Fast Food Fiasco

By Secera Crystalfire

Note of the Authoress: Thanks so much to Verie, Genuine-sun, Misura, and Aranami for reviewing my debut! I really appreciate all of my wonderful reviewers! Here, have an imaginary cookie!

Everyone, if you review, YOU can have an imaginary cookie as well!

Disclaimer: I OWN WEISS KREUZ!!!!…in my dreams. In reality, I own very little, and Weiss Kreuz cannot honestly be listed as a possession of mine.

Now, on to the fic…

'Well, at least we made it out of the mall, and got most of the shopping done.' That was the only positive thought on Nagi Naoe's mind as Schwarz made their way through the rush hour traffic towards their apartment. Schuldich, driving, honked the horn and shouted profanities as a dark-colored car pulled out in front of him. Yes, the traffic was quite unfavorable today.

Nagi's stomach growled.

Crawford looked back at him from the passenger's seat with an evil smirk. He was feeling a slight bit malicious after the mall incident. "I told you to eat something this morning, didn't I?"

"Shut up. I had ice cream. It's just that having someone shoot at you kind of empties one's stomach." Nagi, obviously, was feeling a bit transgressed.

Crawford's eyes flared at the defiant remark, but Schuldich's shouting suddenly interrupted him before he could do anything.

"STAY AWAY FROM THE SEAT CUSHION WITH THAT KNIFE, FARFARELLO!!! THIS CAR WAS EXPENSIVE!"

But Schuldich was too late. Berserker's knife had already sliced a good-sized hole in the seat and was now in the midst of cutting away the seatbelt.

"Noooooo! My car!! Bradley, why didn't you See this?!!" Paying little attention to the task of driving, Schuldich just about rear-ended the car in front of him, swerved into a parking lot just in time, and slammed on the brakes, barely missing an elderly lady who was heading back to her car. A shriek emitted from the back seat of the car as one of Farfarello's knives bounced off the ceiling and embedded itself in the seat, millimeters away from Nagi's left ear.

"…fast…food……" Crawford squinted at the sign in the window of the building. He had lost his glasses during the swerve.

Nagi's stomach growled again as he sat rigidly upright, staring at the shiny silver knife with a terrorized expression.

Schuldich glanced back at the traffic-clogged street outside the parking lot. "No way we're gonna make it back out of here for a while."

Crawford sighed and looked up from trying to find his glasses. "Fine. I give."

"Y'know, Bradley, we don't have any money with us," One red-haired German smiled sweetly.

"I'll pay…"

"Great! Then let's go!"

*Inside the random fast food place*

The four Schwarz members walked through the doors to the scent of grease and other not-so-delectable foodstuff. There was an incredibly long line, but one look at Farfarello's finely polished collection of knives was all it took to clear the way. The cashier, a young man with scraggly brown hair, looked about ready to run himself, but instead took a deep and highly audible breath and looked down at his feet. "Hello, w-welcome. How c-can I h-help you t-t-today?"

"What's good here?" Crawford demanded imperiously, enjoying the fear that he was inspiring even without his glasses.

"Bradley? It's fast food," Schuldich said as if that explained everything.

"I want two cheeseburgers and a medium fries and lemonade," Nagi stated.

"I want a raw hamburger with raw bacon and green tomatoes and some uncooked fries," Farfarello added, thinking about how much this meal would hurt a certain divinity.

The cashier-guy looked up in surprise. "Raw, sir?"

Farfarello didn't reply; he just glared until the cashier guy (who was very near wetting his pants at this point) stammered out a "y-y-yes, s-sir," and ran off to find the manager.

"Hey! Bradley and I didn't get to order yet! We need to eat, too!"

"Forget it, Schuldich. We'll just…um… share some of their food," he nodded towards Nagi and Farfarello, "when the order comes."

"I'm not eating any raw hamburger!"

"Strange, I thought you'd like stuff like that," One vindictive American stated harshly.

"Bradley, that hurt."

In the meantime, a second cashier-guy had been inching forward with a tray of food. "Here is your order, sirs." He set the tray on the counter and fled.

"And we never even got to pay him…" Nagi sighed with false sadness.

"Just go sit down somewhere, I need to visit the men's room." Crawford walked off while the other members of Schwarz selected a table by the window. They quickly sorted out the food, Schuldich stealing one of Nagi's cheeseburgers. Farfarello removed the wrapper from his raw hamb—

*"AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" slap! "Ouch!" Creak. Slam! Run run run, slam!*

Nagi jumped in his seat. "What the—"

"Just our fearless leader, invading the lady's room." Schuldich smiled mercilessly. "Poor Bradley, without his glasses…"

A few minutes later, the Oracle walked out of the restroom into what he already knew was going to be an undesirable scene. However, precognition did have its uses, and he had prepared for just this moment…

"There you are, you @*&$#@0^#@& @%# !%%@^^ ~%!#@#! Scaring off all the customers and trying distract my employees from their job! You—"

Crawford cut off the manager's string of expletives with a calm but intimidating look. "I apologize for any inconvenience that my students my have caused for you."

"Students?!" The other three members of Schwarz cried in unison. Crawford sent them a warning glare.

"Yes, my students from, um…Kuro Kasai School for delinquent, er, students. You see, we were on a field trip today to, um, someplace, and needed to stop for food. And of course, we stopped here, because this is the best place for fast food in the whole city!"

The manager looked suspicious, but was obviously swayed by the compliment. He looked over at the 'students', who were nodding in agreement with Crawford, who had a very forced smile on his face. "Hai, I suppose you didn't really cause any damage…and (Schuldich had his eyes closed in concentration on the manager's thoughts) you're all too cuuuuuuuuuute to call the police on! You may go!" The manager had a silly grin on his face and a blank look in his eyes.

Nagi stifled a laugh as Schwarz walked out of the restaurant and got into their car…without paying.

Back in the restaurant, the manager suddenly awoke from a daze. Why was he just standing there in the middle of the floor? Deciding not to think about it, he turned and walked back towards the counter.

*Crash* The manager slipped and fell on his posterior. He looked around for the object that had caused him to fall…

'Why is there a raw hamburger on the floor?'

In the car, Schuldich suddenly laughed. The others looked at him strangely as he directed the car out into the traffic, which was much better now.

Note of the Authoress: I apologize that it took so long to update! I'm really sorry! You see, I just got Final Fantasy VII, and that's been taking up a lot of my time. OMG, Final Fantasy is the best game ever!!! If you've never played it, you should!! Anyway, I'd love for you to review! Pleeeaaassse?