Chapter 5: "I Liked It So Much, I Bought the Place"
The next few days for Willow were a complete blur. She did remember that much of the time involved her getting used to her new body, and its unique functions. There was so much to learn, such as how to hunt feral demons so that she could actually find them, barbeque them just right so they had that nice medium-well done flavor, and properly swallow them so that she wouldn't accidentally make an icky mess.
The most important thing she learned, though, was how to transform her huge, winged bulk back into a humanoid form that looked almost exactly like she remembered herself. Except for the half-black, half-red hair, and the lines of scales on her arms and back, of course.
At first she was skeptical that such a transformation was even possible - compressing a 50-foot body into a 5.5 foot human frame seemed unrealistic at best. But Cassie assured her that most dragons spent most of their time looking like people, and it turned out that there were some very nice former slaves (who had been servants to the Mine's visitors, including several dragons), who had the knowledge to "assist" with the appropriate rearrangement.
"You just have to know how to pack," said Cassie. And, Willow reflected, in her new human form, that the teenager had been absolutely right.
Thus, when the first Assembly of the newly liberated Morcalthian Mines was called a few days later, the assembled group of freed humans and demons only had to convince a skeptical and not entirely predictable humanoid demon that she was now the rightful ruler and protector of the Mines, as opposed to a skeptical and not entirely predictable dragon with microsecond incineration capabilities. A much safer task.
Safer, but not easy.
"But... but... I don't want to be Princess! I haven't been to Princess school! Or even proper lady school!" insisted Willow. "I don't know anything about running a dimension!"
"We can help you. I can make a big board," said Andrew.
Willow rolled her eyes. "Not helping. Besides, I'm a big, scaly, mean dragon with a ravenous appetite. I'll eat everything!"
Cassie smiled at Willow, and spoke to her in a sweet, melodic voice. Willow shuddered slightly; it was the same tone Cassie had used a few days ago to persuade her into giving into her dark power. "But we need mean to protect us. We need a big, scaly, dragon Amazon," she intoned. "And besides, you're really smart, and nice, mostly, and some of us can be your Council, and can teach you how to be uppity with the best of them."
Jonathan jumped in. "We can support a dragon here. There's plenty of nasty feral demons roaming around who would be yummy snacks for you, and would no longer be a threat to us. Besides, we need you, really, for our crops and livestock."
"What would you possibly need a dragon for?" asked Willow?
Jonathan smiled, and spoke with a tone disturbingly close to Cassie. "You see, this land isn't all that fertile. It needs to be treated, and cared for. It needs TLC. More than that, it needs fertilizer. Magical fertilizer, actually."
Willow was confused. "So, what? I'm not a fertilizer factory..." Her voice trailed off, as a look of realization spread across her face.
"Oh... oh crap..." whispered Willow.
"That's the idea," said Jonathan.
* * *
Willow Rosenberg:
They're gone now, and a while I'm alone. Here, in this glass-walled chamber that's to be the new throne room for this place. And I'm going to sit in the throne. Me, Willow Rosenberg, ruler of a hell dimension. Goddess!
I shouldn't have let them talk me into it. But they did. And, okay, maybe they're right. Cassie says that the demon world is already having conniptions over the recent "revolution." Counter-revolutionary forces are work, as my mom would say. In this case, big, ugly demon armies. This dimension needs a princess who can give the demon world both a carrot and a stick - a carrot that she can restore order and get the mines working again, and a stick that she can burn the crap out of any would-be plunderers. And that's not even mentioning the whole Miracle Gro (TM) thing. Who else can be their combination ruler, protector, and main supplier of fine agricultural products? Andrew? I like the guy, but I don't think so. So I'm doing this because I have to. They need me. That's the only reason.
The fact that maybe I want the power, just a little, has nothing to do with it. Neither does the fact that I can fix something, really fix something here, and I've practically lived for fixing things. Nothing at all. Nope.
Maybe I should just change my name to Claudius and be done with it.
* * *
"So why do you want me to be Prime Minister?" asked Cassie. "I'm only a teenager. Besides, I know you don't fully trust me."
