Sttng By Ellen
**I do not own any of these characters- I kind of wish I did. I'm not a big
Trekkie, so I don't know much about them. Except Spot.
The Setup- Picard and a skeleton crew are on the bridge at 3:00 in the morning. Worf has detected an anomaly three days ago in this sector, and they are still trying to find it. Picard has insisted on being on duty (or at least on call) all hours of the day and night. Young Ensign- "Sir, I think we've got something."
Picard- "What is it, Ensign?"
Young Ensign- "There seems to be a disturbance over on Maaqel 5. It's black! And swirly, like a wormhole!"
Picard- "Now Ensign Marshall, you know there are no wormholes in this sector."
Marshall- "Yeah but. This. Come have a look."
Picard (all ready cranky from lack of sleep)- "This had better be good. WHOA!" Taps commbadge worriedly.
Picard- "Will, report to bridge. Now." 5 minutes pass before Will Riker appears on bridge. Groggy from his 4 hour snooze and angry from being awoken at this time, he staggers onto his seat.
Riker- "What is it Captain?"
Marshall- "Come have a look."
Riker with a menacing glance- "What is it Captain?" The ensign resumes meekly to his work.
Picard- "It seems to be a wormhole, but now that I look at it. no."
Riker chuckling to himself- "What, a time portal? We haven't seen one of those since our last encounter with the borg! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h-"
Picard- "Shut up Will, I'm serious. And now that I see it, we are being pulled toward it!
Ensign! Turn around at warp 4! GO!"
Marshall- "I'm on it!"
Riker as he turns to leave- "And ensign, don't say that." The ensign once again returns meekly to his orders.
The Argument
It is now 7:00 am and the regular crew has still made no progress getting away from whatever has eaten Maaqel 5. Of course Troi senses something wrong, but she has been long since dismissed from the bridge, Data is with Chrome Dome in- sorry, is with Picard in thinking it is a time portal, Worf has just done his job and kept his opinion to himself, Beverly thinks it is the black plague revisited in the 24th century, Geordi "knows" it's a huge family of polar bears eating marshmallows in a snowstorm: The whole crew in unison- "Geordi are you friggen color blind?!?!?" Geordi- "Oh. Right. Well gee, ya don't need ta get all jumpy on me, its 'cause I'm short I know." Many opinions were shared, lots of them brutally rejected. Soon an argument had broken out:
Dr. Crusher-"Ya'll are just jealous of my great ideas and my astonishing good looks."
Wesley- "Ha! That's a good one, might as well-"
Dr. Crusher- SLAP "*%$#*@"
Riker- "Ladies, ladies."
Wesley- "Hey!"
Riker- "Now you crackheads have to settle down."
Data- "Who are you calling a crackheads?"
Geordi- "Actually heh heh."
Worf- "Shut your mouth or I will eat your head."
Picard- "Now Mr. Dwarf-"
Worf- "eerrRAHHHH!!!!! DIE SIR!" (lunges but is pulled away by Data)
Data- "We must keep our heads especially the captain Mr. Worf."
Troi steps in to see that all the hub-hub is just horse play. How wrong she was. Heh heh heh.
Geordi- "Who invited you, punk?"
Troi- "I just thought-"
Picard- "Oh so now you're thinking, well things have changed then!"
Troi- " You didn't just say that. Oh that was a mistake, eerrRAAAHHH!!" (And once again Picard is lunged at) The argument probably would have gone on longer if not interrupted by a very girly voice on the intercom.
Girly Voice- "Stop it! All of you! Cant you see our constant fighting is tearing us apart?! We are civilized human beings!"
Data and Worf in unison- "Correction-"
Girly Voice- "Sorry. But either way we are all civilized! So where's the love? Can we stop the hate? Please?"
A long pause then a scuffle on the mike and another voice comes on. Geordi- "Wow Wes. Are you Gay?"
Wesley- "I saw it on one of my soaps. Sorry."
Geordi-"Once again."
Picard- "La Forge you have a point, but we must stop this argument before it gets out of hand."
Assignments
Another interruption, this time from Ensign Marshall. Marshall yelling hysterically- "Captain! You know that old swirly gunky thing that ate Maaqel 5? Well, It's eating us! I mean, pulling us in faster! We're mere kilometers away! What do we do?"
A broken silence follows. Picard- "Well, why don't we just take a 5 minute break?"
