SOMETHING TO SLEEP TO
A/N: Okay, now I feel like the epitome of stupidity… I was on hiatus for forever because I couldn't bring myself to write a chapter using Drop in the Ocean because I didn't like the song (true fact, I wasn't just lazy! I promise!), but here I am, using another song from The Spirit Room! *sigh*
I've been obsessed with Michelle Branch for the past week or so, ever since I got her new album so I guess you could thank her if you wanted me to get up off my ass and start writing again. Did you know she was Dutch-Indonesian mixed with French and Irish? I think that's so cool – epitome of ethnicity! Go Michelle (or Meesh as she's known)!
Anyway, I've basically got it all planned out now… I had it all planned out before but now I have permission to work with Hotel Paper as well which is really good! After this chapter, you might want to go back and read Goodbye to You again because that's when it takes place, at least I think so. If not, it'll be the chapter after this.
Anyway, I guess you'd want to read the story since you've been waiting about six months for it! Here we go, finally another chapter of Amor Omnia Vincit!
Disclaimer: I don't even know why I bother with these things anymore… everyone knows that I am not Michelle Branch or J.K. Rowling. Just in case you wanted to know, I am as musically un-intellectual as anyone can possibly be…
~*~
Hermione sat in shock, her eyes wide open in disbelief and her jaw dropped.
"What?" she whispered, her voice cracking on the one word.
Draco swallowed, he could hear his heart pounding in his chest, the butterflies in his tummy. A hot flush rose to his cheeks and he cursed himself for saying it. "I love you." He repeated on demand, wishing he could just sink into the floor.
Hermione closed her eyes and tried to absorb it. She hadn't been dreaming – he had said he loved her. Oh, God… and now he was waiting to hear what she had to say. She opened her eyes and saw Draco, cheeks as pink as they could get, with his head turned away from her in… was it embarrassment? Was he embarrassed of what he felt?
First, she had to give him an answer. Did she love him? She couldn't just say it if she didn't mean it. That'd be awful, both for him and her. He was being led on and she was lying to her feelings.
The seconds ticked by as Hermione deliberated over how she felt and each second seemed an eternity for Draco.
Why couldn't she just say something?
The seconds became minutes ever so slowly and Draco finally stood up. Hermione paid no attention, still lost in her thoughts. Draco could still feel his heart, the pounding a little quieter, the speed a little slower but he could feel it starting to break.
"I'd better go." He whispered, his voice cracking more as each syllable escaped his lips. Hermione was suddenly pulled from her reverie as Draco slowly walked towards the door.
"What? I'm sorry, I wasn't listening…" Hermione got up as well and walked towards Draco, quickly narrowing the distance between them. However, in his heart, Draco felt miles and miles away from her. He was beneath her.
"I'm leaving." He said, his voice under control for the first time since he said those words – those awful words.
Hermione remained silent and Draco opened the door and got a foot outside before Hermione called out to him.
"Wait!" Draco stopped in his tracks and turned around to face her. "I-" she started but she couldn't finish. Could she lie to him? "I-" Draco's eyes widened and she realised she'd have to finish.
"I love you, too."
She's his yellow brick road
Leading him on
And letting him go as far as she lets him go
Going down to nowhere
~*~
Hermione groggily opened her eyes the next morning. Even though the sunlight was anything but unpleasant to her, she closed them and rolled over again, trying to get back to sleep. Or back to her thoughts at least, where her roommates couldn't intrude.
God, she was stupid. She had never felt so dumb or so guilty in her whole life. Draco had confided his innermost feelings to her, something she knew was a huge step for her and went against anything he had previously believed in, and what had she done? Lied to him through her teeth. Of all things she owed to him, it was the truth.
She could hear her roommates stirring. They'd be up in half an hour at least and even though she had the reputation of being the earliest riser in the dormitory to keep up, she couldn't be bothered caring right now.
She felt awful, there was pit in her stomach that kept getting bigger and bigger, just like her guilt. She felt as if she had her own personal Dementor following her around and it was sucking up her feelings while she was powerless to stop it.
She never wanted to leave this room.
~*~
She plodded slowly behind Harry and Ron who were having a very enthusiastic Quidditch discussion. So enthusiastic, it seemed to her like they were making up for the misery they were about to have in their Potions class.
Ha, nothing compared to her misery. She'd have to face Draco and pretend that everything was all right, pretend that they were both on equal ground when it came to feelings.
She watched as Harry and Ron entered the dungeon in front of her and she paused before the door.
'Everything is going to be okay.'
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and stepped inside the cold, stone room in one smooth motion. She released it slowly and nodded to herself. This wasn't so bad…
She opened her eyes and the first person her eyes landed on was Draco. He was sitting alone in the second row, already looking at her, a slight smile on his lips. She forced herself to smile back.
