False Smiles – Chapter 5
Freak Like Me
Piper awoke the next day, her face red and sore she had been crying herself to sleep for a few nights now and her face was starting to stay red and blotchy throughout the night. After she had dressed she started to prepare the breakfast – as usual – she made cereal and toast for everyone and set the table. Then put Phoebe's books in her bag, in case she forgot anything and then ate her breakfast by herself as usual. She sat biting into her toast and looked at her bare arms; this was the one time in the day when she could wear something with short sleeves without having to put a fleece or something over it. She ran her fingers over the slits in her arms… not that long ago she could tell you exactly why she had made every single one but now they were all just a mass of red lines. She sighed and took another bite into her toast not taking her eyes away from the cuts that were running along the arm that lay limp on the table beside her plate. She put the toast down and stared at her arm, somehow mesmerised by the cuts. She walked over to the kitchen stove and stood at it for a few seconds. Then she looked at the hob, it was gas she picked up the matches and lit the gas. She watched the flames dance and glanced from them to her arm. Then without even flinching she placed her arm at the flames, she felt the heat surge towards her arm and felt her skin slowly begin to blister… yet she couldn't feel any pain. Whenever she cut her arm she always felt the pain, but when she burnt herself she was completely numb. She let the fire burn her arm more and felt all the different things happening to her flesh, she felt it burn and smelt the foul odour that was rising from it. Then Prue walked in…
She grabbed Piper's arm and pulled it away from the fire and pulled in into the sink. Prue turned on the cold tap and let the water hit off Piper's arm as a white smoke began to fill the kitchen the water hissed when it hit Piper's arm. She looked at Piper's eyes, they looked completely empty… there was nothing there. She left Piper's arm in the sink, with the water flowing over it and turned off the gas, then she opened a window and saw the smoke slowly leaving the kitchen. She took Piper's arm out the sink and sat her down at the kitchen table then went to the cupboard for the first aid kit. She lifted a towel on her way back over to Piper and wrapped her arm in that. She dried it off and tried not to press to hard, but it didn't seem to matter Piper didn't flinch, she didn't do anything; she didn't even appear to be noticing that Prue was there. Prue lifted a bandage out of the first aid kit and began to wrap it round Piper's arm then she fastened it with some medical tape. She looked at Piper's arm and then back at her face, there were no tears, no emotion… no nothing. She shook Piper's head and clapped her hands; this seemed to bring Pipe back to earth.
"Piper, what were you doing?" she asked; now the tears came.
"I'm so sorry Prue," she said, sniffing trying not to cry.
"Don't apologise, just tell me why you were burning yourself?" asked Prue,
"I just had too," she replied, but seeing the confused look on Prue face began to further, "I just… I was unclean, before anyone knew what I was doing I felt fine… but then as soon as you found out I realised what I'd been doing and I felt dirty. And I figured that if I burnt away the scars that I might feel clean again and I would be able to look in your eyes… without feeling guilty," she finished,
"Piper, why would you have to feel guilty?" she asked,
"Because, now that you know you care and you feel like you have to help me and you have to fix things and its not your problem its mine and I should deal with it but you just feel like you have to help me and it makes me feel bad," said Piper,
"First off all, I don't have to help you… I want to help you. And second I just want you to know that your problems are my problems… we're family, sisters and we have to stick together no matter what, you're stuck with me and I'm stuck with you… and well we're both stuck with Phoebe." They both giggled, and for the first time Piper looked down at her arm.
"I guess I should go and put a long sleeved top on, huh?" she asked,
"Well, not necessarily. You could tell Grams… just Grams what's wrong and then we could get some professional help, because Piper I know that you started cutting as a way out but I think the reason you're still cutting is because its become familiar to you. It's like you've gotten addicted to hurting yourself… how can I put this? Its like you go to a movie – you like it you wouldn't cut that night, you hated the movie – might as well kill yourself. Or you flunked a maths test – your life is over best just to end it all… do you understand what I'm saying?" asked Prue,
"Yes, but I'm still going to change… but I will tell Grams,"
"When?"
"Tonight," said Piper as she began to leave the room. She turned and walked back towards Prue and looked deep into her eyes, opened her mouth to speak but decided against it,
"What's up?" asked Prue,
"Never mind, it's nothing," replied Piper and headed for the door once more,
"No, tell me Piper," insisted Prue,
"Well I was just wondering…" she stopped and looked at the floor then back at Prue,
"Am I a freak?"