Marshall- "But sir, we're 4 minutes away!"
Picard- "My point exactly. Smoke if you got 'em."
A bewildered Marshall- "I. I don't think I understand."
Wesley-"Well, what he means is, we are going to take a break and you are going to work your way out of this mess."
Beverly- "No Wes, what the Captain means is you and Mr. Marshall are going to work to get your self out of this, isn't that right Jean Luc?"
Picard- "Yes, yes correct." (Raises his eyebrows at Wesley and Marshall) The 2 boys left scowling and cursing until they met the bridge.
10 Years Ahead of Schedule
Now the crew had to think of plan to get out of this predicament. 1 minute passed, then 2, soon 3 and before they knew it, 4. A blinding neon light came about them, then a heavy wind knocking them off their feet. They were out of time. They were listening to conversations of the past. One by one they started looking up. Something odd was happening. Everyone aboard was aging terribly! 10 years at the least. And then it stopped. It just stopped. Everyone righted themselves and took a look around. Data summed up all their thoughts, "Wow! You are all old! And I am not. How odd." Riker- "This is a bit of a predicament. It really was a time portal."
Picard with a blank look and a whisper as though it was not the only thing on his mind- "In your face Will."
Geordi-"How 'bout them astonishingly good looks Bev? Eh, eh?"
Beverly- Smack "A little silver in my gold."
Worf- "I would love to listen to you two bicker forever, but take a peek out there."
Troi- "God. When did we come into Borg territory?"
Picard gazing out the window still seeming like he was only half there- "Yes have a look at that." Slowly he turned his gaze to Troi. (Screams)
Picard- "AAHH!! But have a look at that!!!!!!!! (Faints)
Riker guffawing- "Omigod! Ha! She must have gained 100 pounds, lost 1000 hairs, and got 10000 wrinkles! Ha ha ha!"
Worf (coughing "obese" into his hand)- "I am sorry, I must be sick today."
Troi- "I sense hatred."
Data- "No, just obesity." And the whole crew begins to crack up.
Data- "What? What did I say?"
Beverly- "Now that we've had our laughs, what do we do with this situation? It's obvious that we've all aged at least 10 years, so of course, a problem must come along with it."
Picard- "True enough. Look out that window. What do you see? What used to be a space station, now looking like a Borg civilization. Now either my eyes are deceiving me, or something is terribly wrong here."
Conclusion, I Think
After traveling many days, the crew has come to a conclusion: the Borg has taken over every planet, every galaxy that the Enterprise has ever visited. Once or twice they passed a cube, but obviously the occupants thought nothing of their tiny ship. Troi- "It's so depressing."
Geordi- "Who asked you?"
Riker- "It is depressing though. What do we do? We can't just sit here!"
Picard- "Oh yes we can Will, and that's exactly what we're going to do."
Worf- "Sir, I protest."
Picard- "I see, but it is not for you to decide. We are obviously defenseless against them, to go out and just pick a fight is not brave, it's stupid!"
Data- " I must agree, but suppose we were to find a Borg ally who-"
Riker- "Excuse me Data but don't you think you're getting a bit farfetched?"
Troi- "They are unhappy. That is why they feel the urge to take total control."
Geordi- "Sorry Troi, but nobody hit your buzzer."
Troi- "You must also be unhappy." Rolls eyes in disgust
Partners does NOT mean Friends
It is now 4 in the morning, and everyone is tired, cranky, and wired on caffeine. The only two on the bridge are Wesley and Ensign Marshall. Wesley- "You know you really bug me."
Marshall- "Are you a boy or a girl? That's buggin' me."
Wesley scoffs in disgust.
Marshall- "Wait- I'm getting something!"
Wesley- "Well it sure ain't a date."
Marshall- "No! Some kind of human life form! There are 3! Come see!"
Wesley- "I'm so above you. My mom works on the Enterprise."
Marshall- "Well my mom married her lesbian lover last year and hasn't been the same since, but oh well. Have a look."
Wesley- "Alright but this had better be good. Oh my God. What the h*ll.? But. its not Borg. Captain! Come quick! I think I've got something!"
Marshall- "You wish. It was so my catch."
Wesley- "Captain! I found something good!" Picard- "Well Wes, I think you did find something good, but you're still way gay. Lower us in Worf."
