Chapter 10 - Reluctant Allies

All night, I've been unable to move. Something inside me has been struggling to get through the barrier that has held my body immobile, and now, it's in the background, as if its efforts have sapped its strength. I know it'll be back, though. It's not gone, just regrouping, preparing to take over my mind again, and with it, my body.

I was going to kill Buffy last night. I can't believe it could control me enough to do that. I loved my wife, but I also love Buffy. I hate what she does, I hate that she could bring herself to sleep with a demon, with Spike, but I still love her.

Sam. Thoughts of my wife have been rare recently. The other presence won't allow me to think about her too much, because the memory of her death is too much for me, it causes the real me to surface too much.

Although I can't move, I can see and hear perfectly. I hear them coming, know before I see them who it is. They approach, three of them, the same three as last night. I don't know who the witch is. She's the reason I'm here, the reason I didn't succeed in my attempt to kill Buffy. She's watching me as she approaches, wary in case I've managed to get out of the constraints she's put me in. Hardly likely. As well as the immobilisation spell, they've got me chained to the wall.

Giles asks her to reverse the spell, and she does so. The relief is tremendous. Every muscle in my body aches like I can't remember before. I make no attempt to pull on the chains, since I want them to trust me. I hate to admit it, but I need them to get rid of whatever it is that's inside me. My training tells me to go back to the unit, that someone there will be able to help, but my instinct tells me otherwise. It tells me that maybe, I'll be the next subject for experimentation.

"Riley," Giles begins. I'm surprised, I'd expected Buffy to lead the way. That's how it always was before. I look at her, and I understand. The anger in her eyes is something living, and it's trying to devour her. I realise he's afraid of what she'll do if she's allowed to get too close, and I know that the witch isn't just here to protect them. She's here to protect me too.

"We need information, and I'd like to get it without any unpleasantness. But, believe me, if we don't get what we want, I don't think I'll be able to stop Buffy from doing as she wanted to last night."

I nod. My throat's dry, and I try swallowing a couple of times, so I can talk.

"Where is Spike?" The words are enunciated clearly, so there can be no doubt that he's serious.

"Look, Giles, I want to help you. Truth is, I need your help, so I'll tell you what I can, but I don't think it'll be enough. I think they'd have taken him to the base at the old Initiative headquarters."

"Well, we wouldn't have thought of that, would we?" Buffy's voice drips sarcasm. It sounds more like something Spike would say, and that makes me feel uncomfortable.

"Giles, listen. When I went back, fighting demons, they did a debrief on me before they let me into action. They know everything about you, and what you can do, that I know. If they realise you're going to be looking for him, then it stands to reason they'd take precautions."

"I'm sure you can do better than that," Giles encourages. In the background, Buffy's pacing, her impatience obvious in every step. I drag my attention back to Giles.

"Listen, I'll tell you what I can. Like I said, I need your help, so I'm not looking to hold out, but remember, they picked me up too. Weren't exactly gentle. I was able to persuade them I was just in shock, after what happened to .. Sam, and they've given me leave and set up for me to see a counsellor. But, I'm not top of the list for sharing secret information."

"So, what is it you want our help with?" Giles asks mildly. He's trying to gauge the truth of what I'm saying, but that doesn't matter. He's good at interrogation, that much is obvious.

"There's something .. in me. I don't know what it is, but I've got to admit I'm scared. It's what I've always feared, more than anything, that one day a demon would infect me in some way. Never worried too much about death, but the idea that a subT could get inside my body, take it over, that's my nightmare. And it's happening. It's inside, and it's making me do things. Something about the spell last night has forced it down, but it's still there, and I don't know how long I'm going to be able to keep it down."

"And when do you think you got infected?"

"I'm not sure, but I think it was the day Sam died. I felt this .. pain, like a knife in my back, but it was gone in an instant. Since then, it's been growing in power, and I'd all but lost the ability to control it, until the spell."

Giles nods to the witch, a silent request to be vigilant, and comes closer. He pulls me away from the wall, just enough to lift my sweatshirt up my back. He must see something, because he calls Buffy to look.

"There's a mark there," she offers.

"Yes. It looks like a scar, but the surface skin seems just discoloured."

"Did you know it was there?"

"No, I haven't had much chance to look in mirrors."

He lets that comment go, returning to the questions.

"And what's this .. entity forcing you to do?"

"It wants me to kill Buffy."

"Why?"

"I don't know, it's not clear, it's something about redressing a balance, but I don't understand. It's as if killing Buffy is the only aim it has."

Giles sighs deeply.

"Can I hit him now?" Buffy buts in, impatiently coming between Giles and me. I flinch away from her. I remember what it's like to be on the receiving end of her fists, and she didn't want to hurt me last time.

"Buffy, wait. I think he's telling the truth."

"You mean you believe me?" I'm amazed that he seems to have accepted my story at face value.

"Well, I had a theory which fits very closely with what you told me."

"What is it? Is it a demon? What did it do to me? I'm not a vampire, I know that, I'm still breathing."

"I don't believe it's a demon per se." He's looking at Buffy as he speaks, trying to get her agreement to tell me what they know. She nods, almost imperceptibly, and Giles continues.

"The energy inside the Orb of Fire was placed there .."

"Orb of fire? What's that?"

"The sphere you were analysing. The one you destroyed."

"But how ..? That was top secret."

