Chapter 12 - What's In a Name?

I knew what the result would be, but I'm still feeling shock. It's kind of hard to believe. It's not so long ago, I was a child, looking to my mom for what I needed. Ok, more recently, I was the typical teenager, rebelling against the restraints she put on me. Of course, some of those restraints were only a problem because I was the Slayer, and my mom didn't know. But later, just when we could have started to be really good friends, when she really understood what my life was, she was taken from me. I wonder what she'd think if she were still here. My mom, a grandmother. I don't suppose she was much older than I am when I was born, so I don't think she'd worry about that. And, she always did like Spike.

Then I remember who it is I'm carrying. It's Dawn. I mean, it could be another person, and Dawn could be coming later, but I don't really believe that. I go back into the bedroom, glancing out of the window. It's still daylight, and I know I can't do a lot until it's dark. Anyway, I'm still waiting to hear from Giles about the spell. It'd be so much easier to look for Spike if I actually have some clue where to start.

I'm tired. I suspect it's as much the emotional strain of recently as the physical demands, but that's not important. I give in to my earlier urge, and go and wrap myself in Spike's scent in his bed.

"I'm sorry, Dawn," I whisper. "Daddy should be here too, and as soon as I can arrange it, he's coming back to us. Till then, it's just you and me. I'll take care of you, do everything I can to keep you safe. But, finding your Daddy is important to your safety too. I know you know understand."

As I speak, I'm gently rubbing my stomach, trying to comfort the child inside. If she feels like I do, she needs comfort. She needs Spike, we both do.

I called her Dawn. I don't suppose that's the best idea. It'll be too confusing to give her the same name again. I need another name, but I'll have to choose it carefully. I make a mental note to buy a book of baby names. Not that I'm going to decide alone. That's something Spike and I will do together. Still, it won't hurt to have some ideas.

Rolled in the covers, surrounded by his scent, my hands on my stomach, imagining both of us, baby and me, wrapped in Spike's arms, I feel myself drift off to sleep.

I'm with Dawn, but she's not as I remember her. She's a baby, and, of course, my memories as Dawn's sister are of another child. This time, the baby is mine, my daughter, mine and Spike's. There's none of the jealousy or fear that surrounded the arrival of a sister. There's only love and wonder.

Spike's there too, we're a family. There's not much being said, at least, not in the conventional sense. Although I know she's too young to understand, I hear Dawn's voice in my head.

"He's sharing this dream. He needs to know, he needs something to keep him strong. You've got to find a way to him, soon. Please."

"I will, little one," I respond without moving my lips.

I hear the child's voice again, in my head. "Did you know that Zara means 'Glorious Dawn'? And that Renee means reborn?"

I smile, even within the dream, at the incongruity of this babe in arms telling me these things.

"Is that what you'd like to be called?" I ask.

"I don't know if what I like is important, but they feel right."

"If it's ok with Spike, it's ok with me," I reply.

Spike looks towards me and smiles. I take it that means we have an agreement. I hear Dawn's .. no Zara's giggle.

"He says he likes Zara. He says one of the Queen's grandchildren is called Zara. He says it gives the name a bit of class."

The dream fades, to be replaced by an insistent ringing that I'm unable to place immediately as I crawl out of the dream. At last, I realise it's my mobile, and I get up to pick up the clothes I shed when I came to bed, so I can find it.

"Buffy? Are you ok?" Giles sounds worried.

"I'm fine, Giles. I was asleep, that's all."

"Good." Relief is evident in his voice. "I've got the ingredients for the spell. I was lucky and spoke to someone who was willing to be extremely helpful. I'm on my way back with them now. I'll be at the Magic Box in about .. half an hour. Can you meet us there?"

"I'll be there," I reply, immediately deciding that a quick shower is in order.

*-*-*

I waken to the same scene as before, but everything's different. My heart's hammering in my chest, and I'm feeling no pain. Well, I wasn't feeling any pain. Then I made the mistake of moving, and it all came back. Still, the memory of the dream .. it's a little taste of heaven.

