Chapter Ten – The Story of Sirius

"How come they didn't see us walking up to the house?" asked Harry as they mounted the stairs to the front door of The Burrow.

"Maybe Molly's doing the cooking," said Sirius, grinning. "Then everyone's helping her."

"Or they've already given up hope." Harry knocked three times. "I'm so looking forward to seeing their faces!"

Sirius said nothing, but Harry noticed that his right foot was tapping nervously on the ground.

Finally, the door opened. Harry caught a glance at Fred, who had opened it, and whose jaw now dropped open.

"Harry... oh my God... Sirius!" Fred, for the first time since Harry knew him, was at a loss for words.

"That's my name," said Sirius when Fred kept opening and closing his mouth without uttering a word. "Nice to see you, George... no, wait a minute, you're Fred, right?"

Fred nodded and finally managed to speak.

"Oh my God," he said. "So Harry really managed to call that angel... MOM! DAD! GEORGE! REMUS! THEY'RE BACK!"

Both, Harry and Sirius, had jumped when Fred had so suddenly started to shout. One moment later, there was loud clatter back in the house - the rest of the Weasleys coming down the old wooden stairs, Harry supposed. Fred had pulled himself together and gave Harry a slap on the back.

"Well done," he said, beaming at him. Then he turned to Sirius and quite obviously did not know what to do or to say. He was just about to stretch out his hand and shake Sirius's when Ron and George came running and reached the door, closely followed by Bill, Hermione and Ginny. Arthur and Molly were behind, and Remus kept in the back.

Ron could not stop in time and bumped into Fred. He lost balance himself, and both the boys fell against Sirius, who quickly took hold of the door, lest he fall down himself. He laughed. A moment later, George also joined them. Sirius swept them all into a bear hug that made their heads go red. Harry stood beside him and just grinned. When Sirius released Ron and the twins, Ginny and Hermione flung themselves into his arms. Harry turned to Ron, who had come to him now.

"Man, you've caused quite a fuss here," said Ron, who could not stop grinning. "Look at Hermione, she's hyperventilating!"

"It's her right," said Harry. "You should have seen me when he came back. I behaved like a three-year-old."

"Of course you did," said Ron without further comment. "I don't know what I would behave like if I saw Dad again after he had been declared dead."

"Look at your mom," said Harry. He indicated Mrs Weasley, who was sobbing at Arthur's shoulder. Sirius was talking to Bill, but when Remus approached, he stopped talking and looked at his friend.

Harry could not hear what Remus said, but he saw tears in his eyes, and Sirius seemed to be struggling for his composure, too. Remus was still talking, but Sirius finally interrupted him by taking him firmly in his arms. Harry was moved by the scene, and to prevent himself from crying again, he quickly turned to Ron, who had also watched Sirius and Remus.

"That's friends, aren't they?" He said quietly.

Ron nodded.

Mrs Weasley spotted Harry and ran over to him. Still crying, she swept him into her arms and pressed him to her. "I knew you would save him," she whispered. "I just knew it... Harry, dear, you were wonderful!"

"Thanks, Mrs Weasley..." Harry felt slightly breathless.

"Call me Molly," said Mrs Weasley. She was calming down now. "I've been meaning to tell you for ages, Harry - I'm sick of that 'Mrs' all the time. You are like a son to me... it feels very odd to be called 'Mrs' by a son."

"Alright, Molly." Harry smiled. Mrs Weasley released him and went back to Arthur, Bill, Remus and Sirius.

Hermione and Ginny now joined Harry and Ron. Both were beaming.

"Oh Harry, isn't that wonderful?" said Hermione. "You really brought him back..." She jumped from one foot on the other and seemed unable to stand still for a second. "It's so wonderful," she repeated. "I could embrace the whole world. Even Malfoy."

"You'd better not," said Ron, looking grumpy.

"Don't worry, Ron," said Hermione and laughed. "He's not here, anyway. And I would think twice before I touched him voluntarily. I'm just so GLAD!"

She flung both arms around Ron. Ron automatically stretched his arm out and put it around her shoulders. He pulled her closer.

"Is Sirius going to tell us what happened to him?" asked Ginny. "Can he remember it at all?"

"Parts of it," said Harry. "He didn't want to believe me at first that three weeks had already passed."

"I hope he's really okay," said Ginny.

"Sure he is." Harry' thoughts wandered back to the conversation with Sirius on the way from the village to The Burrow. He had said that he wanted to tell everyone at once how he was feeling about them, so that he would never again have to regret not to have told something. Was there anything he wanted to tell his friends? Anything they did not know yet?