"Several reasons," said Willow. "First, there's the whole prophetess thing, and well, let's face it, that's kind of helpful, especially in a place like this."
"So I can just be an oracle. What do you need me to be Prime Minister for?"
"And second," continued Willow, "you know more than anybody else here. Much more - both about this place and what kinds of threats we might be facing. Third, you managed to lead these people, and keep their morale up, in truly hellish conditions, and that means something."
Cassie smiled slightly at this. [Good job, already learning to stroke people's ego,] Willow thought. [And then there's reason four...]
Cassie burst out laughing. "And fourth, you think I'm at least somewhat ambitious, and I could be very dangerous to you with all my abilities and knowledge, and that I'm so much better working for you than against you. Very good, your highness. You're learning faster than I thought."
Willow was taken aback. "You... were just... well, it's just rude!"
"Why no, Willow, I wasn't reading your mind. But it was pretty obvious. And thanks for confirming it for me." She smiled. "And yes, I'll be your Prime Minister."
* * *
"Red, have you totally gone off your rocker?" asked Spike. "I'm the Big Bad, remember?"
"So?" demanded Willow. "So now you can be the Big Good. What's wrong with that?"
"What's wrong with that? Red, don't you understand? I did it all - the protection, the soul, the kick-the-Spike in the basement - all for her. For Buffy."
"I think you're lying," said Willow. She grinned at the vampire. "I think you did it because you secretly wanted to be a hero. Even when you didn't have a soul, you secretly got a charge out of saving people and kicking nasty demon butt."
"Now, Red, I don't..."
"That's cause you were made wrong, Spike."
"What? Oh, come on, I was the Big Bad..."
"Poor, funny vampire Spike, vampire with a secret heart. Virtually all other vampires kill their families as soon as they're turned. You? Come join me, oh dear Mother, let's have a jolly good time slaughtering half of London. And don't tell me you didn't spend all that time protecting Dawn just because of Buffy."
"You leave Mother and Lil' Bit out of it!" snapped Spike.
"Like, I said, poor, funny vampire Spike," said Willow. She laughed.
"Now, that's just not fair!" said Spike. "You want me to do this just so you can kick the Spike some more. Make me your bloody sotting pet, that's all."
"Not really. More like you're one of the strongest and most capable fighters I know, and you're smart - you can plan both effective and offenses and defenses. And you secretly are a hero, whether you like it or not."
"Really?" said Spike. He seemed oddly surprised and pleased with himself.
"That's right," whispered Willow. "And if you take the job, I'll even knight you. You'll be Sir William, Captain of the Guard."
"Ooh... now that does have a nice ring to it. I'll be sotting Sir William, if you please. Alright, Red, I'll take it."
* * *
"So I can make a big board?" asked Andrew, excitedly.
"Yes, Andrew. You can make a big board," said Willow. "You can help us keep track of all the major facts we need to know about this realm at any time. Everything from ore production to crop schedules to the exact nature of any opponents marshaling their forces against us.
"And I can use different colors? Not just one?"
"Of course! You have to color code it. I mean, if you didn't use different colored pens, it wouldn't make any sense."
"Yay!" said Andrew. "I'll start making it right away!"
"And better yet," smiled Willow, "you can maintain it."
* * *
Willow Rosenberg:
So I haven't even been on the job a week, when already I'm supposed to go kill a monster. The workers on the lower levels of the mine have been scared to death by what they claim is a thirty-foot long beast with enormous golden eyes that makes very loud roaring noises. No one's been injured yet, but, hey, it's not like I can blame the workers. I wouldn't want to have to worry about becoming monster chow. So that's why I'm here. Hunt and kill the monster, yup, that's me. Because I'm so good at it.
So far, though, I haven't found much of anything other than a few rats. Looks like this big stone chamber is empty, too... oh, except for the big yellow-slit eyes in the darkness. Oops.
I cast a light spell, and quickly see who the big eyes belong to. Why, it's an enormous black panther, a good twenty feet long, with big pointy teeth. At least it's not a frog. Heh.
"Nice kitty," I say.