Oh, God, what had she done?
Why was she still doing it?
She puts on her make-up
The same way she did yesterday
Hoping everything's the same
But everything has changed
~*~
The butterflies in his tummy went away with her words as soon as he heard them. His heart was still beating as quickly but not in fear. No, he was reassured, she felt the same way he did, surely that was something to celebrate!
He slept rather easily that night, the complete opposite of Hermione, glad to get that moment out of the way. It always seemed to be a turning point in a couple's relationship. For God's sake, it even had a title.
The three dreaded words.
At least for guys. They weren't part of the sentimental part of the species after all, and any who were, were called gay. Or a Sensitive New Age Guy which appeared to mean the same thing as gay.
Why was it that women loved gay guys anyway?
He was getting off topic. After all, Hermione wasn't crazy for a SNAG. Otherwise why would she be with him? Draco cringed when he heard rumours around the school that he was gay. His father even said he could believe it.
Well, he sure wasn't. He had Hermione.
She stayed in his thoughts all day, he was dying to see her, to touch her again. Potions. His favourite class anyway was made that little bit better by the promise of being alone with Hermione.
His head was in the clouds until then, even Crabbe and Goyle were more on the ball than he was, and that was saying something!
Finally it came, he sat somewhere other than his normal seat. He sat right where Hermione would see him. He'd be the first person she'd lay her eyes on. Their eyes would meet, then they'd fall into each other's arms and…
He shook his head and he heard the dungeon door being opened. Potter and Weasley. Well, Hermione couldn't be far behind now, could she?
No, he could see her, hesitating before she came into the room. Draco's mouth was already pulled into a smile, even before she opened her eyes. Just like he had imagined, their eyes met but instead of falling into his arms, she simply smiled back and walked away. He frowned and turned to watch her make her way towards her friends.
Was it just him, or was her smile a little forced?
In my mind
Everything we did was right
Open your eyes, I'll still be by your side
How could I ever have been so blind?
You give me something to sleep to at night
~*~
"Get into your pairs now." Professor Snape said out of habit and sat down, put his chin in his hand and proceeded to look as bored as humanly possible.
Hermione made her way towards Draco, not before Harry and Ron wished her luck and gave her sympathetic looks, and sat down next to him. They were alone, everyone else was sitting in the vicinity of another. They weren't taking the assignment seriously – this was a good time to socialise.
"Hey." She whispered softly as she sat down. Draco could barely even manage a smile before sinking back into his own thoughts. She pulled out a spare piece of parchment and began to doodle. They had sunken into silences before but this one was far from comfortable.
It was awkward, there was hostility between the two that had only been felt before they started dating. Back then, however, it was somewhat expected which made it that much less awkward and more like a ritual.
But now…
"Hermione…" Draco began and she titled her head towards him curiously. "Last night…" he started again. She let out a sigh, one which, unfortunately for her, Draco heard. He knew this wasn't a normal reaction. "Did you take me seriously?"
She gasped. Had it been a joke? Part of her was relieved, the other angry. At least now she didn't have to feel guilty for lying to him but what made him think he could toy with her emotions like that?
"Were you?" she asked, trying verify her assumptions.
"Very." He said and quickly turned his head away from her. Okay, now the anger and relief was gone. Her guilt washed over her again and it seemed even stronger than before, if that was even possible. She could see how serious he was.
She had always thought that he was closed off but now… she couldn't remember the last time she saw someone so easy to read, he was just like a book and she could read even one with the most difficult vocabulary easily. He was open, too open, vulnerable.
He turned to face her again, his grey eyes were sad and Hermione could feel a sudden onslaught of tears coming. "Were you?"
She blinked, caught off guard. "What?" was the only word she could manage.
"Were you serious about it?" he repeated.
Now was her chance, to tell him the truth. However, her heart and her mind refused to function properly together. It was just like from one of those trashy romance novels Lavender and Parvati read sometimes. She almost burst into tears as a single word escaped from her mouth without her permission.
"Yes."
He wakes up to the sound
So scared that she's leaving
He wishes she were still asleep next to him
Hoping she will change
~*~
She felt like burying herself underneath the sheets, pulling the covers over her head and never show her face again. God, for the smartest witch in their year she was pretty stupid. She had been given the opportunity to fix her mistake of faked emotions and she turned it down. And now Draco… poor Draco was really under the assumption that she truly loved him.
Hermione pushed the covers down that were covering her head and sighed as she sat up. To be absolutely honest to herself, she didn't know what she felt for Draco. It seemed their history had tainted a part of their relationship and that would never ever go away.
