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Chapter 29 - News and a Warning
Riley's suggestion hasn't gone down well. It's all very well to try to hide the fact that I'm pregnant, but it's not going to work much longer anyway. And as for them not knowing that Spike's the father, well, I can't see how that's going to work either. They must've realised we were together when they visited before. And we're not living apart. Apart from anything else, together we're stronger. Apart, we're both vulnerable. So, we're going to take a few precautions, but otherwise, continue as before.
I had to argue the point, of course. Giles, well I expected him to object, but I hadn't thought Spike would. I listened to his arguments, and it was so obvious that his heart wasn't in them. It was breaking his heart to suggest that we should be apart for a while, but he did it anyway, for me and for the baby.
So, we compromised. We're back at Revello Drive on a permanent basis. Willow and Jenna are here too, for now. I can't really see how it makes any difference, but Giles seemed to think it was less obvious than us staying at Spike's. And, we're going to avoid doing baby-related things openly.
Despite everything, I'm happy. The things I felt when I first knew about the baby - the awe and wonder of it all - have returned, at an even higher intensity, since Spike got back. I'm seeing it through his eyes. As the Slayer, I'd kind of been persuaded that I'd never be a mother. And, the truth is, I just never thought I'd live long enough for it to be something I'd even miss. I mean, at sixteen, I couldn't imagine my life without Angel, but the knowledge that we couldn't have children didn't seem like a biggy. And, I've got to admit, that even now, the thought of imminent motherhood hadn't occurred to me until it was going to happen anyway.
But, seeing it through Spike's eyes - it's been amazing. Understandable, though. I mean, if parenthood wasn't exactly on my agenda, it definitely wasn't on his. A hundred years of knowing that it wasn't a possibility, and suddenly, it is. He's been amazing. It's funny. I mean, I know he grew up a long time ago, that his influences were of another time, but it's the first time it's been obvious. He's been trying hard to bring together the attitudes of his early life with those appropriate to now. I'm seeing a Victorian gentleman peeking through the big bad exterior and it makes me smile. It also makes me love him more than I already did.
I mean, I know, that in his time, men didn't get involved in pregnancy, well not after the start, anyway. I've had to make it clear that I want him involved in every aspect of the pregnancy. When he realised that, I could see the relief on his face. It's as if he was expecting to be excluded, while that was the last thing he wanted.
So, today I've got a doctor's office appointment. In order to make it seem like we're being sensible, we're going separately. I'm going underground, via the tunnels, and so is Spike, but he's going by way of Clem's, so we can hopefully throw anyone watching us off the scent.
I arrive from underground. It's obvious that Dr. Chan has other patients for whom sunshine is an issue, because she's happy to offer an alternative entrance from the tunnels below. I arrive at the designated doorway, and ring the doorbell, identifying myself to the receptionist. She buzzes me in, and I climb the stairs to ground level.
Once there, I glance around the waiting room, but I already know he's there, sitting nervously in a corner. Not that anyone else would know he's nervous. To the world he's the big bad he's always been, dressed in black, looking threatening. I sit beside him, and his arm slips around my waist, pulling me closer to him. As always, it's like coming home, like I'm only complete when I'm in contact with him.
We don't wait long. Within a couple of minutes of my arrival, we're called in to see the doctor.
"I'm so glad you could come this time," she gushes. "It's so important to get fathers involved early in the pregnancy. The old idea that they should be kept away isn't good for the children or the relationship."
Spike just nods, her words are so close to his own insecurities on the subject, and I can see he's itching to tell her to shut up.
He looks so young. Young and scared. Now that's funny considering he's got a century on me, but that's how it seems. He's on edge, but that's just because he feels so out of place. I guess it's a big step for him.
Spike sits to one side while I'm prodded and checked over. Then there's the bit we've both been looking forward to - the ultrasound scan. I was looking forward to it anyway, but right now, I really need to empty my bladder, so it can't come quickly enough. It seems like I've spent the past few hours drinking water, because of the warning that it would allow the scan to give more information.
Dr. Chan mutters to herself, doing some measurements, and eventually prints a copy for us. As soon as she says she's finished, I'm off the bed at full Slayer speed, heading for the toilet.
When I return, Spike's sitting at Dr. Chan's desk, and the doctor's making some notes. I sit beside Spike, and his hand immediately finds its way to hold mine.
"Ok, everything looks fine on the scan, there's no problem that I can see. However, there's one discrepancy that you might be able to help me with."
We both tense, waiting for whatever she's going to add.
"When you visited last time, you gave me your estimated date of conception. Now, when I examined you then, I thought it may have been a little inaccurate, but I decided not to worry you with that. Tell me, how confident are you of that date?"
"Very," I answer, squeezing Spike's hand as I speak.
"Why, what's wrong?" he demands.
"Nothing's wrong," she says, reassuringly. "It's just that, compared with my initial examination, the baby has grown much more than I'd have expected. From the date you gave me, I'd estimate the pregnancy to be about ten weeks, but from my examination today, I'd say it's significantly more advanced - maybe sixteen weeks?"
"Oh," I hear myself say.
"Are there some special circumstances I should know about?" she asks.