Worf- "Can do, will do, done." As they find themselves being lowered onto a moderately large meteor, they find themselves getting more and more restless. Beverly- "I can't stand it! Must kill, must kill, must kill."
Wesley- "Calm down Mother! Calm down!" She lunges at him
Wesley- "AHHHH!!!!!!!! She's strangling me! Killing me! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
Picard- "NO! Worf, stop her, that's not supposed to happen until we land!"
Beverly- "Oh. right. I forgot, sorry girl, I mean boy."
Wesley- "Cough, cough. Sputter, sputter."
Riker- "Shut up Wes, no one asked you."
Troi- "Oh Wesley, I love you."
Geordi- "And all this time I thought you were gay."
Worf- "We're landing so all y'all just sit y'all's asses down." Picard- "Wow."
Exploration
There was a slight rumble and a large crash. The emergency power was on and When I'm 64 was playing softly in the background. Immediately all heads turn to Geordi. Geordi- "What? People in the 20th century have good music!" Picard- "Right. Now that we've landed, why don't we have a look around? Its obvious one can breathe, on the account of the two "human" life forms located here. Deanna, Data, Geordi, accompany me."
Geordi- "Yes sir. Lets get this show on the road." 2 hours later, the four of them are down on the surface of whatever it is that didn't eat Maaqel 5. The air was thick, and smelled of Troi's awful "perfume" Picard- "Data, you will accompany me in looking for the life forms."
Data- "Yes sir."
Picard- "Geordi, you accompany Deanna in finding anything that is worth seeing."
Geordi- "Can do."
Picard- "And La Forge,"
Geordi- "Yes."
Picard- "No smart ass remarks."
Geordi- "Yes captain."
Partners
Geordi- "Hey Troi, how many counselors does it take to change a light bulb?"
Troi- "How many?"
Geordi- "One. But she needs to really want to change. Ha ha ha! That's one a good one!"
Troi- "Ha ha. You know, I think you are empty inside. Lonely. You're longing for something. I know it."
Geordi- "I'm longing for a date, kids, a good family, sight, your death."
Troi- "Why do you do that?"
Geordi- "What?"
Troi- "Smart mouth your superiors." Stops dead in his tracks
Geordi- "I guess my hearing is going too. did you just say you were my superior?"
Troi- "Yes. I did." Geordi- "Forget Worf, I will eat your head! EerrRRAAHHH!" Lunges at Troi, this time no one is there to pull him away Meanwhile.
Deja Q All Over Again
Picard- "Data! I think I've found them! Down there! The 3- no wait the 3rd one just disappeared."
Familiar Voice- "Hello, Jean Luc. How's the weather?"
Picard whipping around- "Q!"
Q- "Yes, yes its me. Do you like the new universe I've created?"
Picard- "You!"
Q- "Don't speak. Those humans down there, one's a ditz and the other's a brain, but good people. I felt pity on them, so I am helping them survive. I wasn't expecting you however. no matter. So what are you doing here? Don't answer that let me guess. You got caught in my time portal, lovely thing really. Well, I would have thought better of you Jean Luc, to just go out there and get sucked in. No matter." There was a pause with much hatred between the two characters.
Picard- "Why did you do this? Send us 10 years into the future? Couldn't we have waited to see for ourselves?"
Q- "Ah Picard, I see you haven't changed. You're still thinking of yourself. Maybe that portal wasn't meant for you. Maybe that portal was for someone else, and you just stuck your nosy little ass into it because you felt you had to be the best. You felt you had to explore everything. I know how you are. Don't think I don't. Oh, no, Jean Luc. This is all your fault, so don't try to pin the blame on me."
Picard stuttering through his words- "Y-you're r-right Q. It is my fault. But, I do not need you to get me out of it. Oh no Q. This is all my fault, and I will get myself out of it."
Q- "If you insist." Disappears
Geordi and Troi
Data- "Might we want to find Geordi and Deanna?"
Dazed Picard- "Yes, yes. Start searching. I, I'm going to try and communicate with the beings down there."
Data- "Sure. I'm the scout. One of these days." Troi- "Get off me!"
Geordi- "Gerr!"
Troi- "George La Forge, get you're ass off me!"
Geordi- "Gerr!"
Troi- "Wait until the captain hears this!"
Geordi- "Gerr!"
Troi in a desperate call- "Data! Captain! Help! Data!? Captain!?"
