Chapter 7 - Sometimes I think I hate you

Rei's apartment

Rei paced the length of the study in long, rapid strides. Her mind was running on sheer willpower. Her sanity had slowly depleted in the one week Usagi had lived in her house. They went shopping, boating, to dinner and did a lot of great things. It seemed a peaceful enough existence but Rei's pain was spurred on by the things that happened casually. The way Usagi draped herself over Rei's back when she was looking at a book. The way she tucked an errant strand of black hair behind Rei's ear. The way she hugged her from behind and breathed against the powerless woman's ear. These were the things that had Rei slowly losing control of things. She found herself leaning into Usagi's touch, waiting for the warm body to drift over to her in the night, reading Usagi's manga sketches. Everything about this woman captivated her. 'I'm turning into an obsessed psychopath. I have to get away from here. Away. Anywhere where she's not there but I can't. Duty or sanity? which do I choose? Duty of course. It would always be Duty before anything else. 'Its the one thing that binds me to her. Its the one link to her that I know is permanent, which won't be severed when she marries Mamoru. Mamoru. He's caused me so much pain unknowingly this past week.' Usagi saw him every couple of days if only for a few minutes. Those were the worse times. She'd have to be there in his presence while he got to touch her, kiss her. Yes, she really hated that man.

knock knock

"Come in" said Rei crisply. This could only be one person. The one person who was ostensibly late from her date with Mamoru while Rei had been with Mako and Ami.

"Rei-chan. I'm sorr-" said Usagi but was cut off by Rei.

"You don't need to apologize to me. Why should you? I'm your senshi. My job is to protect you. I should be the one to make any apologies. I exist only to protect you and nothing else. So it would seem an audacity for me to question you, wouldn't it?" Rei's voice contained no trace of anger or humour. It was cold, like ice. It scared Usagi. A dragon never breathes ice and when it does, you know your doom is near. Usagi would have to handle this carefully.

"That's not true. We're equals. I am sorry for being late though." said Usagi contritely. "Its just that, well, I had another fight with Mamoru."

"Did he try something Usa?" Rei's eyes flared up. She was too worn out to keep a check on her feelings anymore. The rapid change from chilly reprimands to hot anger took place in under three seconds. 'What is happening to me? I've never acted this way before. Its madness. She's driving me quite mad!'

Usagi leaned over to Rei and wrapped her arms around the shaking woman. "shhh. Its alright. He didn't do anything. It was my fault this time. Forget him for now. Lets put you to bed. I know you don't sleep much. Are the visions getting worse?"

Rei looked up at Usagi, confused "Visions?"

"Yes. The visions you've been having at night in the form of dreams. You have horrible nightmares Rei" said Usagi starting to worry about how much of what she was saying was getting through to Rei. She looked almost inhuman. Then all of a sudden she started giggling. Rei's giggles gave way to full fledged laughter. She laughed till her sides ached while Usagi watched, horrified.

"You think I have 'visions'? visions of impending doom? Well guess what! I do." Rei grabbed Usagi by the shoulders and shook her. "You want to know what I see, don't you? You always were curious to pry into my feelings. To wrench them around till I was in enough pain for you to be happy." Usagi felt Rei's fingers press painfully into her shoulders and whimpered. Rei either did not notice it or ignored the fact that she was hurting the princess. "Want to know what I see, princess?" Rei leaned down and grabbed the front of Usagi's shirt. She yanked the blonde closer and whispered in her ear. "I see us making love. I see that you love me. But lets face it. No matter what time, age, or century I run to, you'll love him. You'll love him but you'll be in my bed. What does that tell you Usagi, what does it tell you about yourself, princess?" Rei finished whispering and nibbled on Usagi's ear. She let go of the princess all of a sudden. As though a madman in a bout of clarity, a horrified look crossed her face. She realized what she'd just told Usagi and did the only thing she could - she ran. Before Usagi could react Rei was out the door.

'What the hell did she say. Its the enemy. They're controlling her. No. I would've felt it. It felt like Rei. Only not warm like the feeling I get from her. This feeling was hot, blazing hot. As though if I stood around it long enough I would melt. When she whispered to me I felt something. What was it? Anger? No. I wasn't angry. All that she said was true. Venus hinted at Mars and Neo Queen being the ones who started the enemy movement because of their actions. What is she..I mean me...doing in the future? I betrayed Mamoru! I'm neglecting my daughter. For her. But when she held me close I felt that power drawing me to her. Oh my God! I wanted her. That minute when she whispered those horrible things to me I wanted her. So this is what lust is. I'm lusting after Hino Rei, my best friend.' Usagi stood in the middle of the rooms for what seemed like hours. Then she heard a noise and looked outside through the window. It had started raining.


Makoto's apartment

"Mako-chan do you think you could move over a little so that I can breathe again" said a blue haired girl as she flicked the TV remote. She was stretched out on the couch with what seemed to be a large animal laying its head on her stomach. Only the animal's shape could be made out because of the blanket around her.

"Mmm...but you're such a nice bed." murmured the shape.

"Well it wont do to break this bed. Now come on, get off me." said Ami poking Makoto in the side of her stomach.

"Ah you're being aggressive today" grinned Makoto underneath the blanket.