"Well, just the usual for this town," I reply, trying not to be too specific. I didn't go into details about Spike's or my rather unusual status when I visited before, even though Anya reassured me that Dr. Chan was comfortable with treating the not-completely-human. And then there's the Defenders to consider. You never know, Dr. Chan might be under surveillance if she's known to treat non-humans.
"I see, yes," she replies. "Well, I do see some rather unusual things since I started to practise here. I'd like to monitor you a little more closely than I'd usually recommend. It's probably just an accelerated pregnancy, and the child will be completely normal, but I'd still like to keep an eye on you. Certainly so far, there's nothing remarkable about the baby except his growth rate."
"I don't seem to be getting too big," I comment, running my hand over my stomach which is only slightly swollen.
"No, you're not. I suspect you've got good muscle tone, and that you won't be as big as some women I see."
"His?" I ask, realising what it was that was causing a niggling worry in my head.
She looks confused by my reaction for a moment. "Oh, I said his? I always do. It's just habit, I assure you. I've no idea of the sex of the child - he was just lying at the wrong angle for me to have any real opinion on that subject. Is it important that you know?"
I sigh in relief. "No, it's just that I think it's a girl."
"Do you now?" she replies, her voice implying tolerance. "Well, time will tell."
We leave the office separately, a few minutes apart. Spike's going to pick up his car, and he's going to meet me close to the doctor's so we can go shopping. I'm not too big yet, surprisingly so from what Dr. Chan has said, but I'm no longer comfortable in the clothes that I usually wore tight - which actually means most of my wardrobe. I need to buy some alternative clothes for work, and I'm feeling the need for something a little bit special.
As shopping trips go, it wasn't a biggy. We agreed to shop for baby online so that we can choose together without it being too obvious. I managed to find enough to eke out my wardrobe, and then I fell in love again. The object of my desire this time was a pair of pants in a satiny material. They'd have caught my eye even if I wasn't pregnant, but they have some built in advantages. They came from a store which specialises in imports from India, and they're in that sort of style. The waist is actually very adjustable, and although the pants are very long, they fasten around my ankles with velcro, and the overall effect is very flattering, and it should continue to fit even if I put on a lot of inches around the waist. I spotted a halter top in another store, which is a very similar red, but slightly lacy, and it's going to look so great with them. I just hope that I don't get too much bigger in that area, or halter tops might not be a good idea any more.
Sweats will do for Slaying. That's assuming I'm actually allowed to do some in the first place. I still go on patrol, but Spike's made it clear he doesn't feel comfortable with letting me handle things. In some ways it's sweet, and I'm glad he cares, but in others, I feel like I'm being retired. I know it's only temporary, and there was a time when I'd have been so relieved to have someone willing and able to take over that side of my life, but it's something I love sharing with Spike. Patrolling with him isn't the chore it seemed when I carried all the responsibility. Still, I know he's right. Our first priority has to be Zara, so I'll watch while he slays, and I'll even put up with having Willow or Jenna along on patrol most of the time, just so long as we can have some time alone afterwards.
Willow's amazing. You just wouldn't know she's blind. She says she actually forgets herself sometimes because she can get so much more information about the world with her new sight than she could with the old, mundane one. She still needs a spell to allow her to read, but she and Jenna have adapted the original one so that it works online and for the TV too. So, all in all, she's not actually missing out on much.
She can actually feel an approaching demon faster than I can now. In fact, she's almost back to the Willow I remember from when we first started college. She's confident, but there's none of the darkness about her any more. Well, except .. There was something. When Giles described what Riley told him about when he was released from the constraints Jenna had put on him, there was something. I don't know if anyone else noticed. Spike was sleeping at the time, so he didn't pick anything up. It wasn't something on her face, just a wave of .. I don't know, it could have been fear, but if it was, it was there and gone so quickly I can't be sure. I tried to ask her later, but she denied it happened. I almost got the impression that whatever it was, it wasn't even a conscious reaction.
As we turn to leave the store, having just paid for my new top, Spike suddenly stiffens. I feel an overwhelming deluge of emotions coming from him, and follow the line of his sight to a woman in the distance. Of course, I know who she is, and I understand Spike's reaction. She smiles once she knows she has our attention, then mouths something towards us. I've never been much good at lip-reading, but this was unmistakable.
"Be seeing you!"
It was Dawson, and the expression on her face was one of pure hatred aimed at Spike. I tense, getting ready to chase her, but Spike holds me back, shaking his head. I glance at him, then back to where she was, but I've already lost her in the crowd. She knew she was safe in a busy place like this. She's out to get him, that much is obvious. It makes me feel sick to know that someone like that exists, and even worse to realise that she's human. For so long I slayed demons in the rather simplistic belief that they were evil, and humans were good. Now I know different. Sure, there are evil demons, maybe even the vast majority of them in this world are evil, but there are some who just want the same things as humans. They want to live, to work, to love, to bring up their young. And there are humans who want to hurt, and Dawson's one of them.
I remove my arm from Spike's only to snake it around his waist, pulling him to me as I scan the crowds in a vain attempt to find her again. She can be as confident as she likes, but there's no way she's getting her hands on Spike again. She's never tangled with a Slayer before, and if she comes anywhere near him again, she'll regret it.