He looked at Ron and Hermione, who still stood very close together with their arms around each other. He doubted that they had themselves noticed what was going on between them. He looked away and caught Ginny's glance. She was smiling, and Harry smiled back.

"Come here, Ginny," he said without thinking and pulled her into an embrace. He felt Ginny cling to him and was surprised how right that felt. It was so different from Cho Chang. With Cho, Harry had always been nervous because he did not know what she expected from him. With Ginny, everything was easy. There was no need to get nervous. It just felt... right.

"Okay, kids, are you coming?" asked Sirius at that moment.

Harry blushed a little and released Ginny. Ron and Hermione did not blush but hastily let go of each other.

Sirius smiled. "I just thought you'd like to hear my story as well," he said. "Of course, if you have other things to do..."

"No!" The four had answered together, and Sirius jumped.

"No need to scream at me," he said. "So let's go to the kitchen then, shall we?"

The others followed him.

When they had all somehow managed to find a place at the table, all faces turned to Sirius.

Sirius looked at them. "It's difficult to find a beginning," he said.

Remus, who was sitting beside him, laid one hand on his arm, "Are you sure you can do it, Sirius?" He asked. "Telling us what happened when you died..."

"I didn't die," said Sirius. "Not exactly. And if I did, dying is not what we always thought it would be."

He cleared his throat. "Actually, there's not much to tell," he said musingly. "When Bellatrix hit me with her curse, I lost my balance and fell through the veil. It took me an age to fall; everything seemed to be in slow motion. I remember that I worried about hitting the ground - you see, I also thought I'd just go right through the veil and fall down on the stone floor on the other side of that archway. I suppose we all thought so."

Harry nodded. He remembered trying to look through the veil and spotting Sirius on the other side.

"The curse hadn't hurt me, but I thought I might break a bone or two, hitting the ground. But I never hit it."

Sirius paused for a moment and stared blankly at the wall. Then he continued.

"It was a very odd feeling. First I thought I must have gone k.o., for I just kept falling and falling, I don't know how deep. There was nothing around me, just darkness, no firm object that went past, showing me how fast I was falling.

"After what seemed like hours to me, I started wondering where I was going. I still didn't accept the thought that this was really happening, so I tried to influence the course of this supposed dream by telling myself, 'Wake up, Sirius, this is stupid. There's a battle going on, and there are people you love who are involved in it.' It didn't work.

"After a while I heard voices. I was relieved at first, for I thought I was now waking up, but I was still falling through darkness. I couldn't see anything, not even my own body. And then, when I wanted to pinch myself to check if this was happening or not, I couldn't even feel my body. There was nothing. I got scared then, for I didn't know where I would end up.

"The voices drew nearer, however, and I started listening harder to them. I couldn't distinguish between them, but they were definitely louder than before. It seemed like I was heading in their direction. And then I started worrying if these people would be able too see me in that darkness... moreover, if my body had gone, I'd be practically invisible. I then struggled to catch my fall, and to my surprise, it worked. I was falling slower and slower, until I kind of hovered in the air. I tried to move in a certain direction, and that worked as well. It was like walking in space, but without a body. My brain kept ordering my legs to walk, and I really moved, but there was nothing to walk with. This is what it must feel like to be a ghost, or at least something similar. At least a ghost can still see his limbs. I couldn't. It was then that it occurred to me that I might not be dreaming.

"I read about astral projection, that is, the ability to leave your own body, and I thought that this might be something like that - that I'd somehow managed to leave my body without intending it. I tried to move back into the direction I had come from, for I thought, if I just went back the same way, I'd find my body and get back into it. But my sense of direction had completely vanished. I didn't know anymore where I'd come from; there was no right or left or up or down. Just nothingness.

"After I'd struggled for another few hours, I gave it a break to think. The voices had eluded again, and I decided to follow them. If I couldn't get back, I'd at least find someone else who might tell me what happened. But after I had searched for what seemed to last an eternity, and still hadn't found anyone, I paused again. I was neither tired nor hungry, but I felt very ill at ease. I started worrying if I was ever to get back at all."

Sirius paused again and looked around at the table. Everyone was listening with eager faces. Hermione's mouth stood a little open, Ginny's eyes were as wide as saucers, and Ron's hand lingered in the air, as if he had been about to scratch his nose and then forgotten to complete the move. Harry returned Sirius's gaze and thought he saw a very little smile in the corners of his godfather's mouth, sad and heartbreaking. When Sirius started speaking again, his voice sounded hoarse.

