Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs to Takahashi-sama! I'm just a Sesshomaru and Rin fangirl that I had to write a story to answer my own questions about their relationship. (Aren't they one of the cutest pairings?!)

Belonging nowhere

By miyamoto yui

Part 15 - Secrets that should be kept that way…right?

"Sesshomaru-sama! Sesshomaru-sama!" Jaken shouted with his staff in the air as Sesshomaru ran through the forest quickly with the fallen leaves of the forest flying behind him.

Jaken coughed as he barely trailed behind him. While looking at Sesshomaru's back, he couldn't help but wonder what was happening. What was this ominous feeling surrounding this whole situation? He couldn't really answer that question for he had no idea what the heck was going on.

But he would believe in Sesshomaru-sama as he always had. There was nothing that he had seen to prove that this foreboding could break his trust.

"Seth…Seth…" Jaken thought to himself while huffing and puffing. "I've not thought about that name for such a long time."

A chill ran down his spine as he gulped. Without thinking, his tongue slipped, "Seth was death incarnate."

Sesshomaru's eyes slightly became smaller and his lips twitched a bit as he heard this. "I must stop this before it gets out of hand," he thought to himself with his hands in fists. So much so that they started to bleed once more with droplets left behind in the dirt floor of the forest.

"Simpletons!" he seethed with his lips not moving as he thought with such anger about this turn of events. "I was once in your shoes, but now, I understand what I didn't before."

He would tell Rin…

When this was all over, he would honestly tell her. And then, she would be free to choose to truly stay with him.

Without the guilt, without the anger…

If there was anyone who needed to know the truth about himself, he would pour himself out to her when the time was right. No one else was worthy.

Only his Rin…

…if she chose to hear it. If she wanted to know despite the fact that she might leave him for it…

"Mine…" he whispered to himself.

She chose him, despite everything she had seen…

The ugliness of himself washed with other's blood, but could she still accept him as he had been rejected before, he wondered.

As he came to the northern lands, he stopped out of the main village as the youkai started whispering. Quietly, but as elegant as ever, Sesshomaru walked forward with that mysterious aura that always followed him.

The beauty of his face wasn't unnoticed and some people blushed, both men and women.

The admiration didn't last for long as some began to whisper about him, Rin, and what would happen to their rule.

Jaken just walked with his head up not really paying attention to anyone or anything. He was just sick of the crap that anyone would say about his master.

If it had been Rin…he shuddered.

That one time when she heard one slanderous remark got her so mad she gave such an icy look to the culprit that she was feared by that particular village's inhabitants.

Jaken recalled it well and he sweatdropped even now about it.

When they went to Merodi's main house, she laughed as Sesshomaru stood in front of her without any respect as to bow or any of those formalities, even if he was above her.

"Stop this immediately," he simply told her.

"But why?" She stood up and smiled deviously at him with her fan in her hand ready to hide half of her face.

She then clapped her hands. "Get the map at once."

A map was brought in and she pointed to it with her fan. "You see this? This is what is left to be conquered."

Sesshomaru kept himself silence though his eyebrow rose a bit.

"But you haven't touched the south yet? I am surprised," he commented as Merodi crossed her arms. "Don't get too overconfident. This whole thing is ridiculous."

"You're one to talk, my Sesshomaru."

He spat on the ground. "Don't you ever refer to me that way."

Appalled once more, her blood was boiling as she tore the map with her bare hand. "I will get everything. Everything that was yours was supposed to be mine!"

Sesshomaru then smirked. "I never promised you a rose garden."

At that point, Merodi laughed loudly. "I don't see you doing anything to stop this. You must have known for some time I was planning this. Knowing how you are."

Jaken looked at both of them and gave her the evil eye wanting to kill her for Rin.

"Unlike you, I don't need an army." He then turned around and started to walk out. "Now that I have utterly wasted my time, I shall now leave."

"Seth…" Merodi held out her hand to his shoulder. "I want to see Seth. I missed him loving me."

Sesshomaru turned his face towards her in disgust.

"I wonder how your little girl will react when she finds out." She smiled at him widely as she playfully added, "Ah, no one else will love you so much as I ever will."

Then, she took out her hand. "Don't worry, I will win you fair and square, Sesshomaru."

At that moment, she wrapped her arms around his shoulder while whispering into his ear, "One day you will realize you were wrong because of your stubbornness. Your worst fear will be fulfilled once more. Her love will turn to bitter hate for you."

He violently pushed her arms away as he threatened, "You are now the devil's prey. Wait and your prayer for death will soon be granted."

Nodding with a simple, icy smile, he left with Jaken lifting his chin to say "Hmph. Serves you right."

Merodi stood there looking after them as if she were stunned.

With a smile developing on her face, she licked her lips. "How I love that man!" she shouted inside of her mind.

His hate only enticed her more…

More for the coming of Seth…

"Come back to me, Seth," she said to herself while pulling out from her black kimono a necklace made from the eye of a dragon.

--

Already in the middle of her fifth month, Rin was still as genki as ever helping whenever she needed as if she wasn't pregnant at all.

"My child has Sesshomaru's and my blood," she laughed while smiling widely and proudly at Kinnosuke. "I'm telling you I'm fine, Kinnosuke!"

"You shouldn't move so much, woman," Kinnosuke said as he helped Rin to get to her room after going through security rounds before hitting the sack.

Rin shook her head as she wiped the sweat from her brow with the back of her hand. "Please, you don't have to treat me like an old woman," she laughed again.