Geordi- "Gerr! You wish he was your Date-a!"
Deanna in a choking sort of way- "Gasp!" (In a Hades sort of way), "Take that back!"
Geordi- "Got it! Ha ha! I got your communicator! Naa! Now, let us call the captain and tell him what a bad person you're being."
Deanna- "You wouldn't!"
Geordi- "No, but it'll cost ya'."
Deanna- "Name it!"
New Faces
After walking at the least a mile, an extremely tired captain comes in contact with to passed out humans. One is a woman, with short, slightly curled blonde hair, a slim, short figure looking about 16 and the other, a smaller boy with short brown hair and a slim shorter figure looking about 14. Picard yelled in anger and frustration. Girl, still half a sleep- "Whoa, dude that's enough of the screaming. ZZZZzzzz."
Picard a jolt of excitement in his voice- "Sorry, I was just very angry with myself." There was no response.
Picard- "Would you talk to me please?"
Girl, still half asleep- "About what?"
Picard- "Anything, how you got here, what happened, when it happened, why, who." There was no response.
Picard- "Anything.?"
Girl, a little more awake- "Sure, hold on, let me wake up. Got any coffee?"
Picard- "Yes on the ship. Hold on. Beverly, 3 to beam up, no wait, yeah, 3 to beam up." Girl- "So you're telling me that you guys are space folk, come forward in time, only to find that your whole universe except us has been turned into a borg? Now you want to try to stop it?"
Beverly- "Yes, now what was your name again?"
Girl- "I'm Valerie, and this is my brother. where's Danny?"
Danny- "Right here. This is. intriguing. I have never seen so much. for lack of better term, mind-blowing technology!"
Beverly- "You two might find this a strange question but what year is it now? I mean, for you."
Valerie- "2003. Why?"
Danny- "Wait, if you're really from 10 years back, then all of this stuff must have been created in 1993. That's strange. not to mention impossible."
Beverly- "Wait. this is all very confusing. how did.why did. when did.? Oh my. I have to go vent. I need some sort of punching bag. Wesley!" The next day, Wesley is on life support, with the crew still wondering why Picard's keeping him alive. "I'm telling you, it wasn't my idea, why would I want to keep him alive anymore than I have to?" was his defense. Also on the next day, Beverly figured out what must've happened with the time. While they went forward 10 years in time, Valerie and Danny went up a couple centuries. Why and how they survived no one knows.
Valerie- "So what's up with that kid in the air tank?"
Beverly- "That's my son, Wesley. He gets real annoying sometimes, and the only way we can shut him up is to beat him up then put him on life support.
Valerie- "That's terrible!" takes one step closer "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! He's hideous! Oh my. oh my I think I have to go barf!" runs out of the room screaming
Danny peering down into the tank- "Is he human?"
Beverly- "Yeah, we think so."
Down below in the deck Troi and Geordi are having a bit of a row.
Back to Geordi and Troi
Troi plugging her ears obviously trying to drown out Geordi- "Nope, no, not listening! La la la la! Not listening!" makes a sad attempt at whistling
Geordi- " 'Course your not listening, yer deaf! Deaf! But maybe, your 'senses' will tell you what I'm sayin'!"
Troi- "Don't mock my senses you-"
Geordi- "Aha! You were listening! Faker, faker! Fatty is a faker!"
Troi- "If I'm fat then what are you? Ya' got more chins than a Chinese phone book!"
Geordi looked down. He hadn't realized what a big beer belly he had.
Troi smirked seeing that she had obviously touched a nerve- "Ha! Now who needs 'double, double slim fast'"?
Geordi dumbstruck- "I'll get you Troi! I will!" walks away feeling sorry for himself
The Dream
The ship then starts tilting. Everyone is now turning into vegetables getting boiled in ice. The ship lands on Mars, and the carrots and broccoli get out, and die. Well, that's assuming that vegetables can indeed die. Picard awoke with the start, screaming.
Picard-"NNNNOOOO!!!!"
He was drenched in sweat. (
Beverly- "Its okay! Sh sh it's all, okay. I'm sure it was just a dream. You were up too late in that night shift."
He looked around to find that he was still on the bridge with Marshall and the skeleton crew. It was all just a dream. Picard- "Thank you Doctor. I can take it from here."
