Sorry it took so long everybody. I've been really busy lately. I hope you didn't think I'd abandoned you, because I haven't.

Alright, I think I like this chapter 21 better. This was a hard chapter to write. I feel there's so much going on with both of these characters I can't put it all into words. Thank you, BritishBabe, for your suggestions. I've taken them into consideration and you will definitely see some of them either here or in future chapters.

My dear friend Slingblade - If you really would like to read my first chapter 21, as well. Just email me and I can send it to you. Merrymime

R - For, well, do I really need to tell you?

Chapter 21 - Don't Worry

Mmm, Mark.

For literally a brief second in time Elizabeth found herself in that state right when you first wake up. You know that state. That moment when you've woken, but you're not quite sure where you are or what time it is or what day it is and it takes a moment to figure it out. In fact, sometimes due to a dream or a memory, you find yourself thinking you're someplace you're not...or thinking you're with someone you're not.

Elizabeth had this moment and for only a second, things were back the way they should have been...she was at home and in bed with Mark. But, this second passed fleetingly and when it was over she was wide-awake, for she jolted awake to the realization that she wasn't with Mark. Mark was dead. She was in Robert's house and Robert's bed laying naked on her back with Robert asleep beside her.

She just stared at the ceiling with her arms above the covers. Robert was very close. He was on his side with his arm wrapped tightly around her. He had also wrapped his leg around both of hers and his nose and lips were against her shoulder. She could feel his breath against her skin.

She noticed the fresh light coming in through the window so she could see around the room clearly. She turned to look at Robert. He was fast asleep. He wasn't snoring and his mouth wasn't hanging open or anything disgusting like that. He looked peaceful and content. Funny how everyone pretty much looks the same when they're sleep. Oh, sure. Some people sleep with their mouths hanging open and drool running down their cheeks; while others perhaps snore. Still others tend to sleep on their backs or maybe on their sides or perhaps their stomachs. Some people talk in their sleep. But, for the most part, everyone looks the same. You can tell absolutely nothing about one's personality by the way he or she sleeps. That person could be the nicest person in the world. Maybe they take orphans to baseball games once a month. Maybe they feed the birds in the park. Maybe they ride a bike to stay fit. Or on the other hand, maybe they throw stones at the ducks in the pond. Maybe they get miserably drunk every Saturday night and make prank phone calls. Maybe they talk down to people at work, call people names and make everyone around them feel about an inch high. When someone's asleep they could be anybody. They all look the same: peaceful and at ease with life. Odd thoughts. Odd thoughts indeed.

Elizabeth turned her face the other way in order to check the clock on the nightstand. It read 7:41 am. She had to go to the bathroom. But, she didn't really want to wake Robert right now. She wanted to be alone with her thoughts. She was a little confused right now due to the fact she automatically thought of Mark when she woke. True, this was the first time she'd slept with someone since Mark died, but that was long ago. Wasn't she over it by now? She'd thought she'd been, but now she wasn't so sure.

She slowly pulled her legs away from Robert and he got the hint. He released her legs from his own without waking. Then she slowly tried to slide away from under his arm. He moved his arm and shifted to his back, but he still showed no signs of really waking. Elizabeth let out a small sigh of relief as she sat up on the bed reaching for her underwear on the floor.

Robert did wake. But, he did not open his eyes. He just shifted to his back as she moved away from him. Suddenly a great fear rose up inside of him like a wave. He did not let this fear show outwardly, but it woke him completely. This was it. She was leaving. She would regret this evening for the rest of her life and she wouldn't even say good-bye. She was just going to leave and he'd never see her again. The agony of this swept over him stronger than he thought he could bear.

He didn't budge. Inside he wanted to suddenly jerk awake, grab her arm and plead with her to stay. He wanted to tell her how he'd do anything for her. He'd do whatever she wanted; whatever she needed from him. He fought the urge to leap up and proclaim how much he loved her more than anything else in the world. But, he merely pretended to be asleep.

He opened his eyes ever so slightly to see her put on her underwear and then shake her hands through her hair. She was so lovely. Next, she would grab her slacks or her bra...but she didn't. Robert opened his eyes a little bit more as she stood up and grabbed not her slacks, not her bra, but his shirt off the floor. She put it on. Her own blouse, of course, was downstairs on the kitchen floor. Robert was not a tall man so his shirt didn't really cover her completely. Small parts of her underwear could still be seen past the bottom of the shirt. Robert, of course, noticed every little detail of this sort. Elizabeth walked into the bathroom. This subsided Robert's fears a bit. Since she put on his shirt, the chances of her leaving seemed minimal to him.

