Disclaimer: It's mine! All mine!!!! Bwa ha ha ha haaa! I am Joss, right? Right? Right???

Spoilers: REALLY MAJOR ones for Fool for Love. If you haven't seen, don't read. Actually, go watch it, and then come read it. It's a really good ep!

Timeline: Season 6, after Tabula Rasa, but before all that Smashed stuff started happening.

A/N: OH MY GOD!!! I just watched Lessons, and I think that is the only way to describe it. Are the other episodes in this season as good as this, cos if so. . . yay! I LOVE Spike's new hairdo. I'm so relieved that he still makes sense though (well, kinda), cos the minute I heard that he was gonna be crazy (those dratted spoilers are SO hard to avoid) I was REALLY worried he would just be a rambling idiot that couldn't talk to anyone or anything. Anywho, that's basically the reason this is out a day later than I said. I was so busy basking in S7 that I didn't write as fast as I should have. Anyway, it's here now. Enjoy! **********

Buffy watched as the screen changed to show her out on patrol. She was fighting a vampire. Nothing special about that, right? She didn't really remember him, but she could tell just by watching that he must have been the tackiest dressed vamp she had ever seen. Even a vampire had to know that that outfit went out of fashion well over a decade ago. She saw herself pull out a stake and raise it ready to strike. She then watched in horror as the vampire grabbed her arm, and twisted it round, so that she plunged the stake into her own stomach.

Now she remembered him. How could she have forgotten him in the first place? It had been the first time that a vampire had beaten her in a long while.

She turned to see Spike stared at the screen, shock all over his face.

"You never told me a vampire staked you." He sounded half way between concern for Buffy and hurt that she hadn't told him.

"You didn't need to know. Besides, you were so busy wishing I was dead back then you probably would've just been disappointed that he didn't finish the job."

Spike just looked at his feet.

Buffy turned her attention back to the TV, and watched the credits roll. When they had finished she saw herself running away as fast as she could. She didn't normally run away from battle, especially with normal vampires, but she remembered the feeling she had got then. The feeling that she was about to die.

She watched the vampire throw her against a crypt wall, and approach her, stake raised. Glancing sideways she saw Spike leaning forward, desperate to see if she was going to be okay.

*How stupid is that,* she thought. *I'm sitting right next to him and he's worried about whether that thing killed me or not! Then again, I have already died quite a few times already, and I'm still sitting here.*

Buffy grinned as Riley appeared out of nowhere, and threw himself at the vampire. He punched it a few times before it knocked his weapon out of his hands, and ran away as fast as it could.

Spike seemed relieved to see she was okay, but Buffy was sure she heard him mutter, "Stupid Git. I wouldn't have let it get away. I'd have staked it good and proper. Yet she still thinks he's the hero, just because he saved her life."

******* "Accounts of the final battles would be very helpful. But there's no one left to tell the tales. What?"

"Ow! Wait. Not ow. You feeling all right, Slayer? This stuff usually hurts."

"Wait a minute!" Spike yelled, outraged. "You beat me up, again, because you wanted me to tell you about the other Slayers? You could have just asked me!"

"Yeah, well I doubt I'd have got much out of you that way. Besides, this way's more fun!"

Buffy was sure she heard Spike let out a faint growl.

"Are you growling at me?"

"What? No!"

"Yeah, Spike. Whatever."

Buffy turned back to the TV and saw that her and Spike were now in the Bronze. Buffy noticed that where as Spike seemed delighted to be having a drink with her, she was looking less than happy to be there. There was no way anyone watching that could have guessed that in less than a year she would be watching TV with Spike, BY CHOICE.

"Spicy buffalo wings. Order me up a plate, I'm feeling peckish"

"Why did you make me buy you those things?"

"What was that, luv?"

"Why did I have to spend my well-earned cash to buy you food, when you don't even eat?"

"Just cos I don't need to eat, doesn't mean I don't want to. I've told you before, I like to put a bit of Weetabix in my blood. Gives it some texture."

"Okay, now I'm never gonna be able to eat Weetabix again without thinking about that horrible revelation. Just do me one favour, Spike."

"And what's that?"

"Never tell me anything like that again."

Spike just grinned at her.

*******

"What can I tell you baby. I was born bad."

Buffy watched as William the Bloody appeared before her eyes. She tried desperately to keep a straight face, failed, and burst out laughing.

"What?"

"Oh my God! I spent all this time thinking you were some sort of evil murderer or something when you were human, and it turns out you were just a simpering nobleman!"

"Hey! I don't make fun of what you were like before you became the Slayer, and that's much worse!"

"How is it worse?" Buffy wheezed, in between laughs.

"At least I wasn't a stuck-up bitch."

Buffy stopped laughing then. "I was never a stuck-up bitch. I was just a little. . ."

"Unbearably mean? You think vampires are bad, pet, you should see popular girls in a cat fight. Trust me, you don't want to get involved with that."

Buffy pretended to ignore him. She tried to act like she didn't care what Spike said, but she was cut up inside. Spike thought she was a bitch. Did she really deserve that? Was she really that awful that he thought that little of her?