There conversation was broken by Marshall- "Um. sir I think we got something. Its black and swirly and it ate Maaqel 5!"
The End?
The Setup- Picard and a skeleton crew are on the bridge at 3:00 in the morning. Worf has detected an anomaly three days ago in this sector, and they are still trying to find it. Picard has insisted on being on duty (or at least on call) all hours of the day and night. Young Ensign- "Sir, I think we've got something."
Picard- "What is it, Ensign?"
Young Ensign- "There seems to be a disturbance over on Maaqel 5. It's black! And swirly, like a wormhole!"
Picard- "Now Ensign Marshall, you know there are no wormholes in this sector."
Marshall- "Yeah but. This. Come have a look."
Picard (all ready cranky from lack of sleep)- "This had better be good. WHOA!" Taps commbadge worriedly.
Picard- "Will, report to bridge. Now." 5 minutes pass before Will Riker appears on bridge. Groggy from his 4 hour snooze and angry from being awoken at this time, he staggers onto his seat.
Riker- "What is it Captain?"
Marshall- "Come have a look."
Riker with a menacing glance- "What is it Captain?" The ensign resumes meekly to his work.
Picard- "It seems to be a wormhole, but now that I look at it. no."
Riker chuckling to himself- "What, a time portal? We haven't seen one of those since our last encounter with the borg! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h-"
Picard- "Shut up Will, I'm serious. And now that I see it, we are being pulled toward it!
Ensign! Turn around at warp 4! GO!"
Marshall- "I'm on it!"
Riker as he turns to leave- "And ensign, don't say that." The ensign once again returns meekly to his orders.
The Argument
It is now 7:00 am and the regular crew has still made no progress getting away from whatever has eaten Maaqel 5. Of course Troi senses something wrong, but she has been long since dismissed from the bridge, Data is with Chrome Dome in- sorry, is with Picard in thinking it is a time portal, Worf has just done his job and kept his opinion to himself, Beverly thinks it is the black plague revisited in the 24th century, Geordi "knows" it's a huge family of polar bears eating marshmallows in a snowstorm: The whole crew in unison- "Geordi are you friggen color blind?!?!?" Geordi- "Oh. Right. Well gee, ya don't need ta get all jumpy on me, its 'cause I'm short I know." Many opinions were shared, lots of them brutally rejected. Soon an argument had broken out:
Dr. Crusher-"Ya'll are just jealous of my great ideas and my astonishing good looks."
Wesley- "Ha! That's a good one, might as well-"
Dr. Crusher- SLAP "*%$#*@"
Riker- "Ladies, ladies."
Wesley- "Hey!"
Riker- "Now you crackheads have to settle down."
Data- "Who are you calling a crackheads?"
Geordi- "Actually heh heh."
Worf- "Shut your mouth or I will eat your head."
Picard- "Now Mr. Dwarf-"
Worf- "eerrRAHHHH!!!!! DIE SIR!" (lunges but is pulled away by Data)
Data- "We must keep our heads especially the captain Mr. Worf."
Troi steps in to see that all the hub-hub is just horse play. How wrong she was. Heh heh heh.
Geordi- "Who invited you, punk?"
Troi- "I just thought-"
Picard- "Oh so now you're thinking, well things have changed then!"
Troi- " You didn't just say that. Oh that was a mistake, eerrRAAAHHH!!" (And once again Picard is lunged at) The argument probably would have gone on longer if not interrupted by a very girly voice on the intercom.
Girly Voice- "Stop it! All of you! Cant you see our constant fighting is tearing us apart?! We are civilized human beings!"
Data and Worf in unison- "Correction-"
Girly Voice- "Sorry. But either way we are all civilized! So where's the love? Can we stop the hate? Please?"
A long pause then a scuffle on the mike and another voice comes on. Geordi- "Wow Wes. Are you Gay?"
Wesley- "I saw it on one of my soaps. Sorry."
Geordi-"Once again."
Picard- "La Forge you have a point, but we must stop this argument before it gets out of hand."
Assignments
Another interruption, this time from Ensign Marshall. Marshall yelling hysterically- "Captain! You know that old swirly gunky thing that ate Maaqel 5? Well, It's eating us! I mean, pulling us in faster! We're mere kilometers away! What do we do?"
A broken silence follows. Picard- "Well, why don't we just take a 5 minute break?"
Marshall- "But sir, we're 4 minutes away!"