"Rowrr!" says the panther. Crap.
Suddenly, though, the panther looks surprised. Then, it actually seems content to see me. It lets out a chamber-shaking but contented purr. "Willowww... it's meee... don't you remember? Miss Kitty Fantastico!"
Miss Kitty? Turned into - this panther monster? A talking panther monster? I pinch myself. No, I'm not sleeping. "Miss Kitty? Oh, wow... you've grown. And you can talk!"
Huge Miss Kitty purrs. "Yesss... after I died on the hellmouth, my feline essence was brought here. The old rulers made me intelligent and huge to create a 'beast of burden.' They were mean to me, Willow! No toys or petting or catnip or anything! Just hard work! Rowr! But you showed them!"
I pinch myself again. But, come to think of it, it really does look like a grown Miss Kitty, only freaking huge. And I guess if I can die and turn into a dragon, Miss Kitty can die and turn into a panther. Wow, what are the odds?
Yikes! Miss Kitty flips over onto its back, shaking the chamber walls. "Oh, Mistress, it's so good to see you again!" purrs the panther. "Can you scratch my ears like you used to? Please? Meoww?"
"Uh, sure." I walk over to the big cat, and began scratching her dinner plate-sized ears. Miss Kitty purrs contentedly. .
I'm going to need a lot of catnip.
* * *
"So, anyway, I understand that we need a new name for this dimension," said Willow. "And a new name for the mines, too."
"What do you suggest, your highness?" asked Cassie.
Willow jumped slightly. [Goddess, I hate being called that,] she thought. But she recovered. "Well, I was thinking New Sunnydale. It's not that exciting, but hey, I think it's great that it's nice and nondescript, and well, sunny. And for the mines - well, because they really double as a town, we should refer to it as a town or city. And so, well...." Willow took a deep breath, "I think we should call it Taraville. After a really wonderful woman who... isn't with us any more. There. But if someone else has any other ideas, please speak up. I'm not committed to these names by any means."
There was a pause for a few seconds. Then, one of the new council members - a large, floppy, blue eared demon named Pixltz (or at least, that's what it sounded like, anyway), spoke up.
"Your highness?"
"Yes," said Willow.
"I think we should name the realm and the town differently, in a more traditional style for a demonic dimension."
"Oh? What do you suggest?"
"I suggest 'Realm of Terrible and Avenging Destroying, Killing, Flaying, Slicing and Burning Black-Eyed Girl Who Became a Roaring, Soaring, Burning Dragon and Realm Ruler,' and 'City of Terrible and Avenging Destroying, Killing, Flaying, Slicing and Burning Black-Eyed Girl Who Became a Roaring, Soaring, Burning Dragon and City Ruler'," said Pixltz. He smiled broadly.
The rest of the Council's jaws dropped.
Willow herself almost choked. [Goddess. Is he insane?] she thought. But, she managed to smile at the very pleased demon. "Well, that's... a very nice idea, Pixltz," she said. "It's very creative... and traditional, yup, definitely traditional at the same time. But... uh..."
"You don't like it, your highness?" Pixltz's floppy ears drooped.
"Oh, no, no, I like it I do... it's just that... I think it's just a little too long. You know, on official correspondence and stuff, when we have to write the name, we need something very short."
The demon still looked unhappy, but his ears drooped less. He nodded.
"So, everyone, how about New Sunnydale and Taraville?"
The rest of the Council nodded in agreement.
* * *
The sky gleamed a dusty orange, as it almost always did during the day. But it still made for a suitable backdrop for her first knighting ceremony, Willow thought.
The preparations had been made earlier that day. Willow had cut apart and re-sown some of the Lord of the Mine's old dress robes to make new "princess-appropriate" robes that were more her size. She had also spent several hours magically reforging what had been the old Captain of the Guard's sword. In addition to making the sword smaller (as the old Captain had been seventeen feet tall), she also buffed out the old seal (a black skull crossed with a whip and a mace), and carved in a new one (a willow tree, of course) that Willow found to be far more appropriate.