"My heart expands, tis grown a bulge in it, inspired by your beauty, effulgent."

Buffy stopped worrying about what Spike thought of her as she was hit by another fit of laughter.

"It wasn't that bad," Spike muttered.

"Not that bad? Spike, the fact that you wrote poetry is funny enough, but the fact that you wrote BAD poetry?! Trust me when I say I never even knew poetry could be that bad."

"You should have, looking at some of the ones you wrote for English class."

"You read them? They're my things, how dare you?!"

"What, were you waiting for a publishing deal? That's likely!"

Buffy stuck her tongue out at him, elbowed him in the ribs, and turned back to the TV.

William was sitting on a sofa talking to a very pretty girl about the same age as her. The girl seemed quite distressed, and he seemed rather uncomfortable too. She cursed herself for not paying enough attention and tried desperately to figure out what was going on.

"Your poetry, it's... they're... not written about me, are they?"

"They're about how I feel."

"Yes, but are they about me?"

"Every syllable."

"Oh, God!"

"Oh, I know... it's sudden and... please, if they're no good, they're only words but... the feeling behind them... I love you, Cecily."

"Please stop!"

"I know I'm a bad poet but I'm a good man and all I ask is that. . . that you try to see me-"

"I do see you. That's the problem. You're nothing to me, William. You're beneath me."

Buffy stared at the screen in shock. How could that woman, that. . . Cecily say that to Spike. How could he think she was a stuck-up bitch when she obviously wasn't as bad as this girl. At least she would never do something so cold, so heartless. She had done some bad things to him in her time, but she had never said he was beneath her. That was just too awful to think about.

She glanced sideways at Spike, and saw he was looking at his hands, fighting back tears. She pretended not to notice. The last thing Spike would want would be for her to see him on the verge of crying.

She tried once more to concentrate on what was going on, but found it hard when she knew Spike was so upset. She was so concerned about him that she even forgot to laugh when she heard him say "Mother's expecting me." She almost regretted laughing at him before. It had seemed so funny that that was what he was like when he was human, but really, it was just sad. In the tear jerky way. And thinking about it sure was jerking some tears.

*******

Buffy nervously looked at the screen, watching Spike fight one of the other Slayers. It was kind of disgusting to see another Slayer fight a fight she was obviously going to lose, but it was even more unsettling when she realized that if she hadn't have been so lucky, she could have been one of them. One of Spike "Slayer Count."

She watched in horror as Spike caught the Slayer by the arm, and sunk his fangs viciously into her neck. He then brutally threw her body aside, and looked around in triumph.

"When you described it to me, you never said it was as brutal as that." Despite all the horror she had seen, Buffy still felt very sick.

"Well, what would you have done if I had? Punched me in the nose most probable, and run out, coat fluttering behind you."

Buffy just ignored him. She seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

*******

Buffy watched Spike attempting to kill the second Slayer. She was more prepared to watch this one. Not only had she already seen an example of what Spike could do, she vaguely remembered Spike going through it step by step with her.

"She was cunning, resourceful. Oh, did I mention. . . hot?"

"Have you always had a thing about Slayers, Spike? Does the whole mortal enemy thing turn you on or something?"

"No, luv. Like I said, she had a touch of your style."

Buffy didn't really know whether to be pleased or not about that. Did that mean he only thought that this Slayer was hot because she was like her, Buffy, or did it mean that he only liked her, Buffy, because she was like this Slayer?

She watched as the fight got more and more intense with every blow. It wasn't just a mimic of the fight he had with this other Slayer. She was getting really pissed by his demonstration and what he was saying, even if what he said was true. He had been right in the first place, she hadn't been ready to hear it.

*******

Spike had finished his demonstration, yet they were still arguing.

"Get out of my sight, Spike."

" Oh... did I scare ya? You're the Slayer. Do something about it. Hit me. Come on. One good swing. You know you want to."

"I mean it."

"So do I. Give it me good, Buffy. Do it!"

"Spike. . ."

Buffy watched as Spike leaned in to kiss her. She had completely forgotten about that. Had he really been in love with her from that long ago? She watched as Spike covered it up by grabbing her arms and acting all menacing, but she had seen that look flash across his face. That look of pain that she had never even known soulless creatures could have. Not until she had met Spike.

She watched herself throw Spike to the ground in disgust at what he had said to her, then throw some last words after him.

"Say it's true. Say I do want to. It wouldn't be you Spike. It would never be you. You're beneath me."

Buffy just couldn't believe what she had just said. No wonder Spike thought she was a bitch. She WAS a bitch. How could she have said something so awful to Spike.

Then she realized just how awful it was. It was exactly the same thing Cecily had said to him when he was human. Everyone he had ever loved had told him he was beneath them. Except Drusilla, but she had killed him, so she was just as bad. She watched helplessly as she saw Spike burst into tears. She had never seen Spike cry before. She had seen him close to tears, but this was different. It made her feel so dirty, knowing that it was her who had made him cry in the first place. She turned to face Spike, who couldn't seem to meet her eye.

"Do you mind if I pause it for a minute?" she asked quietly. "I, um. . . I have to go to the bathroom."