Picard- "My point exactly. Smoke if you got 'em."
A bewildered Marshall- "I. I don't think I understand."
Wesley-"Well, what he means is, we are going to take a break and you are going to work your way out of this mess."
Beverly- "No Wes, what the Captain means is you and Mr. Marshall are going to work to get your self out of this, isn't that right Jean Luc?"
Picard- "Yes, yes correct." (Raises his eyebrows at Wesley and Marshall) The 2 boys left scowling and cursing until they met the bridge.
10 Years Ahead of Schedule
Now the crew had to think of plan to get out of this predicament. 1 minute passed, then 2, soon 3 and before they knew it, 4. A blinding neon light came about them, then a heavy wind knocking them off their feet. They were out of time. They were listening to conversations of the past. One by one they started looking up. Something odd was happening. Everyone aboard was aging terribly! 10 years at the least. And then it stopped. It just stopped. Everyone righted themselves and took a look around. Data summed up all their thoughts, "Wow! You are all old! And I am not. How odd." Riker- "This is a bit of a predicament. It really was a time portal."
Picard with a blank look and a whisper as though it was not the only thing on his mind- "In your face Will."
Geordi-"How 'bout them astonishingly good looks Bev? Eh, eh?"
Beverly- Smack "A little silver in my gold."
Worf- "I would love to listen to you two bicker forever, but take a peek out there."
Troi- "God. When did we come into Borg territory?"
Picard gazing out the window still seeming like he was only half there- "Yes have a look at that." Slowly he turned his gaze to Troi. (Screams)
Picard- "AAHH!! But have a look at that!!!!!!!! (Faints)
Riker guffawing- "Omigod! Ha! She must have gained 100 pounds, lost 1000 hairs, and got 10000 wrinkles! Ha ha ha!"
Worf (coughing "obese" into his hand)- "I am sorry, I must be sick today."
Troi- "I sense hatred."
Data- "No, just obesity." And the whole crew begins to crack up.
Data- "What? What did I say?"
Beverly- "Now that we've had our laughs, what do we do with this situation? It's obvious that we've all aged at least 10 years, so of course, a problem must come along with it."
Picard- "True enough. Look out that window. What do you see? What used to be a space station, now looking like a Borg civilization. Now either my eyes are deceiving me, or something is terribly wrong here."
Conclusion, I Think
After traveling many days, the crew has come to a conclusion: the Borg has taken over every planet, every galaxy that the Enterprise has ever visited. Once or twice they passed a cube, but obviously the occupants thought nothing of their tiny ship. Troi- "It's so depressing."
Geordi- "Who asked you?"
Riker- "It is depressing though. What do we do? We can't just sit here!"
Picard- "Oh yes we can Will, and that's exactly what we're going to do."
Worf- "Sir, I protest."
Picard- "I see, but it is not for you to decide. We are obviously defenseless against them, to go out and just pick a fight is not brave, it's stupid!"
Data- " I must agree, but suppose we were to find a Borg ally who-"
Riker- "Excuse me Data but don't you think you're getting a bit farfetched?"
Troi- "They are unhappy. That is why they feel the urge to take total control."
Geordi- "Sorry Troi, but nobody hit your buzzer."
Troi- "You must also be unhappy." Rolls eyes in disgust
Partners does NOT mean Friends
It is now 4 in the morning, and everyone is tired, cranky, and wired on caffeine. The only two on the bridge are Wesley and Ensign Marshall. Wesley- "You know you really bug me."
Marshall- "Are you a boy or a girl? That's buggin' me."
Wesley scoffs in disgust.
Marshall- "Wait- I'm getting something!"
Wesley- "Well it sure ain't a date."
Marshall- "No! Some kind of human life form! There are 3! Come see!"
Wesley- "I'm so above you. My mom works on the Enterprise."
Marshall- "Well my mom married her lesbian lover last year and hasn't been the same since, but oh well. Have a look."
Wesley- "Alright but this had better be good. Oh my God. What the h*ll.? But. its not Borg. Captain! Come quick! I think I've got something!"
Marshall- "You wish. It was so my catch."
Wesley- "Captain! I found something good!" Picard- "Well Wes, I think you did find something good, but you're still way gay. Lower us in Worf."
Worf- "Can do, will do, done." As they find themselves being lowered onto a moderately large meteor, they find themselves getting more and more restless. Beverly- "I can't stand it! Must kill, must kill, must kill."