That left a ceremony of knighthood. Willow, initially, had no idea of how to write one, but, as it turned out, Jonathan and Andrew had really come through. The oath they had written eloquently expressed a knight's obligation to the land and to her, and Willow's obligation to the knight, as well as subtly pointing out both the rewards for loyalty and the punishment for treason. She wondered how they had come up with it on such short notice.
And so, before the assembled Council and other leaders of the land assembled in the Lord of the Mine's former chamber - [oops, now my chamber] Willow reminded herself - it was Jonathan and Andrew's ceremony she would use as the soon-to-be Sir William approached her and bowed.
"Are you resolved to this?" asked Willow.
"I am," said Spike.
Willow extended the hilt of the sword to Spike, and used the brief diversion to quickly re-read a paper containing the oath of knighthood. "Then take the hilts and repeat after me. Here I do swear fealty and service to New Sunnydale, and to the Princess of the realm..." she said.
Spike responded in a voice as solemn as he could muster. "Here do I swear fealty and service to New Sunnydale, and to Red... oops I mean the Princess of the realm..."
Willow laughed. "To speak and to be silent, to do and let be, to come and to go, in need or plenty, in peace or war, living or dying..."
"To speak and to be silent, to do and let be, to come and to go, in need or plenty, in peace or war, living or dying..." said Spike.
"From this hour henceforth, until my Princess release me, or death take me, or the dimension end," said Willow.
"From this hour henceforth, until my Princess release me, or death take me, or the dimension end," said Spike.
"So say, I, William Gray, redeemed vampire of the Order of Aurelius."
"So say I, William Gray, redeemed vampire of the... sodding hell, do I have to say that name?" blurted out Spike.
Willow smiled. "No," she said. "And this do I hear, Willow Rosenberg, Princess of New Sunnydale, and I will not forget it, nor fail to reward that which is given: fealty with love, valor with honor, oath-breaking with vengeance. Take this sword, Sir William, as a symbol of your new obligation."
Sir William took the sword and smiled. The assembled audience applauded.
* * *
Soon after the ceremony, Willow found out exactly how Andrew and Jonathan had "written" the ceremony so quickly.
"You mean to tell me I just knighted Spike with a passage from the Lord of the Rings?" demanded the flustered dragon.
"Yeah... but it's a great scene! " said Andrew, excitedly. "You know, where Pippin pledges his service to Denethor, Steward of Gondor after the mighty Boromir, Son of Denethor briefly gave into the darkness of the One Ring but then died to save Pippin and Merry from a horde of fearsome orcs!"
Willow rolled her eyes. "You've got to be kidding."
"No! By taking that oath, Pippin pledges his loyalty not just to Denethor, but the True King Aragorn Elessar, who at last renewed the dignity of the Numenorean kings of old!
Willow sighed and muttered under her breath. "Whatever" was the audible thing she said.
Andrew had no time to respond, as he was quickly interrupted by an incoming Sir William.
"Red - um, excuse me, your highness - that blasted cat has gone off its rocker this time," said Spike. "It thinks it's a horse, and demanding that it be my noble steed to ride into battle!"
"Rowrr!" said a loud, beast-like voice behind Willow. "Jonathan told me I could be like Shadowfax! Can I, please, Willow? Meoww!"
Willow rolled her eyes again, and thought some more unkind thoughts. Then she had an idea. "Miss Kitty, you can only be like Shadowfax if you can turn into a horse. Sir William will need a horse to ride into battle."
"Rowrr! Okay," said Miss Kitty. There was a crackling noise. "Look at me now, Willow!"
Willow turned around. Standing in front of her was a jet black mare with golden-slit eyes. Spike whistled. [Now that's not half bad,] thought Willow.
"Looks like you've got a mount, Sir William," said the princess.
"Rowrr! Hooray!" said the horse.
* * *
Willow Rosenberg:
So, all in all it hasn't been a bad week. The realm has a new name, a new seal, a new Council, a new Captain of the Guard, and even a noble steed for the Captain of the Guard to ride. What was better was what didn't happen - no attacks and no battles, either internal or external. Just a nice, peaceful hell dimension under the wise and totally deserving stewardship of its princess. Me.
