You just never knew when it came to Sesshomaru. He wanted something, but when you think it's a certain thing, it was actually something very different.
But she had just said something that had run through his own mind a hundred billion times, and hit it on the mark.
The water dripped away and Rin found her own salty tears once again falling. Just as much as she was crying when he had given the look of indifference while saying, "You'll have to go back. You do not belong with me."
With the back of her sleeve, she just wiped them away. Unashamed, she just looked at him, sighed, and turned back to the river. While taking out a piece of cloth from her pocket, she dipped it into the river while blinking.
She knew that it was futile and so she didn't want to fight with him anymore.
Again, she kneeled before her Sesshomaru-sama. With the wet cloth in her hand, she cleaned his face. As a tiny drop of water escaped and ran down his cheek, Rin had almost thought he looked like he was crying.
She blinked at him, but then she just continued to wipe his dirty face.
"I've always wondered what you thought about me." While tilting her head, she softly patted his face. "I've always thought about why you have to be always quiet. What does he think about when he doesn't talk?"
When she finished while patting his cheek, Rin asked, "I always wondered if you felt something for anyone or anything..."
Then, she took her hand away and got up quickly, knowing full well that he would be angered by such questions. There was only a certain limit to what he would tolerate from anyone.
She couldn't ask him, "Are you happy?"
And her mouth refused to say, "Aren't you lonely?"
And sure enough, Sesshomaru took a firm grip of her wrist.
Glancing back at him, Rin was frightened by what her punishment would be, but it couldn't compare to not being answered.
She was already used to it...
It killed her every time he did that to her.
But the face of wrath, for being somewhat arrogant towards him, wasn't there at all. Sesshomaru's eyes were soft...
"You don't understand anything, Rin."
This statement made Rin very frustrated and mad until she found herself pulled into his lap and his arms wrapped tightly around her.
"If I lose you..." he thought, but couldn't finish.
"Sesshomaru-sama..." Rin barely mumbled, confused at the sudden burst of open affection he had freely given to her.
"He never did that before..." she thought as she found herself being kissed.
It was then that he buried his face into her long hair until he found his lips kissing her neck. Rin's back was gently being pushed to the ground as Sesshomaru placed his hands on each of her shoulders.
"What are you doing to her?" he found himself scolding himself harshly as his eyes looked at Rin's.
Rin's eyes...
Had no fear in them...
No doubts whatsoever.
How they had traded places at that moment...
There was a war within Sesshomaru and he didn't know what or who was winning. The proud youkai that had said that humans were the lowest beings upon the earth and didn't deserve any type of respect from him.
Or the person that Rin saw.
The human man that was starting to exist ever since she came into his life...
They looked at one another not know what to do...
Until Rin put her hand Sesshomaru's cheek with a sad smile on her face while saying nothing to him.
His lips didn't move to answer her silent questions as he thought, "To you, it's so easy for you to say, 'I want to be with Sesshomaru-sama'. But for me, it's more than that..."
Sesshomaru's beautiful white hair draped on each side of Rin's body. He pushed some of it off her face as they continued to look at one another.
With a concerned face, Sesshomaru deeply looked at Rin and honestly asked her,
"Do you think I can give you what you want from me?"
tsuzuku...
--
Author's note: Whoa...I'm glad that this chapter's out of my system!
I'm enjoying this very much... ^_^
I used 'itai' as a pun here. It can be grammatically used to mean 'I want'. Or, it can mean 'hurt, pain'.
Belonging nowhere
By miyamoto yui
Part 2 - Itai.
With his eyes blinking for a moment, one couldn't understand if he was in pain or just performing a natural function for he had always masked his strength with silence.
Sesshomaru, ever since he was young, had always thought to himself and was not used to speaking his thoughts aloud. He thought that there was no point in wasting energy on speech with people and things that were unworthy of his attention.
Rin squirmed once more and then turned to her side as Sesshomaru just lifted his eyebrow a bit. It was a habit he had become accustomed to, as if he were guilty of being a voyeur and feeling things that he had never experienced before. Especially if he thought about dealing with something that seemed so weak.
So humanly weak.
It burned him deep inside, so he remained silent.
