Two for Joy
Chapter 32 - A Gilded Cage
I suppose, from her point of view, it does look bad. It still hurts, though. It hurts to see the hatred in her eyes. Except in dreams, I've long ago given up the idea of seeing love in her eyes, but it's still hard to accept the opposite.
Seeing her with him like this, it's .. beautiful - in a way that's hard to describe. Her love for him is complete and total. It's what I once though her incapable of giving. It's what I once dreamed she would give me.
Westgate's watching me. The funny thing is, that he doesn't completely trust me either.
I met him during my induction to the Defenders. He didn't tell me much about himself, but I left that interview feeling like I didn't have many secrets from him.
As soon as I could, I started to find out what I could about Dawson. It wasn't easy, not at first, but after a while, I found that she wasn't popular. People didn't want to talk about her, until they knew I could be trusted. Things .. happen to people who get in her way. Nothing's ever been proved, but there's enough circumstantial evidence to at least raise questions.
Then there's her background. Her rise through the ranks has been nothing short of meteoric. And I can't find any record of her qualifications. Yet, what she's been credited with - it's cutting edge stuff.
I watched, and I listened. I had an advantage, of course, because I had Giles' information too. The more I found out about her, the clearer it became to me that she wasn't what she seemed. To get to where she was, she had to have had help. And what I knew about her dealings with Spike didn't gel with what I knew about the Defenders.
What I didn't realise was, that careful as I was, I wasn't careful enough. Westgate got wind of what I was doing, and he arranged a secret meeting with me. When it became obvious that he'd been looking into Dawson's actions too, I decided to tell him what I knew, and what I'd surmised. The details of what she'd done to Spike were news to him. The cloning thing, that was official policy. But officially, Spike was just supposed to be held in case further samples were needed. The rest of it was improvisation from her. Then, there was Giles' theory about followers of Blar, which ties in too well with the suggestion that Dawson has somehow split loyalties. Westgate believed me more quickly than I'd have expected too. He'd already suspected what he called 'subT infiltration'. I guess there were just too many question marks around her.
That was a couple of weeks ago. I had to promise not to discuss Westgate with Giles or anyone. I knew that any leaks would result in no further information from Westgate. And, I never knew when his co-operation might be vital. Then, this morning, he came to me. He'd heard about Dawson's plans. He wanted to set up an alternative operation, and asked if I wanted in on it. He hoped that, if Buffy saw me, she might go along with him without a fight.
I thought about it, but there wasn't a lot of time. In the end, I knew it was my only chance of keeping them out of Dawson's clutches, so I agreed.
The counter-measure was set up quickly, but Dawson hadn't been expecting an attack from within the Defenders. All her defences were aimed against the witches and Spike. I'm not sure even now exactly how she got past Willow.
The plan is just to keep them safe. There's no suggestion that we're going to release them. All this intervention does is keep them away from Dawson. Westgate's too convinced of their value to the project to just open the door, but he's promised me that they'll be well treated and safe, at least until the baby's born, and that was the best I could do. I can't see Buffy thinking I've done her a favour, though.
When we arrive at our destination, a cave about ten miles out of Sunnydale, we drive inside. Once inside, the van is taken underground by a hydraulic system. This base is so secret, it almost doesn't exist. Dawson certainly shouldn't know about it, and it's been made clear to me that I'm as much a captive here as Buffy is until Westgate's been convinced of my loyalty.
We're taken deep underground, and brought to a medical facility to rival any in the world. A team was waiting for our arrival, and Spike is whisked into an emergency room while Buffy and I are kept outside by a security detail. Dawson's also spirited away, but I don't really care where. So, we watch through a transparent panel while Spike's wounds are tended. When that is complete, he's wheeled along a corridor, and into another lift with Buffy and me following closely. We travel deeper still, and are then taken to what are described as our quarters.
I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this. The room given to Buffy and Spike would rival most good hotels. It's large, spacious, has two beds and a comfortable seating area with TV and a music system. Spike is transferred to one of the beds, then the medical attendants leave, while I'm told by the security staff that my room is next door. I follow, reluctantly, wanting to be there for Buffy, but I'm informed that there's an interconnecting door between the two rooms.