Hermione could suddenly hear all his insults running through her head. All the names he had called her – not just her, Ron and Harry as well. She supposed she hadn't made things much better by retaliating and slapping him in their third year but she had obviously been provoked. It wasn't normal for Hermione to do something like that under normal circumstances.
She tilted her head up to the canopy of her four poster bed, the rich scarlet material seemed duller with the numbed sense of emotions she was feeling. What did she feel for Draco? Could she ever love him?
How could she ever truly love her old enemy, one who tried to make her life as much of a living hell as was humanly possible for him? Could she love someone who hated her friends – who her friends hated? Could they defy the unspoken boundaries of Hogwarts, holding back Gryffindor-Slytherin relationships?
How could she possibly overcome so many prejudices, and many more, with something she didn't even know would work out? For God's sake, she didn't even know how she truly felt about it. About him.
She had lied so much to cover their tracks, could she live her life as a lie? Could she continue to deceive all those she held dear for someone who had the reputation of being a player? How could she be certain that he wouldn't run off with some random floozy? How could she be sure that he even knew how he truly felt?
The questions, the endless amount of questions flooded through her head. It was as if a dam that had been holding them back for the past couple of months had suddenly collapsed and the elated feelings she ha previously felt had disappeared underneath a river of doubt.
She had to be honest to herself, to Draco. It was time to face up to the truth, painful as it was.
In my mind
Everything we did was right
Open your eyes, I'll still be by your side
How could I ever have been so blind?
You give me something to sleep to at night
~*~
Even if she said she loved him, a tiny seed of doubt kept telling him she was lying. Well, maybe not lying – she was confused and simply said what she knew he wanted to hear. Draco was simply wandering around the school. It was as if it made up for his brain which seemed frozen with emotion, but moving with confusion and doubt.
He had so much on the line with this relationship, if it managed to get past this. It could mean shunning by his housemates, shunning by his family, everyone could turn his back on him just because he chose to be in love with a Muggleborn witch.
Scratch that, if he had his choice, he would still hate her. Of course, that was virtually impossible now.
For Hermione, he knew she had a lot on the line as well. Sure, her parents wouldn't care but Potter… and all the Weasleys would certainly treat her with more of a closed mind. They might even think she'd be a spy for Voldemort. Draco almost laughed at the thought.
Even though he knew how much he loved her, deep down he knew that there would be a heart-wrenching moment of truth. When everyone who mattered would uncover their romance, when those who didn't matter would gossip anyway. It would be a Hogwarts' scandal – a Pureblooded Slytherin and a Mudblooded Gryffindor.
Draco suddenly realised that it was rather dark outside. He sighed and turned around, heading back to his dormitory to get some sleep. He lay down on his bed after bidding his friends goodnight, and fell into a fitful sleep.
You give me something to sleep to
And all I know is
You give me something to dream to
When I'm all alone and blue
~*~
Draco seemed to be on the Quidditch pitch – what was he doing here? Then he caught sight of a spot of red and gold and another of green and silver on the other side of the field. His view of it suddenly became much clearer and he could even make out faces.
There was Potter, Weasley, the other two, Wood, him and… Hermione.
He couldn't hear what they were all saying but he could recall it from memory. This was when the Gryffindor team had found out that he was the new Slytherin Seeker and showed off their brand new Nimbus 2001s.
All at once, it was like someone had turned off the mute button on the scene in front of him and he could hear the voices, all strong and clear.
"At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in. They got in on pure talent."
Yes, Draco could definitely remember now. Then he heard his second year self snap back venomously, "No one asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood."
The scene blurred and he was suddenly at another. They kept coming, little tidbits in their four and a half years together when they couldn't stand each other. Little exchanges in the hallway, in the classroom, on the grounds. It seemed they never stopped.
How could he have fallen in love with her?
"Look at him blubber!" he heard his voice and he snapped his attention back to the scene in front of him. He, Crabbe and Goyle were on the grounds and laughing at Hagrid's form that was walking away. He also saw Potter, Weasley and Hermione nearby.
"Have you ever seen anything quite as pathetic? And he's supposed to be our teacher!"
As he remembered how Hermione had slapped him in the face that day, a millisecond later, it happened right in front of his eyes again. He could feel a dull throb on his cheek, as if it remembered how much it hurt as well.
"Don't you dare call Hagrid pathetic, you foul – you evil-"
Was that what she had thought of him? He never really listened to her opinions before and before he even had a chance to ponder, he felt his body somehow speeding up. It was like a Portkey in a dream and he was brought back to the beginning again.
'What the hell's happening?'