Wesley- "Calm down Mother! Calm down!" She lunges at him
Wesley- "AHHHH!!!!!!!! She's strangling me! Killing me! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
Picard- "NO! Worf, stop her, that's not supposed to happen until we land!"
Beverly- "Oh. right. I forgot, sorry girl, I mean boy."
Wesley- "Cough, cough. Sputter, sputter."
Riker- "Shut up Wes, no one asked you."
Troi- "Oh Wesley, I love you."
Geordi- "And all this time I thought you were gay."
Worf- "We're landing so all y'all just sit y'all's asses down." Picard- "Wow."
Exploration
There was a slight rumble and a large crash. The emergency power was on and When I'm 64 was playing softly in the background. Immediately all heads turn to Geordi. Geordi- "What? People in the 20th century have good music!" Picard- "Right. Now that we've landed, why don't we have a look around? Its obvious one can breathe, on the account of the two "human" life forms located here. Deanna, Data, Geordi, accompany me."
Geordi- "Yes sir. Lets get this show on the road." 2 hours later, the four of them are down on the surface of whatever it is that didn't eat Maaqel 5. The air was thick, and smelled of Troi's awful "perfume" Picard- "Data, you will accompany me in looking for the life forms."
Data- "Yes sir."
Picard- "Geordi, you accompany Deanna in finding anything that is worth seeing."
Geordi- "Can do."
Picard- "And La Forge,"
Geordi- "Yes."
Picard- "No smart ass remarks."
Geordi- "Yes captain."
Partners
Geordi- "Hey Troi, how many counselors does it take to change a light bulb?"
Troi- "How many?"
Geordi- "One. But she needs to really want to change. Ha ha ha! That's one a good one!"
Troi- "Ha ha. You know, I think you are empty inside. Lonely. You're longing for something. I know it."
Geordi- "I'm longing for a date, kids, a good family, sight, your death."
Troi- "Why do you do that?"
Geordi- "What?"
Troi- "Smart mouth your superiors." Stops dead in his tracks
Geordi- "I guess my hearing is going too. did you just say you were my superior?"
Troi- "Yes. I did." Geordi- "Forget Worf, I will eat your head! EerrRRAAHHH!" Lunges at Troi, this time no one is there to pull him away Meanwhile.
Deja Q All Over Again
Picard- "Data! I think I've found them! Down there! The 3- no wait the 3rd one just disappeared."
Familiar Voice- "Hello, Jean Luc. How's the weather?"
Picard whipping around- "Q!"
Q- "Yes, yes its me. Do you like the new universe I've created?"
Picard- "You!"
Q- "Don't speak. Those humans down there, one's a ditz and the other's a brain, but good people. I felt pity on them, so I am helping them survive. I wasn't expecting you however. no matter. So what are you doing here? Don't answer that let me guess. You got caught in my time portal, lovely thing really. Well, I would have thought better of you Jean Luc, to just go out there and get sucked in. No matter." There was a pause with much hatred between the two characters.
Picard- "Why did you do this? Send us 10 years into the future? Couldn't we have waited to see for ourselves?"
Q- "Ah Picard, I see you haven't changed. You're still thinking of yourself. Maybe that portal wasn't meant for you. Maybe that portal was for someone else, and you just stuck your nosy little ass into it because you felt you had to be the best. You felt you had to explore everything. I know how you are. Don't think I don't. Oh, no, Jean Luc. This is all your fault, so don't try to pin the blame on me."
Picard stuttering through his words- "Y-you're r-right Q. It is my fault. But, I do not need you to get me out of it. Oh no Q. This is all my fault, and I will get myself out of it."
Q- "If you insist." Disappears
Geordi and Troi
Data- "Might we want to find Geordi and Deanna?"
Dazed Picard- "Yes, yes. Start searching. I, I'm going to try and communicate with the beings down there."
Data- "Sure. I'm the scout. One of these days." Troi- "Get off me!"
Geordi- "Gerr!"
Troi- "George La Forge, get you're ass off me!"
Geordi- "Gerr!"
Troi- "Wait until the captain hears this!"
Geordi- "Gerr!"
Troi in a desperate call- "Data! Captain! Help! Data!? Captain!?"
Geordi- "Gerr! You wish he was your Date-a!"