"Lets just say 'someone' is passive in certain matters. This one girl in particular. It doesn't look like she's going to change anytime soon. So I guess I'll just have to be more forthcoming." giggled Ami

"Ami-chan...I've been reformed" said an smiling Makoto. She got off the water senshi and wrapped the blanket around the slender girl. She lifted the girl off the couch and started walking toward her room.

"Makoto" whispered Ami. Her skin shivered with delight as the girl carried her into the bedroom. Makoto lay Ami down on the bed.

She whispered, "I want...I need to..I love you Ami-chan"

Ami shook her head and smiled. The other senshi was so confident in life and yet when it came to love she reverted to a sniveling child. "Makoto, I love you too. I need to make love to you, here, right now, no holds barred. I need to have you - all of you." She took the taller girl in her arms and kissed her forehead. "I have to know if you're ready for this. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I know you've had some bad expe-" Ami was silenced by a kiss from a teary Makoto.

"Is that confirmation enough?" asked Makoto.

And they made love. And it was slow and it was beautiful. The lovers fell asleep as dawn approached and the moon faded away into nothingness.


Tsukiakiri Corp

"What the hell are you doing Megumi!" thundered a woman wearing black pants, black shirt - everything was dark. Almost as though she were mourning something.

"Um...Hino-san" whimpered the girl known as Megumi who had foolishly taken the job as a fire-breathing dragon's secretary. "I was just printing next week's audit reports"

"You idiot! We don't need that now. Finish addressing the letters to the board members. Its important that they know about the changes to the schedule." Rei knit her eyebrows together and peered at the message that popped up on the younger girl's computer screen. The senshi turned crimson and looked away from Megumi. She coughed in her fist and looked up to see the girl fumbling to close the window. "Its alright. Just don't let it get in the way of work." She grinned wolfishly as an idea struck her. "By the way, I never noticed that you had 'luscious lips' " smirked Rei. Megumi looked as though she had been born with a permanent red, colouring her face.

"Its just - my boyfriend gets carried away sometimes" she croaked.

Rei let out a laugh and waved her hand, "Its OK. Just do it during lunch" With a twinkle in her eye Rei went back to her office but bit her lip as soon as she remembered who was in it. She slowed her pace and shut the door once she got inside. Neither had spoken to the other since the morning but when Rei got ready to go to work Usagi silently followed her, adamant not to let the buddy-system down. She knew she couldn't persuade the miko from staying home so she went along. Rei sat on one of the leather couches in the room. Usagi was swiveling on her chair behind the desk.

"I see Megumi's made her place here" said Usagi nonchalantly while the world spun. "You two seem to be getting along 'really' well" Rei flinched and looked away.

Deciding to break the ice and change the topic Rei spoke, "How's the manga coming along?" Usagi looked up and stopped twirling the chair. She paused a while before her vision was normal again and looked at Rei.

"The sketches I showed you last time...I tore them up" said Usagi.

The silence that stretched between them was neither cozy nor comfortable like the ones they used to share. Unable to hold back any longer Usagi blurted,

"Whats happening Rei? To you? To us? Everything's complicated now. I feel jealous towards any woman... any man ... thing that touches you. I feel...I feel as though you're pulling me into this place that even you don't want to be in. Why are you doing this?" she pleaded with Rei for an answer.

"Because I don't want to fall in love with you" whispered Rei. "Its the one thing I'm truly afraid of. I never knew fear till I met you. Then I began to feel afraid. Fear for your safety, fear for your well-being, fear of the power you hold over me. I hate being afraid Usagi, of anything, even you. I can't go on feeling powerless, it'll kill me. You'll kill me. I cant be in the same room with you and not touch you anymore. Even now, as I sit here, I want to feel your skin. I want to touch your hair. I want to do so many things. So many things that I'd never forgive myself for."

Usagi walked over to Rei and placed the dark-haired girls hand under her shirt and on her stomach. Rei pulled her hand back in an automatic reflex. She looked up at Usagi - bewildered. Usagi took her hand again and repeated the gesture. She kneeled down and tangled Rei's other hand into her hair. "You think you're the only one who's been thinking that way Rei? I keep beating myself up over the fact that when I touch you I want to keep touching you. It feels good to touch you. I don't know about love but I do know that I want you." She traced Rei's jaw with her finger. "I've always wanted to touch you, posses you. I have dreams about you, you know." She let her hand move to the senshi's throat. "You're beautiful" she whispered. Rei closed her eyes and leaned into the hypnotic touch. Usagi pushed her back on the couch and began to unbutton her shirt.

"Usa...we can't..." Rei moaned as Usagi's hand brushed the underside of her breast. "Not...here. People..."

"Shh...I'm going to have you right now even if the entire building were to hear us. You've been driving me crazy...its only fair I do the same" the moon princess smirked as she finally removed the last vestige of clothing from the miko who lay with her eyes closed and lips slightly parted.

And then they had sex. And it was hurried and it was rough. The women fell asleep with exhaustion as twilight approached but the moon never emerged through the clouds - there was no moon.


aaah chp7 is finally finished. Symbolism yay. This one was particularly angsty. hmm I just noticed that nothing happy has happened in my fic. I think I need to go re-evaluate my life