Who am I kidding?
The next few days for Willow were a complete blur. She did remember that much of the time involved her getting used to her new body, and its unique functions. There was so much to learn, such as how to hunt feral demons so that she could actually find them, barbeque them just right so they had that nice medium-well done flavor, and properly swallow them so that she wouldn't accidentally make an icky mess.
The most important thing she learned, though, was how to transform her huge, winged bulk back into a humanoid form that looked almost exactly like she remembered herself. Except for the half-black, half-red hair, and the lines of scales on her arms and back, of course.
At first she was skeptical that such a transformation was even possible - compressing a 50-foot body into a 5.5 foot human frame seemed unrealistic at best. But Cassie assured her that most dragons spent most of their time looking like people, and it turned out that there were some very nice former slaves (who had been servants to the Mine's visitors, including several dragons), who had the knowledge to "assist" with the appropriate rearrangement.
"You just have to know how to pack," said Cassie. And, Willow reflected, in her new human form, that the teenager had been absolutely right.
Thus, when the first Assembly of the newly liberated Morcalthian Mines was called a few days later, the assembled group of freed humans and demons only had to convince a skeptical and not entirely predictable humanoid demon that she was now the rightful ruler and protector of the Mines, as opposed to a skeptical and not entirely predictable dragon with microsecond incineration capabilities. A much safer task.
Safer, but not easy.
"But... but... I don't want to be Princess! I haven't been to Princess school! Or even proper lady school!" insisted Willow. "I don't know anything about running a dimension!"
"We can help you. I can make a big board," said Andrew.
Willow rolled her eyes. "Not helping. Besides, I'm a big, scaly, mean dragon with a ravenous appetite. I'll eat everything!"
Cassie smiled at Willow, and spoke to her in a sweet, melodic voice. Willow shuddered slightly; it was the same tone Cassie had used a few days ago to persuade her into giving into her dark power. "But we need mean to protect us. We need a big, scaly, dragon Amazon," she intoned. "And besides, you're really smart, and nice, mostly, and some of us can be your Council, and can teach you how to be uppity with the best of them."
Jonathan jumped in. "We can support a dragon here. There's plenty of nasty feral demons roaming around who would be yummy snacks for you, and would no longer be a threat to us. Besides, we need you, really, for our crops and livestock."
"What would you possibly need a dragon for?" asked Willow?
Jonathan smiled, and spoke with a tone disturbingly close to Cassie. "You see, this land isn't all that fertile. It needs to be treated, and cared for. It needs TLC. More than that, it needs fertilizer. Magical fertilizer, actually."
Willow was confused. "So, what? I'm not a fertilizer factory..." Her voice trailed off, as a look of realization spread across her face.
"Oh... oh crap..." whispered Willow.
"That's the idea," said Jonathan.
* * *
Willow Rosenberg:
They're gone now, and a while I'm alone. Here, in this glass-walled chamber that's to be the new throne room for this place. And I'm going to sit in the throne. Me, Willow Rosenberg, ruler of a hell dimension. Goddess!
I shouldn't have let them talk me into it. But they did. And, okay, maybe they're right. Cassie says that the demon world is already having conniptions over the recent "revolution." Counter-revolutionary forces are work, as my mom would say. In this case, big, ugly demon armies. This dimension needs a princess who can give the demon world both a carrot and a stick - a carrot that she can restore order and get the mines working again, and a stick that she can burn the crap out of any would-be plunderers. And that's not even mentioning the whole Miracle Gro (TM) thing. Who else can be their combination ruler, protector, and main supplier of fine agricultural products? Andrew? I like the guy, but I don't think so. So I'm doing this because I have to. They need me. That's the only reason.
The fact that maybe I want the power, just a little, has nothing to do with it. Neither does the fact that I can fix something, really fix something here, and I've practically lived for fixing things. Nothing at all. Nope.
Maybe I should just change my name to Claudius and be done with it.
* * *
"So why do you want me to be Prime Minister?" asked Cassie. "I'm only a teenager. Besides, I know you don't fully trust me."