"Open it, Buffy, please. I want to explain," I plead as I leave. She gives no sign that she's heard.
Once I'm locked in my own five-star cell, I quickly open my half of the interconnecting door. I'm not surprised to note that the other half is still locked.
I lie on one of the beds to try to think. My mind's in turmoil, and I'm feeling a strange mixture of guilt at what I've done, and relief that they're safe. Then there's revulsion at what Buffy has become. I'm torn between an irrational fear of her, and a fear for her safety. Despite my instinctive fear of her, she's never done me any harm. Ok, she broke my heart, but if what I understand is true, she was human then.
The news that I've been conditioned to feel like this about non-humans has made me angry. I didn't believe it when Giles told me. I mean, what I feel is what I feel. But, once I'd recovered from the initial shock, I just knew that it was true. It's my first priority, if we get out of this, to get that checked out, and reversed if I can. I want to be able to trust what I feel.
I'm not happy with how things turned out, but I think I did the right thing - certainly the only thing I could think of to ensure that they both, or perhaps even all three of them, survive. If I'd had more warning, then maybe .. but maybe doesn't do any good.
I must have dozed, because I'm wakened by an unfamiliar sound. I sit up quickly, and notice that the interconnecting door is open, and Buffy's peering through. I swing my legs over the edge of the bed, and wait for her to say something. There's always the possibility that she only opened the door so she could beat me up.
"Why?" she asks.
I get up and walk towards her. It's not obvious what she's asking about, but I take a guess.
"Would you rather be with Dawson?" I ask.
"No, but .."
"That's the choice I had. I could either let Dawson have you, or I could help bring you here. It's not good, I know that, but it's better than the alternative."
She doesn't answer, so I speak again. "How's he doing?"
She nods. "Better, I think. I gave him some blood, but .."
"You what?" I notice for the first time the makeshift bandage around her wrist.
"I gave him some blood. Last time Dawson did this to him, it brought him back. This time, well, it hasn't, at least, not yet."
"I know you heal better with blood, I read that in Spike's file. But, we could've got him some blood - human even - if you'd asked."
"There's blood in the fridge. I've given him some of that too, but mine's better," she replies, not meeting my eyes. "I can't give him too much of mine, because of the baby."
We don't speak for a while, and her hand runs up and down her swelling stomach. It seems to have grown visibly since the last time I saw her.
"How are you doing?" I ask.
"I'm fine, I just need Spike back."
She pulls herself up, steeling herself, before she speaks again.
"You said you'd explain, so explain," she demands.
I tell her what I know, about my belief that Dawson's somehow caught up in this group of Blar's. That the Defenders as a whole didn't know about what Dawson did to Spike.
"So where is she? Dawson?"
"She's going to be held here too," I tell her. "They're going to question her as soon as she's well enough. At least, if her head injury hasn't done permanent damage."
She shrugs. There was a time when the prospect that she'd hurt a human would've caused some grief, but there's no sign of it now. All she knows is that Dawson hurt someone she loves.
"So, how did Dawson get past Willow?"
It's the one thing I don't understand about what happened, and I know that if I get the information, Westgate will be more likely to trust me.
"She had a demon with her."
"Demon? What species?"
"I don't know. It looked a bit like Jacob and Rebecca, but bigger. We haven't found any records on their species, but Giles might come up with something. He's bound to be researching."
"So, what happened? I mean, demons are your thing, aren't they?"
"It seemed like magic just wouldn't work when it was there. Dawson, that's what she said. Once we were outside, I just didn't see it again. Don't know where it went."
"Oh," I manage. A demon that can stop magic from working, that's quite an ally.
"I'm going back to Spike."
She walks into her own room, but without locking the door between us. She lies beside him, wrapping her arms around him as well as she can with the bump between them. I watch for a few seconds before I wrench my gaze away. I used to picture Buffy like that, swelling with my child. It's hard to see it now that it's Spike's. I return to my bed, and lie down to think.