After leaving the bathroom, Elizabeth proceeded to go downstairs to fetch her blouse. Once she reached the living room, however, a great feeling of curiosity hit her. She also wanted to get her mind off of Mark. She saw a desk sitting in the corner of the room. She sat at it, looked up at the stairs briefly to make sure he wasn't coming and opened the top drawer. She spotted nothing important really; typical things. There were pens, pencils, paper, rubber bands, stamps, etc. She found bills he hadn't paid, yet. And the due dates were getting kinda close.

She closed the drawer and opened another one. It seemed to be more of a junk drawer. It held batteries and cables; maps and duct tape; a hammer. But this drawer also contained a calculator and his checkbook. She looked up at the stairs again before picking up the checkbook. Just when she was about to open it, she heard a noise from upstairs and she jumped. She caught her breath and then slowly opened the book. It read about $8,400. This wasn't too bad considering. But, he wouldn't be able to live on that forever. She put the book back and closed the drawer. Just then, she felt guilty.

She got up and went to the kitchen to fetch her blouse, but once she got there she realized she was hungry. She walked over to the refrigerator and opened it. She wasn't going to take anything without his permission, but she just wanted to look. The memory of Robert coming up behind her last time she opened this fridge came back to her. She closed her eyes and closed the door. Memories of Mark came flooding back. She couldn't help it. She leaned in front of the sink with her eyes closed. What was she doing? This was wrong. This was all wrong. None of this was supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to be here. She was supposed to have lived with Mark and Ella. She was supposed to have been at home with them right now; waking up in her own bed in Mark's arms, not Robert's.

She thought back to her letter. Did she mean the things she said in it? She wasn't so sure anymore. She thought she cared for Robert, but now all she could think about was Mark. She was mad at him for leaving her here to make these types of decisions. How could he? It wasn't supposed to be like this.

As she was leaning on the sink, she couldn't help it. She began to cry. She hit the sink with her palm and sunk down to the floor. She sat there getting out a good cry. She hadn't cried like that for a while. Too much was going on around her too fast. She was afraid of making a mistake. She cupped her face in her hands and wept loudly.

"Elizabeth?"

She jerked up. He was standing at the doorway in shorts looking concerned. Elizabeth sniffled. Her eyes were bloodshot and her face was red. "I'm sorry," she said. "I..." But she couldn't finish before she started to cry again. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She didn't know what to do.

Robert came up close to her. He wasn't sure what was wrong with her and he wasn't sure of the right thing to do, but he knelt down on the floor and held her. She wrapped her arms around him and cried on his shoulder. She didn't want to think about whether it was right to be with Robert or not. She just wanted to be comforted. Her tears were hot against his chest.

"Should I be worried here?" he asked slow and confusedly.

"No, no," she whined into his chest. "I'm sorry. Damn."

He didn't say anything for a while and just kissed her forehead, but then added, "You'll be fine."

She didn't respond, but she slowly stopped crying and sunk her face even deeper into his chest. He lifted her chin to look at her. He smiled and kissed her lips gently and lovingly. Her lips were wet and salty with tears, but he didn't care. She kissed him back and in that moment, Robert wanted more than anything to tell her how much he loved her. But, he was scared to.

While he was kissing her, the silence was broken by Elizabeth's stomach growling loudly. Robert stopped and smiled against her lips. "Are you hungry?" he asked seductively.

"Maybe," replied Elizabeth equally as seductive, grateful she could get things back to being light.

"Here." He stood up and then helped her up. As he did this she moved herself close up against him. She was hungry for food, yes, but she was too emotional right now to eat. She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed him. She still wasn't sure if she was doing the right thing, of course. But, she couldn't help it. He was right there in front of her and she couldn't resist. She was very much attracted him. There was no mistake in that.

"I don't wanna eat," she said to him.

"Okay."

Just then, they sort of made their way to the living room couch awkwardly while kissing each other. They plopped down and Robert started unbuttoning his shirt, which was on her. As he got it all unbuttoned, he began to kiss and kneed her breasts and stomach. She was reveling in this feeling when suddenly she got a new thought. She thought about it for a minute, though, before saying anything.

"Uh, Robert," she said finally. He began to kiss, lick and rub his hand along her thigh.

"What?" he asked without even looking up.

"Um, I'm not sure if we should do this again like this."

He stopped and looked at her shocked. "What?!"

She practically laughed and sat up bringing her face close to his. She contemplated a second before speaking, figuring out how to put it. She spoke to him slowly. "You know, I love my daughter. I love her more than anything. She means the world to me, Robert."

Robert glared at her confused and frustrated. "But...as much as I love Ella...I don't really want...another Ella."