Of course, it was only a dream. It couldn't be more.

I hear another voice in my head, disagreeing with me.

"You believed Dawn's other dreams, why not that one?"

"Because it couldn't be true. I can't be Dawn's father."

"Because you're not worthy." The tone of voice is scathing.

"Well, yes, but not just that. It's not just that I don't deserve such a prize. It's Buffy, too. If she's pregnant, because I was so stupid as to not take precautions, when we're still not sure what sort of future we've got, if any, when it wasn't planned, it's hardly going to make her love me."

"She already loves you. She told you so. And, this is Dawn, remember? What could be better than having her back so soon?"

"Never having her go .."

"Well, apart from that. She loves you. She knows Dawn's back, even if she can't see her yet. She's her child, and the child of the man she loves. Of course she's happy."

"But she's so young, too young for that responsibility."

"Responsibility. You're saying she's too young for the responsibility when she's been responsible for the welfare of the world since before she was sixteen?"

"Well, yes, but that's different."

"Why?"

"Because she was chosen. She was given the strength to do that job."

"And she's been given what she needs for this one. She's got you. She's no longer alone."

"But I'm not there."

"You will be, as long as you don't give up. You have to keep strong, so you can be with her. With them. They need you."

The other voice is gone, and I realise my face is wet. The salty liquid is dripping onto a particularly large area of my chest that's been skinned. It looks like they systematically removed the skin from an area about four inches square, and that's only one of the injuries. I don't seem to be healing very quickly. Then again, I've got no concept of how long I've been here. It could be hours or days. Even weeks, if I've been out more than I realise. And, without feeding, even human food, I don't know how long it'll take to heal.

I must've been here for a while, though. The thought of feeding immediately makes me think of blood, of feeling living blood flowing down my throat. I haven't had that thought so strongly for a while. I force the thoughts away.

I'm still not sure if I believe what the dream showed me, but I can hope. If there's any chance it is true, they won't break me. Whatever their plans for me, I'll stay strong, for my girls.

As I muse, imagining seeing the baby in my dream growing into the young woman I know she'll become, I hear something. A sizzling sound. I turn around quickly and find I'm no longer alone. I jump to my feet in alarm, ready to defend myself in any way I can. I study the creature closely. Probably a demon, but I've never seen the type before.

He/she doesn't really look like much of a threat. We're talking maybe three foot six tall. Human proportions, except for a larger than expected head. The colour's orange-ish, the orange of a cheap fake tan. Body's more or less human, except I'd guess it's adult despite the height. I'm guessing male too, but, although it doesn't appear to be dressed, there's no obvious sign of gender. The colour brings something to mind. I knew a vampire once who wanted to look more human so he wouldn't stand out. Said the pale look stopped him from getting close to the best looking girls, and that's what he wanted to eat. He tried some of that fake tan stuff, and it turned him bright orange. Didn't work out too well for him. Took forever to fade too. Something about the undead not shedding skin like the human population.

I pull my mind back to the creature who's now sharing my .. confinement.

"Who are you?" I ask.

My companion just looks confused. And, scared. He looks scared of me. Now that I'm over the shock of his appearance, I realise I can feel the fear.

"Look," I try to reassure him. "I'm a prisoner here too. I've got no axe to grind with you. In fact, if there's anything you can tell me that'd help with the idea of getting out of here, we might even end up pals. What d'ya say?"

He's been looking at me, and I see the tension draining from his small body.

"My name is Jacob."

"Spike."

"And you mean me no harm?"

"Unless you're in cahoots with the plastic soldiers who put me here, why should I be?"

"Oh," is all that he replies.

I shrug, and sit back down. If I want him to tell me what he knows, he's going to have to relax, and he's not likely to do that while I'm looming over him.

"They said you'd kill me."

"Who?"

"The people who put me in here."

"Did they give a reason for that opinion?"