Spike nodded, so she carefully pushed the pause button, and made her way upstairs. She stepped into the fluorescent lit bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. She felt so bad it was unbelievable. How could she have done that? The only thing that was worse than those words that were replaying through her head was the look on Spike's face the moment after she had said it. And what was even worse than that was the fact that she hadn't even noticed at the time. Either that, or she just hadn't cared.

She wiped a few stray tears from her eye. The last thing she wanted was for Spike to think she had been crying. She let the tap run for a few seconds, flushed the toilet, and then left the bathroom, hoping this would be enough to back up her cover story.

She walked quietly down the stairs, and then peered over the banister at Spike. She was shocked to see he was crying. Really crying. Tears were streaming down his face as his shoulders shook quietly. Not wanting him to know she had seen him like this, she tiptoed back up the stairs, waited a moment, then thundered her way down them again. When she reached the living room Spike's face was dry, although his eyes were a little red.

She smiled at him, pressed play, and settled down on the couch once more.

*******

"Hasn't got a death wish? Bitch won't need one."

Buffy eyes went wide. He had been planning to kill her. Even after falling in love with her he had still planned to kill her. Just went to prove, she thought bitterly, he's just a killer, no matter how much he's changed.

Then she remembered something that she remembered saying to Angel many years before. "Love makes you do the wacky." The more she thought about it, the more that her life seemed to make it true. She guessed that counted for Spike as well.

*******

Buffy watched herself go onto the porch and sit down on the steps. She really didn't remember this part too clearly. All she remembered was that it had hurt. Bad. That she had gone outside and cried, then come back in with a brave smile for her Mom. She had had to be brave. If she hadn't had been, who else would have?

She noticed Spike march towards her from the shadows, and her heart pounded with fear. He had the gun at his side. He had really been planning to do it. He had come to her house to kill her. So why didn't he?

She watched Spike raise the gun, then notice her tear-streaked face.

"What's wrong?"

She just couldn't believe it. He had been so angry with her, he had been seriously going to kill her, but all it took was him to see her crying and everything just instantly changed.

"Is there anything I can do?"

Buffy thought she was about to cry again then. She had been so mean to him, she had said the worst thing to him she possibly could have, yet he still really cared about her.

She saw Spike sit down on the steps next to her, and try to comfort her. It was so awkward, but so sweet that it was almost unbelievable. Buffy really did start to cry then. She was horrible to him, all the time, but he still loved her so much.

"Buffy? What's wrong?" Spike looked over at her, concerned, but this just made Buffy cry harder. "Look, I know I was wrong planning to shoot you, but I swear, it didn't mean anything. I was just really angry is all. I didn't mean to hurt. . ."

Buffy put a silencing finger to his lips. "Shhh. It's not important."

"What is it, pet."

"Do you love me?"

Spike looked her straight in the eye for the first time since the episode had begun. "With all my heart."

"How can you?! I'm so horrible to you all the time. I treat you like you're nothing. And yet you still love me just like you did before. How can you ever forgive me for treating you like that?"

"There is nothing you've ever done I need to forgive you for."

"I can list so many just from watching this."

"It doesn't matter, luv. I love you, you know I do. I always will. That's all that matters."

Buffy couldn't believe this. No-one had ever treated her like that before. Not even Angel. No-one had ever just readily forgiven everything she had ever done wrong to them. And yet she was forever pushing Spike away, and treating him like dirt, just because he didn't have a soul. Had Angel loved her when he didn't have a soul? She had still loved him, deep down, soul or not. So why was Spike different? She looked deep into his shocking blue eyes, and made a choice. Not because she was depressed. Not because she needed to "feel". Because she wanted to.

She leaned closer to Spike, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and pulling him towards her. She closed her eyes and leaned in when. . .

"Ahem."

She shoved Spike away and flew to the other end of the couch.

"Dawn! What are you doing?!"

"Willow's on the phone. She said she needed to talk to you about some demon thing or something."

"I didn't hear the phone ring."

"It rang loads of times before I picked it up. Guess the, er . . . *TV* was pretty engrossing, huh?"

"Yeah." Buffy glanced briefly at Spike. "Yeah, it was really. . . really enlightening."

Buffy got up and headed out into the hall.

"You can let yourself out, right Spike?"

But Spike just sat on the couch, grinning.

********** So that was it. Coming up next - the Fanfic Chapter! I won't set a deadline, cos then I'll just panic about breaking it. Thank you to everyone that reviewed! I even wrote a kind of anti-Angel line in there, just to keep some of you Spuffy lovers happy.

Remember: It's all about the power. I have it. You don't. By reviewing and suggesting websites for them to visit, you get some of it. Go ahead and choose some really funny ones for them to visit. Sin as much as you want. It's not about right. It's not about wrong. It's about the power.

LOL. Sorry, couldn't resist. What I'm basically trying to say is: Don't drop your chalk board in the water, don't be a pathetic schmuck, PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!!

Okay, I'm off to see my counselor now. He says if I don't watch Lessons again between now and next Thursday I may just be cured. I don't think it's going to happen.