The fact that Jaken had already verbally announced that he was uncomfortable with this whole situation wasn't helping. And the scene of Rin as a little girl standing in front of her village with that certain expression came back to haunt him.
"I want to be with you," she had said to him.
That's what made him feel so possessive over her. The fact that she had looked past everything. Whether as a travel companion or as a youkai, she had gone beyond what
every other person thought of him as.
To her, he was Sesshomaru-sama.
She liked him just for being himself.
And somehow, it always troubled him. He didn't know what to do with it, except to tell the girl to go away...
...until he could no longer tell her so.
He looked at the moon and shook his head slightly. "These idiotic thoughts that run through my mind make me think of my brother," he mumbled to himself as he got up and leaned his back on a nearby tree.
"We should not have come here," he thought to himself as Sesshomaru's eyes looked down to the ground.
It was the only way though.
The only way to make Rin go away...
To convince her to go back to the human village that she had separated from many years before.
But he didn't want to do it. He needed her to do it by herself.
Jaken's words repeated in his head. "Even if she did, you would have found some way to get her back."
The look on his face held a countenance of such sureness. He was so confident that his master would have gone and gotten Rin.
This just got Sesshomaru more frustrated.
Was that so true?
So deep in thought while looking at the ground, Sesshomaru didn't notice that Rin had gotten up and went to him. While kneeling before him, she tilted her head with a wistful look on her face as she took Sesshomaru's cloak and put it on him once more.
He didn't say anything as she wrapped it around his shoulders. But she didn't like this particular silence from him. It was different from the other times, and she figured that he was still upset with her.
She never could really understand him. He never said anything and so one never truly understood whatever went through his clear, yet complicated mind.
When she took the collar and pulled it while brushing her fingers lightly on his undergarment, Sesshomaru watched her eyes as they avoided looking into his face. Rin was soon done and nodded as she said, "Thank you for letting me use your cloak again."
This wasn't the first time he had done it. It was about the twelfth time and he couldn't figure out why he had to do it.
She could survive since she was a strong one, for he would never deal with those who were weak. Yet, he couldn't help but try to make her feel comfortable.
"I keep on telling you that you don't have to," she lightly scolded him as she looked at him.
Silence.
Rin then turned towards the fire, but as she glanced back at Sesshomaru, she didn't like the look he gave. It was not like any other that he had ever given to her.
Pity and affection meshed into a face that always liked to remain expressionless.
Sesshomaru then looked away from her and folded his arms as he looked at the sky once more. Without looking at her, he asked, "Rin, are you happy as you are?"
Rin blinked as the profile of Sesshomaru stared back at her. She had never been asked this question and in her mind, it had never crossed inside of it.
"I..." Then, she looked at the ground and then back at him. It wasn't out of embarrassment, but more of a shock at such a strong question that never didn't seem hard for her to answer.
All she wanted was to be with Sesshomaru-sama forever.
As she had wished on the nagareboshi so many years ago, but remembered as if it were only yesterday.
"Of course I am, Sesshomaru-sama," she answered firmly as she smiled and looked at him.
He still wouldn't even glance at her.
Then, she looked at the wide blue sky filled with stars. "Why would you ask me that?"
She didn't expect an answer.
A pain went through her chest though she remained smiling.
It was that small lull that always came back whenever she would see that sad look on his face. It was the one that he never showed to anyone, lest they think that Sesshomaru was feeble.
To her, he was like the moon itself. With so many faces, and yet she loved them all.
She accepted all these sides to him, known and unknown.
For he didn't push her away.
He didn't abandon her...
On the day she should have died, he came back for her.
And with that alone and its silent thanks, it was enough to make her bound to him. She gave no protest to this arrangement.
"Do you understand why those boys approached you this afternoon?" He didn't even blink though inside he was so angered that he could have burned something with only the touch of his finger.
Rin then got up as she approached the river. She looked at her wavered reflection as she answered, "Yes, I did."
Washing her face, he disrupted the reflection as the cold water sent a chill through her body.
Drip, drip.
Little drops of water were going back into the river as if they were taking a piece of her away.
Without wiping her face, she faced Sesshomaru. "I could have taken care of myself!"
Sesshomaru knew better.
He then looked at her as he smelled the tears that had come down and intermingled with the river water down her face. But his face remained unmoved.