"Fear, anger and pain hit me with a blast. I wanted to scream. I had to get back somehow, I just had to. I wasn't prepared to leave; even if this wasn't death, it was the closest to it I'd ever heard of. I desperately wanted to return to the others and complete my mission, do what we came for."

Sirius turned to Harry.

"What hurt me most was the thought of you, Harry. I just couldn't die - you were still there, and I had sworn to myself and to James that I'd take care of you. I kept thinking that fate just couldn't be so cruel as to deprive you of the closest thing to a father you'd ever known. The thought literally made me sick with sorrow, but it also gave me strength. I'd come back, no matter what it would take. And then I started looking for the way back. I vowed not to give up before I'd found it."

Harry's throat narrowed again, and he quickly looked away. He was not the only one who was moved by Sirius's words: Molly's eyes were blinking, Ginny had leaned against Bill, tears in her eyes, and Hermione had clasped Ron's hand, though neither of them seemed to have noticed.

"I went..." Sirius cleared his throat again.

"Take your time," said Remus softly.

"I went on and on. I lost all sense of time. There was just darkness, no sign of day or night. I never got hungry and I never got tired. There's a muggle poet who once wrote, 'The time is out of joint.' I now know what he meant. Time was really out of joint. In fact, it felt like time didn't exist at all.

"And then, after a thousand eternities, the voices came closer again. I screamed and shouted, but no one reacted. And even when the voices had drawn very close, I couldn't distinguish between them. I tried again to draw attention to myself, but when I spoke this time, I couldn't even understand my own words. No matter how loud I screamed or how accurately I spoke, all that came out was a monotone whisper completely similar to what I heard from the other voices, impossible to be heard or understood. I then understood that I was really dead, or at least in a state very close to that. For what is death other than the separation of body and soul with no opportunity to return?"

Harry winced. These had been Yehudiah's words as well.

"I first didn't know what to do." Sirius smiled faintly. "I mean, there wasn't much I could do, but I couldn't decide which feeling I should allow to be predominant in me - fear, rage, sorrow, dreariness, indifference? How were you supposed to react if you found out you're dead? I decided not to give in to any of these feelings. I was obsessed with the determination to find the other side of the veil. But when I finally found it, it was a harsh disappointment."

"You found the veil?" Ron asked, surprised. "But I thought it was impossible to get back!"

"Getting back to the veil and getting beyond it are two different things, Ron," said Sirius. "I eventually found the veil but found that it was impossible to come near it. It was like there was an invisible barrier. I could see it, I could even see through it - partly, at least, and of course I couldn't see clearly -, but I couldn't get near. I tried and tried, but I had to give up after a while, as it was pointless. I tried to scream, to address someone in the room, but it was the same as before - my voice just merged with those of the others, reduced to a mere whisper. I remained where I was, though. At least I could see something, even if it was only a room at the Ministry of Magic, where hardly anyone ever seemed to come. I still hadn't quite given up the hope that someone would finally hear me and get me out of here."

"And you couldn't communicate with the others?" asked Bill.

Sirius shook his head. "I figured that was part of our curse. I was completely alone, and in addition tortured by the knowledge that the world I knew was only a few steps away, yet impossible to reach. It was then that I gave in to my desperation."

Remus laid one hand on Sirius's shoulder as he stopped again and stared blankly down on the floor.

"Skip the rest," he said. "Tell us what happened when you were returned."

Sirius nodded. "As I said before, I had lost all sense of time. When Harry told me that I'd been away for three weeks, I couldn't believe it. To me it had on the one hand felt like eternity, of course, but on the other hand, thinking rationally, I'd reckoned it had been a week or even less. But time didn't matter there.

"Well, then one day, there was something different. I saw two persons in the room beyond the veil and made another futile attempt to draw their attention to me. They didn't hear me, of course. But I kept watching them. One of them was standing, and the other one suddenly sank down to the ground, as if falling asleep."

"That would have to have been me," said Harry. "I told you I overslept the most important part."

The others laughed, and even Sirius grinned.

"The other one then approached the veil, and I felt a great thrill of hope rise in me. But he came closer and closer, and I started to fear for him. I tried to warn him, but he came ever closer. There was a light about him, very bright, but so soft that it didn't blind my eyes - although I had seen nothing but darkness for a long time. He came closer and closer, and just when I thought he'd fall through, he vanished. The veil moved as if in a breeze, but there was not a trace of him left. And then I felt a strong urge to turn. I had the feeling that someone was beckoning me, and I turned and went... floated... whatever it was I did... in the direction it led me. After a while I saw a very small, shining figure appearing in the distance, and as we were approaching each other, it grew and turned out to be an angel."

