Title: Won't Catch Me Cryin
Disclaimer: Not mine. Wish they were, then I wouldn't be slavin for the man.
Summary: Jackie's summer away turns into a summer on the phone with the man she just can't leave behind.
Credit: Song 4 is again written by Matchbox Twenty's Rob Thomas. It is Won't Catch me Cryin.
"The best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as Gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain."
Marvin Jay M. Torres
"Steven is a no nonsense Sagittarius who's not afraid of hard work or true love."
Jackie (Hey Hey What can I do)
You want catch me cryin' over you
I think I'm leavin' all that I've been through
Pardon me if I love you endlessly
But you've got wounds that I can't move
I won't be not sleeping over you
If I'm sleepin' far away from you
I know you think you need me
But once you had and couldn't keep me
Isn't this the same ground we've been through?
You won't catch me cryin' over you
No you won't catch me cryin' over you
After all the things you put me through
I need to be somewhere
With room to breathe
I need a heart that don't need you
You won't catch m cryin' over you
The beach was sandy white, the ocean crystal blue with no seaweed. It was private which meant not overcrowded. It was perfect. And Jackie hated every bit of it. She didn't want fresh air or warm breezes. She missed the stagnant basement and Wisconsin's mild summer. She missed flipping channels and watching the guys play basketball. She missed Steven. And she wanted to go home. But Steven didn't want her too. The jerk. Not only did he ruin her plan of getting over him by being irresistible and patient. But now he was ruining the ruination of said plan. And yeah that made no sense –but she was pissed. Why did he have to screw up? And then why did he have to be so great and make her want to forgive him? I mean pick a personality Steven. Are you a Zen Jerk who can't trust or an upstanding good guy? Who the hell said you could be both? But he was. She had run off to the beach to deny that. Because she knew that if she saw him every day she wouldn't be able to not forgive him. She really wanted everything to be black and white. Right or wrong. Eric or Kelso. But that wasn't always the case. She was supposed to be mature and okay with that. But part of her wanted to stay naïve and believe it anyway. Part of her wanted to write off Steven as a cheater now, to not trust that it had been a one time mistake. But the other part (the bigger, stronger, more demanding part) had its mind made up. He wasn't Michael. She could see it in his eyes –the devastation. She could hear it in his voice even over the phone-the regret. He didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to be hurt. But now he seemed to be able to open himself up to just that. So maybe she could do the same. She would if he would let her come home! But he was too afraid that she still needed space. And no matter what she said, she couldn't conquer his fears. His scars ran too damn deep. She wanted to be his lifeline –she had told him that once – but it was proving to be a lot of work. Lucky for him she had grown up a lot. She wasn't going to sit around and cry like she did all those times with Michael. She was going to deal. Steven could dwell in all his sad country music but she was going to be strong. Strong enough for both of them.
Later that day she got ready to make her daily call. Thank God her mom's new boyfriend was paying the phone bill. She'd have to go home otherwise. She dialed the familiar number and listened for the pick up.
"Hello Jackie" Mrs. Forman answered.
God was she that predictable? She laughed –yes she was. "Hello Mrs. Forman. How is Mr. Forman?"
"He is good honey. How are you?"
"I'm fine." Lonely she wanted to add but she didn't want to worry the overly generous woman.
"How is your mother treating you sweetie? Is she paying enough attention to you?"
Jackie rolled her eyes at that thought. Her mother didn't pay attention to anyone who wasn't herself or holding a Gold card. "Yes Mam" she lied.
There was a long pause and then "Okay honey I'm going to choose to believe that lie and tell you that you are welcome back home anytime. Bob and Joanne won't mind. And well Mr. Forman won't admit it but –it's too quiet around here."
She smiled to herself, Mrs. Forman was the greatest. "So you are saying he needs "the loud one" around?" Just then Jackie heard the kitchen door open and then Red's voice ask gruffly.
"Is that the loud one again? Tell her to come home already. The Fat Cat's at the phone company have enough money as is. Doesn't anybody write anymore? The U.S Postal Service –now there is where people need help."
Mrs. Forman cleared her throat and continued. "See honey we all want you to come home." Then the Kitty laugh.
"Not everybody" she mumbled under her breath.
"What honey?"
"Nothing. Is Steven home?"
"Yes, hold on one second."
Jackie heard her shout downstairs and then the phone changed hands.
"Hey Jacks"
His voice would always fill her with warmth. Even when he told her about the slutty nurse –it had filled her with hot anger. Michael's transgressions had always left her cold, feeling like an idiot. Steven had just hurt her. She knew now it was because she truly loved him. And when you do that you can't stop. "Hey Steven. So Mr. Forman wants me to come home. And so does Mrs. Forman and I bet if I took a poll 4 out of 5 basement dwellers will agree." She was only half kidding with him.
"Are you that confident in the votes?" he kidded back.
"Pretty confident"
"Really cause Eric – I don't know. And Laurie might sway Fez's vote now." He stated logically.
He was probably right. She should have been nicer to the losers when she had the chance. "Oh well I guess I'll just stay here then. Since no one misses me." She laughed but it must have conveyed a millimeter of truth because Steven's kidding tone changed.
"That's not true. We all miss you."
She was touched. "Well maybe Red does."
But he wasn't letting her go back to the joke. "You know I do" He was using his sincere voice. The quiet, adamant tone he used the first time he told her he loved her. The one he used when he forgave her for calling Michael her boyfriend and asked her to the dance. She loved that voice –even if she only seemed to hear it when one of them had screwed up. She hoped one day she'd hear it for no reason. Like on a Tuesday at breakfast when they were fifty. "Jackie could you pass the Maple Syrup". It would be nice.
"Jackie, you there?" she had zoned out thinking about her future with him. Funny how quick she'd gone back to doing that.
"Where else would I be? Sorry I zoned out."
"What were you thinking about?"
"About how I hope our son beats up Eric and Donna's son one day –just to make up for all those devil comments Eric has made over the years." She earned a contemplative silence for that comment but when he responded she heard more hope than fear.
"Our son?"
"You are right. We are talking about Eric's kid here. It could just as easily be our daughter."
More silence and then the voice "I love you Jacks".
She was going to say it back this time. Because she knew it was true but something stopped her. If she said it she would cry and she had promised herself she wouldn't. So instead she asked him about work, and Fez and Laurie, and then Donna and Eric and even Mrs. Forman's dog. They talked until Red came back in the kitchen hours later yelling about long distance rates and the poor schmuck who was paying them. Then they said goodbye and Jackie went to sleep dreaming of the next call and going home.