He watched everything again, all those spiteful moments in passing but there was something different this time. He could hear his voice quietly over the scenes. Someone had muted them and had his voiceover.
Don't leave me now
He called her a Mudblood but he couldn't hear it. He could only hear his voice, a desperate tone in it – one he couldn't really remember.
Don't leave me now
He watched as he tripped her over in the hallway, her books tumbling out of her arms.
Don't leave me now
He watched as he pushed her roughly against the wall of the library and take the book she was hugging to her chest.
Don't leave me now
He watched as he whispered 'Mudblood' to her during class and watched as the tears began to well up in her eyes.
Don't leave me now
He watched as she slapped him across the face outside the school in their third year.
Don't leave me now
He watched as he accidentally hit her with a spell that enlarged her teeth and watched as he laughed and she began to cry.
Don't leave me now
He watched as she laughed at him after Moody had turned him into a ferret.
Don't leave me now
Then a new scene came up. He was facing Hermione in a classroom and she was crying.
"Please tell me it isn't over." He begged her.
Draco opened his eyes and watched as the ground came closer to his face. He grunted as he fell from the bed, his legs tangled in his sheets.
He quickly pulled himself back up onto the bed and tried to slow his breathing and heart rate.
What did the dream mean? Was it a sign?
In my mind
Everything we did was right
Open your eyes, I'll still be by your side
How could I ever have been so blind?
You give me something to sleep to
Something to sleep to
Something to sleep to at night
~*~
Hermione woke up the same way after having the same dream as Draco. However, unlike Draco, she came to her own conclusion about it and, this time, she was going to do it right.
She was going to tell the truth even if it killed her.
She ran around Hogwarts trying to find Draco and finally she saw him outside by the lake. She rushed out and hurried towards him. He looked up, surprised, when he saw her running.
"What is it? What's the matter?" he asked urgently. She shook her head to silence him.
"Nothing. I need to talk to you."
He swung his arm around and asked, "How about now?"
"Not here." She said firmly. "Meet me tonight. Ten o'clock. You know where." She finish just as firmly and walked away, leaving a bewildered Draco behind.
~*~
A/N: Okay, I hope that was okay. I hope you can see where this is going. Goodbye to You will be the chapter after this so you should probably go back and read that just in case. I'm sorry if some facts don't add up, I wrote that fairly early last year so I can't remember what really happened and I couldn't really be bothered to check. Sorry!
Anyway, I'll reply to some reviews now:
axisangel: LOL, short but sweet! Thank you so much for the review and adding me to your faves list!
girldevil: You're relatively lucky, you didn't have to wait six months for an update. I promise the next one won't be as long!
Ely-Baby: I'm so sorry it took so long, I really mean it when I say it won't take as long for the next chapter. I'm on and HP fanfiction and a Michelle Branch obsession right now so that should help! Thanks for adding this to your faves as well!
Mizneep: LOL, you changed your name and I couldn't tell who you were until you sent me that email! Thanks for giving me permission to work with Hotel Paper, I really need some of the songs to help the story along.
Diaz: Thanks for the compliment! Also, thanks for clearing up what fanon and canon were. Who do you think is the canon couple involving Harry?
Tizzy Dizzy Spizzy: Yeah, I did change my name last year. First I was Leprechaun Lover, then Elmo and then AcidAngelTears.
Midnight Blue: I love your name! My favourite Japanese song is called Midnight Blue!
reign of chaos: I think you speak for a lot of people when you say what you said!
Miranda: Yeah, I love playing with people's emotions – I love angst!
clare: LOL, sorry, honey, more than a month and you don't even read fics anymore! Oh well, I'll just shove you in here, just in case you decide you will one day!
tommygurl: Yeah, amor omnia vincit and amor vincit omnia mean the same thing. I'm planning to do Latin next year which will probably kill me…
Thanks also to Sweetly Seductive, Starburst, Evslin, Funky Slayer, LegolasLover, snoopy, Queen of Blahiness, Dreamer, Soledad, gumby, bubby, Melamin, Unicorn Baby, Red Dragon, A*n*G*e*L, CynicalBabe, Raven, Psychotic Gypsy, polaroid, oliver, butterfingers, make it happen, brother, Colours of Fall, Melian Nilromen, Dracorulz.
I really promise that the next chapter will be up much faster than before. Let me see if this works because other authors say it does… when I get to… 270 reviews, I'll update. And if I don't get there within a month, I'll update anyway. Unless I haven't written it… well, it'll be less than six months, I promise!
Anyway, please please please review, I love them and you guys so much, especially if you're still reading this after such a drought! Email updates, ask. I suppose at times like these, it's good to have them, eh? Anyway, thanks again, guys!
Le gra go deo,
Cindy