"Yehudiah," whispered Harry.

"The angel," said Sirius and nodded. "He didn't tell me his name. I asked him what he wanted from me, and he said that he was sent to take me back. I couldn't believe it at first, and I started firing questions at him. But he wouldn't answer. He just said that my cousin Bellatrix had ended my life before it was meant to end, and that she had interfered with Fate by doing so. This was why I was given the opportunity to return - only if someone pleaded for me, though. And the angel said that someone had come to him and done so. I knew at once that it must have been Harry. Well, and that's about it, I think... the angel touched me, and suddenly I could feel my body again. There was a silent explosion of blue light behind the angel, and he said goodbye and was gone. I turned around.

"The blue light illuminated the archway that suddenly lay in front of me. I was walking on solid ground again. I went on, straight to the veil, and this time there was no barrier. It opened before me like the curtain in a theater, and I just went through and found myself in that room at the Ministry. I think I sort of flipped out - I ran around, dancing and screaming and laughing like crazy. And then I heard someone say my name, turned around and saw Harry. Well... you know the rest."

xxx

For a while, nobody spoke. Then Molly got up, walked over to Harry and took him in her arms. She wouldn't let go for at least five minutes, but Harry did not mind. In fact, he was glad, for he was about to start crying again, and he had the feeling that he'd spent most of the week crying, and he started to feel slightly ashamed about that. He didn't want his friends to think that the three weeks of grief had turned him into a sissy.

When Molly let him go, the scene had changed. The others were all standing around Sirius, reassuring him that they were happy beyond measure that he was back.

Harry smiled as he caught Sirius's eye, and Sirius grinned back.

Arthur suddenly left the table and ran upstairs. Harry wondered what had come to his mind, but when he returned five minutes later, he just shook his head as Harry made as to open his mouth and ask him.

"You'll see," he said.

Harry - and all the others as well - indeed saw what he'd done, for about ten minutes later, there was a noise as if a gust of wind was going through the room, and out of what seemed to be a very small whirlwind stepped Dumbledore.

Arthur winked as Harry looked at him and whispered, "I sent him an owl."

Sirius turned to Dumbledore, who went over to him, his arms outstretched, smiling.

"Sirius! So it's true!" Dumbledore took Sirius's right hand with both his hands and held it for a moment. "I had almost given up the hope that it would be possible for Harry to get to the angel."

"You knew it?" Harry burst out. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Dumbledore turned to him. "I couldn't," he said. "For Yehudiah only listens to those who have grieved long enough. If I had told you right away that there was a possibility to bring your godfather back, you wouldn't have grieved at all. You'd even have been happy, wouldn't you? And then Yehudiah wouldn't have heard you calling. Only those who truly and deeply grieve, grieve so deep that their souls slowly start to die, get a chance to see the Angel of Grief."

"As for the souls," said Hermione suddenly and smiled, "Harry, won't you come over for a sec?"

Harry frowned, but he did as he was told. Hermione stood before him and closely examined his face.

"Your eyes are nearly as green as they were before," she said. "There's only a very little shade of gray left; I suppose that'll fade in a few days' time."

Harry, who had completely forgotten about his eyes, grinned. "I'm very pleased to hear that," said he.

"So am I," said Remus, who had heard what Hermione had said. "I've begun to hate this light blue of my eyes."

Harry looked up at him. Remus smiled. The blue color of his eyes had deepened again; to Harry it almost seemed as if they were of an even darker blue than before. The familiar warmth was back, and without thinking, Harry put his arms around Remus and hugged him.

"I'll be forever grateful, you know," said Remus softly. "You brought back the best friend I ever had."

Harry felt that he did not have to answer.

He let go of Remus and walked over to Sirius, who was still talking to Dumbledore. Sirius looked at him and smiled.

"We were just talking about you," said he, put an arm around Harry and drew him close to him. "I just told Albus that I do not intend to ever leave you alone again. He'll have to find me some dungeon at Hogwarts where I can sleep, for I will not return to Grimmauld Place as long as you're at school."

Dumbledore lowered his eyes, and Harry saw them twinkle in the old familiar manner.

"You know, Sirius," he said musingly, "I guess I already have one of my little ideas."