"Several reasons," said Willow. "First, there's the whole prophetess thing, and well, let's face it, that's kind of helpful, especially in a place like this."
"So I can just be an oracle. What do you need me to be Prime Minister for?"
"And second," continued Willow, "you know more than anybody else here. Much more - both about this place and what kinds of threats we might be facing. Third, you managed to lead these people, and keep their morale up, in truly hellish conditions, and that means something."
Cassie smiled slightly at this. [Good job, already learning to stroke people's ego,] Willow thought. [And then there's reason four...]
Cassie burst out laughing. "And fourth, you think I'm at least somewhat ambitious, and I could be very dangerous to you with all my abilities and knowledge, and that I'm so much better working for you than against you. Very good, your highness. You're learning faster than I thought."
Willow was taken aback. "You... were just... well, it's just rude!"
"Why no, Willow, I wasn't reading your mind. But it was pretty obvious. And thanks for confirming it for me." She smiled. "And yes, I'll be your Prime Minister."
* * *
"Red, have you totally gone off your rocker?" asked Spike. "I'm the Big Bad, remember?"
"So?" demanded Willow. "So now you can be the Big Good. What's wrong with that?"
"What's wrong with that? Red, don't you understand? I did it all - the protection, the soul, the kick-the-Spike in the basement - all for her. For Buffy."
"I think you're lying," said Willow. She grinned at the vampire. "I think you did it because you secretly wanted to be a hero. Even when you didn't have a soul, you secretly got a charge out of saving people and kicking nasty demon butt."
"Now, Red, I don't..."
"That's cause you were made wrong, Spike."
"What? Oh, come on, I was the Big Bad..."
"Poor, funny vampire Spike, vampire with a secret heart. Virtually all other vampires kill their families as soon as they're turned. You? Come join me, oh dear Mother, let's have a jolly good time slaughtering half of London. And don't tell me you didn't spend all that time protecting Dawn just because of Buffy."
"You leave Mother and Lil' Bit out of it!" snapped Spike.
"Like, I said, poor, funny vampire Spike," said Willow. She laughed.
"Now, that's just not fair!" said Spike. "You want me to do this just so you can kick the Spike some more. Make me your bloody sotting pet, that's all."
"Not really. More like you're one of the strongest and most capable fighters I know, and you're smart - you can plan both effective and offenses and defenses. And you secretly are a hero, whether you like it or not."
"Really?" said Spike. He seemed oddly surprised and pleased with himself.
"That's right," whispered Willow. "And if you take the job, I'll even knight you. You'll be Sir William, Captain of the Guard."
"Ooh... now that does have a nice ring to it. I'll be sotting Sir William, if you please. Alright, Red, I'll take it."
* * *
"So I can make a big board?" asked Andrew, excitedly.
"Yes, Andrew. You can make a big board," said Willow. "You can help us keep track of all the major facts we need to know about this realm at any time. Everything from ore production to crop schedules to the exact nature of any opponents marshaling their forces against us.
"And I can use different colors? Not just one?"
"Of course! You have to color code it. I mean, if you didn't use different colored pens, it wouldn't make any sense."
"Yay!" said Andrew. "I'll start making it right away!"
"And better yet," smiled Willow, "you can maintain it."
* * *
Willow Rosenberg:
So I haven't even been on the job a week, when already I'm supposed to go kill a monster. The workers on the lower levels of the mine have been scared to death by what they claim is a thirty-foot long beast with enormous golden eyes that makes very loud roaring noises. No one's been injured yet, but, hey, it's not like I can blame the workers. I wouldn't want to have to worry about becoming monster chow. So that's why I'm here. Hunt and kill the monster, yup, that's me. Because I'm so good at it.
So far, though, I haven't found much of anything other than a few rats. Looks like this big stone chamber is empty, too... oh, except for the big yellow-slit eyes in the darkness. Oops.
I cast a light spell, and quickly see who the big eyes belong to. Why, it's an enormous black panther, a good twenty feet long, with big pointy teeth. At least it's not a frog. Heh.
"Nice kitty," I say.
"Rowrr!" says the panther. Crap.