Deanna in a choking sort of way- "Gasp!" (In a Hades sort of way), "Take that back!"
Geordi- "Got it! Ha ha! I got your communicator! Naa! Now, let us call the captain and tell him what a bad person you're being."
Deanna- "You wouldn't!"
Geordi- "No, but it'll cost ya'."
Deanna- "Name it!"
New Faces
After walking at the least a mile, an extremely tired captain comes in contact with to passed out humans. One is a woman, with short, slightly curled blonde hair, a slim, short figure looking about 16 and the other, a smaller boy with short brown hair and a slim shorter figure looking about 14. Picard yelled in anger and frustration. Girl, still half a sleep- "Whoa, dude that's enough of the screaming. ZZZZzzzz."
Picard a jolt of excitement in his voice- "Sorry, I was just very angry with myself." There was no response.
Picard- "Would you talk to me please?"
Girl, still half asleep- "About what?"
Picard- "Anything, how you got here, what happened, when it happened, why, who." There was no response.
Picard- "Anything.?"
Girl, a little more awake- "Sure, hold on, let me wake up. Got any coffee?"
Picard- "Yes on the ship. Hold on. Beverly, 3 to beam up, no wait, yeah, 3 to beam up." Girl- "So you're telling me that you guys are space folk, come forward in time, only to find that your whole universe except us has been turned into a borg? Now you want to try to stop it?"
Beverly- "Yes, now what was your name again?"
Girl- "I'm Valerie, and this is my brother. where's Danny?"
Danny- "Right here. This is. intriguing. I have never seen so much. for lack of better term, mind-blowing technology!"
Beverly- "You two might find this a strange question but what year is it now? I mean, for you."
Valerie- "2003. Why?"
Danny- "Wait, if you're really from 10 years back, then all of this stuff must have been created in 1993. That's strange. not to mention impossible."
Beverly- "Wait. this is all very confusing. how did.why did. when did.? Oh my. I have to go vent. I need some sort of punching bag. Wesley!" The next day, Wesley is on life support, with the crew still wondering why Picard's keeping him alive. "I'm telling you, it wasn't my idea, why would I want to keep him alive anymore than I have to?" was his defense. Also on the next day, Beverly figured out what must've happened with the time. While they went forward 10 years in time, Valerie and Danny went up a couple centuries. Why and how they survived no one knows.
Valerie- "So what's up with that kid in the air tank?"
Beverly- "That's my son, Wesley. He gets real annoying sometimes, and the only way we can shut him up is to beat him up then put him on life support.
Valerie- "That's terrible!" takes one step closer "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! He's hideous! Oh my. oh my I think I have to go barf!" runs out of the room screaming
Danny peering down into the tank- "Is he human?"
Beverly- "Yeah, we think so."
Down below in the deck Troi and Geordi are having a bit of a row.
Back to Geordi and Troi
Troi plugging her ears obviously trying to drown out Geordi- "Nope, no, not listening! La la la la! Not listening!" makes a sad attempt at whistling
Geordi- " 'Course your not listening, yer deaf! Deaf! But maybe, your 'senses' will tell you what I'm sayin'!"
Troi- "Don't mock my senses you-"
Geordi- "Aha! You were listening! Faker, faker! Fatty is a faker!"
Troi- "If I'm fat then what are you? Ya' got more chins than a Chinese phone book!"
Geordi looked down. He hadn't realized what a big beer belly he had.
Troi smirked seeing that she had obviously touched a nerve- "Ha! Now who needs 'double, double slim fast'"?
Geordi dumbstruck- "I'll get you Troi! I will!" walks away feeling sorry for himself
The Dream
The ship then starts tilting. Everyone is now turning into vegetables getting boiled in ice. The ship lands on Mars, and the carrots and broccoli get out, and die. Well, that's assuming that vegetables can indeed die. Picard awoke with the start, screaming.
Picard-"NNNNOOOO!!!!"
He was drenched in sweat. (
Beverly- "Its okay! Sh sh it's all, okay. I'm sure it was just a dream. You were up too late in that night shift."
He looked around to find that he was still on the bridge with Marshall and the skeleton crew. It was all just a dream. Picard- "Thank you Doctor. I can take it from here."
There conversation was broken by Marshall- "Um. sir I think we got something. Its black and swirly and it ate Maaqel 5!"
The End?