"I must be as strong as I can until he comes back…" she thought to herself as she found her hand pulling out the whistle from her pocket with Kinnosuke looking at it with an understanding expression.

"All we can do is wait," he told her as she sat down on the floor.

"There is something wrong. It's too quiet right now," she whispered to him as she warmed herself at the fire before them. "That's why I can't be here just waiting."

"Relax for a moment." Kinnosuke sighed. "I understand what you're trying to tell me, but all we can do _is_ wait."

But there was a stirring within her stomach. As she patted it, she began to say, "It's all right. Do not worry."

Except, the baby knew something…

It was telling her something was going to happen soon…

As she went to sleep that night, she prayed to God that her beloved was safe as well as Jaken…

That 'something' did happen.

As Sesshomaru went from place to place trying to suppress the youkai groups that were making trouble at multiple parts of the country, Jaken kept on coming back with news about his master along with 'gifts' to spoil her.

"I told him to get you this because in my village they said that this would be good for the child," he told her as he handed her a strange looking drink, unlike anything he had ever given to her before.

She sipped it with a smile while bowing her head. "Jaken, how long do you think this will last?"

He shook his head. "I do not know. It shouldn't last for too long though."

At that moment, he patted her shoulder as a look of worry came across her face. "Do not worry."

"But he's doing this all by himself…" She shook her head with her eyes closed.

"Because he can," Jaken answered with much assurance. "He will call for backup when it's needed, if the emergency arises."

She then smiled again and joked, "Tell him that the child likes music so he should give me an instrument to learn to play."

Jaken shook his head with his eyes in swirls. "If you give him that idea, you know how he'll take it."

Laughing, she nodded happily thinking about the time that some crow had somehow eaten the little food that Rin had kept hidden in a pouch while she was sleeping. "That crow, remember? The one that ate my food when I was nine?"

"The dead crow," Jaken answered with a deadpan expression.

And that was the end of that conversation.

It never failed to amaze him how Rin's strangeness was her charm. That no matter how off the wall some things were, she would always smile as if it were truly amusing and normal at the same time.

But, it equally amazed him how easily she could smile for both he and Sesshomaru, showing how happy she was just being with them…

Never really asking for anything but that.

As she was about to fall asleep and Jaken about to leave, Jaken patted Rin's head. "Annoying as you are, I can't imagine life without you, brat."

Rin smiled as she patted Jaken's hand. "Same here."

Jaken sat back down as Rin asked, "I thought you were leaving."

He gave her a solemn look while asking bluntly, "Rin, will you be honest with me about the two questions I will ask you?"

"Yes, Jaken?" She blinked at him innocently.

"Have you ever heard about someone called Seth?" His heart pounded remembering Sesshomaru's clear warning never to mention this to Rin.

"It is not the time to ask or tell her," Sesshomaru had said with a slightly soft look as the moon above them shined brightly.

"Why?" he had asked.

"Because hell will break loose…" He then looked at Jaken and answered, "For me, Jaken. From me…"

Jaken didn't ask anything further, but he didn't understand the answer either.

"No. Should I know who this person is?" she asked while looking at him curiously.

He shook his head and deep inside of himself, he was sighing in relief. Why? He had no idea, but he was glad she had heard nothing.

"What's your other question, Jaken?"

"Rin…" he then patted her hand. "…you don't know many things about us and Sesshomaru-sama isn't one to explain things. You know that."

She nodded slowly trying to comprehend what he was trying to say to her.

Mature as she was for her age, she was still protected by Sesshomaru, and ages of experiences away from both of them.

How should he put this?

"There are many things we don't want to share, or that we can't share." He then took his hands away. "Can you live with the way things are? I will be able to tell you about myself someday, but we cannot say for Sesshomaru-sama."

With even more serious eyes, he asked her, "Will you be able to accept this from Sesshomaru-sama? That everything from his past might always be a mystery to you and he might not ever give you these answers?"

Shaking his head, he bowed in apology. "I'm sorry to ask this of you, Rin, but I don't want you to be unhappy nor Sesshomaru-sama."

Rin then smiled at him and was about to answer, but then he shook his head. "Think about it, Rin."

At that, he didn't ask anymore as he left her in the middle of the night. Rin looked at the door long after he had left her.

She had wanted to answer a simple 'yes'. That no matter what, she would accept it.

But something tugged on her heart. Turning over and looking at the ceiling with one arm resting on her forehead, she whispered to herself, "Why did you ask me this question, Jaken?"

Was it his own doubts? Or did he know something particular that he wasn't telling her at all?

She wanted to answer yes and she would accept whatever the consequences, but deep inside, she wanted to know.

"Sesshomaru," she sighed while her eyes blinking. "I want to know…honestly, I want to know so that I know that you truly trust me."

I want to know of your happiness…

I want to know of your sadness…

I want to see the heart you've kept so far away from me.

That was the painful thing she could never tell him.

Tsuzuku…

--

Author's note: Voila! Another chapter. ^_^ Sorry it's been a long time, but I didn't know how to situate everything, but now, it's coming all together. That and the fact that graduation, moving, and AX were/are happening all at the same time! * wimper, wimper *

I've been making one shots and thought that today maybe I should write for one of the 'in progress' multi-chaps (which are now up to 14). Aiya.

For this chapter, I wanted Rin to say 'yes', but also see that deep inside, there was an even longer and harder reply to admit to herself. ^____^ And, we're moving along!