"We found a prophecy. It had to do with Buffy's sister, Dawn. A long time ago, there was a malevolent energy, something which threatened to destroy the world. Those who inhabited the earth at that time, found a way to encapsulate it, contain it, until an antidote could be found. That .. antidote was eventually given human form, and it was left to increase in strength until it was sufficient to completely annihilate the evil. That human was given to Buffy as a sister. Her job, and that of Spike, was to protect her until the cycle was complete. At some time in the future, the Orb was due to degrade and allow the energy to escape. At the right time, it would have been completely absorbed by the antidote, which was known as the Key. Your meddling caused the Orb to fail before its time, triggering the demise of Buffy's sister, but at a time before balance was attained. There was some of the evil remaining, and we believe it took up residence in your body."

Well, what do you say to that? "Prophecy?" I manage weakly.

"Yes, I know you scientific types don't hold a lot of store by it, but these things do exist, and are best not ignored. We knew about it, and were actively searching for the Orb when you came back to Sunnydale. Unfortunately, you got your hands on it rather than us."

"And it destroyed Dawn? The same thing that destroyed Sam destroyed Dawn?"

He nods, but I know it was different. My memories of that awful day are blurred after I left the lab, but I don't remember any more screaming.

"Why didn't she scream?"

"Who?"

"Dawn. Why didn't she scream? The others did. I saw them, dissolving, their flesh melting off their bones. Their screams were .. agonising."

"That's not how it was for Dawn. Perhaps she was protected by the Key energy."

"I'm sorry about Sam." I snap my head around. It's the first thing Buffy's said in a while. I nod my gratitude. If she lost her sister too, maybe she understands. Then I realise, it's another death on my conscience.

"So, you really don't know where Spike is?" she's asking. Her body language is different. She came in here, a predator, looking to hurt me. That's gone. She looks lost.

"He might still be at the base, but I doubt it. In any case, the security's tight."

I look at her. I need to ask, even though I suspect it'll result in her lashing out at me. "Why does he matter?"

I see her tense, but she doesn't hit me. "Because I love him."

"But he's a demon. How can you love a demon? I couldn't understand Angel, but at least he had a soul."

"Spike has a soul, too. He went and got one. Not a curse, something he actually wanted to get, so I could love him. Silly thing is, I already did."

"But he's a demon, Buffy."

"Yes, Riley, and so am I."

I don't know what to make of that. It's obviously not true, it's something Spike's made her believe, but to my surprise, Giles doesn't contradict her.

"You know something, Buffy?" I ask.

"What?"

"When we were together, I put your name down as a contact if anything, you know, happened. I didn't change that when I married Sam. I mean, she was there too, but I didn't take you off the list. You know why?"

She shakes her head. I can tell she's not really interested, but I go on anyway.

"It's 'cos, I've always been scared I'd end up a demon. You know, vampire or whatever. I wanted you to know if something happened to me, because I hoped you'd hunt me down, kill whatever had taken over my body. I couldn't bear the thought of .. being like that."

"And what is that to me?"

"Look, Buffy, I'm asking you to help me. I don't know what it is that's controlling me, but it's taking my humanity. If you can't get rid of it, please, just kill me."

"Riley," Giles interrupts. "Why should we help you? We can research, try to find a way to rid you of this energy, we might even be able to come up with something strong enough to hold it, at least temporarily. But, keeping you here's an option too. While you're here, you're not a danger to us, and there's no reason for us to do anything."

"Look, I thought you'd do it just because it's right. But, if you help, I'll do what I can. It goes against everything I believe in, but I'll help you find Spike. I may not be much use right away, but once they think I'm over Sam's death, I've got a fighting chance of getting onto the team. Then, I'll pass on whatever information you need."

"Ok," Giles replies. "We'll consider your offer. Then, if we agree, we've got to find a way of freeing you of this energy. So, Jenna, if you would .."

She nods, but before she can say anything, I feel the other presence fighting for prominence.

"It's coming back," I warn, as my arms start to pull at the chains. I'm losing control again, and the fear that had been pushed aside is rising again. They can see the terror on my face, and all I see on theirs is pity.

The witch recites her incantation, and my limbs freeze in place. I feel the roar of frustration inside, but it never erupts from me. As I am pushed down, my thoughts are all around the hope that Buffy will save me.

*-*-*

More pain. Just as I start to be aware, start to hear, I feel the needle, and it goes again. Not the pain, that's there all the time, even when I'm out. I feel it, and I'm having dreams, well, nightmares would be closer, to account for it. Dawn's no longer there. Angelus figures pretty large in them. Him and Darla. Oh, and the Hellbitch too.

I hear snatches of conversation as I come to the surface, but

it doesn't make a lot of sense. This time, as I come up, I make an effort to remain still, make them think I'm still out, try to find out something about what's happening.

"Samples complete?"

"Yes, that ought to do."

"Is the lab ready for them?"

"They've been calling for hours. Desperate to get to work."

"Well, he's finished. We'll bandage him so he doesn't bleed everywhere, and give him to the special team."

"What're they going to do with him?"

"Damned if I know. I wouldn't like the job of keeping him under control, I know that."

"I heard the special team's so top secret, even the President doesn't have security clearance."

"Wouldn't be the first time."

"Give him another jab to keep him quiet while he's transferred. Wouldn't do to have him coming round until they're ready to control him."

Then, there's the inevitable needle, and soon, I'm back with Angelus. The only thing that's keeping me sane is the knowledge that Buffy will look for me. She'll do it out of duty if not love. And, I'm almost starting to believe she'll do it out of love.