Suddenly, though, the panther looks surprised. Then, it actually seems content to see me. It lets out a chamber-shaking but contented purr. "Willowww... it's meee... don't you remember? Miss Kitty Fantastico!"
Miss Kitty? Turned into - this panther monster? A talking panther monster? I pinch myself. No, I'm not sleeping. "Miss Kitty? Oh, wow... you've grown. And you can talk!"
Huge Miss Kitty purrs. "Yesss... after I died on the hellmouth, my feline essence was brought here. The old rulers made me intelligent and huge to create a 'beast of burden.' They were mean to me, Willow! No toys or petting or catnip or anything! Just hard work! Rowr! But you showed them!"
I pinch myself again. But, come to think of it, it really does look like a grown Miss Kitty, only freaking huge. And I guess if I can die and turn into a dragon, Miss Kitty can die and turn into a panther. Wow, what are the odds?
Yikes! Miss Kitty flips over onto its back, shaking the chamber walls. "Oh, Mistress, it's so good to see you again!" purrs the panther. "Can you scratch my ears like you used to? Please? Meoww?"
"Uh, sure." I walk over to the big cat, and began scratching her dinner plate-sized ears. Miss Kitty purrs contentedly. .
I'm going to need a lot of catnip.
* * *
"So, anyway, I understand that we need a new name for this dimension," said Willow. "And a new name for the mines, too."
"What do you suggest, your highness?" asked Cassie.
Willow jumped slightly. [Goddess, I hate being called that,] she thought. But she recovered. "Well, I was thinking New Sunnydale. It's not that exciting, but hey, I think it's great that it's nice and nondescript, and well, sunny. And for the mines - well, because they really double as a town, we should refer to it as a town or city. And so, well...." Willow took a deep breath, "I think we should call it Taraville. After a really wonderful woman who... isn't with us any more. There. But if someone else has any other ideas, please speak up. I'm not committed to these names by any means."
There was a pause for a few seconds. Then, one of the new council members - a large, floppy, blue eared demon named Pixltz (or at least, that's what it sounded like, anyway), spoke up.
"Your highness?"
"Yes," said Willow.
"I think we should name the realm and the town differently, in a more traditional style for a demonic dimension."
"Oh? What do you suggest?"
"I suggest 'Realm of Terrible and Avenging Destroying, Killing, Flaying, Slicing and Burning Black-Eyed Girl Who Became a Roaring, Soaring, Burning Dragon and Realm Ruler,' and 'City of Terrible and Avenging Destroying, Killing, Flaying, Slicing and Burning Black-Eyed Girl Who Became a Roaring, Soaring, Burning Dragon and City Ruler'," said Pixltz. He smiled broadly.
The rest of the Council's jaws dropped.
Willow herself almost choked. [Goddess. Is he insane?] she thought. But, she managed to smile at the very pleased demon. "Well, that's... a very nice idea, Pixltz," she said. "It's very creative... and traditional, yup, definitely traditional at the same time. But... uh..."
"You don't like it, your highness?" Pixltz's floppy ears drooped.
"Oh, no, no, I like it I do... it's just that... I think it's just a little too long. You know, on official correspondence and stuff, when we have to write the name, we need something very short."
The demon still looked unhappy, but his ears drooped less. He nodded.
"So, everyone, how about New Sunnydale and Taraville?"
The rest of the Council nodded in agreement.
* * *
The sky gleamed a dusty orange, as it almost always did during the day. But it still made for a suitable backdrop for her first knighting ceremony, Willow thought.
The preparations had been made earlier that day. Willow had cut apart and re-sown some of the Lord of the Mine's old dress robes to make new "princess-appropriate" robes that were more her size. She had also spent several hours magically reforging what had been the old Captain of the Guard's sword. In addition to making the sword smaller (as the old Captain had been seventeen feet tall), she also buffed out the old seal (a black skull crossed with a whip and a mace), and carved in a new one (a willow tree, of course) that Willow found to be far more appropriate.