"Said you were evil and bloodthirsty and hadn't fed in too long. Said you'd kill me right away, maybe even do it quickly because you were so hungry."

"Well, I'm not planning on killing you, so will you sit down and relax?"

He does so quickly, with the air of someone who's obeying an order. I sigh deeply. Whatever's got him spooked, it'll take more than me sitting down to persuade him that I'm not after his blood.

Suddenly, there's that noise again, that sizzle, and a package seems to materialise above us, falling to the 'ground' roughly between us. I regard it suspiciously. There's a smell coming from the package, filling the air, and I can't resist it. I approach cautiously, crawling up the slight incline to where it lies. I open it carefully to find exactly what I thought. There's a package of blood, and by the looks of it, it's donated human stuff. There's also a variety of human type food, and some things I don't recognise. Nothing too interesting food-wise, more along the lines of the pre-packaged stuff used by the military, but no doubt nutritious enough.

Regardless, it's the blood that draws me. I remember the last time, when the Initiative had me, the blood was drugged. I'm tempted to leave it, then I remember my promise of a few moments ago. I've got to be strong, and, even if it's drugged, the blood will help with that. I make my decision, and start to drink. My companion watches me warily, but says nothing.

When the blood's gone, I pull out the human food. I lay it in front of me, then go on to the things I don't recognise. I show them to Jacob.

"Do you know what this is?" I ask.

"Nutrition for me, it would appear."

"And this food?" I ask, indicating the rest.

"Would do me no good at all."

I nod, and push what is apparently his part of this meal towards him. He seems surprised, but accepts the offering.

"It may be drugged," I warn. "I mean, I don't know. Blood I drank may have been too, but it's the only way I can stay strong enough to get out of here. It's up to you whether you eat it or not."

He seems to understand, and begins to investigate what's been supplied.

The blood has done its job, and I can feel it starting to work, but it's no longer enough. I open a pack of grey-brown solid stuff that looks distinctly unappetising. It doesn't smell of much either, but take a bite anyway. As I suspected, it's tasteless, but I finish what's been given to me. I'm not about to waste anything.

This time I see it. There's a flash, the sizzle, and something else appears. I finish my meal, then go to investigate. It seems to be a receptacle for .. waste. How thoughtful. So, at least they're not going to just leave me, no us, to wallow in our own excrement.

I'm just wondering whether the mechanism that's caused Jacob and the rest to appear is a one way thing, or if it's possible to leave the same way, when the container for the food disappears in much the same way that it appeared. So, it is possible to leave.

I can feel the blood doing its work already. It's painful, as skin re-grows where it was removed, and deeper incisions knit together from within, but it's only pain. I lie out again, because there's really nothing else I can do. I lie and wait for the healing to be completed, and send my thoughts to Buffy. If she is pregnant, then she needs me. I may be a pitiful excuse for a father, but it looks like I'm all Dawn, no, Zara's got. I smile. So like the Bit, telling us what she's to be called. We've got our work cut out with that one, that's for sure.

"And if I was responsible, even because I was forced?" A voice breaks into my thoughts.

"Responsible?" I don't understand what Jacob means. I look over towards him.

"Responsible for your being held .. here." He indicates the sphere around us.

"Forced? What did they force you to do?"

"Among other things, I am responsible for the nature of your incarceration. I was .. naïve. When I realised things were not as I had been told, I refused to help further. The result is that I am here with you."

He pauses for a second. "They told me that you would kill me, painfully, unless I was very lucky. You are not as they would have had me believe."

"Ravening animal? Delighting in the pain of others?"

"Something like that."

"It's what they seem to believe, even when the evidence should tell them otherwise."

I sit up again. "So," I say, scooting closer to Jacob in what I hope is a non-threatening manner. "Where are we, and how do we get out of here?"

"Well, the first question is simple enough to answer. We are in another universe. One which contains only what you can see. The second question is also easy to answer, but I don't think you'll like that answer. Because, there is simply no escape."