The light dawned. "Oh," he said relieved and smiled. "Okay." He kissed her again and kissed her between every word he said next. "You...stay...Don't...move." After 'move,' he kissed her longer and harder, pushing her head against the couch. He subsequently leapt upstairs, taking them two or three at a time. Elizabeth just sat there.

Once Robert got up to his bathroom, he began opening drawers. He wasn't finding what he was looking for. He ran to his dresser and dug things out of it; practically throwing things on the floor. He found it. It was a small box and he turned it to open it. As he did, though, he spotted the expiration date. It read Mar. 1997. He sighed and walked down the stairs slowly and dejectedly. They looked at each other. She had wrapped his shirt back around her.

"I found them," he said weakly.

"Okay," she replied unsure of why he looked so sad.

"They're expired."

"Oh...well, how expired?" A little bit wouldn't mean that much.

"'97"

"Oh." She crinkled her forehead.

"I could go buy some more real quick," he offered, unsure of her response.

She thought. She shrugged. "Okay."

This surprised him. "Really?"

"Sure. I guess I can wait," she answered playfully. As long as things stayed playful with Elizabeth, she was okay. As long as she could keep things light, she was okay. As long as she didn't think about anything too emotional, she wouldn't cry or feel too strongly. It was her way.

"Okay," he said as he leaped back upstairs. She leaned back against the couch and closed her eyes trying to rest and not think about anything in particular. He raced back down quickly, completely dressed in T-shirt and slacks with his car keys in hand.

"Are you driving?" she asked.

"Yeah," he answered as he leaned down to kiss her before leaving.

"You still can?" she asked cautiously.

"In emergency situations."

"I see."

He kissed her again and her eyes were closed. "Don't leave," he said.

She kept her eyes closed and answered playfully, "Don't worry. I won't." She opened her eyes and her smile faded. He was staring at her face intently. He had been serious. His eyes were longing and loving. She looked down away from his eyes.

"Okay," he said and left quickly.

Just then she realized that his desire for her is what made her so nervous. That look in his eyes is what had made her tremble, coupled with the fact she hadn't made love to anyone since Mark. No one had ever looked at her like that before except him. He was so passionate. It was too intense and it made her uncomfortable. She didn't want to think about it. She laid back again and closed her eyes.

After a few minutes, the phone rang. It startled her and she jumped. Should she answer it or let the machine get it? After the fourth ring, she leaned over to the phone and saw the machine was off. Why did he have his answering machine off? She bent over and picked up the phone.

"Hello." There was no answer. "Hello?" she said again.

"Elizabeth?"

She froze. "Kerry?" she asked timidly.

"I'm sorry. Did I dial the wrong number?" asked Kerry slow and roughly while scanning her Rolodex to make sure she'd picked up the right card.

"Uh, no...no. You dialed right. Look, could you call back this afternoon, perhaps?"

"Uh, sure, sure," Kerry answered, pretending to be casual. There was a long, unnatural silence. There was tenseness in both their voices.

"Alright," said Elizabeth.

"Okay."

"Good-bye, Kerry," Elizabeth stated coldly.

Elizabeth realized it was Sunday. She had told Kerry on Friday that he'd better be back at work by Monday. Monday was now tomorrow.

After they hung up, Kerry sat in her office chair staring out into space in front of her. Her fists were clenched on the desk. She felt used and embarrassed. She was furious. Suddenly, she jerked in front of her and whacked at the lamp on the side of her desk. It flew across the room, colliding with the wall and shattering, before falling onto the soft carpet of the floor.

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As soon as Robert came back, he immediately made love to her on the living room couch. He didn't even go upstairs first. He zoomed directly to the love of his life. He ripped off his clothes and ripped off hers, too. Elizabeth tried to clear her brain from everything that wanted to distract her. She succeeded for the most part. She also avoided his eyes. This helped her and she stayed calm.

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A few hours later, Elizabeth was dressed in her own clothes. The clothes she had been wearing the day before. Robert walked her out to the front door.

"So when can I see you again?" he asked her plainly.

"Um...I don't know." She knew she'd see him tomorrow, but he didn't know that, yet. She was feeling guilty again. She was being dishonest. "I'll call you," she concluded.

"Yeah." He looked down agitated, like he didn't believe her.

She kissed him quickly and hugged him, smiling. "Don't worry. Everything's going to be fine."

Still hugging her, Robert crinkled his brow. Odd choice of words, he thought. She let go and walked away to catch the EL that would take her to pick up her daughter. He watched her leave thoughtfully, before she was completely out of sight.

A couple of hours later, the phone rang.