That left a ceremony of knighthood. Willow, initially, had no idea of how to write one, but, as it turned out, Jonathan and Andrew had really come through. The oath they had written eloquently expressed a knight's obligation to the land and to her, and Willow's obligation to the knight, as well as subtly pointing out both the rewards for loyalty and the punishment for treason. She wondered how they had come up with it on such short notice.
And so, before the assembled Council and other leaders of the land assembled in the Lord of the Mine's former chamber - [oops, now my chamber] Willow reminded herself - it was Jonathan and Andrew's ceremony she would use as the soon-to-be Sir William approached her and bowed.
"Are you resolved to this?" asked Willow.
"I am," said Spike.
Willow extended the hilt of the sword to Spike, and used the brief diversion to quickly re-read a paper containing the oath of knighthood. "Then take the hilts and repeat after me. Here I do swear fealty and service to New Sunnydale, and to the Princess of the realm..." she said.
Spike responded in a voice as solemn as he could muster. "Here do I swear fealty and service to New Sunnydale, and to Red... oops I mean the Princess of the realm..."
Willow laughed. "To speak and to be silent, to do and let be, to come and to go, in need or plenty, in peace or war, living or dying..."
"To speak and to be silent, to do and let be, to come and to go, in need or plenty, in peace or war, living or dying..." said Spike.
"From this hour henceforth, until my Princess release me, or death take me, or the dimension end," said Willow.
"From this hour henceforth, until my Princess release me, or death take me, or the dimension end," said Spike.
"So say, I, William Gray, redeemed vampire of the Order of Aurelius."
"So say I, William Gray, redeemed vampire of the... sodding hell, do I have to say that name?" blurted out Spike.
Willow smiled. "No," she said. "And this do I hear, Willow Rosenberg, Princess of New Sunnydale, and I will not forget it, nor fail to reward that which is given: fealty with love, valor with honor, oath-breaking with vengeance. Take this sword, Sir William, as a symbol of your new obligation."
Sir William took the sword and smiled. The assembled audience applauded.
* * *
Soon after the ceremony, Willow found out exactly how Andrew and Jonathan had "written" the ceremony so quickly.
"You mean to tell me I just knighted Spike with a passage from the Lord of the Rings?" demanded the flustered dragon.
"Yeah... but it's a great scene! " said Andrew, excitedly. "You know, where Pippin pledges his service to Denethor, Steward of Gondor after the mighty Boromir, Son of Denethor briefly gave into the darkness of the One Ring but then died to save Pippin and Merry from a horde of fearsome orcs!"
Willow rolled her eyes. "You've got to be kidding."
"No! By taking that oath, Pippin pledges his loyalty not just to Denethor, but the True King Aragorn Elessar, who at last renewed the dignity of the Numenorean kings of old!
Willow sighed and muttered under her breath. "Whatever" was the audible thing she said.
Andrew had no time to respond, as he was quickly interrupted by an incoming Sir William.
"Red - um, excuse me, your highness - that blasted cat has gone off its rocker this time," said Spike. "It thinks it's a horse, and demanding that it be my noble steed to ride into battle!"
"Rowrr!" said a loud, beast-like voice behind Willow. "Jonathan told me I could be like Shadowfax! Can I, please, Willow? Meoww!"
Willow rolled her eyes again, and thought some more unkind thoughts. Then she had an idea. "Miss Kitty, you can only be like Shadowfax if you can turn into a horse. Sir William will need a horse to ride into battle."
"Rowrr! Okay," said Miss Kitty. There was a crackling noise. "Look at me now, Willow!"
Willow turned around. Standing in front of her was a jet black mare with golden-slit eyes. Spike whistled. [Now that's not half bad,] thought Willow.
"Looks like you've got a mount, Sir William," said the princess.
"Rowrr! Hooray!" said the horse.
* * *
Willow Rosenberg:
So, all in all it hasn't been a bad week. The realm has a new name, a new seal, a new Council, a new Captain of the Guard, and even a noble steed for the Captain of the Guard to ride. What was better was what didn't happen - no attacks and no battles, either internal or external. Just a nice, peaceful hell dimension under the wise and totally deserving stewardship of its princess. Me.
Who am I kidding?