With his quiet voice, he said, "There will come a time when you will want that type of affection from someone, Rin."
He was always blunt and honest with her, even if it would cut her.
This time, it cut him also.
At that moment, the wind blew softly through the trees making them rustle. They continued to look at one another.
"Don't you ever wonder about things like that?" he asked her.
He didn't want to ask her anymore questions though about a million had run through his while he talked to her.
She just said, "Yes, I do, but that doesn't really matter much to me."
With her hands in fists, she shook her head slowly. "You always do that, Sesshomaru-sama. You always think I can't do things by myself."
Sesshomaru silently listened to her.
Then, she turned around and continued, "Or is this your way of telling me to just leave and go to the village? Am I that much of a burden to you?"
Rin stood there not really wanting to hear the answer because she was so scared of the response she'd receive.
You just never knew when it came to Sesshomaru. He wanted something, but when you think it's a certain thing, it was actually something very different.
But she had just said something that had run through his own mind a hundred billion times, and hit it on the mark.
The water dripped away and Rin found her own salty tears once again falling. Just as much as she was crying when he had given the look of indifference while saying, "You'll have to go back. You do not belong with me."
With the back of her sleeve, she just wiped them away. Unashamed, she just looked at him, sighed, and turned back to the river. While taking out a piece of cloth from her pocket, she dipped it into the river while blinking.
She knew that it was futile and so she didn't want to fight with him anymore.
Again, she kneeled before her Sesshomaru-sama. With the wet cloth in her hand, she cleaned his face. As a tiny drop of water escaped and ran down his cheek, Rin had almost thought he looked like he was crying.
She blinked at him, but then she just continued to wipe his dirty face.
"I've always wondered what you thought about me." While tilting her head, she softly patted his face. "I've always thought about why you have to be always quiet. What does he think about when he doesn't talk?"
When she finished while patting his cheek, Rin asked, "I always wondered if you felt something for anyone or anything..."
Then, she took her hand away and got up quickly, knowing full well that he would be angered by such questions. There was only a certain limit to what he would tolerate from anyone.
She couldn't ask him, "Are you happy?"
And her mouth refused to say, "Aren't you lonely?"
And sure enough, Sesshomaru took a firm grip of her wrist.
Glancing back at him, Rin was frightened by what her punishment would be, but it couldn't compare to not being answered.
She was already used to it...
It killed her every time he did that to her.
But the face of wrath, for being somewhat arrogant towards him, wasn't there at all. Sesshomaru's eyes were soft...
"You don't understand anything, Rin."
This statement made Rin very frustrated and mad until she found herself pulled into his lap and his arms wrapped tightly around her.
"If I lose you..." he thought, but couldn't finish.
"Sesshomaru-sama..." Rin barely mumbled, confused at the sudden burst of open affection he had freely given to her.
"He never did that before..." she thought as she found herself being kissed.
It was then that he buried his face into her long hair until he found his lips kissing her neck. Rin's back was gently being pushed to the ground as Sesshomaru placed his hands on each of her shoulders.
"What are you doing to her?" he found himself scolding himself harshly as his eyes looked at Rin's.
Rin's eyes...
Had no fear in them...
No doubts whatsoever.
How they had traded places at that moment...
There was a war within Sesshomaru and he didn't know what or who was winning. The proud youkai that had said that humans were the lowest beings upon the earth and didn't deserve any type of respect from him.
Or the person that Rin saw.
The human man that was starting to exist ever since she came into his life...
They looked at one another not know what to do...
Until Rin put her hand Sesshomaru's cheek with a sad smile on her face while saying nothing to him.
His lips didn't move to answer her silent questions as he thought, "To you, it's so easy for you to say, 'I want to be with Sesshomaru-sama'. But for me, it's more than that..."
Sesshomaru's beautiful white hair draped on each side of Rin's body. He pushed some of it off her face as they continued to look at one another.
With a concerned face, Sesshomaru deeply looked at Rin and honestly asked her,
"Do you think I can give you what you want from me?"
tsuzuku...
--
Author's note: Whoa...I'm glad that this chapter's out of my system!
I'm enjoying this very much... ^_^
I used 'itai' as a pun here. It can be grammatically used to mean 'I want'. Or, it can mean 'hurt, pain'.
